Is It Possible to Care Too Much About a Person?

[Xara]

First time making a thread in this section of the forums...lets see how this goes <_>


Do any of you think it's possible to care too much about a person? Because I do. I've never been good at making friends, so now that I finally have one, maybe it's because I'm just desperate to hold onto her, to hold onto the friendship so that I'm not alone again...but now I'm starting to think that I care too much about her.

I think about her more than I think about myself, and I've actually found myself caring more for her than anything, which is strange since caring about somebody is something I never thought I could do.

I'm only able to see my friend at school, which means I can't see her until September. But I wouldn't say that she makes me happy...she's had her moments, but I've decided that as of late, I've freaked out more because of her, than I've smiled or laughed.

Whenever she freaks out (anxiety attack, she's angry, etc), it sends me into some sort of meltdown myself...I don't know, I just can't handle seeing her that way.

And lately, I think she's been avoiding me. She'll message me maybe a couple times in the morning, and then I won't hear from her again until night. So far, she's only messaged me once today, and that was at 9 this morning.

Point is, I think I'm attached to her...way too attached to her, and it's not good for me...another friend of mine says I need to let her go, but I don't know how to do that.

I'm not sure exactly what I'm asking in this thread, and this probably a violation of a rule or something. I think maybe, I just need someone to tell me I'm not crazy, or that it is possible to care too much...or maybe I just need someone else to tell me to let go, despite how little information there is. Or maybe, I need someone to talk to, because I feel alone and my friends apparently aren't willing to listen.

I'm really really sorry this turned into a vent post 0_0 I shouldn't be posting this, but I need to feel not alone...it's sad that I have to turn to strangers on a website in order to try and not feel alone, but it's all I've got right now.

Update 07/25 -
So, apparently my friend wants to distance herself from people. This is coming out of nowhere, and hell, I didn't even hear this from her. I heard this from our other friend. She's doing exactly what she promised she wouldn't, and honestly, I think this is the final straw. I'm probably overreacting now, but I want to cease contact with her. With the information I was told not even an hour ago, the desire to talk to her has actually gone away. I no longer find myself wanting to talk to her.

I also want to delete the app that I text her on. This would be a bit drastic, but I need to detach myself, and I need to do it now. I don't wanna talk to her again; I'm hurt, and I'm angry, and I know one should never make a decision whilst angry, but I think I'm always going to be angry, so what does it matter?

I'm going to wait to hear back from my other friend before going forward with anything, though. I trust her, and I value her opinion, so I'd like to hear what she thinks.

 

[Fleshy]

This does not at all violate any rules and it's fine, you're not being unreasonable or anything. I really relate to this. I have major attachment issues (seriously..) and I absolutely know how it feels to think you care for someone to much, even if they aren't good for you.

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with being attached to someone, as long as it's a 2-sided thing and it doesn't depict from your quality of live. However, from what you said, it doesn't seem to be making you feel very good. Me suggesting anything is pretty much pointless as I can't do anything myself, I'm super attached to people and can't let go, but honestly trying to distance yourself a little might be a good idea. I'm not saying to ignore her or not speak to her or something, because that'll likely cause more problems than it'll solve, but try focusing on yourself/your other friends a little more. If you feel like letting her go completely will help, go for it, honestly do what's right for you. Have you tried speaking to her too? It might seem strange to talk to her about your feelings when it comes to this, but it might help her realise how you feel and make more of an effort, or it might help give you closure if she reacts negatively.

Sorry if this didn't help at all, it sounds like a really hard situation and I seriously hope you're able to find a solution and start feeling better/more at ease soon. It's hard for me to give any advice as it's something I struggle with myself, but there's definitely nothing wrong with you, as far as I know, it's pretty normal to get attached to people, you're not in the wrong or anything, don't doubt yourself. It's upsetting to know that you're feeling alone, you shouldn't feel alone if you ave someone that you care about that much, they should care for you back the same amount, but it doesn't sound like she does, idk it's just upsetting a little. Again, sorry as I don't think I've helped at all, but do what you think is right for you, having other people you can talk to about things like that can help too (i guess that's why you came here to vent about this) so if you ever need to vent more it's probably good to talk to one of your other friends or a friend you have here. Good luck with whatever you do, and I hope you feel better and less lonely and stuff soon,

 

[Acruoxil]

Just don't get too overly reliant on someone, you'll end up coming across too clingy. I've got repulsed by a lot of friends I used to talk to the internet who ended up getting tio clingy on me when I obviously didn't think of them the same way, it just made me feel bad and a bit uncomfortable so I ceased contact.

