Are you autistic?

[mocha.]

So, I've had a feeling for a number of years that I may be autistic.. and have been wanting to get the ball rolling for a while, but as a female I know the process can be a little more daunting as they are less likely to reach a diagnosis... (it's especially intimidating in the UK as waiting lists for referrals are so long). I have a number of traits that link to Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and have just completed a screening test where if you score more than 6 you are more than likely autistic (I scored 8).

I'm just intrigued to:

• How many of you have an official diagnosis (or self-diagnosis)?
• Do you have any specific traits or habits that made you seek a diagnosis/made you consider it?
• How does it affect you day to day?

 

[Midoriya]

I was officially diagnosed when I was around 10 years old with stage 1 autism (Aspergers). It was honestly really difficult to adjust to at the time, but I spent a ton of time in speech classes and eventually bloomed socially in high school and university.

I don't really have any specific traits or habits, but I find it really difficult for people to understand me at times. I have very different interests from what would be considered "the norm," so it's difficult for me to make friends sometimes.

It doesn't really affect me day to day anymore (except in certain instances). I've graduated from university by now and have a career job I love, and am really fit as well thanks to my martial arts. I would say there are some instances in which something I say may be awkward or not make 100% sense, but that doesn't happen that often.

 

[mocha.]

I was officially diagnosed when I was around 10 years old with stage 1 autism (Aspergers). It was honestly really difficult to adjust to at the time, but I spent a ton of time in speech classes and eventually bloomed socially in high school and university.

I don't really have any specific traits or habits, but I find it really difficult for people to understand me at times. I have very different interests from what would be considered "the norm," so it's difficult for me to make friends sometimes.

It doesn't really affect me day to day anymore (except in certain instances). I've graduated from university by now and have a career job I love, and am really fit as well thanks to my martial arts. I would say there are some instances in which something I say may be awkward or not make 100% sense, but that doesn't happen that often.

I'm not sure if this is a global thing or just relevant to the UK but Asperger's is actually an outdated term now! More info here but basically it's a controversial term and instead just falls under the 'autistic' umbrella now.

I'm the same with specific interests, I find myself constantly wishing people around me were interested in the same things, which is why I find myself visiting forums more because I seem to meet people more like me here.

Thank you for sharing Riley!

 

[Seastar]

I was officially diagnosed when I was a child though I don't know when or what even caused me to get checked. For a while it wasn't even explained to me. I was just told I had a learning disability and I was put into different classes to help with that. Most of what I know about being autistic now I had to learn on my own as an adult.

I'm not sure what "traits" I have but like Midoriya said, it's hard for others to understand me sometimes, especially my parents. I don't tell my mom a lot of things anymore because she doesn't really understand and tends to make things worse or frustrating.

As for how it affects me? Well there's pros and cons. Apparently it affects how much I get into my interests which doesn't seem like a bad thing to me. Those things make me happy. It seems sometimes I also notice or think of things that others don't? I can't think of an example right now, though.
However, there's a bunch of things I struggle with that makes me very scared of the future... I don't want to say much about it, but let's just say I wouldn't survive on my own.

 

[daringred_]

i am. self-diagnosed currently, and will be for a while because while i am on the waiting list for an assessment, it's a 30-month long wait, and i always worry i might unintentionally "fail" the questions when i do get there lmao. i kind of figured it out after seeing a lot of posts online and going, "hm, a lot of this fits me," but i never really went anywhere with the idea until i was in CBT and my therapist asked me if i was autistic. apparently my inability to make eye contact with her and having no sense of self tipped her off. i have a lot of sensory issues, mostly with noise and texture, don't like change of any kind, struggle with alterations in routine, hyperfixate on things, get attached to random objects, do a lot of masking, have difficulties with empathy and socializing, and i do a lot of stimming, which i never realized until someone pointed it out. as you said, it's less diagnosed in girls/women, so i'm not surprised nobody really clocked it because i passed as quite neurotypical, though thinking back, there were probably a few clues that something was up, like apparently i was super excited to start nursery when i was four, but the second i got there, i spent the whole day crying and hiding under the table. (and did this for a few days...) and when i was between 7-10, i would "collect" street names by writing them down in a notebook while i was in the car. slightly odd things like that. (plus a heavy aversion to change and sensory issues with food.)

