[deleted]

[VanitasFan26]

[deleted]

 

[Firesquids]

Unfortunate but it's for sure a part of adult life, stopped talking to my "best" friend last year, tired of feeling like I was the only one who cared about our friendship.

 

[Belle T]

Unfortunately, it is a fact of life that as you grow older, you will find yourself no longer being friends with people you were previously inseparable from. It is always possible that the friendship can be rekindled later down the line, but that is not always the case. I've had to end a few friendships over the years, and it's never fun.

For what it's worth, I don't think "best friends forever" is a complete lie. Rather, I think it's more along the lines of marrying your high school sweetheart. It's possible, but not likely.

That being said, not every friendship will necessarily end as a result of arguments or abuse or anything of that nature. Sometimes you'll just find that you each have conflicting life goals. We are fortunate enough to live in an age where thanks to social media we don't necessarily have to cease communication with someone whenever they move far away, but even so, the physical distance can still be quite jarring. But in general, I think relationships in general should be judged by their quality rather than by their longevity, which I think is a particularly hard thing for young people to comprehend. There have been some friends I have not heard from for over a decade, but even though I was deeply saddened by their parting and have lamented my inability to even communicate them for a meaningful period of time, I don't consider those to be failed friendships. There's a chance that even if I did happen to hear from them again, our worlds would be so different that we wouldn't be able to connect like we used to. But even so, I'm glad for the time that we did get to spend together, and I'll always wish them well.

 

[Millysaurusrexjr]

I think the only friendship I've ever ended intentionally was with my first best friend in elementary school. Everyone thought we were dating, including him for some reason, and I constantly was bullied for it. Then I made a new friend and I dropped him. Felt both guilty and relieved.

Most friendships in my experience just fizzle out, and I guess that's okay, that's how it goes. There's a golden age for everything so try to appreciate it when you're in it!

 

[Dunquixote]

Yep. Two of them are people that hang out regularly (one hosted parties) with my group of friends so really awkward now. Last party i did start talking to him again but i still haven’t forgotten how he totally dismissed how I asked him to give my space between the time before Christmas and my aunt (who had been murdered)’s funeral. And the time he asked which of my cats died and he said “oh she never came out anyways.” But when i finally snapped which I had warned him would happen because I was extremely stressed out, in a text he cries i don’t know what happened. I thought you were nice and yada yada yada. I also told him many times I have anxiety. Take some accountability and responsibility. I am still friends with his cousin but still dwelling on this for three years made me realize how hurt I am that my friend didn’t side with me or understand how much that really hurt. I hope I don’t need to clarify beyond this sentence that these people are people I know in person.

 

[neoratz]

only twice so far... friendships will naturally end and that is fine but i hope i don't have to actually PUT AN END to many more friendships. the first was with someone who would frequently guilt trip me, and the second was because i felt morally against some things the person was a fan of. i now try to set clearer boundaries on what i'm not cool with to avoid any more situations like the 2nd one...

weirdly enough, despite ending our friendships, i still somehow run into the two of them everywhere online - from social media posts to GOOGLE IMAGE RESULTS (when i'm searching for something which was previously unrelated to them). it's bizarre! i guess being in similar niche internet circles makes us that much more likely to bump into each other

 

[Toska]

As others have said, it’s very rare best friends really last forever. I’ve learned through growing up that it’s so, so difficult to find “true” friends. By true, I mean ones that really care about you and your opinions, and don’t go behind your back. I’ve never told somebody “we can’t be friends anymore,” and I deeply regret that. I have this one “friend” who has deeply hurt me. She’s had me crying and hating myself to unknown beliefs. She’s even gotten physical with me before. I’m trying so desperately to end this relationship, but I’m so afraid she’ll become depressed and other things. (That’s what happens when her other friends left her.) The only reason I’m even trying to be there is for her boyfriend, who is my actual best friend. One of the very few people I can trust. I seriously recommend leaving a relationship if it feels like you aren’t getting treated the way you should.

Other than that, I’ve drifted apart from my best friends over the years. Everybody grows up and changes at one point, and that’s something you have to accept. It’s really important to find friends you care about and they care about you, as having that one person can really make your day brighter.