Back during my exams though I had a close friend I texted every day all day, we were literally the same and shared the same opinions and mindset. By Christmas though she started talking to me lesser and lesser and while she said it's nothing much really, I couldn't help but let go of her. You can't just force yourself on someone.

This is why I find irl friends easier to hang out with man, they stick with me since physically hanging out is usually more fun.

 

[Xara]

Just don't get too overly reliant on someone, you'll end up coming across too clingy. I've got repulsed by a lot of friends I used to talk to the internet who ended up getting tio clingy on me when I obviously didn't think of them the same way, it just made me feel bad and a bit uncomfortable so I ceased contact.

Back during my exams though I had a close friend I texted every day all day, we were literally the same and shared the same opinions and mindset. By Christmas though she started talking to me lesser and lesser and while she said it's nothing much really, I couldn't help but let go of her. You can't just force yourself on someone.

This is why I find irl friends easier to hang out with man, they stick with me since physically hanging out is usually more fun.

My friend is a irl friend, but the only place I'm able to see her is school, since she doesn't want me meeting her parents, and I don't really want her meeting mine.

But it's kind of like she can't decide what she wants from me; there's moments where she cares about me and expresses that, but then it's like she doesn't care at all all over again.

I feel like I am too clingy, and I'm tired of being that way, which is why I want to work on distancing myself. It's just hard to do that, when I've grown so attached to her.

- - - Post Merge - - -

This does not at all violate any rules and it's fine, you're not being unreasonable or anything. I really relate to this. I have major attachment issues (seriously..) and I absolutely know how it feels to think you care for someone to much, even if they aren't good for you.

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with being attached to someone, as long as it's a 2-sided thing and it doesn't depict from your quality of live. However, from what you said, it doesn't seem to be making you feel very good. Me suggesting anything is pretty much pointless as I can't do anything myself, I'm super attached to people and can't let go, but honestly trying to distance yourself a little might be a good idea. I'm not saying to ignore her or not speak to her or something, because that'll likely cause more problems than it'll solve, but try focusing on yourself/your other friends a little more. If you feel like letting her go completely will help, go for it, honestly do what's right for you. Have you tried speaking to her too? It might seem strange to talk to her about your feelings when it comes to this, but it might help her realise how you feel and make more of an effort, or it might help give you closure if she reacts negatively.

Sorry if this didn't help at all, it sounds like a really hard situation and I seriously hope you're able to find a solution and start feeling better/more at ease soon. It's hard for me to give any advice as it's something I struggle with myself, but there's definitely nothing wrong with you, as far as I know, it's pretty normal to get attached to people, you're not in the wrong or anything, don't doubt yourself. It's upsetting to know that you're feeling alone, you shouldn't feel alone if you ave someone that you care about that much, they should care for you back the same amount, but it doesn't sound like she does, idk it's just upsetting a little. Again, sorry as I don't think I've helped at all, but do what you think is right for you, having other people you can talk to about things like that can help too (i guess that's why you came here to vent about this) so if you ever need to vent more it's probably good to talk to one of your other friends or a friend you have here. Good luck with whatever you do, and I hope you feel better and less lonely and stuff soon,

You did help, and it's nice to know that there's someone who can relate. I think my main problem is, I've grown so attached to her that I can't really focus on anything that isn't her. And it feels very one-sided. I mean, she says she loves me and that she cares about me, but it's only words. I want her to show that she cares, I want to know that she means it. I care about her a lot, but my friendship with her doesn't make me feel very good anymore.

I was going to work on distancing myself from her over the summer, but so far, I've found myself still checking to see if she's texted me back every 5 minutes, so this isn't working well. At the start of the summer, she talked to me a fair amount, but now she's not even having an actual conversation. She'll maybe text me once or twice, and then disappear and I usually don't hear from her again until night/the next day. I just feel like she's avoiding me, and I feel abandoned.

