That's standard on dating apps, unfortunately!got on fb dating out of curiosity and all the people who keep liking me are polyamorous and many of them are already in a relationship and looking for another partner, even though I have on my profile that I'm strictly monogamous they like "ey come be the third wheel in our relationship"
I did find one person who isn't poly but like I'm terrified to talk to/meet new people so idek what to say lol
I was a serial dater before meeting my partner. I would go out on dates several nights a week and the majority of them I met through dating apps. Some advice I can give on using apps is:
- Read their bio for a conversation starter. Failing that, check their pictures. You should be able to glean something from them such as their occupation, pets, hobbies, interests, etc to ask about. If they've no bio then something as small as a band poster in the background of a photo can be used to start a conversation ("Hey! Couldn't help but notice your Placebo poster. Have you listened to their new album Never Let Me Go yet? I am obsessed with Sad White Reggae."). Just try to find something of note and ask them about it: a question about themselves is a great way to get the ball rolling.
- Failing that, you could go with a less specific comment such as "what're you up to tonight?", "what's your ideal way to spend a night in?", etc. These can feel too much like interview questions though so definitely shouldn't be your first choice if it can be helped.
- If you've absolutely nothing else to fall back on a compliment can work—go for something they chose for themselves: e.g. facial hair, makeup, hairstyle, clothing, etc; not their facial features or body—but it's better used in conjunction with something else.
- Avoid the generic "Hey, how are you?", unsure-sounding remarks such as "I don't what I'm doing", and other similarly awkward comments like the plague. Showing a lack of confidence/interest is a turn off and indicates to the other person that talking to you is unlikely to go anywhere. If they don't think it'll go anywhere then they won't want to spend time getting to know you.
- Make sure your replies are furthering the conversation. "Same", "I don't know", "lmao", emoji-only responses and similar are dead-ends. You want to keep up momentum in that back and forth and show interest in what they're saying. Some light flirting (doesn't need to be sexual - cutesy/sweet comments count) also indicates you're keen and on the same page with the other person - but IIRC you're aroace and I'm not sure how that would feed into dating for you.
- If you're interested in someone, do actively engage with them. If things stagnate too long the other person will assume you're not interested - so don't play games or 'test' them. E.g. people think that if they leave someone on delivered for long enough, that the other person will double text if they are genuinely interested. Not true! People will think you're not interested if you take a long time to reply or don't read their messages, and the sane ones move on instead of chasing you down. Alternatively, others worry they will appear too 'available' if they reply very quickly so deliberately delay their messages to artificially make themselves look busier than they actually are - don't do this, you can inadvertently cause them to think you're too busy to bother with, so just reply whenever you see their message and have time to respond. TL;DR: don't overthink when to reply!
- Likewise, if you stay on the app too long without any effort to move it to another app (may not be applicable to Facebook dating, admittedly, I've not used that one) or offline then people will often lose interest. The end-goal for most people is to meet someone offline - and they tend to want to do it very quickly. If you envision dating apps as spending several weeks/months getting to know someone online before even considering meeting offline just keep in mind that most people will lose interest before then.
- This one is probably obvious following the above, but, once you think you are interested in someone then ask them on a date without delay! Somewhere very public, of course, don't meet at a private residence or a hotel.
- The most effective conversation starter I've used is the most risky, but it's also the reason I've been so successful on apps, and that is to skip the small talk and ask in the very first message if the other person would like to go for a drink and get to know each other face-to-face instead of through an app. Sounds crazy, right? It's extremely effective. It's actually how I met my girlfriend.
