How do you respectfully address an older stranger in your part of the world?

[kiwikenobi]

I was noticing in movies and TV shows and things that people in different parts of the world address strangers older than themselves in different ways. Some places call them "aunt" and "uncle" even if they're not related. Or "grandmother" and "grandfather."

Where I come from in America, we don't do that. If anything, we might leave any form of direct address off. At the most, I think we'd be inclined to go with "sir" and "ma'am."

So, how do people address older strangers where you come from? With a familial title like that? Or some other way? For all I know, calling people "aunt" or "grandmother" or anything might be really old-fashioned and no one does it anymore, or maybe everyone does it still in some places. And I'm curious.

 

[Antonio]

I personally prefer referring to old people as Oldie Patoldie's.

 

[daringred_]

in the UK, you just treat them like any other person -- at least in my area. anyone older than you, regardless of age, would be "sir" or "ma'am/miss", but most people don't bother with formal titles like that. i certainly don't. if you're trying to get their attention, you just say "excuse me." i think people mostly only use the formal titles if they're an employee and trying to speak to a customer, but even then i've never heard it personally. i've never cared for the idea that people over 60 or w/e should automatically deserve my respect. they have to earn it just like any other stranger, and so i treat them just like any other stranger.

 

[Midoriya]

Usually just say “excuse me” to be honest, unless the situation calls for me addressing them formally. If I’m just out and about I don’t care, lol. Being older or younger doesn’t necessarily make you more important than anyone else.

 

[Croconaw]

I address everyone the same regardless of age or relationship to the person. It’s a lot simpler that way, at least for me. I usually use their name, or a simple “hey” if I don’t know their name.

 

[S.J.]

For an elderly stranger, I generally refer to them as "ma'am" or "sir". When I know their family name (e.g. an unfamiliar acquaintance), I refer to them by their honorific and family name.

When I was a kid, we always called our parents’ friends/acquaintances/distant relatives by "Auntie" or "Uncle".

Edited for grammar.

 

[Stikki]

We don't really say ma'am in the uk, at least not the southern part. Northern people tend to pronounce "mum" as "mam" though. Much more likely to hear "madam" than ma'am. I suppose we would sometimes call our parents' friends uncle/auntie or our friends' parents the same when I was a kid. Occasionally one of my friends kids will introduce me to their friends as their aunt or something I guess, just cos it's easier to say. I have noticed in Asian communities that they call all the elders in the community, related or barely acquainted, by names that mean uncle and aunt in English, just as a sign of respect.

Personally I just call everyone mate.

 

[LadyDestani]

American here as well and I would use "sir", "ma'am", or "miss" if necessary. But usually I don't since those titles make assumptions about gender and possibly age that I'd rather not make. I just address people neutrally with "excuse me" or something like that unless I know them well enough to know what to call them.

 

[Hopeless Opus]

saying miss/mister, ma'am/sir, etc. seems to be the standard in america. regardless of who i'm speaking with, i want to be respectful, so i just say miss and sir because ma'am and mister seems overly formal for no reason, especially for my age lol. it's strange to me that english is so informal.

 

[Pyoopi]

If they're like super elderly, I might call them lola/lolo (grandma/grandpa) or the normal auntie/uncle thing. Then if it's relatives that I don't know too well or they're my mom's family friends, it's like Manong (their name/nickname) or Ginang (their name/nickname).

In general I don't address elderly people, but if I do, it's towards filipinos.

 

[CrankyCupcake]

Where I come from, anyone older than oneself who is not a relative is addressed either as "uncle" or "auntie".

For instance, the taxi driver who takes me where I need to go. The woman who needs my seat on the train. My friend's parents when I visit my friend. It's "uncle" or "auntie". This is what we've been taught from childhood. It's respectful in my culture. Calling an older person "Oy", "Hey", etc is considered rude.

 

[zissou]

In my country of origin, unknown adults are respectfully addressed in local languages or English as "aunty" or "uncle". If they're more senior, "grandmother" or "grandfather" terms would be used.

In the US, where I live, there are not really such customs. However, I interact with so many patients at work that I can't always keep track of their names, so I have gotten into the habit of calling everyone "ma'am" and "sir".

