Mental Illness

[radical6]

sooo im wondering how many ppl here are mentally ill

ive been depressed ever since i was a kid. like im severely depressed. i tried to kill myself when i was 5, and ive been trying a lot ever since then. im almost 15, and its been 10 years of awful experiences in my life. was planning to kill myself on my birthday as an anniversary of the first attempt, but its unlikely ill ever get the supplies to do so.

being on anti depressants suck. they make you numb. you don't feel anything. but sometimes i do get sad on them. im never happy and im always tired and puking, and or dizzy as well.

im pretty sure my dad beating me throughout most of my childhood probably had a role in my depression, and my stepfathers sexual abuse probably made it worse. i suspect i have BPD, so im talking to a psych about it tomorrow. doubt she will diagnose me with BPD, but maybe emergent BPD since im underage.

how do you live with your life? (if youre mentally ill)

for me, its hard. i dont feel like i have anything to look forward to. im doing great in school, im working towards jazz band 1 and going down the biotech path for the STEM program at my school. im not a loner either, i have quite a lot of friends.

but i dont feel like i have anything worth living for.

im kind of just... numb to everything. i feel like im drifting by. i sleep most the time. i stay curled up in my bed, usually sobbing or staring at the wall. i no longer find passion in music or writing, its just a chore to me now. i make an effort to talk to my friends (both real life and online) but i find it hard when i have so little energy. but at the same time i want their attention. its just hard.

when im not in a negative down like this, im usually irritated and bitter. im prone to breakdowns and yelling at people over nothing.

ive been like this since i was a child, and it feels like its never going to end.

and ive tried a lot of ways to cope. none of them worked. at all.

TLDR: but yeah just wondering what other peoples experiences with mental illness(es) was like

 

[peppy villager]

i have never been diagnosed with anything bc my mom is too embarrassed to get me evaluated and likes to pretend im fine.

but i truly truly believe i have BPD, and if not that then a very strong form of a depression. but because i don't have a diagnosis i can only tell you what my feelings are

like the past 6 years have been hell and in the last 2 years it's gotten so much worse. it's to the point where i don't eat, or eat too much, i sleep constantly but i'm always tired, i have cried like 4 times over god knows what, cut myself tonight over i don't even know. I'm *****y and rude and angry towards everyone. i left public school because i was too depressed to go.. quit my job. nothing is exciting anymore and my body physically hurts from living in the hell that my mind is in.

i just dont know. this is probably really boring and dramatic.

and i DON'T really live my life. it's hard to get me out the house. i just sleep and cry and listen to music and pretend if i just wait long enough things will just magically change. i just want out of this

 

[himeki]

This is actually...a kinda touchy subject for me...so I'd rather not discuss, but I feel you guys!

 

[peppy villager]

This is actually...a kinda touchy subject for me...so I'd rather not discuss, but I feel you guys!

that's okay ^^ it's touchy for me with IRL people but telling people online is easier for me, i don't know why.

 

[himeki]

that's okay ^^ it's touchy for me with IRL people but telling people online is easier for me, i don't know why.

Actually, I would agree with that. In real life, I guess it spreads? But whenever It's tell someone online, they always act...different around me as if I was a freak...

 

[Mahoushoujo]

im not diagnosed either because my mom either thinks its a phase or if i do go to the doctors theyll give me tons of medicines, but anyway i think i do have depression n anxiety right now because this past year was horrible and just a lot of times ive tried to kms so idk

 

[peppy villager]

Actually, I would agree with that. In real life, I guess it spreads? But whenever It's tell someone online, they always act...different around me as if I was a freak...

I know what you mean. It's like you tell someone you're depressed and they act as if they can't talk about anything around you anymore. Or like you're a crazy person who is dangerous

- - - Post Merge - - -

im not diagnosed either because my mom either thinks its a phase or if i do go to the doctors theyll give me tons of medicines, but anyway i think i do have depression n anxiety right now because this past year was horrible and just a lot of times ive tried to kms so idk

it's so messed up how parents do that. i remember i researched for so long how to tell your parents you're depressed and everything said "your parents want you to be happy so just tell them so they can help you!!" and i truly believed it and then i told my mom and she clearly did not want to help me, and it just broke my heart

i'm so sorry youre going through all that youre amazing

 

[himeki]

im not diagnosed either because my mom either thinks its a phase or if i do go to the doctors theyll give me tons of medicines, but anyway i think i do have depression n anxiety right now because this past year was horrible and just a lot of times ive tried to kms so idk

Oh no! You should just go anyway without your mom Good Luck!

