Help my friend

[SublimeDonut]

I'm trying to prove my best friend a point.

We're both 14 years old, turning 15 in a weeks but she hasn't kissed anyone yet, not even a peck in the lips. Damn, she hasn't even had a crush on anyone. She's the only one I know that hasn't kissed at this age, and I know quite a lot of people.
So two days ago we were in a party, talking with our friends (male and female) and such and the topic fell into romantic experiences. We found out that a lot of our friends of the same age have kissed much more people than we knew, others have even had s*xual relationships. Suddenly she gets all gloomy and blue and finds an excuse to leave as soon as possible. I go to talk to her and she explains that she felt even more pathetic not having kissed anyone yet knowing that some of her friends have gotten way further than that. Since then she's been gloomy. Me and her mother tried to explain to her that someday, sooner or later someone's ought to fall for her for she says that the fact that no one has yet proves that she's a worthless creep.
I think that no one fell for her, despite she being smart, pretty and funny, because of the differences she has. For example, she's a girl scout, she's the only one among her classmates and friends that listens to heavy metal, her clothes are the most lively and shiny, she's an introvert and a daydreamer, she watches anime, she's one of the few atheists, so on and so forth. I don't mean that these things are bad, I mean that they probably scare off people.
And I'm afraid that she'll get so desperate to find a boyfriend she'll abandon these traits and interests and force herself to be someone she isn't or even get involved with dangerous people who could hurt her.

Can you answer in all honesty what you think she should do? And if you think she's a loser for not kissing anyone yet?
Also thank you for your time and attention.

 

[Katelyn]

Tell her she's far too young to be worrying about these kinds of things. In all honesty, you guys are practically still children and none of this should even be a worry for you. Tell her to focus on herself and just wait because she will find someone. There's no need to rush into a relationship at such a young age anyway. Tell her to be proud that she hasn't had any sexual experiences or felt the desire to because, to be frank, at your age it's quite uncalled for. But, seriously, tell her she has nothing to worry about. My brother didn't have a girlfriend until very recently and he's 19. It's all about waiting for the right one, not trying to prove something to your friends.

I just went through this same thing with my 13-year-old niece lol

 

[kayleee]

Listen, I was 18 when I had my first kiss, and it happened to be with my boyfriend who I’ve now been with for nearly six years. I remember back in high school feeling similarly to how your friend feels, but now, I feel happy that I didn’t have a horrible first kiss experience. Also, once you’re out of highschool, literally no one cares about how old you were when you had your first kiss. It will happen, she doesn’t need to worry. It has absolutely no reflection on her value as a person. Plus boys are gross

 

[Stella-Io]

I was 18 when I had my first kiss. No joke. No one ever had a crush on me, people never thought of me like that, no one ever really got to know me on that level to want to date me.

It's a very VERY good thing that she hasn't had any sexual relations yet. I agree with ^ it's extremely uncalled for at such a young age. I dare say those who have had sexual relations at that young of an age seriously need to get their priorities checked.

I feel with her when she gets sad about no one has had a crush in her, there would be nights when I wondered why people never liked me like that, and it messed with my self esteem a little. But she is NOT a worthless creep, she sounds really cool. People just haven't had the chance to REALLY get to know her and find out she's a great person.

She should just be her, and there will be someone who will like those traits in her. Even if she doesn't get a bf (or gf) that won't matter. Tbh relationships are over hyped and over rated. It's not all pixie dust and sugar plums, people are still rude and mean, even worse after breakups. If she rushes into somethin, she will most definitely regret it, and not know how to get out of that 'relationship.'

Tell her to take her time, enjoy her hobbies/interests and not be bothered by other people's experiences.

 

[FanGirlCookie]

I'm a little older than you both, and I do have several friends who haven't done anything. A few people have had... intimate experiences, but really not many, and the people who have mostly regret it. I have a large group of friends, and it's not like we're weirdos or anything so it's normal at this age. There are so many people who are a lot older than us who haven't kissed anyone. So please, tell her not to worry. Friendships are more important at this age to be honest.

