Smashing Child's Belongings for Disicpline

[jiny]

my dad tore up my teddy bear my grandma gave to me. i cried for days

but it is rly bad to do, idk why a parent would do that.

 

[-Apples-]

my dad tore up my teddy bear my grandma gave to me. i cried for days

but it is rly bad to do, idk why a parent would do that.

Some parents do worse things to their kids. The ones that physically abuse them are the worst kind of parents. Destroying possessions is a terrible punishment, but only the spoiled brats that are highly materialistic deserve that punishment. Everybody else don't.

 

[Buttonsy]

It's borderline abusive and won't teach the kid anything other than that destroying others property is okay.

 

[Antonio]

IDC tbh, i can go either way in this discussion..

 

[amanda1983]

As someone who has a kid - although she's currently only a toddler - I hate the idea of destroying your child's belongings to prove a point. It's a violent gesture. Violence is absolutely never the right way to deal with any issues. Ultimately you're just teaching the kid to act out violently to deal with problems later in life. I'm of the opinion that if it's necessary, items can be taken away for periods of time. Video games, access to television, computers, etc. That's part of being grounded basically. But you give the kid a way to earn the item back as well. Most kids just want attention, anyway. Or respect. Address the actual problem instead of resorting to childish ways of "fixing" the problem you think exists. *shrug*

I completely agree.

As an educator qualified to work with children aged 0-12 I focus on early childhood. I work with children and families to build the healthy, respectful family relationships needed to "grow good grownups". Children need reasonable age+stage appropriate expectations and boundaries, clear and consistent rules, and all the love and attention they can get.

Violence of any kind from an adult caregiver to a child is incompatible with the end goal. That's not to say a child who was smacked or whatever will always be damaged in some way, but whether there is intrinsic damage or not is irrelevant to the point : violent means are just not compatible with instilling discipline because it relies on purely external factors *forcing* the child to comply. Compliance =/= discipline. Obedience =/= "good". External motivation =/= intrinsic motivation. Coercing a child to "obey" usually results in them learning that a) they can't trust you/others (speaking generally), and b) you're able to bully people to get your own way if you know how (again, generally).

Yelling, smacking, breaking possessions.. these are behaviours people do not generally like or tolerate in toddlers, and toddlers have yet to develop the cognitive ability to process their emotions and respond differently in stressful sitations. Because they are toddlers!

Adults who regress to such behaviours in an attempt to instill "discipline" in a child are not doing the child any favours - they are risking doing a lifetime of damage. Regardless of how well intended they may be (I know both of my parents had the very best of intentions), punitive methods are just not appropriate for dealing with children.

The abuse (yes, it was actually abuse) I grew up with wasn't at the extreme end of the scale. Physical violence, yelling, and there were times when my things would be stomped on etc in anger .. which is the crux of the problem, really : taking anger out on a child means there's a problem with the adult. Not the child. My parents have since gone on to learn more suitable methods of parenting and disciplining children - too late for my generation but at least they are not continuing that cycle of violence for our next generation. We have broken that cycle through a lot of effort over a very long time.

 

[visibleghost]

Some parents do worse things to their kids. The ones that physically abuse them are the worst kind of parents. Destroying possessions is a terrible punishment, but only the spoiled brats that are highly materialistic deserve that punishment. Everybody else don't.

what are u getting at... u kind of sound a bit Really rude in your post, buddy

no kid deserves to have things they care about destroyed by their parent (a person they are supposed to be able to trust) in front of them as punishment.

 

[namiieco]

my dad tore up my teddy bear my grandma gave to me. i cried for days

but it is rly bad to do, idk why a parent would do that.

what.... WHATTTT
I feel so sad now... omg


I think taking it away for a bit is fine but destroying it isnt very nice :'c

 

[Pookie4557]

Like many other people are saying breaking the child's belongings won't really do much. Selling it might do the trick but even that seems a bit off (it's basically doing the same thing as breaking it except a lot smarter so the parents at least get a profit,) but the only thing that makes sense is just confiscating it and having there be a way the kid can earn the item back, like @CalamityCarrot said.
Personally I have never had my parents break or sell anything of mine, but I know all that would happen is I would start resenting them, which is what would probably happen in a lot of cases.