I want to focus on my other friend more, but she's in England and going through a bit of a rough time right now, so I don't wanna burden her. I wanna talk to her about this, especially since she's been there through my entire friendship, but I don't wanna burden her.

I haven't tried speaking to my friend; I feel like it'd be kind of pointless, and I don't even know what to say. I have a difficult time confronting people/speaking my mind or how I feel, so it'd be a really uncomfortable conversation...and with my jealousy and my attachment issues, a part of me feels like I'm just overreacting. But even if that's the case, it still hurts.

 

[Chrystina]

First time making a thread in this section of the forums...lets see how this goes <_>


Do any of you think it's possible to care too much about a person? Because I do. I've never been good at making friends, so now that I finally have one, maybe it's because I'm just desperate to hold onto her, to hold onto the friendship so that I'm not alone again...but now I'm starting to think that I care too much about her.

I think about her more than I think about myself, and I've actually found myself caring more for her than anything, which is strange since caring about somebody is something I never thought I could do.

I'm only able to see my friend at school, which means I can't see her until September. But I wouldn't say that she makes me happy...she's had her moments, but I've decided that as of late, I've freaked out more because of her, than I've smiled or laughed.

Whenever she freaks out (anxiety attack, she's angry, etc), it sends me into some sort of meltdown myself...I don't know, I just can't handle seeing her that way.

And lately, I think she's been avoiding me. She'll message me maybe a couple times in the morning, and then I won't hear from her again until night. So far, she's only messaged me once today, and that was at 9 this morning.

Point is, I think I'm attached to her...way too attached to her, and it's not good for me...another friend of mine says I need to let her go, but I don't know how to do that.

I'm not sure exactly what I'm asking in this thread, and this probably a violation of a rule or something. I think maybe, I just need someone to tell me I'm not crazy, or that it is possible to care too much...or maybe I just need someone else to tell me to let go, despite how little information there is. Or maybe, I need someone to talk to, because I feel alone and my friends apparently aren't willing to listen.

I'm really really sorry this turned into a vent post 0_0 I shouldn't be posting this, but I need to feel not alone...it's sad that I have to turn to strangers on a website in order to try and not feel alone, but it's all I've got right now.

I think it's definitely possible, but it's really not a good thing tbh. Once you become more self-dependent, it's definitely okay to care a lot about a person, and it won't be as severe or "clingy".
The part I put in bold is your problem. You obviously care more about her than yourself... Why? Think about that and hopefully you'll realize that you shouldn't care too much, or become too dependent on a person to the point where you aren't thinking what's best for yourself. :/

 

[Xara]

I think it's definitely possible, but it's really not a good thing tbh. Once you become more self-dependent, it's definitely okay to care a lot about a person, and it won't be as severe or "clingy".
The part I put in bold is your problem. You obviously care more about her than yourself... Why? Think about that and hopefully you'll realize that you shouldn't care too much, or become too dependent on a person to the point where you aren't thinking what's best for yourself. :/

I've never even asked myself why before. I don't know why I care so much, or how I even began to care so much...but it's not a good thing, you're right, and I need to stop. I need to stop being so attached. I need to stop being clingy. I need to become less dependent on her, and more dependent on me.

 

[Fleshy]

You did help, and it's nice to know that there's someone who can relate. I think my main problem is, I've grown so attached to her that I can't really focus on anything that isn't her. And it feels very one-sided. I mean, she says she loves me and that she cares about me, but it's only words. I want her to show that she cares, I want to know that she means it. I care about her a lot, but my friendship with her doesn't make me feel very good anymore.

I was going to work on distancing myself from her over the summer, but so far, I've found myself still checking to see if she's texted me back every 5 minutes, so this isn't working well. At the start of the summer, she talked to me a fair amount, but now she's not even having an actual conversation. She'll maybe text me once or twice, and then disappear and I usually don't hear from her again until night/the next day. I just feel like she's avoiding me, and I feel abandoned.

I want to focus on my other friend more, but she's in England and going through a bit of a rough time right now, so I don't wanna burden her. I wanna talk to her about this, especially since she's been there through my entire friendship, but I don't wanna burden her.

