BrinaLouWho
eh
dont want this online.
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- Thread starter BrinaLouWho
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I know this is easier said than done but I would be even more straight with him and tell him how you like him and by the way he's avoiding you, it's hurting you and making you feel like he no longer likes you etc etc. If he puts on some sob story, then tell him you understand but your feelings are important too and he's gotta out effort in too.
If he stills continues on, I'd move on.
If he stills continues on, I'd move on.
So, in the span of X months, haven't called, webcammed or met in person yet? All while he lives fairly close.
He could be very busy and stressed but there is also options of using public transportation. I feel like he's stuck in a cycle of procrastination. He keeps putting it off.
I mean if you want to try again, why don't you make the plans and see if he'll commit. If not, then I don't find it worth waiting on him.
He could be very busy and stressed but there is also options of using public transportation. I feel like he's stuck in a cycle of procrastination. He keeps putting it off.
I mean if you want to try again, why don't you make the plans and see if he'll commit. If not, then I don't find it worth waiting on him.
BrinaLouWho
eh
This is basically what I did a little over a week ago and I haven't really heard from him at all since. I don't expect him to be messaging me 24/7 but a week? I feel like that's so long not to talk to someone who you apparently like so much.
That's right. I do have reason to believe he is real though, I found his facebook and what not, or else I would just chalk it up as a catfish and not even posted here. This was really helpful actually!
flusteredflower
sugarandspice
I'm not quite sure why he would be behaving like this. It could be any number of things-- the actual stress he's communicated to you about, or maybe he has on and off doubts about your relationship, or maybe he just doesn't feel the same anymore, etc. Unfortunately it seems there just isn't a real way of knowing.
I also agree you should just talk to him very straight forward, and let him know that regardless of why he's acting this way, it's hurtful to you and you just want to know what to expect from him so you can figure out what to do. Even if it's not something nice to hear, you deserve to know so you can just be done with the situation and move on. You deserve better. I hope everything gets worked out!
I also agree you should just talk to him very straight forward, and let him know that regardless of why he's acting this way, it's hurtful to you and you just want to know what to expect from him so you can figure out what to do. Even if it's not something nice to hear, you deserve to know so you can just be done with the situation and move on. You deserve better. I hope everything gets worked out!
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If you've already had a talk with him about how you're feeling and he hasn't fixed the problem, I'd say he either lost interest or there's too much going on in his life to have a relationship. I would suggest either withdrawing completely and moving on, or continuing forward as a friend. If he's really feeling depressed or stressed, it's not good for him to get into a relationship, especially when he's already struggling to text you. If you really want to help him, it would be better if you did so as a friend, that way you could give him more space and still stay in his life. Once he's feeling better, then you can move forward with the relationship. 
Good luck!
Good luck!
one thing i personally learned by dealing with people, both guys are girls who are just like what this guy sounds like...
dont count on their words. if their promises/plans arent consistent with what they are doing then dont count on it. esp, when they are depressed or have alot of stress. they could be feeling one way like they are ready to go out and spend time with others but then it hits and despite all the feeling and the talk and the plans, its so much easier to not even try anything. thats depression.
and it sounds like you really want to help him. hes going through this and that, and you are motivated and ready to help him get out of it i know just how you feel because i am the same way with others i meet. theyre lost and kind of feeling hopeless and dreadful so you sit and listen to everything they say as they vent to you and you hope that by you being around them to help is going to make a huge difference. you like them. so you want to help them and change their situation. completley understandable, and i think thats very nice.
but if he is one of those people who wont accept any sort of help emotionally or spiritually, then there really is nothing that can be done. its a pretty hard thing to accept, but of someone dosent want help, they dont want help. of course they wont ever really say it, but they do in a way, its all in their body language, and behavior patterns around you, and others like you. maybe he wants help but he feels like he dosent deserve it, maybe he feels like he dosent need help, despite drowning, maybe he feels like there really isnt a point to anything, all the help and love he can get wont solve his issues. sometimes you can never really get a clear answer to these types of things, and perhaps even the depressed person themselves dont even know the answer.
sorry to say, it sounds like this is just one of those situations thats out of your hands. your the one who is up and ready to help eagerly, encourage him and work with him through it. but hes emotionally barely holding himself together by what he is already going through, and to try to make things better takes even more out of him that he feels that he cannot afford, or may not deserve. your encouraging him, hes answering back, but not taking action. kind of like an alarm rings and the kid hits snooze for the 7th time. "just give me 5 more minutes...." he says.