 

[Croconaw]

Definitely. I think we meet the people we do for a reason. A person will come into our life to help us or even teach us a lesson. Once they’ve served their purpose, it’s time to move on. Friendships can be nice. You’re both there for and supported each other in a time of need, and when you’re both doing better, sometimes it’s best just to part ways.

I had a best friend of four years. She also ghosted me, but we both are adults now and are going in totally different paths in our lives. She was there for me through a difficult time and I’ll never forget that. Sometimes we grow older and we meet different friends. Childhood friendships are sad. You‘re in high school together and think you’re going to be friends forever, but you’re all going off to different cities and pursuing different things. Nobody sees it coming. You were there for each other in school, and now everyone is meeting new people and following their own path. It’s best not to get too attached to people. There are some people you’ll be friends with forever, but those are rare. Those are the best kinds of friendships because you never see it coming.

I recommend leaving a friendship if it starts to become one-sided. People grow up and change. It’s a fact of life.

 

[amemome]

Yes, unfortunately. For me it was a group of people who didn't care for me back the way I cared for them. I was tired of being treated like an afterthought so I cut them out and haven't spoken with the worst of them in around two to three years now, maybe longer. It was really painful to let them go but I am so much healthier mentally because of it!

 

[CasualWheezer]

I've had to do that once. I once had a friend who I'd known for a long time who was nice for the first few months I started hanging out with him again but then after that, it was a really toxic friendship for years. He would just insult me every time we hung out and made fun of some sensitive topics, he was definitely not nice, very manipulative too. Basically, I didn't enjoy any time I had with him and eventually started to realize that it wasn't good for me to be around him and I ended it. Honestly, it was something that I should've done sooner.

 

[Violet Witch]

Sadly that's a part of growing up, you might think those you've known your whole life will be with you until the end but when life gets in the way that can change drastically. I grew up with two friends (who are also sisters) and once we got to our late teens/early twenties our lives went in opposite directions and we began to form our own minds on certain topics that we didn't always agree on. On top of that both of them got married and singled me out (even though I was a bridesmaid at both their weddings) simply because I wasn't part of the marriage squad that they'd both boast about a lot. After attending a birthday party last year which resulted in me being ignored throughout as soon as I left I cut ties with both of them without saying a word and quite frankly they deserved it.

On the flip side though I met my best friend through a forum and sixteen years later we're still that... best friends. We've had our ups and downs and our lives aren't always in sync with one another but we still meet up when we can (when the pandemic isn't plaguing our lives etc), have a good laugh and respect each other when it comes to how we lead our lives. I do believe that you can have best/good friends for life, it might be a rarity the older you get but they do still exist and you never know you might meet an amazing person at some point in your life who will become your "best friend forever."

 

[Holla]

I definitely have and it was hard. Especially since I never had a best friend until I met them. But I believe letting them go was for the best in the end. I was about 20 when I first met them and I was 23 when I said goodbye. So while I only knew them for 3 years it felt like way longer.

They had romantic feelings for me that I didn’t return. After telling them I never had a better friend who I cared about more than them but in a platonic way they understood, but it still negatively impacted the friendship. Conversations that were once fun and meaningful were more frustrating and unhappy. I suggested some space might be a good idea and they agreed. I also left it up to them to contact me again if/when they felt like they had healed.

I’m now 25 and last had direct contact with them almost 2 years ago. I heard (through a friend) they have decided that they don’t ever want to hear from me again. It really hurt hearing that, but I respect their decision. I’ve since found someone who I love as a friend as well as romantically so I’ve mostly gotten over it. Though past memories can still make me a little sad.

 

[-Lychee-]

I have had to end friendships due to them being toxic and people have had to end friendships with me because I was toxic. Not all relationships are meant to be forever and that's okay. We do what we need to do for ourselves.

 

[fairysyndrome]

like -lychee- said, not all relationships are meant to last forever! i've also ended friendships over the years because they turned bad, and people have ended things with me over the years because i was bad for them. even if you don't realise it, you might not be the right person for someone until they put their foot down (and vice versa!)

the most prominent one for me in recent years is that i had to end a long-term friendship with someone i'd known for half a decade last summer, because we dated and broke up and they handled the aftermath very unfairly. i wish them the best in the long run, but sometimes a relationship just draws to a close in a way you'd never expected it to -- and this was how ours ended. it happens!

