Trusting your parents

[Alienfish]

I disagree. If OP is living at home and not paying for the phone then the privacy is a privilege, not a right.

I don't really get your point. If they give them a phone so they can be reachable etc. they only have the right to be suspicious if the costs go away or if they, eg. talk to weird strangers and they see it. You should never do it because it's a privilege or whatever. That is just a sign of distrust (as with adults being in relationships, I don't see why you should let your partner invade all your privacy etc.)

These behaviors will only create a lying child that'll become a master manipulator and having trust issues (not only parents snooping, but if they are overly strict and abusive). Like if you're so into snooping and being a master about privileges, then don't give your kids stuff.

 

[forestyne]

Privacy is a human right.

My dad doesn't ask what I'm doing on my phone and I don't ask him what he's going on his.

- - - Post Merge - - -

Technically, the government is paying for everything you own because they have given you that money in the first place. But when they monitor and snoop through your devices, it's a violation of your privacy. Logic.

 

[EpicGamer12]

If it's your phone and you're paying for it then your parents definitely have no right to it. But this isn't really the point of the topic.

Just calmly talk to your parents and tell them how you feel. Tell them how you want your privacy and that you think it's very rude to go through your phone without permission. Ask them to stop and try to create an open environment between yourself and your parents where they don't feel the need to go through your phone when you're not there. It's possible that opening up to them more (whatever that may look like) might even be necessary if you want a healthy relationship.

 

[Soda Fox]

I don't really get your point. If they give them a phone so they can be reachable etc. they only have the right to be suspicious if the costs go away or if they, eg. talk to weird strangers and they see it. You should never do it because it's a privilege or whatever. That is just a sign of distrust (as with adults being in relationships, I don't see why you should let your partner invade all your privacy etc.)

These behaviors will only create a lying child that'll become a master manipulator and having trust issues (not only parents snooping, but if they are overly strict and abusive). Like if you're so into snooping and being a master about privileges, then don't give your kids stuff.

While this is true to an extent for something like a phone, parents have a responsibility to provide for their children. There's a lot of things they can't just not give (like a roof over the child's head or food) so some compromises need to be made. And we can even argue that a phone these days is a bit of a necessity.

I get your point. But I think if you're staying in someone's home free of charge, or getting free food, or getting your bills paid for you, then you owe the person providing those something in return - be it chores, gratitude or some understanding of invasion of privacy.

And forestyne I also disagree with you. The government might produce the money but they buy goods from the businesses that I in turn work for. It's an exchange we've all agreed to. Which is why I think if op was paying for their own phone the parents shouldnt be snooping on it, because the contract is between op and the phone company, not op's parents and the phone company with no contact between op and parent. Of course op might do chores in which is exchanged for the use of the phone and again in that case there is a verbal contract between op and parent making the phone belong to op as long as the chores or whatever are consistantly complete.

Omg autocorrect

 

[spookycipher]

I was in your same place. parents do what they think is right and yes you can talk to them, but that doesn't mean they'll listen. they worry about you care about you!! as a fellow 17 year old, my best advice is to start showing maturity around the house (cleaning, getting good grades, helping to cook, etc.) and maybe they'll stop. it workd for me :0!!!! good luck <333 but don't forget they're yr parents and have more experience than you and do what they think will be best because they love you!! don't forget

 

[MishMeesh]

While this is true to an extent for something like a phone, parents have a responsibility to provide for their children. There's a lot of things they can't just not give (like a roof over the child's head or food) so some compromises need to be made. And we can even argue that a phone these days is a bit of a necessity.

I get your point. But I think if you're staying in someone's home free of charge, or getting free food, or getting your bills paid for you, then you owe the person providing those something in return - be it chores, gratitude or some understanding of invasion of privacy.

And forestyne I also disagree with you. The government might produce the money but they buy goods from the businesses that I in turn work for. It's an exchange we've all agreed to. Which is why I think if op was paying for their own phone the parents shouldnt be snooping on it, because the contract is between op and the phone company, not op's parents and the phone company with no contact between op and parent. Of course op might do chores in which is exchanged for the use of the phone and again in that case there is a verbal contract between op and parent making the phone belong to op as long as the chores or whatever are consistantly complete.

Omg autocorrect

The parent or whoever pays for the phone may have the right to look through the phone, but doesn't mean they should without cause. It's a complete breach of trust. If my parents did that, my trust in them would be really compromised. There are ways to protect your child that aren't damaging to their trust in you. That trust is important to have to keep them feeling safe confiding in you, which is ultimately more important than looking through a phone.

 

[Alienfish]

Well to those who agree that snooping is their privilege, I hope if you have kids that they don't grow up to be manipulative lying little brats.

