24.
The Secret Aquarium. There’s pretty much nothing in this stage. You’d have to be trying in order to actually die here. It’s literally just red coins. I can’t really rank this any higher when all you’re doing is swimming around a box collecting red coins with no hazards.
23.
Rainbow Ride. Sometimes a stage can be hard, but fun at the same time. Rainbow Ride is not fun. Getting any progress takes like 10 years because you have to wait on magic carpets, and it’s platform heavy, so it’s incredibly easy to die and have to wait on the carpets over and over. And the stage looks super ugly, too. They could have made the blocks rainbow colored, but they’re all just gray. Not even the remake changes this. Finally, the 100 coin star is essentially this game’s The Perfect Run or Special 8-Crown or Champion’s Road. This stage
will make you hate the Slider theme to some extent.
22.
Wing Mario Over the Rainbow. Okay, this stage could have been kind of good. It’s pretty hard in general. But the entire thing is ruined by the fact that dying once forces you outside the castle, and this stage is on the third floor, so basically, dying equals a 30 second loading screen. It’s realistic, sure, but it makes playing and practicing the stage a pain, especially since you can still die after getting all the red coins.
21.
Dire Dire Docks. The music is super good. That’s pretty much it. It’s just slow and a water stage, and it has two of the most boring stars in the game: Pole Jumping for Red Coins and the 100 coin star (which requires you to do at least some of the red coins). The red coins are on land, but they’re somehow even slower than the underwater stars because you have to wait for poles to move around, which takes a while. Some of the other stars are at least pretty decent. This is the last stage I dislike.
20.
The Princess’s Secret Slide. It’s literally just a slide. It’s kind of fun, but it’s not really that good of a stage.
19.
Vanish Cap Under the Moat. When I started the game, I kept dying on the moving platforms at the end, but it’s really not that bad. The reason this is ranked lower than the other Cap Switches is because it doesn’t use the Vanish Cap other than to actually get the star. They couldn’t have used it for
any of the red coins? At all?
18.
Jolly Roger Bay. It’s not nearly as boring as the other water stage, but it’s not that great. The cave is fun to explore, and so is the ship, both underwater and above water, but the rest is just slow underwater exploration. At least the 100 coin star isn’t nearly as bad… which makes no sense considering that this stage has less coins. Also, I guess it has that Unagi that traumatized hundreds of children.
17.
Cavern of the Metal Cap. This stage is good enough at showing off what Metal Mario can do.
16.
Tower of the Wing Cap. For some reason, this Cap Switch Stage’s red coins are way harder than all the other ones. It’s a really good way to teach you how to use the Wing Cap, but even someone like me who is good at using that power-up can struggle on this star. It seems a little too hard for one of the earlier stages.
15.
Hazy Maze Cave. I used to hate this stage, but it’s really not that bad. The 100 coin star is also pretty fun as it incentivizes exploring the entire cave. The lowest point here is that the red coin star can be kind of boring and slow. It’s not nearly as bad as the Dire Dire Docks one, but still.
14.
Tick Tock Clock. Okay, it has a unique theme, but this is one of the most annoying stages in the game. If you want to get these stars, you need to be extremely skilled at platforming. It reminds me of the secret courses from Super Mario Sunshine. It’s not nearly as bad as Rainbow Ride, only because this stage can actually be fun. It almost makes me not want to stop the clock. The 100 coin star is an exception, but at least you can get right back to playing if you die here, while in Rainbow Ride you have to wait on flying carpets. That’s the only reason this 100 coin star is better than Rainbow Ride’s.
13.
Snowman’s Land. It’s like Cool Cool Mountain, but it’s not a mountain. I really hate this stage’s freezing water because you can “drown” in it as long as you’re touching it, even though other water sources in this game let you heal if you’re on the surface. The enemies here are also pretty annoying, but it’s the tenth course in the game, what do you expect? The igloo is there to explore, but unlike the volcano or pyramid, it doesn’t really make the stage any better since it barely has anything in it. Also, why does this snowman hate me so much? Just let me get the star stop blowing me off.