 

[Lyraa]

Honestly, 14/15 is too young to be worrying about those sorts of things right now focus on friends, hobbies and school, it will happen when it happens. I was 17 when I had my first kiss with my now boyfriend and we've been together coming up to 3 years, I think I was one of the last people in my year to kiss someone or even have a relationship. I agree with previous posters, don't let other people's experiences interfere and get her down, we all experience different things at different stages in life, there's no need to rush something, she should take her time and enjoy her youth whilst she still can :]

If I'm being honest, her personality traits sound incredibly similar to myself, I even listen to metal myself, but she's still in school and has yet to experience life outside it such as; college/university, work, general independent life, and just by experiencing these things, she'll find someone who'll accept and love her for who she really is.

She has plenty of time, there's no rush She's got something to look forward to for when the time is right.

 

[idiotdoomspiral]

she shouldnt worry about something like that. most people dont look back on their relationships when they were 14-15 fondly.

 

[LambdaDelta]

honestly, just don't worry about it

society puts a ton of pressure for people to go into relationships asap, but it's honestly not unheard of for people to not have any until later in their adult life. just continue as children while you're still allowed to be children

signed, someone that's never been in a relationship

 

[Mr. Cat]

I didn't kiss anybody until I was 16, and that was when another girl suddenly kissed me out of nowhere. Boys have tried before that point, but I would run away and push them away before they could. I wasn't expecting this one, so it happened. I would have never initiated it. I felt left out because I had no interest in anybody and was generally aloof and kept to myself (also, I had undiagnosed autism), despite many people having a crush on me. I felt broken because of the pressure, but I was just being myself. She doesn't have to worry about this right now, trust me.

I have now been in a long-term relationship for 6-7 year now and have had a baby. I don't even think about these things anymore. Being a little behind everyone else is not the end of the world. Just be you.

 

[Bluelady]

I'm not sure if this helps, but I'm 25 and have never kissed anyone. I'm asexual and have known since I was in high school, so it doesn't bother me. However, this doesn't mean that I will rule out the possibility of ever being kissed or falling in love. It just means that I'm not going to pressure it to come.

All right, with that said and done. Tell her to enjoy the youth she has now. As you two get older (20s, 30s, 40s, etc.) you both will most likely reminisce about the "good ol' days" because...well, as an adult there is not a lot of time to do stuff that you want. Not enough time to just grab your friends and decide to wander around aimlessly. There's deadlines and commitments, especially as you get older. Tell her to focus on her studies and hobbies for now. There's more to life than just love, although it's one part of the picture.

 

[mogyay]

first of all u sound like a good friend. second of all we tend to forget how young 14/15/16 actually is, not having had your first kiss yet is 100% normal and tbh kinda sensible, it's easy to compare ourselves to our peers but there's so many people waiting for the right moment and person to share that with (hell i wish i did). my sister didn't get a boyfriend until she was in her mid 20s and not one person cared because it's absolutely no one's business who u decide to date. not saying relationships can't last at that age (my best friend and her boyfriend got together at 14 and i'm 25 now) but realistically they're not gonna last, it's ok not to jump into relationships when u're in high school still, i spent a lot of time dating losers when i wish i had spent my time more productively in my teenage years

tell her she's fab and she doesn't need anyone but her friends rn anyways

 

[Bosmer]

Honestly she shouldn't be worrying about stuff like that, she should enjoy her youth while she can because it won't last forever. She's young so shes got more to look foward to later in life, but don't rush into a relationship because thats when things will turn sour, she should when she's comfortable and when the time is right. It'll come naturally.

I can sympathise because a similar thing happened to me when I was her age and everyone at school were getting into relationships and all that while I focused on my studies but I'm glad I put that as my priority. I didn't have my first kiss and relationship until I was 16 with a guy I went to that school with.

