Fabioisonfire
total a-hole
<big><big><big>The Talent Show Story</big></big></big>
I have a computer, so I figured I'd tell you all another one of my crazy stories from my career as a hooligan. Of course, it is all very, very true.
This all occurred my sophomore year. The school was putting on a talent show. Now, I know none of you have seen Shelby High before, but SHS and talent don't mix.
A disclaimer: if you thought I am a bad person now, back in my sophomore year I was perhaps the worst guy on the face of the planet. What we did was wrong, and I understand that.
So, the day of the tryouts, me and a few of my buddies (being complete *censored.1.3*s) saw the kind of kids walking in to audition. (wannabe scenes, dorks, fatties) I had three friends with me. We'll call them Chase, Matt, and Dave. Because those are their actual names. We decided it'd be a great idea to walk in, audition, and make a mockery out of it all.
We sit down, and the school's music teacher drivels on. First kid up, he plays some piano *censored.2.0*. Boring. Second act, a comedy sketch. (By comedy I mean the worst *censored.3.0*ing act ever) There were two acts up and then us.
Being the complete idiots we are, we hadn't even discussed what the hell we were going to do. I mean, it's not like we were serious about getting in or anything.
"Boys, do you have anything planned for us?"
Dave "Er..."
We all stood up and walked on the stage. Chase was freaking out, whispering things like "*censored.3.0*, what the *censored.3.0* are we doing? God." I, as always, was telling him to shut the hell up, I'd think of something.
We get up there, and stand for a good minute or so. The kids/losers in the tryout crowd are looking at us like we're *censored.3.0*ing idiots. (Ironic, eh?)
All of the sudden, Matt yells out "We weren't really going to do an act-"
And then me, with my big *censored.3.0*ing mouth, interject him in the middle of it and say:
"We actually wanted to come around and collect money for a charity during the intermission."
Teacher "What charity?"
"I don't have any forms or anything now, but it's for kids with cerebral palsy, like Emily." (We have a girl with it in our school.)
Teacher "Ah, okay, I think that'd be nice. Could you bring some identification of the charity to me tomorrow?"
"Sure thing."
We walk off and out of the room. I'm hyped up on adrenaline of what I thought was a brilliant idea, and my friends are all still stunned. We get out.
Matt "Dude..."
Dave (the *censored.8.3* of us all) "Fabio, we are not doing that."
Me "We are."
Dave "Do you realize the trouble we could get in to?!"
Me "I'll get it covered, don't worry."
I drive home, and walk into my room.
"*censored.3.0*."
I had realized the situation I had gotten myself into. I could just call it off, right? And what about the fake forms I need to make?
I decided I would make the forms, see how they come out, and then decide. I hopped into Word and used a template to type up a *censored.2.6* story about the charity. I used a real hospital name close by, and made sure it was legit.
I was doing this. Later, Dave texted me and said he had nothing to do with it, and so did Matt. It was just Chase and I.
The next day, (this would be Thursday) I hand the teacher my *censored.2.6* form, he looks it over, and handed it back.
Teacher "Good."
I did it.
I went home and got a cardboard box, and prepared my speech. I still have it saved in Notepad, here is it in its entirety, exactly as I typed it: (I usually type how I speak)
"hi guys, im doing a charity for cerabal palsy for the billings hospital all we really need is like 5 bucks from everyone, not even that, and thatd be great. chase is coming around with the box, thanks guys"
And that is exactly what I said.
The day of the show, we all get out of fifth period and walk into the auditorium. I can tell that Chase is nervous, and so was I.
The *censored.2.1* acts roll out, and our time comes. We both stood up on the stage, I said my speech that I had memorized, and Chase walked around.
Kids were pouring in money, feeling pressured by Emily. It was the perfect storm. Chase loosened up once he saw the dough roll in, and was smiling and saying "Thanks!" to people. The *censored.5.0* even went over to hug Emily.
*censored.2.0*, what a show we put on.
After school, Chase and I drove out to the Pamida (Walmart for hicks) to spend the dough. We counted (I think it was) around 220 dollars. I got a text from Matt: "WTF". Chase and I were like kids in a candy shop once we got into the store.
Now here's the terrible part. Chase spent his half (around 100 something) on chewing gum (a ****load of it, enough to last forever) and Maxim. I spent my half on a *censored.3.0*ing Yankees warmup (that I still have and wear today), a camera XD memory card, and a new wallet.
I think I ended up with like, 5 bucks left. No one told, and we were in the clear. To this day, people still think we gave that money to charity.