12.
Shifting Sand Land. They actually learned how to make a hard stage without too much BS
. So yeah, like I said, this stage is pretty annoying. I really hate the quicksand that kills you in one hit, but it’s actually fun despite being hard. It’s really fun to use a shell and skate around the quicksand and pillars or fly from pillar to pillar. And it also has a pyramid to explore, and that annoying vulture Klepto, and some pretty ruthless Fly Guys. The only bad star here is Pyramid Puzzle, because it just really shows how much this game’s camera can suck sometimes.
11.
Cool Cool Mountain. It’s Snowman’s Land, but easier and vertical. I like this more because it’s slightly more fun and it has a slide. Actually, it has a lot of slides.
10.
Lethal Lava Land. It’s pretty fun. Especially shell surfing on the lava since there’s so many 1 ups to get. I don’t really care about the volcano, though.
9.
Tall Tall Mountain. This stage is really fun to climb
wow I’m saying the same thing about every stage I feel like a robot right now. The slide is also fun and risky. I don’t really like the mission that makes you shoot to a mushroom for a star. I got it on my first try, but I felt like it would take me a lot of deaths to get since you have to shoot directly into the star or else you’ll most likely be blasted into the abyss. Seriously? Oh yeah, don’t let that Ukiki steal your hat.
8.
Bowser in the Sky. The Bowser stages are all pretty much the same to me in terms of how fun they are, so this is based on the red coins. This is the lowest because the third and eighth coins have incredibly obscure placements. No one would find these without a guide. But you get to fight gay rainbow Bowser, which can only be a plus.
7.
Bowser in the Dark World. It’s a pretty good introductory Bowser stage. The red coins have some challenge, but not overboard.
6.
Bowser in the Fire Sea. I don’t know why, I just like this one the most.
5.
Big Boo’s Haunt. I always really liked this stage. No idea why. It’s really fun to explore. The only issue I really have with it is the fact that the outside of the mansion is empty besides a few Scuttlebugs. Oh, I think I have to mention the piano because it also gave so many ‘90s kids nightmares.
4.
Tiny-Huge Island. It has a really cool gimmick where you can go in pipes to go to a different part of the island. The stars are generally fun here. Even the 100 coin star, since there’s a lot of big Goombas on the Huge Island, and if you ground pound them, you get a blue coin (five coins). Ground pounding them is kind of hard because sometimes the game will say “nah, you actually jumped on that Goomba,” so you’ll only get a normal coin, but there’s still a lot of coins, Goombas, and another island here to make up for that. Poor Wiggler, though.
3.
Wet-Dry World. It’s also got a cool gimmick where you can make the water rise and sink. So even though it’s technically a water stage, it’s actually not super slow. Also, it has an entire drowned town area, that not only makes it more fun to play, but also to explore and think about. That’s why so many people call this the most unsettling stage in the game… and I really like it for that.
2.
Whomp’s Fortress. It was so good that they remade it in Super Mario Galaxy 2. It’s pretty simple: it’s just a tower that has Whomps and Thwomps. It’s a really good introductory level that helps you learn about the game’s mechanics despite not being the real first level. Speaking of which…
1.
Bob-Omb Battlefield. It’s Bob-Omb Battlefield there’s no way it can’t be one of the best stages. It’s probably the happiest battleground ever. All of the stars are good, even the 100 coin star. I haven’t brought up the boss fights because besides gay Bowser, they can all be defeated blindfolded, but even though King Bob-Omb is also an easy fight, it’s one of the most memorable moments in the game. The only bad thing has nothing to do with something that’s unfair or boring, it’s just that the stage looks kind of unappealing in the original since most of the floor is just plain green or plain brown. But it’s really not that bad, and the remake improves the textures.
Why did I put so much effort into this it’s not like anyone will actually read this
I'm pretty sure I've learned my lesson now...
' (Posts in the equivalent of the basement here and also advertises cheap fake watches) Funny stuff.