 

[Hopeless Opus]

i can understand if someone would want to snoop on their child's phone because they were caught doing things previously and the parent wants to monitor for safety reasons, but to do it for no reason just means you don't trust your kid at all. if you don't trust them with the tech then why bother giving it to them? i would never want someone to snoop randomly in my phone. in this house we're all open and i could literally go on my mom's phone without her caring and she could go on mine since i've got nothing to hide, but that's because we all trust each other a lot.

however, i would not want her to suddenly grab for my phone and 'investigate' for no good reason. i was never spied on and what i did on the internet, and definitely would not want my privacy to be breached at all. if it's their 'right' to, then why not just take away the phone if they won't trust them at all? makes no sense

 

[Soda Fox]

The parent or whoever pays for the phone may have the right to look through the phone, but doesn't mean they should without cause. It's a complete breach of trust. If my parents did that, my trust in them would be really compromised. There are ways to protect your child that aren't damaging to their trust in you. That trust is important to have to keep them feeling safe confiding in you, which is ultimately more important than looking through a phone.

There was cause though. OP is learning about themselves and from the parent snooping I would say OP might not be as open as his parents would like (I'm pretty sure OP said he right?)

I'm not saying that the parents are 100% in the right and shouldn't be talked to, but I don't think the parents were totally in the wrong either. And I think OP understands that.

 

[Bowie]

I'm reading the OP and it's kind of depressing because I have a homophobic mother and I'd kill for her to find LGBT-related stuff on my phone and then tell me she still loved me for it. Instead I'd probably have a three hour-long lecture about how wrong it is.

 

[visibleghost]

While this is true to an extent for something like a phone, parents have a responsibility to provide for their children. There's a lot of things they can't just not give (like a roof over the child's head or food) so some compromises need to be made. And we can even argue that a phone these days is a bit of a necessity.

I get your point. But I think if you're staying in someone's home free of charge, or getting free food, or getting your bills paid for you, then you owe the person providing those something in return - be it chores, gratitude or some understanding of invasion of privacy.

And forestyne I also disagree with you. The government might produce the money but they buy goods from the businesses that I in turn work for. It's an exchange we've all agreed to. Which is why I think if op was paying for their own phone the parents shouldnt be snooping on it, because the contract is between op and the phone company, not op's parents and the phone company with no contact between op and parent. Of course op might do chores in which is exchanged for the use of the phone and again in that case there is a verbal contract between op and parent making the phone belong to op as long as the chores or whatever are consistantly complete.

Omg autocorrect

so if i buy u a diary i get to read it as much as i want because i bought it right

parents dont have to buy their kids phones But they aren't supposed to invade the kid's privacy or control them to the point hhat it hurts the kid and is abusive.
kids dont have to love, tolerate or respect parents who dont respect them. (fufkdk they never have 2 but especially not then)
kids dont have to be grateful to their parents for providing food and housing.

obviously not all parents are evil thats notwhat im saying But if a parent consistently invades their child's privacy (especially if the parent later uses the things they found out against the kid) that's disgusting and wrong even if the parent thinks theyre doing it to help the kid or w/e.
it's not ok to hit someone in the face if you think you were helping them so why would this b ok, like, thinking that youre doing the right thing or helping someone isnt a Valid excuse.

 

[phietle]

My boyfreinds mum is just like that - she looks through his phone all the time and its ridiculous (If you couldn't tell I hate her)
If I were you, I'd ask her to treat you your age and stop invading your privacy

 

[mogyay]

god bless my parents

 

[Soda Fox]

so if i buy u a diary i get to read it as much as i want because i bought it right

parents dont have to buy their kids phones But they aren't supposed to invade the kid's privacy or control them to the point hhat it hurts the kid and is abusive.
kids dont have to love, tolerate or respect parents who dont respect them. (fufkdk they never have 2 but especially not then)
kids dont have to be grateful to their parents for providing food and housing.

obviously not all parents are evil thats notwhat im saying But if a parent consistently invades their child's privacy (especially if the parent later uses the things they found out against the kid) that's disgusting and wrong even if the parent thinks theyre doing it to help the kid or w/e.
it's not ok to hit someone in the face if you think you were helping them so why would this b ok, like, thinking that youre doing the right thing or helping someone isnt a Valid excuse.

If I'm living under your roof free of charge and you read the diary you gave me that's on your property I would think of it as not really mine in the first place. Your property, your item, even if you handed it to me to use. Same if it's a paid online diary - if you're paying for it and your name is on the bill then I don't really consider it mine even if I'm the one using it. I respect your right to what you pay for and is IMO rightfully yours.

I don't think punching someone is a great comparison. I'd compare it to being at my job on my free time or the library using one of their devices. In that situation the owner of the device (the company or library) has every right to monitor what I do on that device. Even if it's my phone on their wifi they still have the right to monitor me because I'm not paying for the wifi.

Heck, even though I pay for my phone and Internet at home I would be naive to think that I'm not being monitored by the company providing it to me.

And if you think me understanding the point of view of a snooper makes me one (Sheila) that's not true. I can understand something and not get up in arms if it happens to me while also not doing the action myself.

My whole point with this discussion is that there's two sides to every story. Again I think OP understands that and will grow to have a better bond with his parents.

