A lil something I made..

[coffeebean!]

It's OK.

What can be done to make it better?

There's some tense issues, like "I turn my head and saw", which uses both present and past tense. And I don't think "paining" is a word. But other than that, it's pretty good.

Poetry doesn't have to have perfect grammar or actual words.

 

[«Jack»]

It's OK.

What can be done to make it better?

There's some tense issues, like "I turn my head and saw", which uses both present and past tense. And I don't think "paining" is a word. But other than that, it's pretty good.

Poetry doesn't have to have perfect grammar or actual words.

>:l

I think that was pointed out on the previous page.

 

[Bacon Boy]

It's OK.

What can be done to make it better?

There's some tense issues, like "I turn my head and saw", which uses both present and past tense. And I don't think "paining" is a word. But other than that, it's pretty good.

Poetry doesn't have to have perfect grammar or actual words.

Look at doctor suess! He even invented some of the words we use today!

 

[Princess]

It's OK.

What can be done to make it better?

There's some tense issues, like "I turn my head and saw", which uses both present and past tense. And I don't think "paining" is a word. But other than that, it's pretty good.

Poetry doesn't have to have perfect grammar or actual words.

Look at doctor suess! He even invented some of the words we use today!

Again..
Exactly.

 

[coffeebean!]

It's OK.

What can be done to make it better?

There's some tense issues, like "I turn my head and saw", which uses both present and past tense. And I don't think "paining" is a word. But other than that, it's pretty good.

Poetry doesn't have to have perfect grammar or actual words.

Look at doctor suess! He even invented some of the words we use today!

I know right?

And e.e. cummings.

Also, poems can make sense. Poems can be blunt. You can state the obvious and make it concrete, doesn't have to be abstract dammit.