I need to vent | My past 3 years summarized.

[Xerolin]

I just need to vent, okies? Here I go.

Spoiler:

Around the beginning of 2013, my dad finds his highschool girlfriend on facebook. He's always been a single dad, at the time i saw my mom maybe once a week, along with my 2 brothers and sister. So they chat online quite a bit, my dad tells me about her and such. Soon, she visits us in Alaska, she from Tennesee. She's great, has a little baby girl, and my dad and her are already back in love. My dad wants her to move to Alaska, but she doesn't want to leave her family. I had lived there for the first 9 years of my life, and we move in August. I see my mom and siblings for the last time, aside from my sister who I saw recently, on August 5th, 2013. We move to Tennessee, stay with his girlfriend and family for a few months, then got our own place. By this time, he had been planning on getting engaged with her. Didn't happen. She started being a drama queen and such, and they broke up. Boo hoo. Basically, she ruined my life by making us move. We live normally along with many roaches, until we got bed bugs from used couches. Before we found out they were bed bug bites, my dad took me to the doctor. He thought it was scabies, and I had to get this cream and prescribed this anti-itch syrup. I almost got prescribed STEROIDS. So, I get a terrible fever for 20 days I believe, was out of school for 16. It was probably the worst sickness I've had. So, we live like that until April 2014, and move to California, grandma lured us there. It was practically a hobo town. That's where I got mentally ill, as I currently am. During this stretch of time, I started my period and puberty, too. So during all of this, I obviously miss my siblings and mom a **** ton. Oh, I forgot to mention my mom had lost custody of all her children. Pretty much my whole life, there's been custody cases between her and my dad. It finally stopped November 5th 2014. Right, back to the timeline. So yeah, I lived normally, skyping my mom and sister a bit. Then, Christmas Eve 2015, I started to self harm. A bit before that, I had the idea I have ADHD. I got really depressed and suicidal, currently still am. I've cut myself over 100 times, and my dad saw my wrist and arm around December 29. He lectures me a bit, tells me he's gonna take me to a doctor if I do that again. We move to Arizona that same week. Since then, I've been even more suicidal and depressed, along with additional possible mental illnesses including bipolar disorder and multi-personality disorder. I've wanted to ask my dad to take my to a psychiatrist for a few months, but I can't. I just want a normal childhood, a mom, and siblings. Like, just the other day I had a dream. It felt VERY real. So I did something good and my dad was rewarding me, and asked what I want. I didn't say anything. He says "Well?" I say my mom. Saying that, I got a feeling in my chest. He says "What kind of whack-jaw would I be to put you up for adoption?" then I woke up.. Ah, I forgot to note earlier about my mom and siblings a bit more. My mom is actually a bad mom, despite how much I miss her. Or says my dad. She's a drama queen, always getting into trouble, multitasking too much, etc. But hey, I think my dad's just a perfectionist. All of my mom's kids have different dads aside from my 2 brothers, so... yeah

Thank you for reading.

 

[That Zephyr Guy]

My heart goes out for you - not much I can say will help. Different experiences and all that.

I've struggled with self harm and suicidal thoughts in the past too. I know it sucks now, but it gets better.
If you're still struggling with self harm, might I suggest finding a red pen and drawing on your skin instead? When I was in a really bad spot sometimes just the sight of the red would help sate the desire to harm, maybe the same could work for you? Ice cubes also worked a little bit.

Not much I can say for how to feel better in general in all honesty. That's something you have to find for yourself. I personally found exercise to be a healthy antidepressant and it turns that desire to self harm into something very productive and forces your body to produce endorphins that make you feel better regardless.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

 

[Xerolin]

My heart goes out for you - not much I can say will help. Different experiences and all that.

I've struggled with self harm and suicidal thoughts in the past too. I know it sucks now, but it gets better.
If you're still struggling with self harm, might I suggest finding a red pen and drawing on your skin instead? When I was in a really bad spot sometimes just the sight of the red would help sate the desire to harm, maybe the same could work for you? Ice cubes also worked a little bit.

Not much I can say for how to feel better in general in all honesty. That's something you have to find for yourself. I personally found exercise to be a healthy antidepressant and it turns that desire to self harm into something very productive and forces your body to produce endorphins that make you feel better regardless.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

Thanks, it's nice to know I'm not alone..

 

[DarkDesertFox]

Sounds like your dad made a big mistake moving before they actually fulfilled their commitment. I'm sorry life for you has been rough the past few years, but it will get better. Everyone hits a rough patch in their life and right now yours is just dragging on. Really though, see a psychiatrist about you self-harming yourself and suicidal thoughts. You really shouldn't be cutting yourself like that. You're harming your body and mind by doing so. I hope things get better for you soon!

 

[Xerolin]

Sounds like your dad made a big mistake moving before they actually fulfilled their commitment. I'm sorry life for you has been rough the past few years, but it will get better. Everyone hits a rough patch in their life and right now yours is just dragging on. Really though, see a psychiatrist about you self-harming yourself and suicidal thoughts. You really shouldn't be cutting yourself like that. You're harming your body and mind by doing so. I hope things get better for you soon!

