For the past week or 2 I've been getting headaches before heading into work, so ofcourse I get one today. Whatever, this is not normal for me but I'll deal with as I have been. By trying to ignore it (I can't take pills unless they're crushed and we don't really have pills at the house. If I'm getting headaches nearly daily I dont want to get addicted to pills). As I walk out of the break room where the time clock is, already I'm expected to solve problems, I haven't been here all day, chill! We don't have pies, coworker is sick (on top of already being slow) and keeps complaining that he wants to leave early (suck it up and get to work it's bad enough your work ethic sucks) I have to price out all of frozen cause opener and mid didn't do it, THEN. My manager shows up and starts busting me about empty displays and empty kids cookies and how I need to price out so much ****. Like CHILL I JUST got HERE. He's already in a mood too like great, so he takes it out on me.
Manager: How many cookies does production call for?
Me: It says zero
Manager: then why do we have 5 cases?
Oh idk I'M NOT THE ONE WHO ORDERS THIS **** LAY OFF
It's literally only an hour into my shift (I'm on break now but I still have 5 hours left to my shift) and I'm already stressed out.
I hate my job so ****ing much. I need to get off my lazy *** and do some real job searching despite how worthless and stupid and degrading it makes me feel. I can't keep going to work there thinking it's not so bad but then everytime a customer gives me a hard time and everytime my manager does **** like this I want to throw my apron and quit on the spot. If my job causes me this much stress and it doesn't even offer me a way of self sustaining lifestyle then it's not worth it. If I'm really getting headaches at the thought of going into work and anxiety(?) everytime my phone goes off thinking it's work calling me in or worse, telling me I'm late or messed up, then I can't and should not be working here.
But I'm lazy and job searching makes me feel bad for myself. I'm not smart, I dont have alot of experience, I am most certainly not a quick learner. I'm stupid, I'm slow to learn, when people explain things to me I have to explain it to myself in a way that makes sense in my odd way of thinking head, which sometimes people say is wrong. I have mild issues with just TALKING out of my MOUTH and it gets worse when I'm flustered, scared, stressed or mad. I don't have a heart of stone, a customer so much says they're gonna complain about me and my blood runs cold and I feel weak in the legs from being scared. I mess up, ALOT. I've been here almost 2 years and I'm still messing up. I'm not physically strong, I can only lift a 40LB bag of flour cause I can evenly distribute the weight and I use my legs to help hold and carry it as well. I may not even be able to lift 40LB anymore since I injured myself about a month ago.
I'm not alot of things, but one thing I am is lazy. I keep enduring this job and all the stress it brings simply because job searching makes me feel bad about myself. It's like picking 2 evils and Idk which one is worse. Do I continue to endure this crap job or do I get a new job and potentially risk all of the same stuff+starting over.
