Postivity

[Watchingthetreetops]

Hey, everyone.

So...lately I've been having a lot of personal demons pop up in my life. And to be honest...they've done nothing but bring me down. Really down. I went into a spiral of depression that really...well...brought me down. As depression does.

So...I'm a problem solver. When something like this happens, I try to understand it. I try to fix it. Because I want to understand why these things happen, what my triggers are, and how I can fix...well...myself. I've seen /A LOT/ of threads about depression, but rarely do I see something about how to help. So...I thought of a plan.

So, what triggered my bought of depression was my ex. I started thinking about him, messaged him, and got really...strangely obsessed with him. And I realized: this is bad. So I decided that I'm going to focus on me, which is actually really hard to do. I'm with someone that I love dearly. And I don't want to ruin that because I'm obsessed with things that happened years ago. To help heal, I'm doing a few things. The first is I'm going to write about how I feel. Writing has always helped me. Secondly, I am deactivating m facebook for a little while. That way I'm not tempted to message or look him up. And third, I am starting this thread.

Tell me something good that happened to you. Tell me about you life. Tell me a way that you got through your depression. Was it a show that helped you? Was it music? How did you get past depression, or what little things can you suggest/do you do that help you make it through every day?

It's really important to realize that you have a problem. But it's also really important to build on that. You have a problem. Now, how can you fix it?

As for my wicked obsession, this thread really helped > http://www.loveshack.org/forums/bre...coping/336446-i-am-emotionally-obsessed-my-ex

I know not a lot of people experience, but if anyone needs help or is afraid to talk about feelings like this, this thread really helped me

 

[Xara]

I can relate a lot. My depression started about 5 years ago, when I went back to school after almost 2 years...it was a new school for me, one where most of the kids already knew each other. I was the black sheep, one that was behind severely academic wise, and social wise. I had absolutely no social skills, I was overweight and covered in acne.


But as of late, my depression has gotten worse. My depression caused me to do something I regret a couple weeks ago, and things have gotten really bad since. A girl I considered my best friend hasn't spoken to me in a week, and for all I know, she could be dead. I've been resisting the urge to message her, because it's a toxic friendship. But I want to confront her, I want to tell her how she's made me feel, but I just won't message her first. My prides too big.

But her ignoring me has sent me into the worst depression I've ever experienced...I couldn't really do much of anything without crying, I spent all my time curled up in my bed thinking about how bad things were. I hate to admit this, but I'm obsessed with her. I'm obsessed with her, and I've grown far too attached to her. I need to focus on myself, but like you said, it's hard to do that.

I've written about how I feel, which has helped. Writing has always been a bit therapeutic for me, but I know nothing will truly make me feel better until this whole situation is resolved. And, I told my parents about what's happening, and they're going to get me help.

I can't do much to tell you how I've gotten through depression, since that hasn't happened for me yet. But distractions work. I've been watching YouTube videos and some series on Netflix, and I've been playing animal crossing. Music definitely helps me too; anything that distracts me from thinking about her helps.

I think it's getting better though; I'm not crying about it anymore, but I still need to figure out a way to stop checking to see if she's messaged me. I've tried deleting the app that I message her on, but I winded up redownloading it a little over 24 hours later. And, I still seem to think that she's gonna message me, but if she were going to, she would have by now.

I feel like I'm just rambling by this point, but bottom line is -- distractions help. As long as I distract myself from thinking about her, I'm okay. I'm terrified to go back to school because of this, but for now, al I can do is distract myself. I'm far from happy, but I think things will be okay. For now, anyways.

 

[Albuns]

Whenever I feel down or depressed, I like to sit down and contemplate on the issue extensively. If I reach a conclusion that may help me, I'll try and do it. If not, I'll brush it aside to think about later, get a snack to eat, and then just exercise for a bit to keep my mind away from it.