i would say it probably affects my daily life a lot more than i care to admit. i can't answer the phone, and i'm pretty sure this is a combo of my anxiety but also my autism, because phone calls can be unpredictable (in nature and when you receive them) and i can't see the other person, so there's no body language or facial expressions to help with social cues and interpreting tone etc. (this blog post does a good job of explaining a lot of the difficulties i myself have.) obviously this means trying to apply for jobs has been hard because if nothing else, they'll call you to arrange an interview, and i can't make doctor's appointments and things for myself for the same reason. i also had what i now realize was an autistic shutdown (caused by the massive change and extreme stress/overload) when my parents left me at university, and ended up dropping out within three days, which i try not to regret, but. i think, maybe, if i'd known i was autistic then, and there had been support for that, it might've gone better.

 

[mocha.]

i am. self-diagnosed currently, and will be for a while because while i am on the waiting list for an assessment, it's a 30-month long wait, and i always worry i might unintentionally "fail" the questions when i do get there lmao. i kind of figured it out after seeing a lot of posts online and going, "hm, a lot of this fits me," but i never really went anywhere with the idea until i was in CBT and my therapist asked me if i was autistic. apparently my inability to make eye contact with her and having no sense of self tipped her off. i have a lot of sensory issues, mostly with noise and texture, don't like change of any kind, struggle with alterations in routine, hyperfixate on things, get attached to random objects, do a lot of masking, have difficulties with empathy and socializing, and i do a lot of stimming, which i never realized until someone pointed it out. as you said, it's less diagnosed in girls/women, so i'm not surprised nobody really clocked it because i passed as quite neurotypical, though thinking back, there were probably a few clues that something was up, like apparently i was super excited to start nursery when i was four, but the second i got there, i spent the whole day crying and hiding under the table. (and did this for a few days...) and when i was between 7-10, i would "collect" street names by writing them down in a notebook while i was in the car. slightly odd things like that. (plus a heavy aversion to change and sensory issues with food.)

i would say it probably affects my daily life a lot more than i care to admit. i can't answer the phone, and i'm pretty sure this is a combo of my anxiety but also my autism, because phone calls can be unpredictable (in nature and when you receive them) and i can't see the other person, so there's no body language or facial expressions to help with social cues and interpreting tone etc. (this blog post does a good job of explaining a lot of the difficulties i myself have.) obviously this means trying to apply for jobs has been hard because if nothing else, they'll call you to arrange an interview, and i can't make doctor's appointments and things for myself for the same reason. i also had what i now realize was an autistic shutdown (caused by the massive change and extreme stress/overload) when my parents left me at university, and ended up dropping out within three days, which i try not to regret, but. i think, maybe, if i'd known i was autistic then, and there had been support for that, it might've gone better.

I resonate with a lot of what you've said, and I hope you're able to reach an official diagnosis soon friend <3

If it's any consolation, I used to have extreme anxiety (and still do in certain situations), I live by the phrase 'fake it til you make it' which has helped immensely throughout uni/work. I was 25 when I went to university as I would have been unable to handle it any earlier! It's never too late if you decide to pursue a degree (although definitely not a necessity).

 

[daringred_]

I resonate with a lot of what you've said, and I hope you're able to reach an official diagnosis soon friend <3

If it's any consolation, I used to have extreme anxiety (and still do in certain situations), I live by the phrase 'fake it til you make it' which has helped immensely throughout uni/work. I was 25 when I went to university as I would have been unable to handle it any earlier! It's never too late if you decide to pursue a degree (although definitely not a necessity).

i am pretty good at faking it until i make it in-person, which is what the masking is, but that's a lot less possible re: phonecalls for me, at least, because of the unpredictability and lack of being able to see the other person. i think going to university so far away at only 18 was probably a massive oversight on my part; i figured i could handle it, because everyone else does, and obviously couldn't asdfghjk, and in hindsight, i know why. maybe i'll go back one day, i'm not really interested in any subjects/areas enough to study them for three years at the moment, but we'll see, there's no rush!