 

[vel]

i believe a kid deserves their privacy, and they should learn to have their own safe space and feel safe in that space, basically their home. my uncle has an one year old son, and he has a playpen in the living room. if he is in it and chilling, his parents will knock on the little door, and ask "can i come in?" i thought it was adorable, and it's a great way to teach kids that their space is theirs, and he has to give permission. of course, he can't even speak yet, but it's conditioning him to know that before someone barges in they have to ask.

i do believe trust is a two way street, if you're not being completely honest to your mom about your feelings, she has every right to not be honest with you. i just went to the doctor today, and i was being told how families are supposed to support each other and find ways to compromise, or be honest with each other to be properly healthy. she even told me a way to communicate your feelings without starting to blame others:

1. "what happened?" this question is supposed to show what happened in everyone's eyes, things that people can plainly see or hear. no emotions or bias, just plain and simple "what happened?"

2. "how do you feel?" not "how did they make you feel?" because you should be in charge of your own emotions. so you explain how you feel to the other person.

3. "How can you change what has happened?" basically how can the same situation happen differently, but with a positive effect. tell her how you don't like her snooping, and if she has questions or concerns she should go to you because you are capable of being honest with her.

 

[helenkeller]

I would like to add my dad never touched my phone (he doesn't know how to use it anyways) but I never gave him a reason not to trust me.... My mom would, but she never found anything so she stopped lol.
(and I never deleted my text messages... ever lol)

 

[zeoli]

Honestly, unless something seems to be going on, I don't think parents have the right to snoop through their kid's phone.
My mom used to take mine and look through all my messages when I was younger. Anything that seemed remotely weird to her: I'd get yelled at to tell her what it was about, then get told I was lying, then I'd get grounded, and then I'd get ungrounded when she realized I wasn't lying.

If I ever put a passcode on my phone, I would instantly get grounded and screamed at to tell the code.

Eventually, once I got to college, my mom stopped looking through my phone. I never gave her a reason to distrust me but whatever. My parents also monitored my computers for so long till late highschool. Once again, gave no reason for this what so ever.

And they wonder why I don't like them glancing at my laptop screen or touching my phone now.

 

[helenkeller]

haha in my experience if they do that kind of stuff you cant trust them with anything and even if they say theyre sorry, that they dont want to invade your privacy and that they wont do it again bc non of that's tru lmao. if they want to find out things about you and have a good relationship with you they have to respect your privacy and feelings and not break ur trust. parents dont have to know everything about their kid, even if they "mean well" by snooping lmao


i dont trust my parents at all lollllll they Suck. i always think about what the worst thing they could do would be and then i try to prevent it by hiding stuff (like, i never have important things at home and if i do i keep them close to me and bring them with me when i leave), password protecting everything, not telling them more about anything than i have to and by not talking about things with people who might talk to my parents ha ha.

yes i have major trust issues but i have reasons to have them so :')

- - - Post Merge - - -

also lmao @ everyone being like "it's ur parents' right !!!!!" it doesnt matter if they technically own the phone or computer or diary or whatever bc youre not an adult. it's still gross, breaking the trust their kid had for them, ****ing the kid up and it can be emotionally abusive. no one ever has to trust their parents or even like them. just because they have the "right" to be **** parents doesnt mean they should be or that it's fine and that kids should have to put up with that kind of behaviour.

my favourite thing ever is when parents blame their kid for not trusting them hahahah bc constantly breaking their trust and ****ing them up definitely isnt a Valid Reason 2 not trust someone and obviously the kid is literally the devil for not trustign their parents because you should always be grateful and love your parents no matter what even if they dont show you any respect :')

some kids do deserve to have their phone looked at if they're doing things they shouldn't be.

someone i know got their phone searched through by their mom, and her mom seen that she was sending nudes to everybody, including people who were way too old to be talking to her in the first place. she was messaging older men on facebook as well. Her mom suspected she was up to something, because she was acting sketchy, and she was right.

she was also posting toxic things to facebook and her mom put a stop to that as well. if a phone is given to you by your parents, and you're living under their roof then they are allowed to check up on you now and then to see if you're behaving.

she has two kids now from two different dads and she is a junior in high school
her mom still trusts her and doesnt look through her phone. sometimes you dont need to be friends to your children so they don't do anything that their parents dont want them to
there's really easy ways to hide things, its just technology.

it really is to just prevent things from happening.
this isn't the thread posters case. but this is why parents should look through phones.

if you aren't doing anything wrong then it shouldn't be a problem tho like idc who touches my phone and goes through it and i have some weird **** on there lol

 

[Rabirin]

For the most part, my parents respect my privacy unless there's a reason why'd they'd need to pry into it. I guess the only advice I can give you is just to keep explaining it to her calmly, until she eventually gets the message. I know what you mean though, sometimes it feels like parents just don't know when to stop, so there's a perfectly good reason for why you're getting upset about it.

 

[Aniko]

Looks like my mom. -_- I gave up a long ago and let them think what they want. My parents also thought I was gay...In fact, everybody thinks that...but I don't care, I just let them talk and imagine what they want.