Funny Quotes

xSuperMario64x

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Post all your favorite funny quotes here, whether they're from a tv show, a movie, a famous person, someone you know, etc.!

I'm reading the text that my current physics professor wrote for her students, and I found this gem:

[Prof is talking about Richard Feynman, who says that mathematicians don't really care what they're talking about, and that they don't even need to know what they're talking about or whether or not it's true]
Perhaps Feynman was one of the two passengers in a hot air balloon that
had drifted for more than an hour when it passed over a wooded area. In a
clearing in the woods stood a lone gentleman.
The two passengers called down to the gentleman on the ground, 'Where
are we?'
The gentleman looked up, staring, for many minutes, as the balloon drifted
further and further from the clearing. Just as the gentleman was about out of
sight he replied, 'In a balloon.'
The physicist told his colleague, 'That fellow is a mathematician.'
Astonished, his friend puzzled, 'How do you know?'
'It?s quite simple. Three reasons: First, the fellow took a long time coming
to his answer. Second, when he did reach an answer, it was absolutely correct.
And third, his answer was totally useless.'"

Cause math folks be like that :lemon: *cough*


Show off your favorite funny quotes!
 
Whis: ?Goku, this is Gowasu and Zamasu.?

Goku: ?Oh, very nice to make your accountant!?

Beerus: *giggles*

Whis: ?My apologies. We are not a tax office.?

Gowasu and Zamasu: ?...?

??????????????????????????????????????????????????-

*enemy soldiers appear with weapons against Goku*

Resistance soldier: ?It?s him!?

Goku: ?Huh??

Resistance soldier: ?This is for everyone you killed! Eat lead, murderer!?

Trunks: ?Hold your fire! That man isn?t Black!? (Referring to Goku Black)

?????????????????????????????????????????-??????

All Might: ?Young Midoriya, do you remember what I told you??

Izuku Midoriya: ?Huh??

All Might: ?Back when we first talked. Do you remember??

Izuku Midoriya: ?Yes.? *makes All Might face* ?Eat this.?

All Might: ?No, not that part!?


More coming as I recall them. :p
 
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I only have one hehe.

"If this were a battlefield, you'd be dead by now." - Malo

This took place in Zelda Twilight Princess during a target shooting minigame. The funny part is that he was taking it seriously in a harmless minigame but the deep part of it was that it was said by a child....
 
I don’t remember it exactly but I will try my best to remember it
Anime: Kamisama Kiss. Episode: 5 or 6???

—————————————————————

Teacher: *in japanese* alright class! Today we will be learning to speak English!
Kurama: *raises hand* I got this! “Ah is u ma so my ja get to de Paris (that’s not actually what he’s saying, but it sounds like it and I like it this way better)
*Kurama continues to speak in the background* Class: OH MY GOD! He’s so dreamy! His English is so perfect!
 
The first thing that comes to mind is a couple of quotes from one of my best friends. This was back in our freshmen years of high school.

"Where do Siberian tigers come from?"

"How do you unbake a cake?"


We still have her on about it :p
 
My favourite movie of all time is Better Off Dead and this is one of my favourite quotes:

Lane Myer: Gee, I'm really sorry your mom blew up Ricky, guess she won't be able to eat any spicy foods for awhile.
 
My martial arts training partner after making him fall and getting him in a pin: *taps out*

Training partner: “W-wait, not ready! Not ready yet!”

Me: “Are you sure?”

He said this about a year or two ago, and it caught on with our sensei. I don’t think he will ever live this down, lmao.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————

(From MapleSilver and I talking)

Spike: “I defeated Metal Face easily. Just progressing through the story atm.”

Silver: “Weak! Weak and pathetic!”

“Wait, we’re eight levels higher than you.”

Spike: XD

“Metal Face, you didn’t do the quests on Mechonis to help the other Mechon and level up.”

“Therefore, we’re stronger than you.”

Metal Face: “Wait, wtf?”

Silver: “I wonder what RPGs would be like under other characters’ perspectives.”

Spike: “LOL, true.”

“Darn that stupid Metal Face, always killing Homs and not helping us Mechon out one bit!”

*said random Mechon kid*

Silver: “Help the Mechon war machine gather eight beagflea squashes!”

Spike: LMAO

Silver: “On second thought, I understand why he skipped them...”

Spike: Ouch, it hurts... lol

Metal Face: “Sure...”

“Wait what, I’m not doing that! Why do we even need those?!”

Silver: ERROR 234: *Reason unknown*

^Conversations between Silver and I are always comedy gold. : ‘ )
 
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