 

[Shawna]

I do not remember getting diagnosed, as I was really young, but according to my parents, I was diagnosed to be on the spectrum, so I voted yes. I should be going to a psychiatrist soon for a more in-depth mental evaluation.

This is probably a bit controversial, but it does bother me to some extent when people say "you shouldn't let your autism define you". I mean, I kind of agree to some extent, we should not let it take over our lives. However, I feel like these people tend to underestimate just how much this condition can affect us. People need to take ASD more seriously.

Here are some ways it affects me:

* I have sensory issues. I cannot stand loud notices, brightness, strobing lights (I don't get seizers, it's just very uncomfortable), certain textures/clothing materials, sharp objects. I do not know if this falls under sensory issues, or something else, but it can also be uncomfortable to have certain objects in my face. This is something my mom is extremely insensitive to. When I was younger, she would sometimes force me to stylize my hair, wear makeup, and even force-put earrings in my ear. There would be times I would cry ( about the earrings at least, they HURT ;-; ) and she wouldn't even give a ****. I also recall her shaming me for being nervous about fire drills when I was still in school, believing me to have been "too old". Like get the **** out of here with your bull****...

* I have very poor social skills. It can be a struggle for me to start and maintain a conversation. If the topic is of interest, then it is easier, but there are a lot of times where I cannot hold a conversation for more than a minute or so. This is something else my mom is extremely ignorant of. I really do try to keep in contact with her, but she makes it a struggle. We are on opposite ends of the communication spectrum. She's extremely extroverted and high-maintenance, whereas I prefer to keep to myself for the most part. Hell, this is probably when I am dealing with now, based on some opinions I got in the "What's Bothering You" thread I posted in yesterday. This isn't the only example. I remember overhearing (back in March 2021) my mom claim to my dad on the phone that I do not even keep in contact with her (based on my dad's side of the conversation), which is untrue. Luckily, my dad was being understanding on my part, and tried to explain the situation to her. I do not feel like I owe my mom a full-fledged response, considering some of the things I've dealt with things to her and considering I sometimes struggle to come up with them to begin with.

* I am sensitive as hell. When someone yells at me or gets mad at me, it is literally enough to make me cry. I also tend to dwell on things that have happened in the past even if it was years ago. This is one of the reasons I feel like I could have some type of OCD.

* I struggle to stick to tedious tasks. In fact, I deal with a lot of ADHD-related symptoms, which ADHD is anther thing I suspect I have.

There is a lot more, but I do not want to run this for too long.

---

One of the reasons why I feel like autism is still so misunderstood is because how complicated it is. It's mostly seen as something that causes social issues and sensory issues, but that is just barely scratching the surface. There is SO MUCH MORE to our condition than this. On top of that, people believe that autism is the same for everyone, when that is absolutely false. This condition is a spectrum and varies greatly from person to person.

I feel like Autism would be so much easier to live with, if it wasn't so misunderstood and overlooked. It is not a cure-all solution, but we need to work to make it so this condition is more understood, taken seriously, and so we are accommodated for. One of the hardest things about living with Autism is being misunderstood and underestimated...even by our own family.

I have discussed with you guys before, that I have a complicated relationship with my family. I feel like my mom is the worst/most severe case. I hate to blame my condition for it (along with blaming it for my other struggles), but I genuinely believe that it is the reason. They expect me to just "get over" and "overcome" my symptoms, when it just doesn't work like that. It's honestly insensitive.

I know it seems like I am talking **** about my mom. But these are actual struggles I deal(t) with her. My mom has her good moments too, but she is extremely ignorant about my condition.