 

[Licorice]

Going to be completely honest, I am always the one to kill friendships. I’m not the kind of person who gets lonely or needs friends to be content. Most people get on my nerves and I honestly don’t think friends are even worth the effort. If I have to talk to you more than once a month then chances are I’m going to cut ties. Don’t expect to see me more than 1-2 times a year. I’m a hermit by nature and I hate socializing with people irl. It gets under my skin so bad to even reply to texts. Now for whatever reason internet friends don’t bother me lol Friends irl smother me until I feel like I can’t breathe. I know that’s not normal. I’m not sure why I’m like this but I’ve been this way my whole life. Even as a child I’d hate it when friends got me gifts because I knew it would just be more stuff I had to throw away when I eventually had to cut ties. Now that I’m older I make a point to not make friends because it’s a waste of my time.

 

[Sporge27]

I kinda lost a best friend recently. Partly pandemic, partly something I did, partly their reactions. I guess in hindsight it was probably longer coming.

Things happen, people change. Occasionally you need to realize that your needs changed somewhere, or what you both used to get from the friendship just isn't there, or feels imbalanced.

 

[Midoriya]

Not really, no. Usually it has been the person on the other side ending the friendship with me. It has happened numerous times by now and it hurts every time because usually it isn’t really even my fault. It’s just that they don’t want to be friends anymore/don’t like me for whatever reason. But whatever, I’m better off without people like that anyway.

I do have a best friend of 10 years now, and he’s the coolest guy I know. I hope we never stop being friends, but I know it may happen someday.

 

[Xara]

i’m really sorry that your best friend behaved like that. it’s certainly true that people come and go from our lives but it doesn’t mean that it hurts any less when it happens. i’ve personally had lots of friendships end and while most of them were because the other person and i simply grew apart, the two that affected me the most ended on such horrible terms.

Spoiler: #1

the first friendship started during our 8th grade year and was over before 9th grade even began. we both attended a school that ran a program for students who had issues with attending school for various reasons. rather than following a ‘regular’ middle school schedule where you’d have to go to 2-4 different classes each day, go to assemblies, go outside for recess after lunch, etc, we were kept separate from the rest of the school, were taught various subjects in that same classroom, had social workers conduct a sort of weekly ‘group therapy’ session, had no more than 10 students in the program at one time and offered other sorts of accommodations to make attending school and coping with life in general easier. we were a unique bunch and yet we all had two unfaltering things in common; 1) we were all struggling in one way or another and 2) the knowledge that my friend and i were in an incredibly toxic, codependent, unhealthy friendship. my social worker had lots of terminologies for our relationship but none of them ever felt quite right. at lunch, we would occasionally sit under a table at the back of the room as she didn’t like being near the others and i don’t know if i’ll ever be able to explain the mess that was our friendship but what i do know is that even when i was at home or on a swing at the park, i always felt like i was under that table with her. we quickly became each other’s therapist, two girls feeding off of each other’s energy. her having a panic attack would send me into one. she didn’t eat lunch at school so i stopped bringing mine. she didn’t feel comfortable participating in gym class so even if i wanted to participate, i’d always sit with her instead. under no circumstance would she ever take medication for her mental illness and so i would refuse it as well. her emotional baggage became my own while i became codependent. this of course led to several rifts between us and being the mature teenagers that we were, we would handle these rifts by simply not speaking. she adamantly avoided talking about anything that upset her and i would be so convinced that she just didn’t care about me that i never reached out first. i would sit mere inches away from her and she would never once look at me. i don’t know what felt worse; the desperation to know that she actually gave a **** about me or how silent the bus ride home would be. i rode home with 3 loud, obnoxious, energetic boys but on these days, they wouldn’t say a word as they knew. everyone knew. but throughout all our rifts and good days, we had one unspoken rule; never tell an adult. she dumped her emotional baggage on me and i dumped mine on her. we talked about wanting to unalive ourselves every day but we knew not to tell anyone. if you were to ask her, she’d probably deny this but the day i told is the day our friendship ended. i had been so certain that she was going to try something and she wasn’t answering my messages and i panicked. we never talked about it but while she was still my friend, i was no longer hers. i cut ties with her two months later when i finally accepted that we couldn’t go on like this anymore.

