Lessons you learned too late in life?

[Croconaw]

What are some lessons you learned too late in life? It doesn’t have to be super deep or anything.

• You can’t change how other people feel about you.
• You can’t always trust the people you want to.
• Sometimes the advice you tell other people is the advice you need to follow.
• The only opinion that truly matters is your own. Stop seeking validation from others.

What are some of yours?

 

[VanitasFan26]

(sigh) this going to sound embarrassing but here are things I learned too late:

1. Any advice you get from others is not always helpful
2. You always have to be careful who you let into your life
3. Its nearly impossible to please other people no matter what your opinion is.
4. Its very important to read Nutrition Facts on foods before you pick them up to see if they are healthy or not.
5. Just because you see people succeed doesn't mean that the things they do will work for you.
6. All the stuff you taught when you were a child turns out to be a lie (Example: everything that is always so happy and cheerful)
7. Relying on others is not being useful and you have to learn how to care for yourself.
8. You will always learn the hard way of doing things incorrectly that can lead to consequences in life.
9. Its always best to do research on a topic that you are not too familiar with or don't know much about.
10. Just because someone has a negative opinion about you doesn't make you a bad person.

 

[Neb]

There are too many list. Please don’t fall into the same traps I did.

1. Hiding your true self will only alienate yourself from others.

2. There will always be people who dislike you. There’s nothing you can do about it.

3. It’s okay to be single. Just because other people in relationships doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.

4. Friendships should be your number one priority outside of school or work.

5. Develop study habits early so you don’t have to struggle later.

6. Entertainment by itself cannot erase your problems or loneliness.

7. If you have a long term ideal or goal do it right away. Don’t put it off until later.

8. Don’t start romantic relationships with people if they make grand plans right away. That’s usually a red flag.

9. You are not the nasty comments people make about you.

10. Balance your day instead of spending it on one or two activities.

 

[QueenCobra]

Wow. This got deep. I think one thing I learned is that some people are worth the effort. I have Asperger's and general anxiety disorder, so I would (and still do) get easily burned out socializing. I was also bullied a lot in school by kids and some teachers. I think I gave up on people too easily, and now learned that friends are important to our well-being.

Education isn't just for school. You can learn a lot of things on your own. I used to research a lot about history and psychology online. Recently, I started reading about birds because I find them fascinating. It makes me see them in a whole new light. So why stop when school ends?

Also, skincare! I didn't really get into it until later, but it makes me feel better than makeup (stopped wearing it for sensory issues). It definitely feels good on my face.

Whatever we do with our bodies is our business-- as long as it's not hurting you or others, who cares?

Don't fight your passions or who you are. I've written since a young age, and still do. I do this for me and whoever cares to read-- plus my characters are like my babies. I can't give up on them!

 

[Shipper-Girl-27]

If you like doing something, keep doing it. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t Cuz you can.



Don’t hold in a secret for too long. Because you’ll regret it later. Especially if said secret is a long time crush on somebody. Some of us is still regretting that one *cough*



It’s okay to ask for help. Even during a embarrassing moment.



Admitting that you’re actually wrong can be a good thing.



Don’t be afraid to make mistakes.



Relationships come an goes but true friends are forever. (This one isn’t mine to learn but it stands)

 

[Xara]

i’ve already briefly talked about this in the “ask the below user a question!” thread, but the biggest lesson that i unfortunately learned too late (and only fairly recently) is how important taking care of your teeth truly is.

though, i wouldn’t necessarily say that i learned this lesson too late as i still have most of my teeth, and i plan on doing everything i can to prevent this from ever happening again or getting any worse… but it still sucks that i had to learn that my teeth aren’t as invincible as i thought they were the way i did lol.

my immediate family’s dental genetics aren’t the greatest. my grandmother (my mom’s mom) and my mother both had two sets of dentures by the time they were in their late 20’s, and my dad’s teeth are in the process of practically rotting out of his head. for years, i was the only one in my household who had decent teeth, but i of course wasn’t taking care of them the way i should’ve been. my grandmother and mother tried to change that by warning me about how painful toothaches are, how they can’t eat certain foods they love (ex. peanuts) because of their dentures, etc, but i never really listened to them or took them seriously. their warnings scared me, but not enough for me to actually change, y’know? it got to the point that i was even cocky about it at times, like i really thought i was built different or something.

