Relationship problems

[lars708]

Edit because this thread got bumped again:
My own issues have been resolved now (see page 3 if you care) but maybe we could use this thread now to share experiences about bad boyfriends/girlfriends you had? Share your frustrations and/or missteps and maybe we can give you some advice too!

*original post*
So I've been with my boyfriend for like 9 months now and I've been regretting it for at least half of that period... I don't know, I can't trust him because he's sorta cheated on me, not once, twice but three times (!!!). However I'm not strong enough to end it because I fear that I'll never find somebody else. I know this is clich? but I feel like it's a real problem. The place I live in doesn't generally like homosexuals and as such there are few people who dare to come out for it. I don't know what to do... I also think I still love him but the issues I have at the moment outweigh my love so I know that I should end it...

I don't even know if it's allowed to make posts like this on the forum but I suppose I'll know soon enough if it isn't. Anyhoo does anyone have advice? Did or do you have problems regarding relationships yourself?

 

[cornimer]

If he cheated on you three times he clearly doesn't respect you. I promise you that your life will be better without the emotional agony he is surely causing you. As hard as it may seem to end it, you will be happier without him and you WILL find someone better.

 

[Kamzitty]

If he's treating you horribly so early on in the relationship, imagine how he'll be later on down the line. Can you really see this relationship working out in the long run?
Honestly it's better to end things now, than to stay with this piece of crap and continue getting hurt. He obviously has no respect for your relationship and will likely continue to cheat over and over, if he's already done it 3 times within 9 months. ;/
Please please please, heed our warnings and get away!! I know how scary being lonely is, trust me. But being alone will be better for you and your mental health than staying in this unhealthy situation. You will thank yourself once you get over him, I promise you!!
If you need anyone to talk to I'm here! Stay strong, you can do this

- - - Post Merge - - -

I also speak from experience, once you leave him a world of opportunities will open. The longer you stay with him, the more likely you will miss out on finding someone who will treat you loads better. It may take time and may not happen right away, but you can use that time to focus on yourself and do things you enjoy.

 

[Miii]

Break up with him now. Don't wait around or lead him on, just end it and tell him why you're choosing to do so. If the place you live in doesn't accept gay people and your options are super limited, then maybe you should just accept that and be single for a while. Work hard, save up and move somewhere else. I know that's not a straightforward or easy solution, but that will be much better for you than staying with someone that you can't trust, or being surrounded by people that look down on you for something you can't change. You'll find someone that's good for you if you set your standards reasonably high, be a good person yourself, and look elsewhere.

 

[mitfy]

i was also in a long term relationship where i began to fall out of it after a while, but kept holding off ending it. i dont know how to explain it nor do i really need to, but it came to a point where the relationship was just flat out exhausting for me, and i knew i had to end it, but just didn't know how, or when. i still loved them, yes, but i knew what i had to do was best for me.

i believe that relationships are built on trust. if you don't have that, then what's the point? it's not going to go anywhere.
basically, just make it quick. tell him that you're breaking up, and that you're not going to accept his pleads to stay. block him [on your phone/social media] if you have to. it might be difficult, but the sooner you get the process over with, the better. i suggest to just have him out of your life as much as you can and try to move on. the sudden change might shake you up a bit, but more than anything else you'll be relieved, even if it takes a while to get over the shock to feel it.

i wish you the best of luck! <3

 

[Lancelot]

I mean, you already know what I think. These people speak words of wisdom

 

[Watchingthetreetops]

Show him your gold and he's dust. Walk away. Leave him behind you.

 

[LuxxyLuxx]

It can be a difficult situation when it comes to relationships, heartbreaking to say the least, especially when you've invested so much time into it, but if someone has cheated on you, its time to walk away. It's not healthy to stay in a relationship like that, it gets worse the longer you stay.We only have so much time on this planet, spend it with someone who loves you.

