Depression/Anxiety/Suicidal thoughts?

[Jeannine]

For three months I was in a "psych ward" (inpatient hospitalization) to treat various disorders. Before that, I called help lines, went to therapy... I still do, but things are better now.

Dark thoughts still enter my mind often, but I know how to cope with them. I hold onto the good, beautiful things in my life. And I promise, every single person in this world is loved. Personally, I try to think of hard days as a test for strength. I have freedom. I'm alive. I'm still breathing. We can't control the cards we're dealt, but we can make the most of our fleeting lives.

I wish you all very well. You're not alone. Be brave ❤

 

[Kurai Hiroma]

I get lonely easily. Electronics are my only escape. Hiding away in my room, playing on my 3ds or watching Youtube ironically helps my depression. I say ironically because of the fact that I should be staying away from my room.
I have more Internet friends than irl friends at school. It's sad, but discord has helped me a lot these past 7 months. Unfortunately, only one of my discord friends goes to my school, so I have only one person I would consider as a "true friend".
It hurts me every time it's a group project, and I'm the fourth person sitting at the table. The teacher says to partner up in groups of three, and the other people exchange glances, ask each other if they wanna be together, then look at me as if telling me to go. This happens, if none of my minor friends are there, for every group project. Every partner thing. Every "find a person in the room" thing.
I had a meltdown a week ago because of one such incidents. I'm not gonna explain it (too long), but it left me feeling heartbroken. Here are the people that I thought were becoming close to me, and they just leave me by myself? They can't even sit at the desks touching mine? sigh I started to question even more what I was doing wrong. Being friendly doesn't make me friends, being mean doesn't, respecting people's boundaries doesn't, offering support doesn't, letting others talk doesn't. What is wrong with me? Do I just have an "aura" that turns people away? That wants people to stay far, far away from me? Everything that I do only ends with one result: the people I thought were moving into the friend zone, back-track to the classmate zone.
I'm meeting with a councilor next week. I hope to have him explain what could be wrong with me.
I know that it could be a lot worse-I'll let the last part of this forum's title explain that-but there have been attempts.I have stopped myself. I try to remember the good things in life, but you can't just pull a person from your computer screen.
Sorry for ranting .-. I wish others luck in their battle.