What do you think of parents who put their children on pedestals?

[CheerfulAshlee]

I know a Mom who has a pic of her two beautiful daughters as her Facebook pic. She is very nice though. What do you think of that? Is she living vicariously through her children? One of the daughters is involved in theatre and athletics and has a high GPA.

At what point does success becomes unhealthy?

 

[Dormire]

I don't like to judge others with vague details nor basing on hearsay but--

I have a mother who gloats on the fact I know and able to speak several language, especially Japanese and takes credit for it when I learned this and studied it by myself with minimal parental support (even told me I was wasting my life and knew the market value when she met Japanese clients.) It just made me feel like a tool and minimized my self-esteem.

Though, this is just my personal experience. The mother just probably loves her daughters. I don't think having pictures of her daughters is malicious. In fact, you spreading nasty gossip behind her back is.

For your question at the end, success becomes unhealthy when your health is at risk or it took over your personality and you do nothing but gloat and flex. One example is Ricegum or the Paul brothers. They are successful men but their personality is more rotten than a rotten apple.

 

[Pansy]

I think parents who put their children on a pedestal are sometimes overbearing and, like Dormire said, are just taking the child's achievements and treating it like its their own. There's a difference between wanting your child to do well and then wanting them to be the best just so you can say they are the best. There are many people I know whose parents made them get involved in something they didn't want to just so their parents could brag about it. I think an example of this is the new trend(?) of putting toddlers in big hair and makeup just to take pictures and show them off. In a way they are living vicariously through their child, although I don't really know how to put it into words.

Basing what you've said of the lady you know, I don't think she is putting her children on a pedestal but is instead just proud of them and their accomplishments. I don't think you talking about this is malicious or "nasty gossip". Though everyone does end up gossiping a few times in their lie, you're just asking a question. If she was actually putting her kids on a pedestal/living vicariously through them, she'd make her life all about them and always talk about their accomplishments like she actually did them.

Success becomes unhealthy when it's all you strive for, and all you talk/think about. You'll eventually come to talk about all your self-perceived failures and focus on those to try to get better instead of thinking more positively (although you might be a positive thinker from the start). While success is important and something everyone should try to aim for, there are also lessons to be learned through failure. Like already stated success can also turn people into someone else, and can also cause them to turn a blind eye to the time they weren't successful and be unsympathetic to those who are in their old pair of shoes. Success isn't an inherently bad thing, but it can become one if it alters your way of thinking.

 

[Valzed]

Hmm... I didn't realize using pictures of loved ones as your Facebook pic indicated that you put them on a pedestal or that you're living vicariously through them.

For the record my Facebook pic is of my 2 pet rats...

 

[cornimer]

I think parents should be proud of their children's accomplishments and tell them so or else the children might develop self esteem issues, but at the same time the parents shouldn't put pressure on them to do great things or else they'll just become very anxious.

But I don't think putting your children in your facebook profile picture is putting them on a pedestal

 

[Midoriya]

Yeah, I don’t think that classifies as anything near putting your children on a pedestal. My dad and mom are very supportive of my older sister and I, but for me it’s really necessary since I don’t usually have others to motivate myself.

 

[Mr. Cat]

When you're older you start to realize that putting children in/as your profile pics is actually really common... And when you have kids, you start to realize how little you care about yourself and showing yourself off because your kids are more important. Plus, nobody cares about you when you're an adult because everything is all about the kids. It looks weird when you're a teenager or young adult, but it all starts to make sense after you have kids...

 

[-Blue-]

I kinda stopped reading after Dormire's post, but to anyone else who has said the same (I agree) with the fact that having pictures of your children or family isn't something to be frowned about. So what? They love their family, it's wholesome. So many people are about themselves these days. It's a nice change of pace to see someone who isn't all about ME! ME! ME! in life or their social-sites.

 

[Fleshy]

I think it's pretty common for parents and grandparents (especially older ones) to have their children as their Facebook profile picture, I don't think much of that or think it's putting them on a pedestal, it's just being proud of them I guess. Like Mr Cat said, it's not unusual to see. I know a lot of younger people who'll get a dog and have a picture of him as their profile picture, that's not usually thought of as anything unusual though.

As for parents who put their children on a pedestal, I'm really torn. I think pressure is good in small doses, and everyone reacts different. Sometimes I think I would have done so much better in school / in my teen years in general if my parents had just pushed me more academically, I don't know.

I think it becomes a problem when parents compare their children to other children, and become focused on winning or succeeding, rather than just supporting their child and motivating them. It's important to be there for your child, and listen to what they want. I find it upsetting when children are forced to dance or play football, just because that's what their parents want, or even end up going to a college that their parents want them to go to, rather than what they want themselves; it just leads to tension and resentment.

 

[nintendofan85]

What you saw on Facebook is not an example of putting children on a pedestal. Believe me, tons of my family members whom I have added as Facebook friends have their children either as a profile picture, cover photo, or both.
When children are put on pedestals by their parents, they see their children as reflections of themselves and that they should match up to their standards. Unfortunately, my father was this way. My dad could never see why I was better at English and history classes rather than match and science classes like himself, even though not everyone's brain is wired the same way. As a result, he has been disappointed by the paths that I have chosen for my career. Now, he didn't necessarily put me on a pedestal, but what's similar is that he never saw me as my own person-he just saw me as another version of himself. Unfortunately, parents who put their children on pedestals believe that all of that child's successes are essentially their own, even though they're usually not.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

My parents are exactly like this. Or, at least they really used to be. Now that I'm a sophomore in college and I'm dealing with struggles in class that they couldn't even imagine, they don't push me to be the best anymore.