Yeah.. That's just it. I edited on a few sentances, go ahead and read them. I have no ****ing idea how to ask my dad about a psychiatrist. The self-harming has greatly decreased, along with the suicidal thoughts.

 

[enchilada]

Hang in there, kid.

 

[Mariah]

You want to see a psychiatrist or a psychologist? Or both?

 

[Xerolin]

You want to see a psychiatrist or a psychologist? Or both?

Pssshhh probs both

 

[kayleee]

Hey hon, I'm really sorry to hear all of these things you've been dealing with. If you ever need to talk to someone, please don't hesitate to PM me. I know I don't have all the answers but sometimes even just having someone listen is helpful.

 

[Xerolin]

Hey hon, I'm really sorry to hear all of these things you've been dealing with. If you ever need to talk to someone, please don't hesitate to PM me. I know I don't have all the answers but sometimes even just having someone listen is helpful.

I'll keep that in mind, thanks ^^

 

[visibleghost]

yoo i was about ur age when i started getting really suicidal and **** too and i went for a long time w/o getting help, which i wouldnt rly recomend to anyone else. tell your dad that you need to see a therapist or some sort of mental health professional, if you wanna you could tell him why but honestly i dont think you need to tell him everything if you dont feel like it.

even tho it’s unlikely that you suffer from all of the illnesses you suspect you might be suffering from it is apparent that you don’t feel great and you need to see someone so that it doesnt get worse.

also, i think that you should try stop self harming. idk how deep, how often or why you do it but honestly you don't need that in your life. even the smallest cuts will give you scars and you actually get addicted to it. it's a very unhealthy way to cope with anxiety so pls try to stop

 

[mayor-of-ivyvale]

I know this is might not be helpful but I feel like I should offer some advice at least. When you start feeling the need to hurt yourself, I've heard a good way to channel that into something less destructive is to draw on your skin where you want to cut with a soft marker. Or you could try coloring to get that feeling out but without hurting yourself, you could press down really hard on the page or sooth yourself and take it slow and enjoy staying inside the lines if it's a coloring book. I try to distract myself from emotional pain through artistic means, so that's all I have to offer for advice. I hope it gives you some ideas to get away from self-destructive behaviors.

 

[EpicGamer12]

You might not benefit from this, but try to put it into perspective.

Don't focus on the negatives. Your whole life will be filled with some good things and some bad things. There will always things you wish could be better, people you wish you could be with, things you wish you could escape. Part of growing up is putting the negative things out of the spotlight and put the positive things in the spotlight. That does not mean ignore; however, you will never see change and improvement in yourself if you focus on all the things wrong.

I do feel sympathy for you - a lot of your hurt is a result of other people's bad decisions and you shouldn't have had to go through that. Your dad is obviously a quite impulsive person.

Please PM me, if you feel comfortable, if you have any questions about what I said, about your own life, your feelings, etc. Talking it out is so much better than holding it in, and you've already made steps to talking it out so that's a great way to progress.

 

[Xerolin]

Thank you all for the support and letting e know I can talk to some of you. Ever since I posted this thread, I've honestly been feeling a LOT better

 

[DJStarstryker]

Not sure how old you are, but I spent most of my teenage years extremely depressed. My family was very hard on me in lots of ways. They expected me to be an honor student in school, yet gave no assistance when I struggled. I was the oldest, my stepdad worked nights and slept during the day, and my mom kind of retreated into the internet. So I was forced to spend a lot of time practically raising my siblings and keeping the house clean. And at the same time, my parents were very protective and didn't want me to go too far away from the house, even in my late teens. So I could never see friends outside of school nor was even allowed to walk down the street beyond eyesight of the house. It was very frustrating and I felt like I didn't get to have much of a fun childhood.

I moved out of my parents' house at 19 and have never looked back. I have felt SO MUCH better since then.

It sounds like your family situation may be causing a lot of your depression too. Just remember that eventually you will grow up and get to make your own life. Things may get better for you then too. Something to look forward to, maybe.

 

[uwuzumakii]

Omg, that's so sad... ;-; I feel so sorry for you. I don't know what I'd do without my parents, but hurting yourself isn't the answer. It'll leave scars, but it won't fix your problems. I think that you should just talk with your dad about getting a psychiatrist. Also, don't hesitate to PM me if you want to talk with someone. I know I can act very silly, but I've helped a lot of my friends with things like these. I hope things get better for you real soon.

 

[N e s s]

I'm really sorry that this has happened to you, but please don't commit suicide at the age that you're at, it honestly isn't worth it at all. Life may suck sometimes, but its never worth killing yourself. When you think about it, it would give all the people who care about you heartache.

If you ever need to talk to something, feel free to PM me about anything

 

[nami26]

Sugarella, you're legit the sweetest person ever, and it's saddening to me to finally hear your story. I hope that all the things of the past continue to saty with you, but that you decide to move on, and start a clean slate. There's hope, trust me, i would know....... Love ya Sugarella!!!

your friend,
Nami26

 

[Kittyinpink87]

Sorry to hear all that.
If you ever want to chat about anything ever , you can always chat with me.

 

[tae]

i hope you find what you need.