 

[Watchingthetreetops]

See, for me, life is all about balancing. You move in cycles and you balance things. So I totally get the distractions. I watch a lot of things to distract me. But I also think about it, (which is how I came to the conclusions that I have gotten to today). I'm done thinking, though. I've thought a lot lately, and so far all it has done is make me google my ex, do a bunch of tarot card readings, and feel bad about myself. So, I'm writing about my feelings to figure out myself, but not indulging too much, and I'm starting new hobbies. Hanging out with friends more. And I'm planning a trip with my boyfriend. Just...trying to be more positive.

Because it's over, with my ex. There is no going back. And I need to know that and I need to live my life.

 

[visibleghost]

ik this is about positivity but um

my depression seems to be incureable, it has only gotten worse over the years and no matter what i do it us still kicking my ass. temporary distractions are the only things getting me theough tbh. for me it's pretty much constantly just suffering through another day and being like Lol Good Job if i didnt kms before it ends lmao

 

[Watchingthetreetops]

ik this is about positivity but um

my depression seems to be incureable, it has only gotten worse over the years and no matter what i do it us still kicking my ass. temporary distractions are the only things getting me theough tbh. for me it's pretty much constantly just suffering through another day and being like Lol Good Job if i didnt kms before it ends lmao

I get that. And I hope I didn't come off as....well, looking for a 'cure'. I know that doesn't really exist. It's just...I hate that part of myself that gets depressed. And I strive to fix it and be stronger. Just because you have depression doesn't mean that it will always make you suffer. That doesn't mean it will go away. But I won't let it determine my fate.

I don't have an answer for how to help you. All I can say is that you aren't alone. I know that I'm here for you if you need a stranger to talk to. Even if you message me a thousand times about the same issue, I'll still listen. And if you don't need anything, I'm still willing to be a friend. When I needed something like this, no one was here. So I'm here. For anyone, really.

 

[Emi_C]

I've never been diagonsed with depression and its not a nice feeling to think that I may be depressed but I do have a depressing state. I am mostly cheerful and don't feel down but sometimes I wake up and I just tell my partner (who texts me everyday) to leave me alone and I don't reply to anything. I just don't feel up to being a person surrounded by people on some days. So I stay in, play animal crossing and just be alone. I do whatever I want and it bothers me when I get messages from my friends or whatever.

I also think this kind of attitude does come from my friends. I don't want to blame them for making me that way I am but when I was going through senior school, I felt as if I had to have a problem to fit in with this one friend. She was depressed, clinically and I think all my friends felt the same as I did. At the end of senior school; three of my friends were in bad places and one of them had been put in a clinic for an eating disorder for a year of school. I'm sorry if I've triggered anybody with any of this I just wanted to share my experience with depression and mental illness.

I ended up being an outlet for many of my friends with problems they may have had. They told me about their problems and they really appreciated that I listened. Now they all have nicknamed me mom because of it .

I think even though for my own problems I find it easier locking myself away and not speaking to anyone, it's really important to speak to people. I want to offer myself to anyone who may be struggling with their problems. I can give as much advice as I can or I can just be there to listen and ask how your day was!

I am here for everyone <3

 

[ams]

I have clinical depression so medication got rid of it. In terms of just feeling down like everyone does, I like to play video games, go for bike rides, hug my pets and stay busy with school and work. I think staying busy is the most important thing. Otherwise you just end up thinking about yourself and becoming selfish and ungrateful which can make you pretty miserable.

 

[namiieco]

I usually talk to my friend or do something fun to occupy my mind, like baking cookies or something.
Though, I have never been in a relationship, I sort of know how you feel. You'll pull through it eventually c:

 

[Watchingthetreetops]

Day two:

telling myself not to do something makes me want to do it more and more. I'm dieting and I want all the junk food I can find. And I want to message my ex again.

But I won't. I'll be strong. I won't give in to my unhealthy wants today.

 

[maplecheek]

May I ask what you got in the tarot readings?

I love tarot. Haven't done it in a while though!

When I was going through something similar, I also did tarot to try to figure it out. In the end, it wasn't anything I was "doing" that helped the most. Having a balanced life is important, but what helped me was being open to the possibility that I can change my beliefs, and that my negative beliefs were not true. I also suddenly realized that in the grande scheme of themes, my heartbreak isn't a big deal. In fact, "So what?" is what I thought. Who cares if XX left me, and I'm sad? So what? I didn't have to make a big deal out of it. Life is much bigger than a small wound, and if I wanted love, it is all around me. I don't have to go looking in the wrong places.