But boy when I was in middle/high school, if I wasnt the best in the class then I was the worst. I actually felt like my parents would disown me a few times because I didn't get an A on an exam or whatever. In a way, I still feel that and it really hurts.

 

[nintendofan85]

My parents are exactly like this. Or, at least they really used to be. Now that I'm a sophomore in college and I'm dealing with struggles in class that they couldn't even imagine, they don't push me to be the best anymore.

But boy when I was in middle/high school, if I wasnt the best in the class then I was the worst. I actually felt like my parents would disown me a few times because I didn't get an A on an exam or whatever. In a way, I still feel that and it really hurts.

Never mind, my dad does sound that way, because he was always disappointed if I got lower than an A or especially lower than a mid-B. My IRL best friend's mom was also always disappointed if he got anything lower than a high A.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

Never mind, my dad does sound that way, because he was always disappointed if I got lower than an A or especially lower than a mid-B. My IRL best friend's mom was also always disappointed if he got anything lower than a high A.

Yeah my parents never went to college and now my dad has a pretty average job and my mom is out of work because of disability. They wanted me and my brother to go to college so that we could get a good job and make money. So they basically pushed us and destroyed our self esteem because they wanted us to have a lot of money.

I got mad at my mom yesterday for essentially telling me that I just needed money to be happy. Like wtf mom idec if I don't make a lot of money, I would just like to not be in a severe depression.

 

[nintendofan85]

Yeah my parents never went to college and now my dad has a pretty average job and my mom is out of work because of disability. They wanted me and my brother to go to college so that we could get a good job and make money. So they basically pushed us and destroyed our self esteem because they wanted us to have a lot of money.

I got mad at my mom yesterday for essentially telling me that I just needed money to be happy. Like wtf mom idec if I don't make a lot of money, I would just like to not be in a severe depression.

Interestingly enough, my dad does have an undergraduate degree. In fact, not just one degree, but two degrees. However, he was seriously pushed as a kid because my grandpa dropped out of high school after his sophomore year and my grandma also dropped out during her senior year, although she did go back and get a GED (my grandparents were just teenagers when they got married, my grandpa was 17 and my grandma was 16 at the time of their wedding in 1959). Also, as my dad was the older of two (he has a younger brother, my uncle), more was expected out of him by my grandparents than my uncle, especially by my grandfather, whom had even less education than my grandmother. Unfortunately, these things have meant that while my dad and my uncle both got high levels of education (both undergraduate degrees, and as I said in the case of my father, he actually got two degrees), my dad has expected a lot out of my performance, and my uncle (and my aunt too, actually) have unfortunately been the same way with my cousins as well. However, it's been pretty much clear that my dad has expected more out of me than my uncle has out of my cousins in that he always wanted me to pursue his same career path (engineering) and was gravely disappointed once it became clear in elementary and especially in middle school that I just wasn't a math and science nerd like he and my mom were in school. Interestingly enough, my grandma on his side of the family was better at English and history like I am, as was my grandpa on my mom's side, so that's where it comes from for me. The main thing I have found frustrating with my father is that we're all different, even between father and son, so me as the son shouldn't be expected to be good at the same things in school as my father because we all have different brains. Just because my parents are left-brain dominant doesn't mean I can't be right-brain dominant.

 

[allainah]

Honestly i don't care as long as their not forcing their children to do things or pressuring them to be "successful" or what have you.
As long as it's healthy and they're just? super proud of their kid(s) or something then it's cool :~)

 

[Alienfish]

As for Facebook pictures, I wouldn't do that as for the original question. They will be on the internet and might be abused sadly.

As for the recent posts, those parents should never had kids. Just because you were A+ student, or got a bad life doesn't mean you should ever push your children, unless you want them to get severe conditions.

 

[visibleghost]

i dont see what would be wrong with having your kids as facebook profile picture

as long as theres not a bunch of pressure on the kids and youre not being obnlxious and bragging all the time theres no issue imo

 

[Alienfish]

i dont see what would be wrong with having your kids as facebook profile picture

as long as theres not a bunch of pressure on the kids and youre not being obnlxious and bragging all the time theres no issue imo

Well because they put stuff up without permission? Also why would you have your kids instead of yourself.. Like just use a rubber duck lol?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Well, you can't really say for sure when judging someone's profile pic with their children in it. As for putting their children on pedestals though, what's the point of doing it? If you show it off, most people are going to forget about it down the line. And so what if you do really well on a subject or have a decent job? Not many people are going to care as each and every one of us has our own paths and strengths and weaknesses. Parents pushing their children to the limit are probably doing more harm than good. The children are more pressured to meeting expectations and when they don't, their self-esteem may go down. Of course, not all parents are like this so this doesn't apply to everyone. Instead of doing that to your own children, encourage them to do their best shot, even when they did poorly.