Self esteem issues?

[axo]

Hey, I've recently been dealing with a lot of self esteem issues, mainly caused by things my friends have said to me, jokingly or not. Lately, one of my closest friends has been openly criticizing me inside and outside of school, sometimes for things I say, or do, even what I look like. She's been making me feel stupid and invalid. Sometimes, when I make even a tiny mistake, she will make fun of me, telling me that it shouldn't be hard and she points out how, even though she is younger than I am, she gets higher grades and knows more than I do. It's not only about academics, she judges my looks as well. Sometimes she'll insult me because I'm very flat-chested, or because my nose is too big, or because my thigh gap makes me look ugly. Other, more empathetic friends have told me that she's just jealous, or joking, or in a bad mood. I understand that friends joke around with each other, but I have told her that what she's saying makes me feel uncomfortable, and still she acts as if I never even said anything about it. Yesterday, another one of my friends joined her in making fun of my lack of boobs. I was talking to a guy who she liked, (in a completely non-flirtatious way, I might add), and she immediately started saying "Only dogs like bones," and "No one likes a girl who looks anorexic." It made me incredibly uncomfortable and embarrassed. I've tried talking to my mom about this problem, but she has told me that because I'm skinny my problems are invalid; that I'm not allowed to dislike something about myself. She's told me that she would kill for a body like mine (that was a little creepy, mom, I must admit) and even when I explain that her preferences aren't mine, she counters by saying that the insults I get are nothing compared the what she experienced at my age. I'm not really sure what to do at this point, I'm getting very tired of it and I don't know who else to talk to. Has anyone else had experiences like this before?

 

[Corrie]

Honestly, school is too short to have douchey friends. I would say something to her about how her comments are making you feel. Any real friend and decent human being would stop after being told to. If not, ditch her and find better friends. Trust me, I was in the same situation in grade 11 and I no longer talk to the girl who bullied me and I feel loads better.

 

[Bunnilla]

Hey, I've recently been dealing with a lot of self esteem issues, mainly caused by things my friends have said to me, jokingly or not. Lately, one of my closest friends has been openly criticizing me inside and outside of school, sometimes for things I say, or do, even what I look like. She's been making me feel stupid and invalid. Sometimes, when I make even a tiny mistake, she will make fun of me, telling me that it shouldn't be hard and she points out how, even though she is younger than I am, she gets higher grades and knows more than I do. It's not only about academics, she judges my looks as well. Sometimes she'll insult me because I'm very flat-chested, or because my nose is too big, or because my thigh gap makes me look ugly. Other, more empathetic friends have told me that she's just jealous, or joking, or in a bad mood. I understand that friends joke around with each other, but I have told her that what she's saying makes me feel uncomfortable, and still she acts as if I never even said anything about it. Yesterday, another one of my friends joined her in making fun of my lack of boobs. I was talking to a guy who she liked, (in a completely non-flirtatious way, I might add), and she immediately started saying "Only dogs like bones," and "No one likes a girl who looks anorexic." It made me incredibly uncomfortable and embarrassed. I've tried talking to my mom about this problem, but she has told me that because I'm skinny my problems are invalid; that I'm not allowed to dislike something about myself. She's told me that she would kill for a body like mine (that was a little creepy, mom, I must admit) and even when I explain that her preferences aren't mine, she counters by saying that the insults I get are nothing compared the what she experienced at my age. I'm not really sure what to do at this point, I'm getting very tired of it and I don't know who else to talk to. Has anyone else had experiences like this before?

I'm really flat compared to other all the girls in my grade, don't let it get to you; your's will end up being better in the end. and I guess this "girl" shouldn't be a "friend" if she says all these things and even though you told her to stop she keeps going. Find some better friends who make you feel you.

 

[Chrysopal]

Honestly.. Same thing happened to me when I was younger. I had to tell my friend I couldn't talk to her anymore because I actually to what they said to far and started dying my hair and hurting myself. I'm 19 now and I'm no longer flat chested and have new friends and a great boyfriend. My advice? They aren't real friends just like fine weren't. Be the stronger one and walk away for good, then they'll see the bigger picture hopefully.

 

[axo]

Honestly, school is too short to have douchey friends. I would say something to her about how her comments are making you feel. Any real friend and decent human being would stop after being told to. If not, ditch her and find better friends. Trust me, I was in the same situation in grade 11 and I no longer talk to the girl who bullied me and I feel loads better.

At this point, I don't consider us to be friends, but it's very hard to distance myself from someone who plays a large role in my friend "group" I don't really have anywhere else I fit in, and my other friends don't seem to realize what an impact this is having on me.

 

[Squidward]

The only thing I can tell you is stop hanging out with such people. I used to have such a "friend" in elementary school and getting rid of them is the best thing you can do. She sounds awful!