 

[skarmoury]

I'm glad this topic is around because I have a lot to say LOL. I've seen plenty of time where this kind of culture gets misinterpreted because of the lack of proper translation to English, so it just ends up as one big, hot mess.

I'm Filipino, and part of our culture and language are those words of respect. Lola/Lolo is something we call the elderlies, Tita/Tito for the middle-aged people, and Ate/Kuya for those who are just a little older than us. I don't think our national language has a respectful term for younger people, but another local language I know (Ilocano) addresses younger people as Ading.

Roughly translating to English, it would be something like this:

Lola/Lolo: Grandma/Grandpa, or an old person in general​

Tita/Tito: Aunt/Uncle, or a middle-aged person​

Ate/Kuya: older sibling, or slightly older person​

Ading: younger sibling, or younger person​

That being said, it is very, very common for people to use these terms outside blood relations. I could personally never imagine referring to local people by their name unless they're a friend or someone roughly my age, and I don't think I've seen any local person not use those titles. I think people need to understand this because I've seen it being very misunderstood before that, for example, calling an old woman "Grandma" in our language (or "Lola") looks like we're disrespecting them by calling them oldies, but it's not; it's really just a form of respect. Same goes for when someone says "I have a crush on the Kuya over there," that does not mean we're referring to an older sibling, but just a slightly older guy who's not blood related in any way. It's been so misconstrued by other people that it sounds like incest when it's not, haha. There's just so much unnecessary hate from people who don't understand the language.

If they're like super elderly, I might call them lola/lolo (grandma/grandpa) or the normal auntie/uncle thing. Then if it's relatives that I don't know too well or they're my mom's family friends, it's like Manong (their name/nickname) or Ginang (their name/nickname).

In general I don't address elderly people, but if I do, it's towards filipinos.

Hehe, it's really nice to find someone else who speaks and understands Filipino!! ^-^

 

[Neb]

In the Pacific Northwest people are very informal. They either use your first name or say “you.” Occasionally you’ll hear students at public schools say Mr. or Mrs, but otherwise you never hear it. At the charter school I attended people addressed teachers by just their last names. Even during my one customer service job people referred to me by either Benjamin or “you.”

Traveling to other parts of the country was weird since it’s the only time people called me “sir.”

 

[FlimsyAxe]

That being said, it is very, very common for people to use these terms outside blood relations. I could personally never imagine referring to local people by their name unless they're a friend or someone roughly my age, and I don't think I've seen any local person not use those titles. I think people need to understand this because I've seen it being very misunderstood before that, for example, calling an old woman "Grandma" in our language (or "Lola") looks like we're disrespecting them by calling them oldies, but it's not; it's really just a form of respect. Same goes for when someone says "I have a crush on the Kuya over there," that does not mean we're referring to an older sibling, but just a slightly older guy who's not blood related in any way. It's been so misconstrued by other people that it sounds like incest when it's not, haha. There's just so much unnecessary hate from people who don't understand the language.

I also often say ate/kuya to random people who are younger than me (even kids). Idk but I just find it's a gentle way of addressing someone

 

[skarmoury]

I also often say ate/kuya to random people who are younger than me (even kids). Idk but I just find it's a gentle way of addressing someone

Omg yes I was also thinking of that just now! Sometimes if I really don't know what to call a younger person I also say ate/kuya out of habit, haha. :] Ate/Kuya has always been the default word I use since most people I interact with are like 20s/30s!

 

[amemome]

I'm in the States and don't tend to address elder folx with any honorifics since there aren't any that I know of beyond the gendered Mr/Mrs/Ms/Sir/Ma'am + (gendered older relative honorific like Aunt or Uncle) and I really don't want to mistakenly assume anyone's gender identity! If someone knows of some good gender-neutral honorifics I will try to incorporate these in my little collection of polite ways to refer people.

In Korean, there are a ton of age-based/status-based honorifics as well as gender-neutral honorifics (like (name)-ssi and (name)-nim, and (job title)-nim) and I use these liberally when I'm in Korea. In the States, I use these honorifics only when talking to and about Korean people.

 

[AeroFunk80]

I don't use any sort of formality. If someone older than me approaches or needs help with something, I just talk to them like I would another person. I don't even use sir/ma'am. Always a friendly encounter with a greeting and thank you, though.