The Internet's Worst Advice Column

[Kurb]

replace your tongue

my switch is almost dead

 

[Clock]

Then leave your switch dead and buy a new one
How do I cool down a hot beverage?

 

[Loubelle]

give it some sunglasses

how do I brush my tangled hair?

 

[axaniao]

Stick a hairbrush in it
People think I'm weird

 

[Clock]

Then prove them that you are not weird
How do I find a needle in a haystack?

 

[myow]

How do I find a needle in a haystack?

you're gonna wanna set that haystack on fire; then all that will be left is the needle.

i have to pee so bad but I don't want to get up

 

[lieryl]

who says you have to get up?

how do i finish a cake by myself?

 

[Xara]

you don’t

how do you snap your fingers?

 

[myow]

you have to bend them reeeeeeallly far to the side.

how can I get my schedule back on track and start waking up earlier.

 

[mkyoshi7]

Pull an all nighter so that way you crash in the afternoon.

What food goes best with sushi?

 

[Xara]

cat

how do you memorize the alphabet?

 

[Clock]

Listen to the alphabet song repeatedly until it gets stuck in your head permanently
How do you rap?

 

[mkyoshi7]

Rap doesn’t actually exist. They’re technically called “verbal seizures”

How can I commit grand theft auto?

 

[Clock]

You commit it by breaking in the car and hotwiring it. Sorry this is bad

What is the fastest way to clean dishes without a dishwasher?

 

[axaniao]

Dump them in the pool!

I'm not as good at drawing as everyone else here. Whats the quickest way to get better?

 

[Clock]

Start small and don’t do anything complicated.
How do I cook without an oven or microwave?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Throw your food in a volcano. Nice and crispy I should say.

I flipped my car upside down. How can I get it back up?

 

[Clock]

Hire a crane operator to lift your car to bring it back up.
I’ve fallen off the stairs and I’ve sprained my ankle! How do I get up!?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Just get up anyway. Walk off the pain and you should be fine.

I hate vegetables! How can I like them more?

 

[frogslime]

When eating them, make sure to take a bite of the plate. It cancels out the veggie flavor.

My anatomy sucks.