I haven't tried speaking to my friend; I feel like it'd be kind of pointless, and I don't even know what to say. I have a difficult time confronting people/speaking my mind or how I feel, so it'd be a really uncomfortable conversation...and with my jealousy and my attachment issues, a part of me feels like I'm just overreacting. But even if that's the case, it still hurts.

I don't think you're overreacting at all and I completely understand that you're hurt and it's really hard. Do you have any hobbies or anything? If not maybe getting into something to distract yourself might be a good idea? I'm in that way with someone right now too, I think about her all the time and find myself checking my texts/messages way more than what's healthy, it doesn't help too much but usually when I'm focused on something else I won't be too obsessed.

It's hard since it's the summer and you won't see her for a while, so you can't really wait to see how she is in person/see if she shows you that she cares. Maybe even try to focus on self care more? I don't know but as Chrys said it's never really good to focus on someone more than yourself, especially if they don't replicate the feelings. I don't know your other friends situation but if she's not doing well herself it might be a break from her problems to talk to you for a bit?

I guess my main suggestions would be to focus on other things, get a hobby, learn something, start going on long walks, whatever suits you really. I know it's easier said than done, but you've made progress by realising that how much you care about her probably isn't helping, so attempting to distance yourself like you've already started trying to do is a good idea. Make small steps to focusing on other things and caring about yourself more and you'll probably notice your feelings toward her change a little

 

[Xara]

I don't think you're overreacting at all and I completely understand that you're hurt and it's really hard. Do you have any hobbies or anything? If not maybe getting into something to distract yourself might be a good idea? I'm in that way with someone right now too, I think about her all the time and find myself checking my texts/messages way more than what's healthy, it doesn't help too much but usually when I'm focused on something else I won't be too obsessed.

It's hard since it's the summer and you won't see her for a while, so you can't really wait to see how she is in person/see if she shows you that she cares. Maybe even try to focus on self care more? I don't know but as Chrys said it's never really good to focus on someone more than yourself, especially if they don't replicate the feelings. I don't know your other friends situation but if she's not doing well herself it might be a break from her problems to talk to you for a bit?

I guess my main suggestions would be to focus on other things, get a hobby, learn something, start going on long walks, whatever suits you really. I know it's easier said than done, but you've made progress by realising that how much you care about her probably isn't helping, so attempting to distance yourself like you've already started trying to do is a good idea. Make small steps to focusing on other things and caring about yourself more and you'll probably notice your feelings toward her change a little

I don't really have any hobbies; I'm not interested in much, but right now I've been watching a show on Netflix, which isn't a hobby but every episode I watch is 43 minutes where I can distract myself from her. And doing animal crossing trades help a bit, since when I'm interacting with someone in-game, I obviously can't stop to check if she's messaged me.

Maybe talking to my other friend would distract her from her own problems a bit, but just..she's probably sick of hearing me rant about this, since I did it a lot when school was still in. But, I'm thinking of deleting the app that I text my friend on, since that seems to be the only permanent solution to me constantly checking...but that would probably cause more problems than anything else, if I just randomly stop talking to her when she actually bothers to message me.

The last couple days, I've actually felt a little fed up with her. It started when I told her I loved her, and she didn't say it back. That was the first time she'd done that to me, and it hurt...it's probably stupid for me to feel upset over that, but just...I gotta start focusing on other things. Caring so much about her, probably isn't healthy, and I need to start letting go a little.

 

[Buttonsy]

I very much relate to this. I never really understood how to socialize properly, so my friend circles are very limited, and the best way to describe my clinginess towards my friends is: have you ever had a dog? And when you leave your dog alone, whether it's for a minute while you take out the trash or several hours while visiting a friends house, they are just as excited because they miss you so much that any stretch of time feels like years? That's basically me, if people go too long without talking to me, I kind of end up assuming that I either did something to make them mad or else that they got in an accident, rather than them having a life outside of paying attention to me.

The big thing is that most of my friends do make me happier than they make me sad, even with my obsessiveness. Either way, it's not healthy to be obsessive, but it really might be a good idea to let her go or at least distance yourself from her if your interactions with her are causing you more stress than happiness, and might be bothering her too.