I have been talking about it CONSTANTLY on here., that I want to try to write some books about ASD. One of them being an introductory book for children, while the other being a lot more in-depth and advanced and for older readers.

 

[Sheando]

Yes, I am autistic. I was not diagnosed in childhood because I got good grades but I was definitely visibly different from my peers. I had major sensory issues, to the point where I couldn’t sleep on a sheet with a wrinkle or tolerate having one hand wetter or drier than the other. My obsessions were all-consuming—I memorized all the poems in The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings in elementary school, and I once went to a school event with 13 Star Wars stuffed animals strapped to my body with belts totally unaware that it was weird. I was not able to control my tone or facial expressions so that they “matched” my words and feelings by neurotypical standards; despite being a total people-pleaser I would get in trouble for being rude or “talking back” and I would literally have no idea what had happened. I collected cars, small plastic animals, marbles, legos, action figures, and I loved lying on my stomach and sorting, organizing, or lining up my collections. I visibly stim hundreds of times a day through wrist and finger movements or jumping around when at home. I’m extremely obsessed with fairness and have a hard time letting things go. I also experience a lot of strongly correlated traits like synesthesia, gender nonconformity, digestive problems, and hyperlexia (I was reading adult novels in 1st grade). When I started researching autism everything clicked into place, but I studied it extensively for two years before sharing my thoughts with anyone, as I didn’t want to disrespect the community by claiming a disability lightly. After much thought I turned down a formal diagnosis as it can lead to medical and immigration discrimination, but my PCP and multiple psychiatrists have agreed that I qualify under the DSM5.

As many of you have covered, it is definitely a disability in some contexts. I struggle to converse naturally and basic norms take conscious effort. But I enjoy hyperfixating and I like my analytical brain. I’m very grateful to at least understand what’s going on!

 

[Goldi Locks]

Nope and I would caution against self-diagnosing.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

I was diagnosed at 19 and two months into my senior year of high school. It actually explained a lot of things about me and why I had trouble learning certain subjects because I couldn’t understand the way that I was being taught and that I wasn’t being stubborn or lazy when I would stop doing the work and was telling the truth when I said it was getting too difficult for me to do and that I just couldn’t do the work as expected. The diagnosis also explained why I would shut down completely and be unable to move if my mind became extremely overwhelmed and why I would have emotional outbursts and keep telling the adults what was triggering me and that I wasn’t doing anything wrong or doing it for attention. I got labeled as being a “troubled” kid just because I was undiagnosed with autism for so long and became extremely antisocial due to the severe bullying I kept getting. And I was even sent to this weeklong sleep away camp for troubled kids and the boys in my cabin kept bullying another boy who had Down’s syndrome and were even hitting him and the main bully was also extremely racist towards me and I kept being nice to the bullied kid because I knew what it was like to be different and that he certainly didn’t deserve it which apparently our cabin’s counselor hated and didn’t approve of and he was supposed to be a mentor. He did very little to stop the bullying and racist comments and even had the nerve to tell me right in front of everyone our third night into the week that he wished that I ”would stop being nice” to the bullied kid which disgusted me greatly as he didn’t even know me for more than three days and that he acted like it was a very bad thing that I had morals and refused to join the crowd into bullying and hitting a kid that didn’t deserve any of this. And then I got yelled at during the biking day because I kept pedaling faster than everyone else and in front of everyone because I was literally trying to run away from the racist kid. I was extremely misunderstood for so long.

I don’t have many sensory issues besides being easily blinded by bright lights and flashes, becoming disoriented when around certain frequencies, and hating having to wear a hairnet on my head.

