A lil something I made..

[Princess]

Every once in a while when I'm at Vancouver Island, I sometimes go over to Victoria.
Anyways, Victoria has this pretty neat wax museum.
There's a part of the museum where they have on display old things used to torture prisoners back in the day xP. So one of them was this really big hook, on which you threw the prisoner on to, so it'd go through their body. Now, I don't know the name
of this hook so I just refer to it as "The Great Bloody Hook".

Anyways, it inspired this
<div class='spoiler_toggle'>A Prisoner's Tale</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">
A Prisoner's Tale
The whip goes up high and down on my back leaving a paining sensation
They each take turns round and round in a big rotation
They stop for a while and I begin to believe that they will set me free
As I look up my hope drowns as they are ready to kill me
They pick me up and begin to carry me
As I struggle and cry for mercy
They put me down and unlock the chains
I turn my head and only saw more pain
They picked me up and threw me upon what I was to look
It was the thing I dreaded the most, The Great Bloody Hook.
</div>
8D Yeahh wrote this a while back too..soo..thoughts?

 

[Miranda]

Deep, very deep. I like it.

 

[Ricano]

Very nice :0
You got writing skillz.

 

[kierraaa-]

Aunty Likes!
(;

 

[coffeebean!]

It's awesome Polly Vee 8D

 

[Mr. L]

Niiiice.

 

[Princess]

Lol thank you famalia<3
for the feedback

 

[merinda!]

<3

 

[Princess]

Heehee thanks Mezzy

 

[Pear]

Awesome.

 

[«Jack»]

It's OK.

 

[Princess]

It's OK.

What can be done to make it better?

 

[«Jack»]

It's OK.

What can be done to make it better?

There's some tense issues, like "I turn my head and saw", which uses both present and past tense. And I don't think "paining" is a word. But other than that, it's pretty good.

 

[Pear]

It's OK.

What can be done to make it better?

There's some tense issues, like "I turn my head and saw", which uses both present and past tense. And I don't think "paining" is a word. But other than that, it's pretty good.

It's more important for a poem to have better rhythm than better grammar, imo.

 

[«Jack»]

It's OK.

What can be done to make it better?

There's some tense issues, like "I turn my head and saw", which uses both present and past tense. And I don't think "paining" is a word. But other than that, it's pretty good.

It's more important for a poem to have better rhythm than better grammar, imo.

But I'm a Grammar Nazi.
Heil Spelchek!

 

[Princess]

It's OK.

What can be done to make it better?

There's some tense issues, like "I turn my head and saw", which uses both present and past tense. And I don't think "paining" is a word. But other than that, it's pretty good.

Well poetry has jargon :r

 

[Bacon Boy]

It's OK.

What can be done to make it better?

There's some tense issues, like "I turn my head and saw", which uses both present and past tense. And I don't think "paining" is a word. But other than that, it's pretty good.

It's more important for a poem to have better rhythm than better grammar, imo.

It needs both.

I liked it, though it was a bit morbid. And it made too much sense. Poems aren't supposed to make sense.

 

[Princess]

It's OK.

What can be done to make it better?

There's some tense issues, like "I turn my head and saw", which uses both present and past tense. And I don't think "paining" is a word. But other than that, it's pretty good.

It's more important for a poem to have better rhythm than better grammar, imo.

It needs both.

I liked it, though it was a bit morbid. And it made too much sense. Poems aren't supposed to make sense.

Nothing is fully without meaning. :veryhappy:

 

[Bacon Boy]

Quoting limited to 5 levels deep

There's some tense issues, like "I turn my head and saw", which uses both present and past tense. And I don't think "paining" is a word. But other than that, it's pretty good.

It's more important for a poem to have better rhythm than better grammar, imo.

It needs both.

I liked it, though it was a bit morbid. And it made too much sense. Poems aren't supposed to make sense.

Nothing is fully without meaning. :veryhappy:

Even nonsense has meaning.

 

[Princess]

Quoting limited to 5 levels deep

It's more important for a poem to have better rhythm than better grammar, imo.

It needs both.

I liked it, though it was a bit morbid. And it made too much sense. Poems aren't supposed to make sense.

Nothing is fully without meaning. :veryhappy:

Even nonsense has meaning.

Exactly