unnamed~
[ ] is a boy, and he is blind, and is often criticized for looking like a girl, but he always argues that he can't tell what he looks like and therefore can't fix that. He is very easily startled, which often leads to him crying.
He doesn't like dead silence, because it makes him feel like he's in the dark. He's very scared of loud noises, and he's terrified of thunderstorms.
He tries to act stoic and unmoving, but he's actually very positive. If anyone knows how to look on the bright side it's him. He smiles a lot, and he's easily flustered. He acts very awkward around women. He believes in second chances more than anyone.
He likes just about any positive physical interaction. A hug, kiss, handshake, pat on the head, etc.
He is often very outspoken, because he prefers to be quiet and get lost in his own thoughts. He is quite the dreamer, and he secretly dreams of the day he will be able to see again.
The concept of pure hate makes him nauseous, and the thought of violence makes him sick.
He usually has the best intentions at heart, but he's very clumsy and makes a lot of mistakes, and sometimes he pokes or trips people with his white cane unknowingly.
backstory: at the young age of three, he became blind due to chlorine poisoning. he spilled a bottle of chlorox on his face, causing him to lose his eyesight and therefore become blind. because of this, his eyes are now a whitesmoke color. (a very, very light shade of gray.) after that, he started learning how to read braille, but he forgot all his english by the time school started.
so his parents put decided to homeschool him, and now he knows fluent english and spanish. at the age of 12, both his parents died in a car accident, forcing him to start school again. he is often criticized and bullied for looking like a girl and being blind, but he argues that he can't tell what he looks like and therefore can't change that.
appearances: he has waist-length wavy seashell colored hair, with choppy bangs that cover a bit of his whitesmoke color eyes. he has a very quaint and feminine appearance, with delicate features and small, pink lips. his eyes are a bit slanted downwards.
he has a very small build, and he has a 'rectangle' shaped body. his skin is very pale, almost a white color.
tell me how i can improve my oc, whats wrong with it, etc.!
harsh critique is allowed, and very appreciated >c<
Green: I feel like you contradicted yourself there. Being outspoken means extroverted, loud, boisterous. Yet you say that he prefers to be quiet? I would clear up your stance on this.
Blue: Alright, so one of his flaws is being very cowardly, right? I would play around with this quite a bit; having a cowardly character is a TON of fun to RP! Rather than focus on "being blind", I would put more emphasis on this.
Red: Stoic, huh. I got the vibe that the rest of the character focused on being genuine and the like. If he's trying to hide how compassionate he is, then I would give a reason. Why is he being so stoic? Why doesn't he feel he can be open and honest?
Orange: You repeated yourself there, just an FYI. Also, from what I get from this, he is insecure about his blindness and his apparent female appearances. Maybe that could be a reason for his stoic exterior? As of now, his two biggest vices are his insecurities and his cowardly nature. Try to keep that in mind when RPing him.
Teal: How? I'm not sure how we jumped from Braille to English in terms of comprehension. How did he learn if he didn't know English? How did he learn two languages
fluently if he completely forgot one by the time he was probably 6?
While I'm on this topic, I'd recommend you try to flesh out your character a lot more here. You have very brief descriptions of what happened to him in his life. How did those events make him feel? How did they build him into the person he is today? That's the kind of stuff that makes a good bio.
Purple: That goes against stoic. I actually have an idea of how you can incorporate all of this, you can take it or leave it, but I've got one: maybe to strangers he's stoic and the like, of course being clumsy, yet trying to hide his insecurities and acting apathetic. But once he starts trusting the person he's with, he shows his genuine side and starts making his cowardly features clear, whereas before he would try to act apathetic towards something, even if it scared him to death (when he's wearing that stoic mask).
Indigo: How did this affect him? Usually when parents die, it's absolutely tragic for the kid. I'd try to show how this affected him.
Overall, I'd say this is a pretty good rough draft of a character! I'd just flesh him out a little more and give him more description, so you have more of an idea of how he'd react in different cases. I'd try to build up his bio quite a bit more. His appearance works perfectly with his personality, so that's good. I'll make a list of good/bad traits, so hopefully that'll help:
Good:
- Genuine
- Good-hearted
- Pacifist
- Smart (2 languages)
- Positive
Bad:
- Cowardly
- Insecure
- Hides behind a persona
- Clumsy
- Blind (if you consider that bad)
That being said, I disagree completely that this character is too OP. They have plenty of flaws and good traits, and that's what makes them who they are.
When trying to put this character in an appropriate RP, I would put him in one that seriously questions his mental outlook. Try to make him struggle between what is good and what is bad. Force him to choose between being safe and working for the better good. Make it a HUGE internal struggle. That's going to be what makes this character great.
Also, I get the feeling that since he's blind and spent so long studying languages, he never focused that much on physical strength. I'd say that he has relatively low strength.
Hopefully this helps!
