People making me feel guilty for being cheap.

[UglyMonsterFace]

I used to spend a lot of money on shopping and stuff. And I still do spend money freely on the things that make me happy like video games and going out to eat. But I hate being wasteful. And my best friend is the opposite where he will spend sooo much money on drinking and taxis and bad movies (not saying it's a waste of money for him, but for me it is - he can spend his money on whatever he wants). However, he will always want me to go clubbing and then when I go he pressures me into drinking and he just wants to go on random vacations that cost a lot of money and all these outings that he wants me to do. And I don't want to do it because I don't want to pay to get into a club, then pay for drinks, then pay for a taxi home. To me, it's a huge waste of money. And trips mean I have to take time off work plus spend maybe even over 1000 bucks to go and I also think it's a waste of money. I'd rather save my money than go clubbing or on random trips. But i feel like I'm saying no to everything because of this and i feel guilty, like eventually i will lose people because I don't see the value in the things they like to do (again, no value for me but if people like to do it, it's fine). Also a difference is I'm trying to save for my future and they still live with their parents or aren't planning that far ahead. I guess you can say I'm cheap when it comes to a lot of things. And I wasn't before, and my friend finds it strange that I don't like clubbing anymore or going out a lot anymore. But I'm just.. older now. My priorities are different.

So I guess I'm just wondering.. how do I not lose my friends when I don't go out anymore due to me wanting to save as much as possible rather than freely spending and "wasting" money. They don't really like doing things that don't involve spending a lot of money.

Or say watching movies that I'm not interested in, I find it wasteful to spend 16 bucks on a movie I wont like but my friend always wants me to go. Things like that.

I love my friend and I want to make friends but I feel as though my money habits prevent me from doing these things..

Any advice or anyone that can relate?

 

[LadyDestani]

You shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to save money or for thinking about your future. And if you really don't enjoy the things they want to do, why should you spend so much money doing them?

I get that they are your friends and there is usually some level of compromise required, but it shouldn't just be you going along with their plans all the time. If they're true friends, they will understand that you're in a different place in your life now and hopefully try to be more accommodating in the future.

With that said, as you get older friends often grow apart. It's just a part of life. Your interests change and you make new friends who align more with your current life. Some friends may stick with you, but others will come and go. It's sad, but it happens.

Good luck with your situation. I hope you and your friends can find a balance so that you can all be happy.

 

[greyCat44]

I don't think you're being cheap at all!

As someone with an extremely overprotective mother, I'm hardly ever allowed to go out with friends, and when I am it's only limited to the streets around my house. But even if this is the case, my friends are really understanding :3 We bond over online calls or they make the trip to the area around my house just to see me once in a while. In other words, being good friends with someone shouldn't require things like going to clubs with them if you don't want to, especially if this guy's your best friend. There are a lot of different ways to show someone you appreciate them, or to spend time with them! And even if he can't understand that, I'm sure you'll meet lots of people who will

(Also I support saving money because it's important!! Maybe he'll realize that as he gets older huhu)

 

[Reginald Fairfield]

Not sure about the keeping friends part, but sometimes movies are cheaper earlier, of course anymore they come out on dvd soon after. Plus I've grown to prefer the taste of certain store brand chips and antacids at half the price. I don't believe there is a name brand equivalent to the peach pineapple salsa I've become addicted to. I've seen mango peach salsas. Anyway I can relate.

 

[RedTropicalPeachyFish]

Kind of I can relate?
I was in the resembling situation when I was younger. Though, in reverse role. I was the one who liked doing things that'd cost money and my best friend was very tidy about money. One day I felt it kind of frustrating when I wanted to do something and she said how she was not supposed to waste. So I simply stopped going out with her and instead hangout with friends who had more similar sense about money. Yet I and this girl had been best friends no change. What made us stay that way was because, I liked how honest she was. And she also told me that she admired me for how much of hard worker I was in terms of studying and that she hadn't ever made me grounded in there despite her hardest work in studying. So... though we rarely hangout anymore, but we were still best friends.
It's possible, I think.. in terms of being true friends.

 

[LambdaDelta]

that text box is way too large for me to even keep up with

short answer though? get better friends

 

[Bowie]

Nah, keep being cheap. If they’re really your friends they’ll respect you for it. If not, you don’t need trash like them in your life.

 

[visibleghost]

don't do expensive things just because you don't want to stop being friends with someone. i think you should try to do other things together and tell him that you're saving money, which means you don't want to do expensive things like going out. if you can't find any activities that both of you are okay with maybe it's better to stop hanging out a lot because your lives and aims in life are just really different at the moment, and that's okay.

 

[Buttonsy]

Honestly, as awkward as it might sound, if you want to keep your friends, you might want to try directly talking to them about how they never ask you to do things that don't cost a lot of money. If they aren't aware that they are doing this so much, it might just take one simple conversation to fix the problem. (Although if they are aware that they are putting you in an awkward situation by asking you to spend tons of money to hang out with them and they just don't really care, they might not be very good friends)Or try to invite them to more outings that are inexpensive. Either way, if hanging out with your friends has this huge price tag attached to it, there's a problem that I think should be fixed.

You shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to save money, financial security is really important, and your friends should try to make you valued as a person and not because you'll do expensive things with them.