- - - Post Merge - - -

I would agree with you two. For any condition, most people think its just a phase...My mom and dad seem to have this obsession over forcing me to walk everywhere near where I live because it will "make me feel better". No. I have a ton of blisters now, and thicker skin where I would constantly get blisters...


and they obsess over the confessions blog and sometimes think that talking to people is making me worse like wtf?

 

[doveling]

weep. teenage years are the worst, so much stress.
i think i might have anxiety, i always am so negative and overthink stuff alot, like ever since my gran died 2 years ago i've felt lost and not myself.. or maybe its just teenage stage ah.

I'm not depressed though, like every other kid my age, i have bouts of mood swings ahha, never wanted to kill myself or hurt myself before. But its really hard to get through a day without being so worried and scared all the time, it sucks, and i feel for you all with a mental health problem/s, i promise it will get better~

 

[Naiad]

I don't see the world as boring/in a negative way, but I honestly feel myself not wanting to continue on the path that I'm on now. I've lost motivation to continue living, so I have attempted to take my life a few times. (With pills, I'm not fond of knives/sharp objects.) This mostly stems from my abusive household, but I do have Social Anxiety & trouble communicating with others.

 

[Jamborenium]

I'm not getting into details but I have been professionally diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, ADD and I have frequent nightmares/night terrors, which makes it hard for me to sleep sometimes.

 

[RainbowNotes]

coming out of depression for the 3rd time in a row but as of how things have gone so far this couple of months might fall back in. other then that i suffer from extreme anxiety along with a few personality disorders that make it hard for me to trust people and a high fear to rejection and social interactions.

 

[epona]

since you were 5?! christ that makes me so sad, i didn't even know what mental illness was when i was that young :-(

i've struggled with an eating disorder for almost 6 years now. it's probably better classified as EDNOS because i've displayed symptoms/tendencies associated with bulimia as well, but my formal diagnosis was always anorexia
it's been really difficult and i had to move schools a lot because of it, and it's also delayed my entry to college because last year i didn't feel i was well enough mentally to move away for university

it sucks because my parents aren't really believers in mental illness in the sense that they thought if they just forced me to eat it would get rid of the problem, and yes that does eliminate the physical danger of starving yourself but it certainly doesn't do anything for (and most likely worsens) the mental aspect of an eating disorder because that guilt and that self-doubt and the feeling of worthlessness doesn't ever go away

i was an inpatient for a while a few years ago when things were really bad but i relapsed a few months after i left the ward, and i've kind of been up and down ever since
i spent a few months of the past year at a residential treatment center and it was really horrid because i wasn't underweight like the first time so i felt like i didn't have a right to be there. that's a huge issue with eating disorders, you feel like if you're not emaciated you don't deserve to reach out and seek help/treatment

it's just a really horrible thing to have to deal with and i've completely lost my sense of what a grey area is; i either eat like 100 calories max per day or i'll pig out and eat 8594956838595 calories in one sitting, there's never a healthy inbetween for me, and this just resulted in my weight fluctuating a lot and right now i'm probably heavier than i was before any of this started which sucks and really has taken its toll on my self confidence

it took a long time for me to consciously decide to recover because my eating disorder had become such a vital part of my personality/who i was that i wasn't quite sure who i would be if there came a day when i didn't have an eating disorder. i had to remind myself that i am intelligent and kind and worth so much without my eating disorder, and that it doesn't define me in any way. i've kind of acknowledged that now and that this is real and it's something that happened to me and something that i've managed to survive, and i'm actually doing really well right now in terms of taking care of myself and having a healthy attitude towards food which is super super great, i've also joined a gym and i can feel myself getting stronger both mentally and physically AND i've got a job now which means i'm kind of getting my life on track again ahah next step is university for sure though!

honestly it's such a horrible horrible life-destroying illness and i think unfortunately the severity of eating disorders is sometimes undermined because they usually affect the middle-class teenage girl demographic, which of course makes them no less dangerous but a lot of people kind of see them as a fad diet phase that every girl goes through or something. also people aren't educated enough on the fact that eating disorders affect a lot of men too, so it's really important that that point gets across

tumblr and certain tv shows have kind of romanticised and glamorised eating disorders which is the worst thing ever because for a while i believed i was special and some kind of impossible woodland fairy who by the force of my own will could survive on air and water and black coffee alone, which is the most warped perception to have because in reality i was just really really sick, so the glorification needs to stop because this is a horrible thing, it's taken so many years of my life from me and made me miss out on precious things like family dinners and friend's birthdays and stuff and it's also ruined so many of my relationships and friendships so yeah not very romantic not tragically beautiful not very fun etc

