The KiloPatches Advice Column and Q&A Thread!
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KiloPatches
Senior Member
They are both lovely, sad, but lovely.
I prefer the second one.
"Tears falling / like an endless waterfall / with no one there / to witness their beauty...."
*hugs*
KiloPatches
Senior Member
Bump for questions! Anything for today? 
KiloPatches
Senior Member
My favourite part of TBT? Its hard to say..... I like Brewster's Cafe. Retail is good too, as I had a shop too. I recently got into the TBT Marketplace a little, as I figured I should spend my BTB. And of course, here, The Basement
KiloPatches
Senior Member
Hey, Saylor! Glad to see you here! Thanks for your question! Sorry I had to log off for a bit and come back.
Humanist Psychologist Carl Rogers spoke of "unconditional positive self-regard" in other words, being kind to yourself. I think that's the first step. Don't beat yourself up over little things. Depression can take many forms. Some people are self-critical and it lowers their self-worth. So you need to work on activities to boost your self-worth. I recommend exchanging with a group of friends positive affirmations, positive observations you see in each other, like "I think you are intelligent, kind, funny, generous and a great artist" and then you trade positive affirmations with the group. Once you get your list, make a poster, type it up if you want, using funky fonts for each word, and use colourful background paper and decorate it however you like. Hang it on your bedroom door and look at it every day when you wake up to give yourself a self-esteem boost for the day. Another way, is - and this will sound really weird - is when you wake up in the morning to brush your hair and brush your teeth (be sure to close the bathroom door when you do this) is look yourself in the mirror and pull the silliest face you can in the mirror and make yourself laugh at yourself, just keep pulling silly faces, each and every day when you wake up to start your day with a few giggles. It really worked for a few people I know. It sounds really stupid, but it works. Another way depression takes form is through whats called "cognitive distortions" or unhealthy thinking patterns that are toxic and harmful that you must challenge and try to change. Sometimes a therapist can help you do this, but therapy is expensive and there is a way you can do this on your own. Here is a good checklist of cognitive distortions: http://www.apsu.edu/sites/apsu.edu/files/counseling/COGNITIVE_0.pdf There is a great book that I would highly recommend, by a leading Cognitrive-Behavioural Therapist Aaron T. Beck. http://www.mindovermood.com (This is the book on Amazon: http://www.amazon.ca/Mind-Over-Mood-Change-Changing/dp/0898621283) Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (or CBT) aims at changing Cognitive Distortions into more healthy thinking patterns my challenging the belief that underlies it. Mind over Mood is a workbook that helps you do just that. Even the list of Cognitive Distortions shows how you can challenge each one, if you see yourself falling into any of those categories. CBT also helps a person who is depressed break the cycle of depression by recognizing that you can't just "switch off" how you feel. But you have the power to change how you think. And if that's too difficult, you have the power to change how you behave. If you spend all day indoors or sleep 18 hours a day, you are only perpetuating the cycle of depression. So CBT encourages you also to modify your behaviour patterns by incorporating healthy behaviours into your everyday life, like going for a walk, meeting a friend for coffee, socializing, going to the mall to window shop, seeing a movie with someone, etc. Aaron Beck suggested 4 Phases to integrate a better lifestyle to break the cycle of depression: Phase 1: Increase Activities to elevate mood (as I just mentioned) and schedule hourly activities for the coming weeks if you have to just to force yourself and give yourself something to look forward to. Phase 2: Changing Automatic Thoughts and Cognitive Distortions. Phase 3: Identify Negative Thought Patterns - keep a journal or a thought record tat will track your thoughts and help you challenge them better. Phase 4: Changing Primary Attitudes that set the stage for depression to take place in the first place - this one is trickier and may need a therapist's intervention to work through, as it may have to deal with your core beliefs about yourself, the world, and the future, either because of the way you were raised, what you learned from past experiences, any traumas you experienced, etc.... But at least you can work on the first 3 Phases on your own. Also.... (I know my explanation is REALLY long) some activities that I do that help me with my depression are meditations. Whenever I feel stressed or anxious I take a moment to meditated with guided meditations I have on my App called "Guided Mind" and some I have on iTunes. Some are even designed for depression and insomnia too. I also do Yoga. I drink loose leaf tea, one of them is from Teavana, and its called "To Life" tea. Whenever I feel suicidal, I drink that. I try to develop an attitude of gratitude. I try to be thankful for things. Being Catholic, I pray - even if its something small like "Thanks, God, that was a great cup of coffee" or something like that. Martin Seligman suggested a good technique that I utilize: "3 good things log". I fall into this trap when I get depressed where I think "NOTHING EVER goes right in my life!". Well, if I keep a log every day for week on end of at least 3 good things, even small things, that happened each day I can challenge that negative belief and say, "See? My life isn't horrible 100% of the time. I still experience pleasure even in the darkest of times". Those are just some ideas. Hope it helps! *hugs* I am always here to talk if you need to. Just shoot me a PM!
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KiloPatches
Senior Member
I played piano for 10 years, starting at the age of 3. But that's it
Thanks for your question!
KiloPatches
Senior Member
Neither. Skyrim. Haha, I am kidding.