 

[Tessie]

theres rly no point trying to convince her bc its just something she'll realize on her own later in life. just gotta let time do its course.
everyone was bummed bout something super trivial at 14-15 y/o


your validity and beauty isnt measured by being sexually experienced or having a bunch of men like you

 

[Valzed]

In my teens I felt the same way your friend did. I didn't fit in with any group but I was "friendly" with most cliques. I felt like no guy would ever be interested in me, let alone love me. When I did meet a guy who liked me I made the mistake of thinking he loved me. I gave him "everything" and a few months later found out I was pregnant. He dropped me like a hot potato & spread terrible rumors about me in our school. I pretty much gave up on finding someone to love me. Instead I focused on being a good mom, on my hobbies & on my family. I was happy even though I wasn't in a relationship.

About 25 years ago I met a man who truly loved me. He loved all the things about me that made me different. He loved that I wouldn't change to fit society's expectations. He loved my son. This year we celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary.

Tell your friend that there is someone who will love her just as she is and that person will come into her life when the time is right. For now she should just enjoy this time in her life and be true to herself.

Unicorns don't need to try to fit in since they're clearly meant to stand out.

 

[G0DFlesh_88]

Let things fall into their place. If it happens, it happens. There is a whole lifetime to live.

 

[visibleghost]

chill, youre barely 15. theres no need to hurry

edit: like i get that it can feel stressful and make you feel like a loser if you aren't doing something "everyone else" is doing but believe me, not all 14-15 year olds are having relationships or sex. rushing into it to fit in or not be a "loser" (either to other people or to yourself) just sets you up for a bad time.

i have a friend (we're 18) who's messing around with a bunch of guys because she feels insecure and like she's a late bloomer so she's making it up now by throwing herself into relationships for validation and attention. the problem isn't that she's being with many people, the issue is why she's doing it. she doesn't want to be an unloved loser with no experience and that's turning her into a toxic person to her friends (because she thinks she's experienced and not a "loser" anymore so all her friends that aren't doing what she's doing have to know they are losers...?) and lovers (because she's using them for validation only and not treating them as people) and making her feel bad inside.
your friend does not want to be like her. just chill. chose your friends and drop the people who make you feel bad about not being in a relationship. yah.

like, tldr: relationships and sex should be positive things, not things you do because you're stressed about not fitting in or thinking you are a late bloomer.

 

[cornimer]

She is absolutely not a loser for not having kissed anyone yet. Nobody I know was dating at age 14/15, that's super young in perspective even if it doesn't feel like it to your friend. I'm turning 20 soon and I've never been on a date or kissed anyone and I'm fine with that, what's the point of rushing and forcing something? I think your friend should just focus on school and her own life and things will happen when it's time!

 

[sleepydreepy]

I'm not sure if this helps, but I'm 25 and have never kissed anyone. I'm asexual and have known since I was in high school, so it doesn't bother me. However, this doesn't mean that I will rule out the possibility of ever being kissed or falling in love. It just means that I'm not going to pressure it to come.

All right, with that said and done. Tell her to enjoy the youth she has now. As you two get older (20s, 30s, 40s, etc.) you both will most likely reminisce about the "good ol' days" because...well, as an adult there is not a lot of time to do stuff that you want. Not enough time to just grab your friends and decide to wander around aimlessly. There's deadlines and commitments, especially as you get older. Tell her to focus on her studies and hobbies for now. There's more to life than just love, although it's one part of the picture.

I am also 21 and have never kissed anyone yet! You do you, and what is comfortable to you and don't compare yourself to others.

 

[SublimeDonut]

Hey again to allof those who contributed. I'm talking to my friend, I think she'll be fine soon. Your help meant a lot to me and to her. Thanks for the time and the advice!

 

[Princess Mipha]

I am honestly surprised that everyone of her friends already kissed someone and some even went more far..
I mean, that's so young.. when I was that age almost no one had kissed anybody yet, the closest someone
was to a boy is that they hugged, lol.

So I don't think that she is a loser (such a harsh word) or should be in any way embarassed about it.
And I am pretty sure that there is a lot of boys out there, that would love a girl like her, because she's
different and different is always cool. Kind of reminds me of myself actually.
I was always the girl with way different interests, style, etc. and yet I found someone while I wasn't
even searching. She shouldn't worry about something like this at this age and.. and actually a question.

a party at this age? Like, was it a real party with alcohol and stuff? O__O