i managed to scrape by for years by doing the bare minimum for my teeth. i would brush 1 time a day, sometimes twice, and occasionally use mouthwash and floss. my teeth weren’t in good shape by any means, and i always had way too many cavities whenever i went to the dentist (which was almost never), but nothing hurt or was rotting. my dental health got really bad once the pandemic started, though. between not having to be around people (which has always been my biggest motivation to properly take care of myself), my mother getting sick, being stuck in an angry, toxic household and my overall worsening mental health, i stopped taking care of my teeth completely. i think a lot of it had to do with my depression and how i can barely convince myself to get out of bed most days, let alone brush my teeth, but a lot of it had to do with the fact i feel like i’ve made so many mistakes in my life that it’s already over and worthless, and that i don’t deserve to take care of myself or be in good health as well. the rest of it was honestly just sheer laziness and stupidity.

i’m only 20 years old, and yet i’ve already lost all of my wisdom teeth plus a few regular adult teeth. i also have 20+ fillings and root canals waiting for me in the future once i can afford them. i’m currently recovering from losing my wisdom and 3 adult teeth (i lost the 4th a few months ago), and it… sucks lol. it’s embarrassing and downright disgusting that i allowed things to get this bad, and a part of me wants to just give up entirely because of how ashamed i am, but i refuse to let this lesson and all of this pain be for nothing. i may not be able to undo the damage that i’ve done completely aside from getting the treatments that i need, but i can definitely do everything in my power to prevent it from getting any worse or happening again. i’ve made a promise to both myself and my mother to take much, much better care of my teeth, and that even on my worst days where i can barely get out of bed, i’ll still do so just to take care of my teeth. this is a lesson i only needed to learn once, and i’m determined to do better from now on.

 

[Chris]

Don't make decisions based on how much money or time you've already invested into something.

For example, if a five-year relationship is falling apart, and your primary argument for staying together is that you invested five years into that person, then you should break-up. Or sticking with a field that isn't making you happy because you put in the time to earn a four-year degree in the subject. If it is making you unhappy now then you should let go and pursue something else. Those years weren't a waste of time - they were just part of the journey.

 

[k e r f u f f l e]

1. People you love can and will make mistakes that hurt you and others. No matter how smart, understanding, and careful they've been in the past. When it occurs, you can't wallow in how powerless you are to fix it.

2. It's very important to become someone that, in times of crisis, can be leaned on by others.

3. I relate heavily to what @xara said about dental health. You've got to take care of yourself. No matter how much it feels like the little things are getting in the way, they always snowball and you'll be caught in the middle.

4. Do not allow yourself to fall into the habit of the External Locus of Control. Allowing things outside of your control to be the defining factors in your life is foolish. Things don't happen to you. More often, you make things happen. We, as humans, often blur the line between the two angles when it comes to our success, lifestyle, direction, etc.

5. Take on responsibility at a young age. You don't have to overwork yourself to do this. But embracing the fact that life's hard and you'll have to take these things up in the future anyway is a great way to prepare yourself.

6. Evil people are real. Evil, selfish people, who only want to do you harm. They're never far away and they don't just exist in the news. Don't ever give in to their tactics, lies, charms, or countless faces. Stand firm in the good you possess.

7. You become what you consume. No matter how strong you are, you eventually encompass what you put into your heart and mind. Be a snob when it comes to what you consume, always.

 

[tiffanistarr]

1. Don’t rely on a significant other for happiness, finances, ANYTHING.

2. Stay as physical as possible once the metabo slows it really hits you.

3. Enjoy the parties, vacations, and hangouts with friends as much as possible!

4. SUNSCREEN

5. Think independently and don’t allow yourself to be swayed just because the people around you feel a certain way. Take the time to form your own critical thoughts and opinions.

6. Find hobbies.

 

[-Mars-]

-

 

[moo_nieu]

be kind to yourself

 

[Stella-Io]

When older people tell you to take care of yourself while you're young & can still recover because the thing you are doing now is going to hurt you in the future, the same thing they did when they were younger, listen to them.

People will talk about you behind your back. It won't be nice things. You can't control that. You could be the nicest sugar plum spice fairy ever, but someone will still talk **** about you. It's not your fault. You are not going to change them. Don't waste the time & energy tryin to do so.

Don't let other people's actions or what they say affect you so much. Stop thinking about it. You know why they do this. It's not your fault.

STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS IN A NEGATIVE WAY.

 

[ali.di.magix]

Take opportunities presented to you, even if it involves a bit of risk taking. Those opportunities and putting yourself out there will likely result in you learning a lot about yourself or bettering or improving yourself.