 

[Kitsuragi]

i am, and for some reason my irls either went "yeah makes sense" or "wtf no youre not" when i was diagnosed, as if it's completely asinine that the person who collects rocks, collects cold war books, collects dresses, has 10+ posters and $300+ in commissioned art dedicated to one character, has a special interest in nuclear science, obsessively tracks weather patterns and experiences chronic burnout could EVER POSSIBLY BE AUTISTIC. (this is very sarcastic btw)

day to day it depends. i have ADHD as well, which is what tipped me off to seeking autism diagnosis. so sometimes those things just kind of 1-2 combo me on a bad day or i have really good days of hyperfocus and high productivity. i do find that after switching jobs from retail and service to what i'm doing now, i'm thriving way more in my work. my "office" is literally just me and one other person- if we weren't on a major highway, it would be absolute bliss. otherwise, my job is very repetitive, doesn't change much so i can easily schedule it, and best of all, i think i'm good at it. it's the perfect job for me. if it paid better, you would never hear me complain a day in my life, but 18/hr for a non-physical job requiring no degree is nothing to sneeze at (in Michigan)

along with that, after getting my ADHD screening, my most recent therapists encouraged seeking the diagnosis. before ever getting diagnosis i did probably a good 20+ of those ASD questionnaires and i never once had one that was ambivalent or said no, they all said it was highly likely. not that these should be the end all be all to a diagnosis, but if you suspect it and you're not bluffing on a quiz, it can be a tool to seek a diagnosis should you choose to.

in terms of sensory, ive been described as sensory seeking rather than avoidant. i do have sensory issues- thin fabrics bother the hell out of me, i can't stand any food thats "squishy" and i can't stand those small, small sounds other don't notice. my ceiling fan motor makes a really low buzzing sound my partner swears he cant hear but it's absolutely there and drives me nuts. we argue often about keeping the fan on/off. otherwise, i find myself to be sensory seeking. extremely soft fabrics i can pet, i don't necessarily mind busy sounds and i love visuals the most? apparently this is common, but i adore sparkly, holographic, shimmery things.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

I believe that I was misdiagnosed with ADHD as my symptoms of it matches autism more. I really wasn’t that hyperactive as a kid unless I was interested in something and it made me excited which is a normal reaction to such things. I think I was diagnosed with it because I became easily distracted when bored and had a lot of energy as a kid but not so much that I could never sit still. If something caught my attention, I would be able to just sit still and watch it or stare at it until it was over. I was also misdiagnosed with OCD just because I would develop specific interests and would focus on those things often. I wasn’t doing any rituals such as repeatedly turning a light switch on and off fifty times in a row or washing my hands every hour or so.

 

[Tylerhelt14]

I have ADHD. So does that count.

 

[Beanz]

i honestly don’t know?? i was diagnosed with PDD (pervasive developmental disorder) when i was a young child along with a handful of other things such as selective mutism and auditory processing disorder.

PDD is now outdated, it was used to diagnose children who demonstrated some autistic traits but not all and i guess doctors used it to diagnose young children as “borderline autistic” but couldn’t because they were still too young.

i really don’t know.. even though PDD is now considered flat out autism, i was reevaluated again for something and my psychologist said that it was a misdiagnosis?? the whole reason i was diagnosed as a young child is that i was basically nonverbal at school but talked too much at home lol. im not nonverbal anymore but a lot of that was due to a **** ton of anxiety that i didn’t know how to explain to my parents.

 

[Chris]

I'm not autistic but I'm going to chime in on this topic just because I think it could be helpful to the OP.

I didn't get my ADHD diagnosis until my 30s. Due to the long waiting lists with the NHS I ended up going private. It cost me almost £800 but it was worthwhile - I had the diagnosis formally confirmed within a month instead of 1-2 years.

Some people question whether or not it's worth seeking an official diagnosis for ASD or ADHD as an adult. An important question to ask yourself is how you think a formal diagnosis will help you. For me, I struggled a lot with executive dysfunction which led to my behaviours being inconsistent. This was having a detrimental impact on my performance at work and was causing issues within my relationship, so these were my two main reasons for seeking a formal diagnosis. Having a formal diagnosis meant that support can be put in place at my job; that I could access medication that improves my concentration/memory and reduces restlessness/impulsivity; and my partner now tries to be more empathetic and support me on my bad days rather than berating me for being lazy or inattentive. The outcome was worth the process.