in the end. its up to him. he used to be so interested, but now that hes gotten to know you, and now that he knows that you like him and you know of his depression and issues, that novelty of meeting someone new, liking them, wondering if they will ever like you, wonder what they do, all that has worn off. perhaps he feels like he dosent need to try so hard anymore because of that novelty fading away.
i think the best way for you to cope with this is to find another interest that can take your mind off of him. i know its gonna be hard, but its like beating a dead horse. and just keep a certain distance, so that you dont hurt or stress yourself over trying to hack this puzzle. if he tries to step up only when you step away then that can say something about him, if he dosent and just lets you go that can also say another thing about him.
dont count on their words. if their promises/plans arent consistent with what they are doing then dont count on it. esp, when they are depressed or have alot of stress. they could be feeling one way like they are ready to go out and spend time with others but then it hits and despite all the feeling and the talk and the plans, its so much easier to not even try anything. thats depression.
and it sounds like you really want to help him. hes going through this and that, and you are motivated and ready to help him get out of it i know just how you feel because i am the same way with others i meet. theyre lost and kind of feeling hopeless and dreadful so you sit and listen to everything they say as they vent to you and you hope that by you being around them to help is going to make a huge difference. you like them. so you want to help them and change their situation. completley understandable, and i think thats very nice.
but if he is one of those people who wont accept any sort of help emotionally or spiritually, then there really is nothing that can be done. its a pretty hard thing to accept, but of someone dosent want help, they dont want help. of course they wont ever really say it, but they do in a way, its all in their body language, and behavior patterns around you, and others like you. maybe he wants help but he feels like he dosent deserve it, maybe he feels like he dosent need help, despite drowning, maybe he feels like there really isnt a point to anything, all the help and love he can get wont solve his issues. sometimes you can never really get a clear answer to these types of things, and perhaps even the depressed person themselves dont even know the answer.
sorry to say, it sounds like this is just one of those situations thats out of your hands. your the one who is up and ready to help eagerly, encourage him and work with him through it. but hes emotionally barely holding himself together by what he is already going through, and to try to make things better takes even more out of him that he feels that he cannot afford, or may not deserve. your encouraging him, hes answering back, but not taking action. kind of like an alarm rings and the kid hits snooze for the 7th time. "just give me 5 more minutes...." he says.
in the end. its up to him. he used to be so interested, but now that hes gotten to know you, and now that he knows that you like him and you know of his depression and issues, that novelty of meeting someone new, liking them, wondering if they will ever like you, wonder what they do, all that has worn off. perhaps he feels like he dosent need to try so hard anymore because of that novelty fading away.
i think the best way for you to cope with this is to find another interest that can take your mind off of him. i know its gonna be hard, but its like beating a dead horse. and just keep a certain distance, so that you dont hurt or stress yourself over trying to hack this puzzle. if he tries to step up only when you step away then that can say something about him, if he dosent and just lets you go that can also say another thing about him.
Stargazer741
let's talk again
Brina, I'm going to tell you this out of similarity to your situation and, unfortunately, to what the guy is doing.
While there is the chance that he actually is busy with his own things or that his car has trouble, you have to also consider the other not so comforting situations, such as he's catfishing you, he wants to let you go but doesn't have the heart to let you go, or the worst one, he has someone else besides you and is putting all his attention to them instead of you.
Although our situations are similar, you happen to be more lucky, since you are actually able to meet him if you wanted to, since you happen to live close to him, while its a 16 hour difference and living in different countries, that means you have a better chance of knowing the truth from him, especially how young your situation is compared to mine.
What I'm saying, and the others here as well, is to either confront him or set up a meeting with him. If you don't, this will continue to spiral worse and worse until the situation becomes severe, and your feelings will be broken. Don't let him make the same mistakes I did, either find out the truth or end it, that's the bottom line to this situation, don't let this get out of hand and break your feelings, if he doesn't feel that strongly to you, save yourself the pain and either leave or find out what's actually happening.
While there is the chance that he actually is busy with his own things or that his car has trouble, you have to also consider the other not so comforting situations, such as he's catfishing you, he wants to let you go but doesn't have the heart to let you go, or the worst one, he has someone else besides you and is putting all his attention to them instead of you.