 

[moonphyx]

I don't think there is any better discipline than just talking to your child and telling them what is wrong and why it is wrong.

Acting like this only teaches them how to be violent and they'll grow resentment towards the parent.

 

[Celestefey]

Some parents do worse things to their kids. The ones that physically abuse them are the worst kind of parents. Destroying possessions is a terrible punishment, but only the spoiled brats that are highly materialistic deserve that punishment. Everybody else don't.

Dude no. Yeah some parents do worse things but Kianli made it clear that the teddy bear was an important and sentimental item to her, and destroying something like that just to "punish" someone is ****ty and disgusting, regardless of how bad the child is. Don't try to invalidate someone's experiences just because "someone has it worse". Parents can still be ****ty regardless.

Anyway no I totally disagree with it. It only instills a sense of fear in the child because you have acted in a violent way. Even if they did not act physically upon that child, it shows to them that you have the capability to destroy something in such a way and this can cause great trust issues between parent and child. My parents used to confiscate items from me when I was misbehaving and that managed to effectively "punish" me, and okay, some children may be worse, but if your child is genuinely so ****ty that they bully other people badly or destroy someone elses belongings, etc etc, then you ought to like.. Seek help from a counselor or something? That's definitely not a normal thing to be doing. I get if it's just like the odd thing, but if it's reaching extreme levels then you really ought to.

 

[Tao]

...I don't really see an issue other than it being stupid in terms that the parents likely bought the stuff in the first place. They're wasting their own money at that point.



Though if they're one of those arsehole kids who's damaging other peoples property, or even your own property, I don't see anything wrong with selling their stuff to get a point across. That you shouldn't damage other peoples stuff is something you should know by the time you're like 3, so when they're like in their teens they need some damn reality to show that they're gonna have to pay for stuff they break in the 'real world'. Bailing them out just confirms mum and dad are always there to clean up their mess, and at a certain point sitting your 16 year old kid down and saying "breaking things is wrong and makes mummy sad" is being ignorant to the fact they bloody know that already, they're just an arsehole.

 

[moonford]

Even though I hate children, I would never destroy anybody's belongings for these reasons.

I know what it's like to have one thing that keeps your mind of things and if someone did this to me, I would never talk to them again.

Remember children have to learn from the mistakes they make and deal with them, destroying something they love, makes you just as bad as them or worse.

Taking it away for a while is fine.

 

[Acruoxil]

Smashing them up makes absolutely zero sense. Pure waste of money lol why would they even do that. As of taking it away, uhhh if it's a kid who doesn't know what's right and wrong for them then sure. Not for an older kid though lol.

 

[DarkDesertFox]

This is a bad parenting method. I still remember when this happened to me as a child. We didn't clean the basement like we were told and my mom was shouting and destroying our toys. I still remember sobbing, begging her not to break anything else. Take it away from them until they improve at the most. Destroying your children's possessions in front of them displays violence and is not something they should be exposed to in order to get them to listen. It only leaves a bad memory they may remember their whole life.

 

[Alienfish]

Don't, just don't do that. Taking them away just because you have strict parent/"asian" parents ideals are just wrong when it comes to they wanting their children to get A's in all subjects. It's one thing if they might play too much and get F all over the place, that is another thing and then you are responsible to make sure you and your child gets proper help. Talk to them and explain and, yeah get help from either school or from outside, there are usually just more behind it than "hey i hate school" explanations.

Smashing them is even more stupid, not only because they cost quite some but then you are just being a bad role model telling the child it's okay to do it.

 

[demoness]

considering "you should destroy their possessions" probably never comes out of a qualified professional's mouth, i would say yeah that isn't something i'd do as a mom. in fact, i don't think punishment just to give someone "a taste of their own medicine" or to scare them straight is anything but abusive, and i don't have it in me to shut off properly developed empathy

also my money...

 

[Greninja]

My freshman History teacher would rip his sons Pokemon cards if he didnt behave

 

[watercolorwish]

what the ****

 

[KaydeeKrunk]

Taking something away or grounding them from using it would be ok, and I can understand that but smashing something to pieces or hitting any inanimate object is always meaning "This could be you." Just how people will punch walls when they are mad at someone, it's the same thing, it's very abusive behavior.

 

[Damniel]

Destroying a child's toys probably means you don't stop just there