I am not sure.... I haven't been to any of them. I have only been to Germany, Austria, Switzerland, France and Liechtenstein (in Europe)
Either Norway because of: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FbYtASAakAI
Or Sweden because of: "The Producers" (2005) When Max says "God Bless Sweden" after Ulla's audition.
- - - Post Merge - - -
Toad is a country?
KiloPatches
Senior Member
This is actually something I am proud to say, that no, I have no regrets.
I am a critical thinker, and very analytical. I weigh the pros and cons of each situation. I have always thought through my decisions thoroughly before making them. I don't think there has been a single decision I have made that I have regretted. Perhaps there may be some minor things, like "I could have spent my money a little better in this particular month" while looking back on my budget, but I did what was best at the time to survive with what I had. And sometimes you need to live a little and enjoy life. So splurging on some take-out food or all-you-can-eat sushi isn't the worst thing in the world, and I am not going to "regret" it and hold it against myself.
Thanks for your question!
Hyperpesta
Blue is my colour
Why is Iceland green and Greenland icy?
KiloPatches
Senior Member
Good question! I have always wondered that too.... I blame the Vikings. They founded Greenland, sort of, and I suppose they named it too.
We are also at the tail end of an Ice Age, believe it or not. So the Ice Caps melting? Totally natural. Global Warming? Yes, perpetuated by pollution and all sorts of horrible things, but the fact is, we are literally in the tail end of an Ice Age right now. And Iceland WAS covered in Ice at one point. So was everything else.
KiloPatches
Senior Member
I have been in three relationships in my whole life, including the one I am in now. The first lasted 4 months. The second, 3 years. And the present one has been going on for 6 years so far.
My last two relationships ended with the other person breaking up with me, the first one on not-so-good terms, the other one on good terms (I am still friends with my second ex). So I have never broken up with anyone.
There was a serious time of trial where I contemplated if it was worth breaking up with my current boyfriend, about 2 or 3 years in, but I decided to work throug it with him, and here we are today.
I put a lot of thought into it. I WOULD have FOR CERTAIN done it to his face. My first ex did it over MSN instant messenger. Not cool. My second ex did it over the phone (but he was at that particular time long distance, so it was the only way, really).
Don't do the whole "its not you, its me" cliche. No one wants to hear that. Its so over used, people think its a cop out, even if its true. Phrase it another way.
Be completely honest. Admit your mistakes in the relationships, as well as their fault. Spend time reflecting on the relationship, good times and bad, and why all those events lead up to you making your decision that it was time to break up.
If you have found someone else, admit that too. If you have been cheating, admit that too. Say that if they love you that they should want you to be with someone that makes you happy, and tell them that there was a void that this new person that entered your life filled, and that isn't your partner's fault. Emphasize that too. They should never change who they are just to be with you. Emphasize they are wonderful the way they are and they will make someone else really happy too.
Always try to remain as positive as you can. No name calling. No blaming. Accept your faults as well as theirs and try to encourage that the two of you move on and take it as a learning experiernce. No regrets. Say that you are grateful they entered your life because you learned so much by being in a relationship with them that you will carry with you always and you hope they will do the same.
As far as staying friends afterwards, thats up to your discretion. I remained friends with my second ex, and I have known him for like 10 years now. We are very close. We aren't **** buddies or anything, and my boyfriend isn't jealous at our friendship, so its all good. Sometimes I have seen awkward situations happen where exes try to get back together with you and coax you and whatnot and they stalk you and it gets really ridiculous, so avoid that if you can, and be sure to set healthy boundaries. My second ex and I did that. We didn't speak for 3 or 4 months after the break up as a "cooling off period" even though our break up was a completely civilized discussion, no hurtful words. Perhaps consider a cooling off period too to set up those healthy boundaries and avoid awkwardness.
Hope it helps!
PS: We will trade soon. I have an assignment due on the 2nd and NaNoWriMo is wrapping up and I have to write just under 9,000 words from now till tomorrow to win so my weekend is pretty chaotic, but after Wednesday, classes are over, and my schedule will be pretty open.
tamagotchi
i'm not mean
KiloPatches
Senior Member
Aw, but Iceland is the best! It's nice and cold here.
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How's your day been?
Canada is also cold....
You might like it here too! How has my day been? Well I slept in, which was discouraging, because I was hoping for it to be a more productive day than it was. I am probably going to stay up late working on my novel for NaNoWriMo which ends tomorrow. I am SO close to winning! I am at 41,000 words and I need just under 9,000 to finish (to reach 50,000), which is TOTALLY do-able. I made a thread about it XD I was hoping to get more writing done during the day but that didn't happen. I only had one meal. I got an iTunes card and bought more meditations to listen to. I studied a bit at McDonalds - my secret study hideout - because its open 24 hours, it has unlimited coffee refills, large tables where I can spread my books, great lighting, away from the distractions of home, and free wifi. I worked a little bit on my Personality Analysis that is due on the 2nd. I get to Psychoanalyze myself according to two theorists we learned about in class. Kind of an exciting project. I chose Alfred Adler and Carl Rogers. I think I can do well on it. I also made a budget for the month of December.
Thanks for asking!
oh my god, thank you so much for the advice! i really needed it, i just didn't know how to properly and sincerely break up with someone. and alright, good luck with all your assignments! c:
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