Non Traditional Families

[OswinOswald]

I just heard a podcast that gave a statistic that only 18% of families are "nuclear families", with a mom, dad, and kids. So they were featuring stories about non-traditional families, or the other 82%. I thought that statistic was a surprisingly high percentage and I wish I knew it before because I think I wouldn't have build up so much anguish in my life about striving for a traditional nuclear family setup and being sad if I don't achieve that standard.

Anyway, TBT is like a found family, and I'm excited about that!

Does anyone else have stories about their non traditional families that they'd like to share?

For example, I think all the time about that news story that always comes up around Thanksgiving time about how there's that kid who accidentally texted some grandma (who was not his) about what time thanksgiving dinner was, or what they were doing for thanksgiving, and then somehow has been invited to that other family's thanksgiving for years.

 

[Tude]

I'm here from the other side of the fence. My family was and still is, technically, a traditional family. Honestly, nuclear families are overrated. My parents fought every single day. They'd say awful things to each other and to us kids. I remember telling my first grade class I wished my parents would divorce when one of my classmates was sad his parents were divorcing.

So don't feel bad for having a non traditional family. Sometimes the people in your family are the people who are least likely to have your back, so you're better off choosing a family.

 

[cornimer]

I have both a "blood" family and an adopted family. My blood family consists of my mom and my sister. My adopted family consists of my adopted dad and his family. I spend time with both separately on a weekly basis and love them all to pieces I feel really lucky to have them both in my life.

 

[Sheando]

I grew up as an only child with two parents, and we have a good relationship. I went through a long period of time where I was super lonely and wished I had a sibling, though.

My closest friend is someone I met through being part of the same writing community, and at one point she lived with my family for about a year to do work/college locally (her family had just moved out of the area) and we became extremely close. We read the same book series during a point in time when both of us were experiencing some pretty significant traumas, and we each identified closely with a different one of the two brothers who were two of the primary characters. We talked and wrote about the series a lot and at one point even did a whole group costume, so sometimes we still refer to ourselves as "brothers." It's a little bit joking, as we are neither male nor related to one another, but it's also not a joke--I do feel that we have a family-type relationship, and she's the only friend I realistically expect to be a part of my life for decades to come, since we've already been friends for more than ten years.

 

[Snek]

Does anyone else have stories about their non traditional families that they'd like to share?

Not really. It was painful. I don't want share the details but it made me envious a lot when I saw a family with a mother and a father.

 

[Kitsuragi]

my parents have been separated for as long as i can remember. i was raised by my grandma, of which my dad lived with, then custody was moved to my mom sometime when i was 8 (i think it was right after their divorce finalized which was on my 8th birthday.) i lived with my mom and her then-girlfriend for many years until they split, and almost immediately after they split my mom moved me in with her new boyfriend. i lived with them until i was 18, they never married.

when living with them, i stayed at my friends houses a LOT. i hated my mom and her boyfriend- i don't use "hate" for people much at all, but these are genuinely awful people who were worse together. i found myself MUCH more comfortable among the families of my friends. i'd stay with my best friend L all the time, and he lived in a house with his two grandmothers and his mom. i loved them to bits! i keep in touch with them still to this day as if theyre my own grandparents LOL. L's dad would come around a lot (his parents never married but were still best friends) and even he treated me like one of his own kids

i remember a day when my mom and her boyfriend got into an argument that was so bad they finally decided to call it quits on their relationship. it was a horrible, terrible argument, legitimately i was afraid to leave my room. they were throwing things i think, screaming, banging on walls/doors shut etc. so i told L about what was happening, and his grandmas immediately came to my house to get me. i packed a bag and snuck out through my window and stayed there for the night. neither my mom nor her ex noticed. the next day, L's dad comes by and hears everything and decided to go take us all out to the movies. i believe we saw Avengers Endgame, i'm NOT an avengers fan at all but honestly, i didn't care what we saw bc it was so incredibly generous of them to include me at all. we got dinner and some snacks beforehand and then i stayed the night again at their place. it was really, really nice of them, and i still care greatly about them all and their generosity hasn't been forgotten at all. fun fact: my mom didn't realize i was gone for so long until i came back LOL.

anyways. i've never been around happy traditional families, everyone i know has divorced parents or parents who probably should be in couples therapy or divorced LOL. i think found family is more important than biological family if your biological family isn't putting you in a good situation. like, of my real family, i only like my siblings. everyone else i either don't know, or they're the worst. that said, ive always had a great envy of people with functional "Traditional" families.

 

[Tude]

Unless y'all don't like hugs, then we'll just wave at each other.

 

[Midoriya]

My family is a traditional nuclear one, but half of everyone in it is dead.

 

[SkyKnight03]

My immediate family (all of my siblings) moved when I was a teenager. I'm the youngest and stayed behind. My mom and I ended up moving close to my aunt and uncle. So I ended up somewhat close with my cousins. It was a massive dynamic change.

It's incredibly lonely though. My siblings are the ones I grew up with. I don't feel the same sense of belonging or love here. I don't drink either which sets me apart too. My aunt also talks negatively about me behind my back.

I still have good relations with my siblings and we text frequently. It keeps me sane. I need to stay busy though or I get heavily depressed.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

My dad was a single parent raising my sister and me growing up until I was 15. His secretary helped him take care of us while he was at work and honestly this ended very badly for me because she was prone to unreasonable anger over minor things that I did wrong and would administer punishments that were far too extreme for normal things that kids do such as forgetting about an assignment or me sneaking into my sister’s room and looking around.

 

[Neb]

My family used to be pretty unusual, but now it's gradually becoming more common. My parents are lesbians and in the 90s before gay marriage was legal, they had a small ceremony for what was then called a "domestic partnership." Several years later they decided to have kids and went to a sperm bank to find an anonymous donor. They went with a well educated donor with a mostly clean family medical record that wished to never meet his kids. In 2002 I was born to one of my moms and the other one adopted me when I was older. Then they signed up for a sperm donor family registry that lets families with the same donor connect. I matched with 4 families and now know I have a half sister and four half brothers. I have only met one of my half siblings sadly. We are all starting to think the donor may have been lying about his family's medical history since my half siblings and I all ended up with genetic conditions that weren't on our mom's side.

I always knew my family background was uncommon since I didn't run into any other people that had gay parents until I was in high school and college. Most people handled the information fine, but there were a few staff members and kids at school that treated us differently for it. With gay marriage now being a thing in the U.S, the number of families like my own is growing. I'm very open about my nontraditional family dynamic since I want to normalize it.

 

[nightglow]

Family as in household is not nuclear. It's just me and my spouse and dogs and a fish tank.

 

[Tude]

I guess I technically fall under that umbrella with my chosen family as well. It's me, my bf, and our three kitties

 

[xSuperMario64x]

I technically grew up in a "nuclear family" as I had my mum and dad and my brother. but our family has honestly drifted apart over the years. my brother has long since moved out, and I'm hoping to move out once I get my Master's degree.

when I make my own family, it'll just be me and my dog and maybe a cat or two. and also my partner, if long distance relationships count. I also think that being a trans guy who doesn't pass well automatically makes my family more unique in a way. I'm fine with that though, I like the little family I've cultivated for myself

(also I like to consider my friends as part of my family too hehe)

 

[S.J.]

Aww, it's nice that you think about TBT as a found family.

I grew up in a traditional family (father, mother, children), though my parents separated when we were adults.