 

[Dim]

I think your friends need to get some help

 

[UglyMonsterFace]

Thing is that it's hard for me to make friends so I really want to keep the one friend I have LOL. He's also not a terrible person, just that we value money differently and he's not the type to just come over and hang out. He wants to go out all the time. He also is a hard worker and has 3 jobs so that he can pay for all these things. But he has shown negative feelings towards cheap people. And he thinks that people should just work more to be able to go out and afford expensive things. I'm more simple where I just want to be happy and stay at home and read or talk and be with the people I care about. Which is all free! Or hiking or picnics and beach and things. But he hates hiking and if we go out to just hang out at the beach, eventually it'll end up in an expensive restaurant. Not his fault at all for wanting these things.. I just feel like I'm falling behind. Everyone at work as well spends money everyday to eat out and they go clubbing and drinking, and I don't join up so they always leave me out cuz I'm the boring one I suppose.

Just to clear things up, I don't mind spending money completely, I just want to be mindful of the things I spend it on and make sure it's something that makes me happy, not just something I feel I have to do or get to fit in to what people expect me to do. I used to always say yes before, but I've matured enough to say no now, but not enough to not feel guilty about it lol.

When i tell people "I don't have the money to do that" they always say "you have savings". But they're savings for a reason! Not gonna touch it unless it's important. I have felt incredibly more secure in my life because of this and I prefer it this way, even if it means a quiet life.

Lol where can I find a group of people who just wanna lounge at home and play Animal Crossing all day XD

- - - Post Merge - - -

Honestly I've just been feeling very abnormal and left out lately..because of this. I have social anxiety and have a hard time realizing that the way I am is normal and okay. So sometimes I come here and see other people's opinions on things. It really helps me just reading what other people experience. Lol I don't really have friends to talk to about this stuff Haha. Sorry if I bring up these really weird personal topics!!

 

[LadyDestani]

I'm half joking but half serious when I say this...when your idea of a great evening is staying at home and playing games, it's really hard to meet people with similar interests. They're all staying at home and playing games, too.

Honestly, I kind of gave up on friends a while ago and I've been happier because of it. I still have old friends who do share some of my interests, but we lost all of our hang out spots in town (the arcade, the comic book shop). Since they all closed down, we don't get together anymore like we used to. Now we just occasionally run into each other at a movie or something and chat.

I had a best friend for many years who would drag me places I didn't want to go and make me spend money I didn't want to spend. We worked together and I liked having someone to go on break with or talk to at lunch. But she always wanted to eat out and I wanted to bring my lunch sometimes. And she liked to go to parties or clubbing on the weekends and that just wasn't my thing. I enjoyed the time we spent together alone and just talking, but more and more she started inviting more people and making it a group thing. I never felt comfortable anymore and we lost the connection we had. I was afraid to lose her as a friend because I don't make friends easily, but having to go out with her all the time was causing me too much stress. Eventually, we went separate ways work-wise and I let the friendship fade away as well. Rather than miss having someone to spend time with, I found that I was grateful to have my time back to do the things that I wanted to do. Since then, I have made a few more acquaintances at work, but I've chosen to keep my distance. I don't eat lunch with them everyday or meet up with them after work because I don't want to fall into the same scenario again.

I'm not saying that you would feel the same way if didn't have this friend. You might feel completely different, but that's my personal experience. There are a lot of people out there who don't understand those of us who prefer a quiet, simple life. I felt a lot better after I stopped trying to fit in with them.

 

[UglyMonsterFace]

^ Honestly that's almost exactly my situation. I relate soo much. The only thing is while I like a quiet simple life, I also love the sense of community I get from friendship. I'm prone to loneliness and I just like being surrounded by like minded individuals and having people to share my passions with. The irony is being surrounded by so many people and still being lonely, just because I feel so different from my peers. Lol. But yeah, I'd definitely prefer to have no friends than force myself to fit into what they want me to do or be. But this friend of mine means a lot to me because he's the only one who has never left my side no matter what. Even if we are veering into different directions, I feel as though he'd always still consider me a friend and treat me like one. Unlike many friends I've had before that have abandoned me

 

[greyCat44]

Lol where can I find a group of people who just wanna lounge at home and play Animal Crossing all day XD

I think a bunch of people on the forum feel this way well I certainly do xD And I'm sorry you feel lonely because of this :c I'm not sure if I can do much to help since I don't know you irl, but you can message me or we can play animal crossing sometime if you're ever feeling that way! I hope you find chill friends to hang out and play games with! > A <

 

[Corrie]

Neither of you are in the wrong. You just have different mindsets and hobbies. Nothing wrong with that. You'll probably have to find friends that share a similar mindset with you unless your current friends can give your ideas a try. You can't force someone to do something they don't wanna do.

 

[UglyMonsterFace]

Neither of you are in the wrong. You just have different mindsets and hobbies. Nothing wrong with that. You'll probably have to find friends that share a similar mindset with you unless your current friends can give your ideas a try. You can't force someone to do something they don't wanna do.

Yeah, that's very true. I just don't know where to find those people with similar interests lol. And I'm afraid I'd turn them off anyway since I'm very awkward LOL XD

- - - Post Merge - - -

I think a bunch of people on the forum feel this way well I certainly do xD And I'm sorry you feel lonely because of this :c I'm not sure if I can do much to help since I don't know you irl, but you can message me or we can play animal crossing sometime if you're ever feeling that way! I hope you find chill friends to hang out and play games with! > A <

Awe, that's super kind of you <3 I love this forum full of amazing people. Why can't we all just be in one place and have Animal Crossing meet ups all the time XD lol