 

[SilkSpectre]

Guess it's the same as a mom who cares too much about her kid. Hovering helicopter moms do their kids bad and the kids push back later on! Same with a friend. Also sounds like a co-dependant relationship. ;-/

 

[vel]

I've never had this, since I can't emotionally attach to someone. It's good to have some emotional attachments if it aids you, but if it is dependent on it than it's kinda bad.

 

[MayorJudyOfZootopia]

i am attached to my villagers and tomodachi life miis

 

[Watchingthetreetops]

I believe you can definitely care too much. I have a rather...poor excuse for a family. When I was younger, I used to become very attached to my friends because of it. I ended up giving so much to those people who were my friends, that it was harmful to myself. I didn't tell anyone about what went on in my home life, and I really should have. And those people that I gave so much to ended up leaving me, in the end. Now, there are some friends who stay. But a lot walk in and out of your life. The thing I regret the most is leaving on bad terms. I've made so many friends since then, and left on such great terms, that every now and again in my life I see them again and am very happy. Those people from so long ago...hate me, I think. I can't rightly say why. I might never truly know. People grow, and sometimes, like growing out of a pair of jeans, they grow out of friendships. I don't like to be that way...but sometimes people just /are/.

It's...hard to put myself first. I struggle with it every day. I struggle with wanting to be /alive/. Every day. However, you don't have to suffer alone. I know that I'm always here for anyone who needs a shoulder, as a stranger, as a mother, as a friend. Just remember: you have to move forward. The sun won't stop rising tomorrow, because you lost a friend. You have to be strong enough to walk away when things aren't healthy for you- that includes when /people/ aren't healthy for you. Don't be afraid to be alone. Don't be afraid to be together. Just hold your head high and know that you are worth your own happiness.

 

[Saylor]

You're not crazy, I can absolutely relate to you. I almost always end up feeling like I care about people more than they care about me, and in turn that makes me feel like I must care about them too much. And that's not to say that my friends never do anything to show me that they care, they're great and it's not anybody else's fault but my own that I feel that way. I tend to get attached easily, but I don't wanna be bothersome or clingy so I try not to show it and most of the time it probably comes off like I actually don't care about my friends very much, but that's definitely not the case.

There's not much I can say that hasn't already been said here, but I think it's understandable that you'd care so much about your friend given that it seems you two are close and you said you haven't been good at making friends in the past. That totally makes sense and I don't think it's an entirely bad thing. It does seem like it's a bit unhealthy, though, and I'd agree that if it's stressing you out at all it might be best to try to distance yourself from her a little. There might be other reasons as to why she hasn't been messaging you as much, she might not necessarily be avoiding you, but regardless it's probably not very good for you to be thinking about her as much as you are.

You shouldn't feel bad or anything about posting, it's totally okay to vent and to want to feel like you're not alone in this! It's an upsetting situation to be in for sure, but I hope that you'll be okay and feel better about it all soon. Best of luck to you

 

[maplecheek]

It is normal to feel this way, but it can be very painful. I spent years and years learning how not to be overly attached to my significant other. It is helpful to know that it hurts the other person too, because it's too much pressure for them. It's too much pressure for someone to be so responsible for YOUR feelings and wellbeing, even though you think that you are looking out for THEM. They may feel bad for not being able to give you want you are giving them. Sometimes what you think is loving another is actually having too much expectation for love from them.

People need space and freedom to be themselves, and that includes you AND your loved one. Usually the person who is too attached has not learned to give themselves the care and love they need. So, I would work on that, even if it feels weird and not natural. Tell yourself you love yourself, and do what you would do for your loved one for yourself. Fake it til you make it!

 

[Xara]

Thank you to everyone who has posted their opinion on the matter, or has given me advice...I genuinely appreciate it, it means a lot that people took the time c:

So I have an update on the situation, and it's not a very good one, unfortunately;

So, apparently my friend wants to distance herself from people. This is coming out of nowhere, and hell, I didn't even hear this from her. I heard this from our other friend. She's doing exactly what she promised she wouldn't, and honestly, I think this is the final straw. I'm probably overreacting now, but I want to cease contact with her. With the information I was told not even an hour ago, the desire to talk to her has actually gone away. I no longer find myself wanting to talk to her.