Although our situations are similar, you happen to be more lucky, since you are actually able to meet him if you wanted to, since you happen to live close to him, while its a 16 hour difference and living in different countries, that means you have a better chance of knowing the truth from him, especially how young your situation is compared to mine.
What I'm saying, and the others here as well, is to either confront him or set up a meeting with him. If you don't, this will continue to spiral worse and worse until the situation becomes severe, and your feelings will be broken. Don't let him make the same mistakes I did, either find out the truth or end it, that's the bottom line to this situation, don't let this get out of hand and break your feelings, if he doesn't feel that strongly to you, save yourself the pain and either leave or find out what's actually happening.
you can't be sure that he's catfishing you, but you can be sure that he isn't as interested in you as you are him; otherwise he'd put in more effort. even with his busy lifestyle in mind, you shouldn't have to settle for someone who can't make time for you, whatever their situation is. he doesn't seem very interested so if i were you, i'd move on.
I think he might be a bit surprise about how quick this is going and that might scare him, although it doesn't seem like he is catfishing you, that is still possible. I would ask him to do webcam or speaking to him, so you knew what he looks/sounds like, this will also rule the thought of being catfished. It seems like he is trying to put some space between you two, I would try speaking to him again as friends until he gets a bit more comfortable with ya.
If he keeps letting you down, and making empty promises I say forget about him, hes hurting you even if he doesn't mean too, and if you keep planning to meet up and hes ditching you, your wasting your time. I understand that you want to help him and you can, but if hes ignoring your feeling I think it would be better to just stay as friends and you move on and find someone else.
If he keeps letting you down, and making empty promises I say forget about him, hes hurting you even if he doesn't mean too, and if you keep planning to meet up and hes ditching you, your wasting your time. I understand that you want to help him and you can, but if hes ignoring your feeling I think it would be better to just stay as friends and you move on and find someone else.
yukikotobuki
la dolce vita
He could be telling the truth when he says that depression and work are keeping him from speaking to you. Depression has its way of driving people away, even close friends. However, I agree with Tee-Tee for the most part. He may just be afraid of a potential relationship, and this is reflected when he says that he doesn't want you to have to deal with his stress and stuff. I'd say if he continues to not talk to you, it's probably best to either stay casual friends or to just stop talking completely.
BambieTheMayor
Have a lovely day!
A person I knew went through a situation exactly like this. They were close, talked together every day, they wanted to date but never got around to it... It's almost funny how closely the two stories are related. Anyway, one day, just like you, he stopped talking to her. We tried everything; "Have you tried talking to him, telling him how you feel? Have you asked him out? Do you think he's dating?"
He actually ended up being severely depressed. He closed himself off from my friend because he didn't want to hurt her. He just disappeared suddenly because he was going through his depression and didn't want my friend to be apart of it. "It will only get you hurt." He said. I don't know if it's the same case as you, but it's a big possibility. Hope this helps.
He actually ended up being severely depressed. He closed himself off from my friend because he didn't want to hurt her. He just disappeared suddenly because he was going through his depression and didn't want my friend to be apart of it. "It will only get you hurt." He said. I don't know if it's the same case as you, but it's a big possibility. Hope this helps.
He probably just lost interest or got bored with what he's doing over time. I wouldn't be surprised if he's just using "his depression" or whatever reason he can come up with as an excuse.
I'd say stop communicating or stop making efforts to initiate a conversation if you are. He's not worth the time.
I'd say stop communicating or stop making efforts to initiate a conversation if you are. He's not worth the time.
shrekluvsme
Senior Member
You deserve better. Even if he starts messaging daily or hourly with sweet messages it shouldn't matter. You deserve someone who has a conversation or two with you and is like "damn, i'd really like to be with them!". Try and forget that you really like this guy even if it's hard! There are better guys out there!
MozzarellaSticks
(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ ANN PERKI
The honeymoon phase is over. The truth is, long lasting relationships take a lot of work and effort. This won't be the first time this happens. You have to decide if you want to fight, or let this go. We can't make that decision for you. Only you know what you truly want.
daughterofdawn
Novice Author
I'd be careful. Have you ever talked to him on the phone or on skype/snapchat before? Thats how you really make sure they're real. Otherwise you can never be sure. Try to organise a skype/phone/snapchat call or video first so you can see what he looks like before you meet him in real life. If thats all fine then try to see whats up. Maybe he really is depressed.