 

[vel]

its hard to be kind and positive consistently. it can be easy to assume that pessimism is the correct outlook to on life. also, most times, change is possible; it’s just difficult.

 

[_confused_piplup_]

Well, I am 21 it's not really "late in life" i guess lol, but I still have some:

- True empathy doesn't exist at all. Don't wanna make it so philosophical but I think that people who are not in your same condition, can't truly feel what you are feeling. I mean, yeah there could be exceptions but those are really rare. You realize that when someone might try to help you, but they can't really because they're not in your same situation. And it works on the opposite too, you don't truly know how to help someone because you aren't in that exact situation. That said, the other's person point of view exists, which means " I can imagine how you feel" and that's a good starting point to actually help someone, but it could probably be not enough, because, in the end, that person is still not in your same situation.

- Being too nice or loyal doesn't repay. I am a nice and very polite person because my parents are and because I like to be like that. However, people will often abuse of your being nice and helpful and sometimes it can become manipulative. Like, if you don't help that person, then you will feel bad.

- People who cheat or use shortcuts to achieve something easily, will actually manage to do that. It really begins from school when you have a test and you studied but not too well and you get only some things right, then the guy who had fun for the whole month arrives and cheats and gets a better result. I know in the end it's the knowledge that counts. like that guy could have got a 9/10 but still knows less than me that I got 8/10, just to say. But tbh it just looks like what counts in the end is the result and that 9/10 is more than your 8/10. But tbh it happens also out of school, that was just an example. It's the results that count.

- Self-efficacy is truly important to go on in life. I don't consider myself smart or something, but I feel independent, which helps a lot. I sometimes suffer from not being able to solve things on my own, because I like managing to solve tasks. Having this kind of mindset makes you stronger in life, i guess. like, you can choose to rely on less people because you can do it on your own and make you achieve your goals.

 

[Jhine7]

Probably build a resume/get experience before college. Was a hassle at first but all worked out eventually.

 

[Midoriya]

- Don't give up because you're afraid of failure. We only grow stronger through our failures, and that allows us to mature into even stronger and better versions of ourselves.

- Don't "rest on your laurels" for too long. It's okay to be satisfied with your accomplishments, but always seek to do more and keep fighting in life. If you don't, life will throw something at you like a ton of bricks that's difficult to deal with. Always come prepared.

 

[Shellzilla_515]

I only have one I could think of and while it's not necessarily too late for me to have learned this lesson, it's better to get it done now.

Similar to ali.di.magix's post, when an opportunity opens up to you and are 100% certain with your decision, just take it. You never know if you'll get another chance ever again. It sucks holding it off and then having it close in your face just because you weren't quick enough to act. This has happened to me on a minor thing one time and ever since I've learned my lesson and applied it to more pressing matters.

 

[Corrie]

Be kind to yourself and just accept yourself. It's a cliche but at the same time, very important. It's taken me a long time to just ease into who I am but it feels good to finally stop being at war. Sure it's not perfect, but just having the mindset of "that's who I am" has helped a lot.

On that topic, learning about myself has been a fun journey too. Wish I did all this earlier but better late than never if you asked me.

 

[LadyDestani]

Don't make decisions based on how much money or time you've already invested into something.

For example, if a five-year relationship is falling apart, and your primary argument for staying together is that you invested five years into that person, then you should break-up. Or sticking with a field that isn't making you happy because you put in the time to earn a four-year degree in the subject. If it is making you unhappy now then you should let go and pursue something else. Those years weren't a waste of time - they were just part of the journey.

I agree with this so much. This was a lesson I had to learn the hard way. I toughed it out for 8 years in a relationship that was making us both miserable for this exact reason. When I finally broke up with him and his first reaction was not something like "I love you" or "I need you", but "so you mean I've wasted all this time..." then I knew I had made the right decision.

Also, don't try to please everyone. You will never succeed and you'll end up never pleasing yourself. It's great to do nice things for other people, but you have to take care of yourself first. As my therapist told me, you can't give to others if you have nothing left so you have to take the time to do self-care and replenish yourself.

Advocate for yourself and say 'no' sometimes. If you always say 'yes', everyone will just keep piling stuff on you until you break.

Accept yourself for who you are. We all have flaws and we also all have great qualities. Everything combined is what makes you special and unique. Don't discount yourself just because you're not perfect. Nobody is perfect.