I have a computer, so I figured I'd tell you all another one of my crazy stories from my career as a hooligan. Of course, it is all very, very true.
This all occurred my sophomore year. The school was putting on a talent show. Now, I know none of you have seen Shelby High before, but SHS and talent don't mix.
A disclaimer: if you thought I am a bad person now, back in my sophomore year I was perhaps the worst guy on the face of the planet. What we did was wrong, and I understand that.
So, the day of the tryouts, me and a few of my buddies (being complete *censored.1.3*s) saw the kind of kids walking in to audition. (wannabe scenes, dorks, fatties) I had three friends with me. We'll call them Chase, Matt, and Dave. Because those are their actual names. We decided it'd be a great idea to walk in, audition, and make a mockery out of it all.
We sit down, and the school's music teacher drivels on. First kid up, he plays some piano *censored.2.0*. Boring. Second act, a comedy sketch. (By comedy I mean the worst *censored.3.0*ing act ever) There were two acts up and then us.
Being the complete idiots we are, we hadn't even discussed what the hell we were going to do. I mean, it's not like we were serious about getting in or anything.
"Boys, do you have anything planned for us?"
Dave "Er..."
We all stood up and walked on the stage. Chase was freaking out, whispering things like "*censored.3.0*, what the *censored.3.0* are we doing? God." I, as always, was telling him to shut the hell up, I'd think of something.
We get up there, and stand for a good minute or so. The kids/losers in the tryout crowd are looking at us like we're *censored.3.0*ing idiots. (Ironic, eh?)
All of the sudden, Matt yells out "We weren't really going to do an act-"
And then me, with my big *censored.3.0*ing mouth, interject him in the middle of it and say:
"We actually wanted to come around and collect money for a charity during the intermission."
Teacher "What charity?"
"I don't have any forms or anything now, but it's for kids with cerebral palsy, like Emily." (We have a girl with it in our school.)
Teacher "Ah, okay, I think that'd be nice. Could you bring some identification of the charity to me tomorrow?"
"Sure thing."
We walk off and out of the room. I'm hyped up on adrenaline of what I thought was a brilliant idea, and my friends are all still stunned. We get out.
Matt "Dude..."
Dave (the *censored.8.3* of us all) "Fabio, we are not doing that."
Me "We are."
Dave "Do you realize the trouble we could get in to?!"
Me "I'll get it covered, don't worry."
I drive home, and walk into my room.
"*censored.3.0*."
I had realized the situation I had gotten myself into. I could just call it off, right? And what about the fake forms I need to make?
I decided I would make the forms, see how they come out, and then decide. I hopped into Word and used a template to type up a *censored.2.6* story about the charity. I used a real hospital name close by, and made sure it was legit.
I was doing this. Later, Dave texted me and said he had nothing to do with it, and so did Matt. It was just Chase and I.
The next day, (this would be Thursday) I hand the teacher my *censored.2.6* form, he looks it over, and handed it back.
Teacher "Good."
I did it.
I went home and got a cardboard box, and prepared my speech. I still have it saved in Notepad, here is it in its entirety, exactly as I typed it: (I usually type how I speak)
"hi guys, im doing a charity for cerabal palsy for the billings hospital all we really need is like 5 bucks from everyone, not even that, and thatd be great. chase is coming around with the box, thanks guys"
And that is exactly what I said.
The day of the show, we all get out of fifth period and walk into the auditorium. I can tell that Chase is nervous, and so was I.
The *censored.2.1* acts roll out, and our time comes. We both stood up on the stage, I said my speech that I had memorized, and Chase walked around.
Kids were pouring in money, feeling pressured by Emily. It was the perfect storm. Chase loosened up once he saw the dough roll in, and was smiling and saying "Thanks!" to people. The *censored.5.0* even went over to hug Emily.
*censored.2.0*, what a show we put on.
After school, Chase and I drove out to the Pamida (Walmart for hicks) to spend the dough. We counted (I think it was) around 220 dollars. I got a text from Matt: "WTF". Chase and I were like kids in a candy shop once we got into the store.
Now here's the terrible part. Chase spent his half (around 100 something) on chewing gum (a ****load of it, enough to last forever) and Maxim. I spent my half on a *censored.3.0*ing Yankees warmup (that I still have and wear today), a camera XD memory card, and a new wallet.
I think I ended up with like, 5 bucks left. No one told, and we were in the clear. To this day, people still think we gave that money to charity.
![[Nook]](/data/avatars/m/1/1990.jpg?1585850325){kind=avatar}