Spoiler: #2

the second friendship began about a month later. we were both in the same program in middle school but we were pretty much just acquaintances until our first year of high school. i am absolutely not proud of this but for months, i saw her as a sort of rebound from the friend i had lost. my love for her was genuine and so was our friendship but my heart still ached over the loss. during the first semester of grade 9, my new friend began to display similar possessive characteristics that i had. she disliked whenever i seemed to be making a new friend or when my attention was on someone else. she was quite protective as well. and of course, i was hypocritically irritated by this. i was so desperate to not find myself in another codependent friendship which led to a nasty falling out right before winter break. it was emotional and awful and makes me tremble every time i talk or think about it. our friendship resumed a few months later but we were both still understandably tense over everything that had happened. however, i think us both stepping back was necessary - it gave me time to heal from the events that happened with her and my former friend and gave her time to heal as well. i hate how i was in the beginning. she was never a rebound and i should’ve never thought of her as such. she was my friend and i’m still devastated over how badly i upset her. our friendship improved after we finally talked about what all had happened which was a relief to us both. our friend circle had expanded and it wasn’t just us anymore. we were an energetic, chaotic bunch and absolutely not in a good way. people came and went as we were constantly starting and involving drama - my friend, another girl and i. it was a constant wreck and i’d do anything to go back and change the way that i behaved. it’d take forever to explain everything that went down (most of it actually not being between my friend and i) but by the time we were all in tenth grade, an undeniable amount of resentment had formed between all of us - a lot of it being on my end. another girl in my group was absolutely horrendous to me - constantly insulting my family and i, inflicted physical pain, dragged me into dangerous situations and even sexually harassed me on various occasions. it was bad and my friend wanted me to stay friends with this other girl regardless. she knew how horribly i was being treated but she wanted me to stay and keep the peace because conflict made her uncomfortable. she wanted us to all get along and i just couldn’t do it bro. i transferred schools for my second semester of tenth grade and have not seen or spoken to her since. our friendship ended horribly and i know that in her eyes, i was the problem. and i was in various ways. but so was she. we talked about living together one day but we brought out the absolute worst in each other, i think. it wouldn’t of been fair to either of us if i had stayed. my last interaction with her is one of my biggest regrets but i don’t regret leaving. she deserved better and so did i.

i’m so sorry for the length of this but i promise you that you’ll be okay. the way your friendship ended was unfair and you deserve better but the anger and the hurt will fade, i promise. for so long, i genuinely thought that my losses would kill me but even though it won’t be today or even tomorrow, healing is possible and my dms are always open if you need or want to vent.

 

[Alienfish]

Yeah I had to do that a couple of times, it was because of their bad behaving and judgement though. Looking back I don't feel sorry though, those people weren't worth my time anyway.

 

[deana]

I'm so sorry about what you are going through with your (ex)friend I'm sure it's very hurtful to have someone ghost you like that. You deserve a friend who will make time for you the way that you make time for them. I've never been in that exact situation before but I have had a long term friendship come to an end before.

Spoiler: my experience

I have experienced the ending of a 10+ year friendship before, this happened about 2 years ago. I don't wanna get too personal but basically we had a disagreement which was really more of a misunderstanding and during this time my friend said some very hurtful things about my partner :/ (this is a serious long-term relationship and we live together). I forgive everything around the initial misunderstanding but I don't know that I can so easily ignore what was said about my partner so it basically became the end of our friendship.
I know the general advice is that when your best friend says your boyfriend is a jerk you should listen to your friend but she is truly the only one who has ever said anything like that about him. Other friends/family all think we are great together so it was really weird. I don't even know if she meant that stuff or it was just said "in the heat of the moment" or whatever but still...

I still love and care about my friend. I would help her out if she ever needed anything, but I don't know that we will ever be truly close again which is very sad for me, there are still so many things that I still miss about the friendship we shared.

I've had other friendships fall apart/drift apart but this was the first really long term friend I lost and it did really hurt a lot

Enough of my own personal story. I just hope this experience doesn't leave a lasting negative impact on you, your post does sound a little gloomy. Friendships don't always last forever but that doesn't mean that it's not worth making friends. Some things just only last for a certain time but you gotta just enjoy the good times as they're happening.