As I said, I don't have autism (I scored 1/10 on the AQ-10 so it was quickly ruled out), but knowing the OPs age range and location I thought it could be beneficial to share my experience.

 

[Foreverfox]

I'm not autistic but I'm going to chime in on this topic just because I think it could be helpful to the OP.

I didn't get my ADHD diagnosis until my 30s. Due to the long waiting lists with the NHS I ended up going private. It cost me almost £800 but it was worthwhile - I had the diagnosis formally confirmed within a month instead of 1-2 years.

Some people question whether or not it's worth seeking an official diagnosis for ASD or ADHD as an adult. An important question to ask yourself is how you think a formal diagnosis will help you. For me, I struggled a lot with executive dysfunction which led to my behaviours being inconsistent. This was having a detrimental impact on my performance at work and was causing issues within my relationship, so these were my two main reasons for seeking a formal diagnosis. Having a formal diagnosis meant that support can be put in place at my job; that I could access medication that improves my concentration/memory and reduces restlessness/impulsivity; and my partner now tries to be more empathetic and support me on my bad days rather than berating me for being lazy or inattentive. The outcome was worth the process.

As I said, I don't have autism (I scored 1/10 on the AQ-10 so it was quickly ruled out), but knowing the OPs age range and location I thought it could be beneficial to share my experience.

Thanks for chiming in, Chris, your input is indeed helpful. I don’t believe I’m autistic, but I do have (self-diagnosed) OCD, and I have recently looked into taking tests for adult ADHD. I never used to consider myself to have ADHD, but ever since having Nicholas, I do struggle with maintaining focus and found myself questioning whether or not it was something that could show up in adulthood. This is sometimes helped with making lists, but not always. I do think you raise a good point of asking how a formal diagnosis will help. That is an important question to answer. For me, a formal diagnosis of anything would then present possible treatment options for me to weigh their various impacts on my health and my daily life, and then I’d be able to see what other options there are for the specific diagnosis. I am glad you were able to get a formal diagnosis and that the result of having done so had a positive impact for you.

 

[mocha.]

I'm not autistic but I'm going to chime in on this topic just because I think it could be helpful to the OP.

I didn't get my ADHD diagnosis until my 30s. Due to the long waiting lists with the NHS I ended up going private. It cost me almost £800 but it was worthwhile - I had the diagnosis formally confirmed within a month instead of 1-2 years.

Some people question whether or not it's worth seeking an official diagnosis for ASD or ADHD as an adult. An important question to ask yourself is how you think a formal diagnosis will help you. For me, I struggled a lot with executive dysfunction which led to my behaviours being inconsistent. This was having a detrimental impact on my performance at work and was causing issues within my relationship, so these were my two main reasons for seeking a formal diagnosis. Having a formal diagnosis meant that support can be put in place at my job; that I could access medication that improves my concentration/memory and reduces restlessness/impulsivity; and my partner now tries to be more empathetic and support me on my bad days rather than berating me for being lazy or inattentive. The outcome was worth the process.

As I said, I don't have autism (I scored 1/10 on the AQ-10 so it was quickly ruled out), but knowing the OPs age range and location I thought it could be beneficial to share my experience.

Thank you Chris! I’m glad you were able to reach a diagnosis, albeit a little later in life!

 

[TN4U]

As much as I hate admitting it to others, I was officially diagnosed with ASD during my baby years. It has played a big factor during my grade school years, for better or worse.

For one, I have a very tough time initiating conversations with others, and I basically need to be coaxed/motivated by someone I personally know almost every time. It’s also one of the major reasons why I have almost no dating experience, and I’m a straight male who’s 24. The one time I even got remotely close to anything date-like was during my high school prom - I went out with a foreign exchange student, and I made the massive mistake of not engaging in conversations with her more often before the event. After becoming more comfortable, I made her a prom-posal, and wrote it in Dutch as she was from the Netherlands. That was an insanely happy moment from me, and if I’m not mistaken, was the only time so far in my life that someone other than a family member kissed me. We held hands and hugged the rest of the day. I couldn’t stop smiling that day.