Of course this doesn't mean that I am now a peppy bunny. I have stuff that I have to be very patient with, and hope that each day I am moving in the right direction.

A good thing to do is ask yourself who you want to be, and work towards it, no matter what you tell yourself about how you can't do it, don't believe it. Just trust in yourself unconditionally.

- - - Post Merge - - -

Oh I forgot this part of your post. The song that helped me was "All is full of love" by Bjork.

As you can see, she is my avatar.

- - - Post Merge - - -

There is one more thing I want to say, and it is that I learned that it is important not to reject, deny, or judge feelings, no matter how "bad" or uncomfortable they are. In my post, it might seem like I want to "overcome" feeling bad or obsessing over heartbreak, but that is not what I meant.

Feelings, including feelings of attachment, are not good or bad. They are just feelings, and it's best to let them flow. They will not destroy you unless you feed them interpretations and thoughts that are bad. Don't beat yourself up for feeling drawn/obsessed/upset about someone or something. Let those feelings be, because feelings are not reasons to act or do anything. They just are. So, it's ok to feel like you want to stalk or hate someone, for example, but treat it like watching a cloud. It's a cloud and it will pass and transform into something else.

Just the other day, I was having a night when I felt really bad about myself. I was tired and alone and started thinking that I must be a loser because I don't go out or do a lot of things with friends often. In a mindset like that, everything in my life became awful, and nothing was really going right. It's hard not to believe that feelings mean something. Feeling bad didn't mean my life actually sucked, but it was hard to remember in the moment. That is why I think it's important to try try try to remember that. Remember that feelings are feelings, and what is true is deeper than that.

 

[Watchingthetreetops]

May I ask what you got in the tarot readings?

I love tarot. Haven't done it in a while though!

When I was going through something similar, I also did tarot to try to figure it out. In the end, it wasn't anything I was "doing" that helped the most. Having a balanced life is important, but what helped me was being open to the possibility that I can change my beliefs, and that my negative beliefs were not true. I also suddenly realized that in the grande scheme of themes, my heartbreak isn't a big deal. In fact, "So what?" is what I thought. Who cares if XX left me, and I'm sad? So what? I didn't have to make a big deal out of it. Life is much bigger than a small wound, and if I wanted love, it is all around me. I don't have to go looking in the wrong places.

Of course this doesn't mean that I am now a peppy bunny. I have stuff that I have to be very patient with, and hope that each day I am moving in the right direction.

A good thing to do is ask yourself who you want to be, and work towards it, no matter what you tell yourself about how you can't do it, don't believe it. Just trust in yourself unconditionally.

- - - Post Merge - - -

Oh I forgot this part of your post. The song that helped me was "All is full of love" by Bjork.

As you can see, she is my avatar.

- - - Post Merge - - -

There is one more thing I want to say, and it is that I learned that it is important not to reject, deny, or judge feelings, no matter how "bad" or uncomfortable they are. In my post, it might seem like I want to "overcome" feeling bad or obsessing over heartbreak, but that is not what I meant.

Feelings, including feelings of attachment, are not good or bad. They are just feelings, and it's best to let them flow. They will not destroy you unless you feed them interpretations and thoughts that are bad. Don't beat yourself up for feeling drawn/obsessed/upset about someone or something. Let those feelings be, because feelings are not reasons to act or do anything. They just are. So, it's ok to feel like you want to stalk or hate someone, for example, but treat it like watching a cloud. It's a cloud and it will pass and transform into something else.

Just the other day, I was having a night when I felt really bad about myself. I was tired and alone and started thinking that I must be a loser because I don't go out or do a lot of things with friends often. In a mindset like that, everything in my life became awful, and nothing was really going right. It's hard not to believe that feelings mean something. Feeling bad didn't mean my life actually sucked, but it was hard to remember in the moment. That is why I think it's important to try try try to remember that. Remember that feelings are feelings, and what is true is deeper than that.