 

[Samansu]

First of all I am terribly sorry that your mother is not supportive. Mine is not either, but since I am an adult I am able to cut her out of my life completely.

Your friend sounds awful! I am sorry that she is hurting your feelings, and that she is making you feel bad about yourself. She does not have the right to do that, and if she will not stop I would recommend you just cut her out. Are your other friends nice, or do they do the same things? You don't need that kind of negativity in your life my dear!

Being skinny does not make your feelings invalid. You can have body image and self esteem issues no matter what shape or size you are! I am curvy for example and have pretty large breasts and hips naturally. This was the case in high school and still is. I was called fat by some, and others told me I shouldn't complain about not liking my chest or having a hard time finding shirt that fit right. They wanted a chest like mine and tried to make it seem like my feelings weren't valid. Being stared at and having back pain are not things I enjoy, so I did (and continue) to complain about them.

I truly hope you are able to look in the mirror and love the person you see! Everyone is beautiful, and I hope you learn to love yourself! Self esteem issues and body image issues are tough to beat, but if you ever want to talk I am here for you!

~Best of luck! ^-^ <3

 

[axo]

I understand that I shouldn't stay friends with her, but it's very hard for me to leave my current "group" and once I do she probably won't quit bothering me.

 

[Squidward]

I understand that I shouldn't stay friends with her, but it's very hard for me to leave my current "group" and once I do she probably won't quit bothering me.

I don't want to tell you what you should do but it's probably the best thing for you. Also, you don't have to hang out with the whole group. I have a friend who's in a group but I'm not in it, we just hang out by ourselves.

 

[axo]

I don't want to tell you what you should do but it's probably the best thing for you. Also, you don't have to hang out with the whole group. I have a friend who's in a group but I'm not in it, we just hang out by ourselves.

I'll probably take that advice, it seems like it'd be best. I guess I'll just have to distance myself from her as much as possible, in the meantime, I can hang out with some of my guy friends, I guess.

 

[Squidward]

I'll probably take that advice, it seems like it'd be best. I guess I'll just have to distance myself from her as much as possible, in the meantime, I can hang out with some of my guy friends, I guess.

I think it seems much harder than it really is! If you distance yourself from her and keep hanging out with your friends, great. If they don't want to hang out with you anymore, what kind of friends are they anyway? I know it's hard losing a friend but sometimes it's for the best, and this person doesn't sound like a friend at all. I'm sure everything will end up just fine! The worst thing that can happen is for the things to stay the way they are right now.

 

[seliph]

In my opinion she doesn't sound like a friend at all. If I were you I'd bring it up to her again but more bluntly, and if she refuses to change then dump her. You don't need that. I know it's hard to let go of friends, especially if they've been there for a long time, but it's better than letting them make you feel awful.

Everyone learns at a different pace. You aren't stupid for having lower grades, especially in a stressful environment. As for the skinny thing, you have every right to be upset. You can't pick and choose what you're insecure of, especially when you're being made fun of for it. I kind of understand where you're coming from since I'm really skinny myself but I'm a guy so it's a bit different for obvious reasons. It sucks your mom can't see what's wrong though.

I'm really flat compared to other all the girls in my grade, don't let it get to you; your's will end up being better in the end.

I don't doubt your sincerity with this comment but I do want to point out that it's really not necessarily the case and you know what? That's okay. You don't need a big chest or even an "average chest" to be worthy and beautiful, just focus on being a nice person. I don't think it helps to get people's hopes up with "don't worry, soon you'll have a nice chest" or be taller or have nice skin etc. etc. when looks aren't everything and frankly they're quite overrated.

@OP I'm guessing you're in highschool or earlier right now so I really want to stress that eventually, people will care less and less how you look and will mind their own business. Just try to focus on what'll make you happier, even if it means cutting off certain people.

 

[Bunnilla]

In my opinion she doesn't sound like a friend at all. If I were you I'd bring it up to her again but more bluntly, and if she refuses to change then dump her. You don't need that. I know it's hard to let go of friends, especially if they've been there for a long time, but it's better than letting them make you feel awful.

Everyone learns at a different pace. You aren't stupid for having lower grades, especially in a stressful environment. As for the skinny thing, you have every right to be upset. You can't pick and choose what you're insecure of, especially when you're being made fun of for it. I kind of understand where you're coming from since I'm really skinny myself but I'm a guy so it's a bit different for obvious reasons. It sucks your mom can't see what's wrong though.



I don't doubt your sincerity with this comment but I do want to point out that it's really not necessarily the case and you know what? That's okay. You don't need a big chest or even an "average chest" to be worthy and beautiful, just focus on being a nice person. I don't think it helps to get people's hopes up with "don't worry, soon you'll have a nice chest" or be taller or have nice skin etc. etc. when looks aren't everything and frankly they're quite overrated.