I also want to delete the app that I text her on. This would be a bit drastic, but I need to detach myself, and I need to do it now. I don't wanna talk to her again; I'm hurt, and I'm angry, and I know one should never make a decision whilst angry, but I think I'm always going to be angry, so what does it matter?

I'm going to wait to hear back from my other friend before going forward with anything, though. I trust her, and I value her opinion, so I'd like to hear what she thinks.

 

[Draco]

@Saylor:You're not crazy, I can absolutely relate to you. I almost always end up feeling like I care about people more than they care about me, and in turn that makes me feel like I must care about them too much. And that's not to say that my friends never do anything to show me that they care, they're great and it's not anybody else's fault but my own that I feel that way. I tend to get attached easily, but I don't wanna be bothersome or clingy so I try not to show it and most of the time it probably comes off like I actually don't care about my friends very much, but that's definitely not the case.

There's not much I can say that hasn't already been said here, but I think it's understandable that you'd care so much about your friend given that it seems you two are close and you said you haven't been good at making friends in the past. That totally makes sense and I don't think it's an entirely bad thing. It does seem like it's a bit unhealthy, though, and I'd agree that if it's stressing you out at all it might be best to try to distance yourself from her a little. There might be other reasons as to why she hasn't been messaging you as much, she might not necessarily be avoiding you, but regardless it's probably not very good for you to be thinking about her as much as you are.

You shouldn't feel bad or anything about posting, it's totally okay to vent and to want to feel like you're not alone in this! It's an upsetting situation to be in for sure, but I hope that you'll be okay and feel better about it all soon. Best of luck to you

@heartbreaker;Thank you to everyone who has posted their opinion on the matter, or has given me advice...I genuinely appreciate it, it means a lot that people took the time c:

So I have an update on the situation, and it's not a very good one, unfortunately;

So, apparently my friend wants to distance herself from people. This is coming out of nowhere, and hell, I didn't even hear this from her. I heard this from our other friend. She's doing exactly what she promised she wouldn't, and honestly, I think this is the final straw. I'm probably overreacting now, but I want to cease contact with her. With the information I was told not even an hour ago, the desire to talk to her has actually gone away. I no longer find myself wanting to talk to her.

I also want to delete the app that I text her on. This would be a bit drastic, but I need to detach myself, and I need to do it now. I don't wanna talk to her again; I'm hurt, and I'm angry, and I know one should never make a decision whilst angry, but I think I'm always going to be angry, so what does it matter?

I'm going to wait to hear back from my other friend before going forward with anything, though. I trust her, and I value her opinion, so I'd like to hear what she thinks.


I find that i ofter can for people even after they have wrong me i still try to help idk why.

 

[cornimer]

I'm going through a very similar situation to you (made a friend, care about them more than anything else, jealousy and attachment issues, etc) so I know exactly how you feel. And, like you, I also have a problem explaining my feelings so I understand if it's hard for you to discuss matters with your friend (even though it would be a good thing for you to do). There's nothing wrong with caring about someone a lot, and I think that if your friend showed more interest in you/showed that they cared in return, then the attachment wouldn't be as big of a problem. However, the way things are going, it sounds like it might be in your best interest to try to lessen the attachment. As others have said, try talking with your other friend when you get the chance, and maybe try to get involved in some hobbies. You just need something to take your mind off of your friend. It will be hard, but you just need some time and eventually you will start to feel better.

 

[namiieco]

I think you can but I've never been in this situation myself so I should really say anything :/

 

[Cosmic Moonlight]

Yes, absolutely. Most certainly!
Unfortunately when this does happen, the outcome is usually not very pleasant. The only variants depend on the person as each person has their own individual ways of dealing with things as we are all unique. But yes unfortunately it does happen. Often associated with love and devotion. But people can care about someone too much because of other possibilities such as devotion, phases, infatuation, desire, respect, admiration etc. However you can commonly associate with caring about people too much because of love and a particular longing for something or somebody. Almost like a craving if you will.

However when things go badly which is often the case if the person you are caring too much about doesn't appreciate your feelings for them, the damage it can cause emotionally, physically and mentally are catastrophic and sometimes even fatal. But like I said, where somebody stands on that scale depends on the individual themselves.