So, how come it never lead to dates after school? Well, she told some of us in class that she had a boyfriend back home, and my mind kept telling me not to go for her for fear that her boyfriend would become jealous. Not only did I find out later in the year that he was totally fine with someone else dating her, but she in fact started seeing someone else in school because I barely did anything! It didn’t help that I was also trying to win over the more attractive students, and failed miserably because I wasn’t as socially cool as they were. Since graduation, me and her never spoke again.

Other than my dating failures, I’ve also done a few unusual things that caused me to get into trouble, but it’s stuff I prefer not to share. All I can say is that I’ve matured a ton since becoming a legal adult, but I still feel like a kid every now and then.

My ASD has also caused me to discover interests that not a lot of others my age are into, such as my heavy passion for old rock music, hyper-fixations on random things, and even my love for Animal Crossing as a male player. As I’ve grown older, more and more of the people I knew from high school have grown distant from me, including some of my remaining closest friends and my own therapist just several months ago. The lack of a social life has lead me to become better at things I never thought I could master, such as computers, work ethic, and jailbreaking old game consoles.

I think my ASD played a factor into why I have a high dislike in higher education schools. I once tried university life for the sole purpose of trying to find new friends, and it failed miserably. The ordeal lasted a single semester, and I’m pretty sure me dropping out last second was because of everyone at said university having completely different interests than me and the way classes and events operated. Needless to say, my experience was so bad, that it pretty much turned me off from going back to any university, period. I’m still paying off a loan from that one semester nearly five years later.

I’m one of those people that almost never admits to others that I have ASD, as I feel embarrassed every time I mention it. Keeping it low-key makes me comfortable, and I feel comfortable enough here on TBT to share what I’ve got with others. It’s not easy to try and fit in when you have ASD, but I’m trying to make it work as best as I can.

 

[nightglow]

Multiple people told my mom when I was growing up to get me tested and she refused. She said I made eye contact with her when she spoke to me so I don't have autism. This was the 90s so perceptions of autism were much different then than today. And with being a female, it makes the whole thing that much more complex if I do have autism.
I suspect I do, but I don't really care. It doesn't change anything in my life nor what has happened in my life, so I don't really worry about it.
The reasons I am aware of, of why people told my mom to get me tested was because I wouldn't talk to adults. I also preferred to be alone. And when I did speak, I was either too loud or not loud enough. And though I was an early walker, my talking was later.
Autism was seen as a big deal in the 90s, and though I don't remember these actions, I do remember my mom screaming at me about them and smacking me over it, such as not looking at her when she was talking to me, or playing in a repetitive way. I do remember lining up my toys often, but never got in trouble for it. I would get yelled at if I didn't wear certain clothes because I complained they were too tight or itchy. I'd also have a melt down if I got things on my hands when I was little... and I STILL hate lotion today.
In school I did very well, until later with math which was my one large fault. However over time teachers did send notes home sometimes informing my mom that I was too hard on myself and that I was very well behaved.
Later I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety and then later with fibromyalgia. From bits I have heard online I guess it is common for females with autism to get a generalized anxiety diagnosis in their life? I don't know. Anxiety diagnoses seem common in the usa impo regardless of autism. Looking back on things, I am honestly not sure if I have autism, or if various things I have experienced or react to is from fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia does deals with sensory issues and some doctors argue there is a large overlap so idk.
Though my spouse and I don't bicker often, when we do, sometimes he gets so frustrated and says that it feels like he is talking to x. X is his childhood friend who does have mild autism. So... eh.
So, if I'm asked point blank about autism, which is very rare, I just say no or I suspect. Generally, people just ask if I am mute, if I have social anxiety, or they just say I am odd or unnecessarily shy. Though I'm not those things at all. I either have something to say or I don't.