 

[Chewy.7204]

If he has cheated on you three times I think it's time to pull the plug. That show he doesn't have any really strong connection to you and doesn't respect you too much. Even no relationship is better than a negative one if you get what I'm saying. Eventually the right person for you will come around; but from what info I have this guy probably isn't him.

 

[John Wick]

Dump him.

Infidelity is a habit.
A line you cross that you can't come back from.

You are better than this.
Gather your inner strength, and you DO have it, and just LEAVE.

 

[honeyaura]

Drop him, love. I guaruntee you you'll be happier and healthier single than being with someone who mistreats you like that.

 

[WynterFrost]

Honestly I would have left after the first time he cheated. But I understand the feeling of being scared of not finding someone else. I ended a two and a half year relationship because I fell out of love and it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do (honestly I was more upset about losing my best friend than my boyfriend) but if I hadn't I wouldn't have been able to experience a bunch of things I didn't think I would be able to do. I'm not going to lie it can get lonely at times but it's better than being stuck in a relationship that you don't really want anymore

 

[N e s s]

Alright look. You say you're not strong enough to dump him because you don't think you'll find anyone else, don't think that way. Theres like 7 BILLION people out there fam, I guarantee you someone's going to want to be with you.

Secondly, if he's cheated on you 3 times, then you shouldn't date him. He's a scumbag, people who cheat don't deserve to be in relationships. There's no way he can "fix" your relationship; he's already severed the ties. I know there isn't exactly an off button for how you feel about him, but time will fix that. If he isn't doing his part to give you equal care love and respect, you should probably break up with him.

And by the way, don't feel like you need to settle on someone. If your partner clearly doesn't respect you, then that's not a relationship. Dump him ASAP, and remember that there are plenty of fish in the sea.

 

[KaydeeKrunk]

If he's done it more than once, he'll continue to do it, he sees that you'll still be there through it and he's obviously pushing his limits, people like that seldom change. Dump him!!! It's not worth it if he's not going to be faithful. And you said it yourself, that the hurt outweighs your love, so for real, you don't need him. Especially too with you saying you've regretted half the relationship, it's probably time to end it.

 

[lars708]

Whoa I'm actually kind of surprised that this thread got so many replies! Thank you for all the kind words and support. It definitely helps to see that so many people have experienced similar issues and have resolved them.

I think for now I just need to wait it out a little to find a good moment if that makes any sense. I don't want to break up the moment he comes back from school you know... I'm also not quite ready for that myself. I'm just kind of worried for what will happen to me once it's over. I'll have to think this through properly before I take action I think...

 

[Nuclear Bingo]

Don't be afraid to be single. Romantic relationships are supposed to build your life in a positive direction. If you think you can be happier alone, don't be afraid to admit it.

 

[RedTropicalPeachyFish]

I guess you know it, that what other people say here is right. And, but you're reluctant because scared, like I was. But,

Love doesn't grow on the land of distrust.

Relationship is, "we are together because we love each other".
I know the horrible moment that slips in suddenly, when I'm done with doing what I like and distracting myself, though I was actually very really enjoying it until a few sedonds ago. Talking with people who I really like helps those times. While just repeating this combo -time for what I like doing - horrilbe moment - communicating with people I love - the hollow got smaller. The hollow that was holidng loneliness and fear.

I hope you be able to dump him someday, even if not right now. Wish you a good luck.

 

[Assas1n]

I think you don't have to waste time on some jerks, believe my experience you will regret about it

 

[John Wick]

Whoa I'm actually kind of surprised that this thread got so many replies! Thank you for all the kind words and support. It definitely helps to see that so many people have experienced similar issues and have resolved them.

I think for now I just need to wait it out a little to find a good moment if that makes any sense. I don't want to break up the moment he comes back from school you know... I'm also not quite ready for that myself. I'm just kind of worried for what will happen to me once it's over. I'll have to think this through properly before I take action I think...

What will happen to you, is you will regain your independance, and self respect.

 

[rosetti]

DUMP HIM ALREADY