although there's a really strong correlation between eating disorders and depression, luckily i can confidently say i've never been depressed. i've never been suicidal and i always saw a light at the end of the tunnel, be it ever so far away

anyway yeah sorry i blabbered a bit and i'm also not very articulate when it comes to talking about this so this post probably makes very little sense but anyway yeah

i wish you all all the best in your struggles and recovery, mental illness is a horrible horrible thing and it is nearly impossible to pull yourself out of it but i promise you it is worth it in the end! i'm still getting there with baby steps but you just gotta keep picking yourself back up every time you fall down

 

[Dinosaurz]

I cope by finding a interest, look forward to something. Plan out a holiday. Just anything, a new game, whatever. And then I focus on getting that and don't look to the past.

 

[Aestivate]

I'm not going to contribute anything to this thread but I think a lot, and with a lot I mean a lot, of people here on BTF have some form of psychological problems looking at the constantly new threads about these subjects which kinda worries me.

 

[Beardo]

Not sure it my depression and anxiety are like a teenage angst thing and will eventually go away, but who knows. They make me nervous and miserable either way.

 

[honeymoo]

I have bulimia nervosa as well as anorexic behaviour (can't be diagnosed with anorexia because there's a bmi thing). I don't like to talk about it, it's a struggle and it sucks but I'm making it through and getting better each day. Some days are bad and some are good.

 

[natakazam]

I struggled with a lot of depression and anxiety related issues as a child, but my 21-year-old boyfriend was diagnosed with brain cancer in February of this year. I no longer care about my well being, I'm reckless, and sometimes I hope it gets to me. But I try to keep it together for him, at least. It's just all very hard. I was on anti depressants but I quit them because they don't help me right now.

 

[iamnothyper]

5? really? at that age I don't think I even understood the concept of suicide or depression. I was just a happy-go-lucky brat.

given the amount of abuse from such a young age i think your current mental state is to be expected? i don't think you are in a situation to "cope" i think you need professional help. this is depression, yes, but i believe it is also a form of PTSD. if you truly want to get better i think this is something you cannot solve by yourself. the first step to recovery is accepting you have a problem and accepting help, but so many of us who live and think like this don't really want help. it's a numbness that we've grown accustomed to through years and depression is a deep dark hole that is practically impossible to get away from.

i understand where you are coming from when you say living seems to be worthless. i first had that thought in 8th grade and when i asked my parents what the point of life was their response was "well, if you really didn't want to live why are you not trying to kill yourself?" and as the years went by it kinda just solidified my opinion that this world was **** D; and yet i'm still here. you kinda just gotta try and ignore it for as long as you can. don't think about it, fill your life with other things. idk.

- - - Post Merge - - -

I'm not going to contribute anything to this thread but I think a lot, and with a lot I mean a lot, of people here on BTF have some form of psychological problems looking at the constantly new threads about these subjects which kinda worries me.

but that's the reality of things in the world right now. the youth of today is ****ed up in so many ways we don't know what to do with ourselves. but these threads may not be entirely a bad thing, it may be a buffer to something worse.

 

[mitzi_crossing]

I'm so sorry to hear about some your guys' stories, it makes me feel better that I'm not alone.

I don't have BPD but I do have my fair share of mental illnesses. I've been diagnosed with PTSD from physical abuse in past. I suffer from nightmares, anxiety, social anxiety, depression, self harm and have overcome my battle with bulimia that turned into a binge eating disorder (though that it still one of my biggest struggles)

My parents think I'm just a lazy teenager. I think my mom knows I'm depressed but she doesn't quite get the definition of it, she just thinks I'm down, when it's more than that. I'm not suicidal but I have wondered before if it'd be better to not be around. I pretty much have nobody. I broke up with my last boyfriend (for unrelated reasons regarding this) and he was one of the only people who somewhat understood. My bestest friends recently moved and all my other friends were from school, since being out of school those friendships dissolved. So I am quite literally alone.

I've been out of school for several months now and I can't find a job. I don't live, I just..sit here. Eat, sleep, cry and thats basically it. I don't really go out anymore. I have a short list of things that still manage to make me smile and laugh.

Anyways, didn't mean for this to sound like a sob story. Just thought I'd share my part. If any of you need someone to talk to I'm always here. It's nice being in a community where you know you aren't alone for once.