....I ended up looking him up on his facebook this morning

I guess there's still a lot of things that I don't accept, or think about, when it comes to my feelings. By that, I mean...well, I keep thinking: there's a way through this, instead of finding the problem. It just....all these feelings that I'm having, I should have confronted months ago. And I do this. I will go through something traumatic. In my heart, I am feeling many, many things. But my brain does this weird thing. It's like...it's like my brain says: this is too much, you're not going to feel anything. Just get through, and months down the line, we'll feel /everything/.

My tarot cards often tell me to have faith in the future because I'm entering a time of abundance and fertility right now. They also say that currently, I am in a transitioning period, and I need to focus on moving on. A lot of times, I'll ask if Jim, (not my ex's name, but we'll call him that), and I will ever be friends again. And, as always, my cards don't ever give me a direct answer. They simply tell me that good things are on the way, but right now I need to move through this difficult period in my life. I'm always inclined to say that you should take tarot cards with a grain of salt, (which I do), because there's no way you can really /know/ the future. However, the tarot cards I have has always been eerily aligned with my life, so believe what you will. I do a lot of readings, actually, and I was thinking of starting a site where I do one free reading a day. I like the practice.

I am a very emotional person. I've always been that way. I can't change that about myself, and I've accepted that. It was only recently that I began to acknowledge that my feelings are important. The truth is that I hurt this particular ex. And the guilt is just...well...it weighs on me. Because I don't want to hurt anyone. But I did. The one thing I promised myself I would never, ever, do, I did, and I can't fix it or take it back. I broke someone. I made someone consider suicide. I did that. And I'm only 23. I have the rest of my life to live. And maybe I won't always feel this way about what I did...but right now, I can't stand myself.

When I write, I write about feeling like a monster...I feel like a monster. I feel like I don't deserve any happiness. And...I don't go out a lot, I don't drink or smoke pot, which most people my age like...only do one or both of those things. So there isn't a whole lot of people I can talk to. I don't feel broken. Just guilty that I was able to find a boyfriend, that I was able to move away from the town he lived in, that I can do all of these things....and he just can't. Because he deserves happiness. It's just...he was never able to grow past who he was. Even right now, I feel like if I could just talk it out with him, we could reach a place where we understand each other. If he could open himself up and understand, then maybe...but he's not that open. He's not open to anything, and he never was. I will never be able to be his friend again.

I wish I could help everyone, you know. I wish I could. The reason why I hurt him was because I realized that...I couldn't help him. He was older than me, but didn't know...anything. How to survive. How to move out on your own, and live on your own. It was up to me to do everything. He got his license when he was 23. He was perfect, in every way. But everything he did, he did for self fulfillment, and he didn't know how to live his life unless he was living it through another person. Whether that meant he was in love with a woman who didn't love him, or with me. I believe that I can do anything, if I really try. Hell, I moved to texas and back home to Iowa on my own. On my /own/. NO parents, no one but me and my two legs. I just...I don't know. I don't even know why I feel the need to share all this on here. I feel less judged by strangers then by the people in my actual life. And part of me hopes that if someone reads these things, maybe they won't feel alone, maybe they'll learn, too. I don't know. I just really don't know.

- - - Post Merge - - -

I know...that this set of forums is a little silly to go to with these issues. I know that. But I do want to thank all of you. I always feel better after coming here. And just by typing all of that out in my last post...I sort of realized a few things I didn't know before. I didn't do perfectly with my goals today. But I do feel better after having typed all this out.

 

[Watchingthetreetops]

Day 4, (skipped yesterday, but nothing significant happened)

I'm actually feeling really good today. I really love my job, which helps me feel good about a lot of things. And my boyfriend has been really supportive of me these last few days. I'm really thankful for a lot in my life, and I..just feel good

 

[Watchingthetreetops]

Day 4, (skipped yesterday, but nothing significant happened)

I'm actually feeling really good today. I really love my job, which helps me feel good about a lot of things. And my boyfriend has been really supportive of me these last few days. I'm really thankful for a lot in my life, and I..just feel good