@OP I'm guessing you're in highschool or earlier right now so I really want to stress that eventually, people will care less and less how you look and will mind their own business. Just try to focus on what'll make you happier, even if it means cutting off certain people.

I understand that; I was gonna say everyone's come at different times but that would have sounded too weird for me

 

[mintellect]

First off, being flat chested myself, being flat chested is great. Don't let anyone make fun of you for it.
If you feel trapped in this "group" and your mother isn't being supportive, do you have any teachers to discuss this with , or a counselor, or a parent of one of your more loyal friends? If this girl (or those girls) are making fun of your appearance while claiming to be your "friends" and will continue to insult you if you attempt to leave their "group," that's unacceptable and I think you need to be more upfront about how you feel; get up in their face and state loud and clear that what they're doing isn't a joke and you want them to leave you alone. If they think you're overreacting, laugh you off, or some other petty response, feel free to list off every rude thing they've ever said about you. Make them feel BAD. Sometimes the only way to get the point in someone's face is to throw their insults right back at them. Don't start insulting stuff like their weight though, because that's just hypocritical.
You should also at least try to convince your mom to try to help you, without coming across as fresh. Just because you look nice and skinny doesn't prevent you from having people that make fun of you. (I swear, some people can find something to make fun of about every person).
Just don't physically hurt anyone thoughlike I would, my temper would've gone above the heavens by this point if I was in your situation
All in all I hope you can find a way to deal with those girls, an find yourself some real friends. Or none. Time by yourself is fine too.
IMO, just ignoring the insults and hanging out with other people by itself isn't enough, they'll probably keep harassing you. I think you need to get up in their faces and get them to stop for good, or at least teach them a lesson.

 

[piichinu]

she either has issues socializing and doesnt realize shes being mean or shes just an ******* either way it's not an excuse and i'd cut her out of your life or tell her to **** off

ps - thigh gaps are cute so lol

- - - Post Merge - - -

also people used to call me anorexic 2 be funny beceause i'm skinny but i look good skinny so im sure its the same for you don't worry . i think most ppl didnt realize how ****ty it was to say that bc ....middle school age but like its probably because they heard about it once on tv and wanna say it to sound smart. however i do think shes intentionally saying it to be mean so ye. u honestly shouldnt have to put up with her and if u dont wanna ditch ur entire friend group just fight her back and see how it plays out.

 

[LinkToTheWorld]

Honestly, if she's constantly criticising you, she is not your friend. A friend would not try to make you feel bad about yourself, as that is basically what she's doing. And if you've told her that her comments upset you and she still continues to make them then you really should just get yourself away from her. Life is really too short to spend time with people like that, sometimes it's necessary if you are in the same class or job as them, but there's no reason for you to have to put up with them for any social situations. Your problems are not invalid just because you're skinny by the way. Body shaming of any description is dreadful. It's not okay to call people on their appearance if they're overweight so being thin should be no different.
I was bullied in school because of my weight. I've always struggled with it. Anyway, I lost quite a lot of weight towards the middle of high school and my best friend of several years changed towards me drastically. Turns out she preferred me to be her fat best fiend would would fade into the background, she hates me getting attention and would come out with things like 'you won't keep the weight off' and 'you will never be skinny as you don't have the body shape'. Ditched her in the end and had nothing to do with her since leaving school. You will come across similar people once you've left school too, but by then you will hopefully be in a better position to just stay clear of them.

Honestly, get rid of her. Slowly detach yourself. She's no friend to make you feel this way

 

[visibleghost]

i think you should avoid people like that who say things that make u sad n makes u feel bad abt yourself. tthere are nicer people out there n these friends dont seem like super great friends honestly

 

[Dogemon]

Your 'friend' sounds very catty and bitter. All body types are great and I'm sorry that your mom seems to be ignorant about skinny-shaming. I have bounced between underweight and overweight and heard a lot of nonsense because of it. Your mom probably just doesn't understand because she has never been in your shoes and had it beaten into her head that skinny can only be taken as pretty by others. You deserve more supportive people around you and the right to feel confident in your body, so I hope you will get the strength to ditch that girl from your friend circle. People like that don't change until they can love themselves as well and stop taking their insecurities out on others and it doesn't seem like that is happening for her any time soon.

 

[vel]

at the moment, i live off of low self esteem. all i can say, if your friend is actually your friend, you'll tell her to stop and she will. my friends used to call me "basic" all the time, and it got to the point that everything i do, or send to someone, they'll call me basic. it got around where I couldn't even talk to someone without being called basic, and i knew that it was a joke, but i was so tired of it. knowing we were close friends, i talked to them about it and they stopped calling me it. if she was a real friend, she'll see how tired you are of her and everything will work out.

 

[Bowie]

Not a friend. Cut the girl out your life and move on.