Raising a child religious?

[Corrie]

I think you should show him your beliefs and tell him stories but if he shows no interest, then don't force him. My sister's friend was forced to be religious and in return has grown to loath it and now fights it on purpose.

I'm always under the impression to educate, not force.

 

[EmmaFrost]

Coming from someone who grew up in a religion (Pentecostalism) that caused trauma, confusion, and deep self hatred - please don't force religion on kids.

 

[trashpedia]

I think you are approaching it with a very good mindset! I think I agree with everyone else that I think you can expose and educate your child to Buddhism and not force them into it.

Also, as another Buddhist myself, I think it is super important to consider that Buddhism is one of those religions that could also be a philosophy or way to life/thinking instead of a religion due to the lack of a central deity (not to mention there's many types of Buddhism as well). Since I come from an Asian family, some Buddhist aspects are a part of our culture and are not religious at all, so you could also teach your child to be "culturally" Buddhist without making it a religion due to how much of a huge presence it has on many East Asian cultures.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

my parents are both devoted Christians, and while they don't go to church (though my dad really wants to) they strictly believe in things such as the second coming of Jesus and how we should always pray to make our lives better. they obviously don't take the bible to heart (neither of my parents are homophobic and they don't shun everyone who isn't also a devoted Christian). my whole family is full of Christians (I do have a few cousins who are atheists but that's it), especially on my dad's side. my dad's mom has been going to church every Sunday or decades, and lives her life by the bible. also, my mom's dad is a highly devoted Christian and he actually is homophobic which is really upsetting to me.
Anyways...

my brother and I were both raised Christian, obviously, and while my brother has come to embrace it, going as far as to read the entire bible and do studies on it as well as playing for the band at his church... I took a totally different route. as a kid I followed my religion, but I think that's because I was confused and I figured that's just what I should do, so I didn't question it. however, right around the time I turned 12-13 I started to open my mind to other religions and even other points of view, such as atheism. this is how I discovered that I'm actually not theistic in any way. I don't believe in the presence of a supreme being or anything like that; all my beliefs are based in scientific evidence.
despite that, I have grown to appreciate a few of the moral lessons within the bible and how they impact devoted Christians, like the Book of Job teaching readers to always maintain their faith, even in the most troubling of times. but even though I can appreciate it, I still don't consider myself a religious (or even spiritual) person in any way.

the reason why I bring this up, is that I haven't told anyone in my family that I'm not a theist. sine my parents, especially my mom, are so devoted to the Christian faith, I have a feeling that if I told them they would spend the rest of their days worrying to death about me, trying to convert me back to Christianity, and praying that I somehow make it into heaven with them. I also worry about how the rest of my (indirect) family would react. so I haven't told them.


the main advice I would have for you is, you can raise your child in religion, but if when they become older they follow their own religious path that is different from your own, please do not scold them or harass them about it! you should always accept your child for who they are, even if their beliefs don't agree with yours. my mom always told me that she would love me no matter what, but I don't think she would take it well if I told her I was a non-theist. just please don't be like my mom. if you say you'll love your child no matter what you should absolutely stick with that. it's really unfortunate that I have to lie to my parents out of fear of what they might do to me if i told the truth.

 

[sleepydreepy]

I've recently had a baby, and 10000000 thoughts have been racing around my brain. One of them is, should I raise my child religious? I was raised Buddhist, and after a identity crisis I decided to continue practicing my religion as it brought me happiness and peace. But I've had many friends of all different religions say that they hated being forced into a religion! Obviously I would teach him Buddhist stories and if he wants to celebrate festivals with us, he can! But I'm wondering, should I make him pray? Questions like that circle my brain, anyway what do you think about strictly raising your child religious?

That's definitely a personal decision, but I do believe there is a right and wrong way to do it (I also know people who's parents forced them into various religions growing up).

I was raised Christian and it has had a huge positive impact on my life. Its given me a sense of purpose, peace, and hope. When I was in middle school I was really depressed and was on the verge of being suicidal, but believing in God is what literally saved my life. Even now that I'm older and going through other life struggles, knowing that God cares about me and has a plan for my life gives me peace deep inside, even if I'm feeling super anxious in the moment.

My mom was the one who really taught me about God from a very young age. She was pretty causal about it, meaning she wasn't one of those extreme religious/Christian people who believed that doing yoga was satanic for example, and didn't force it down my throat. She prayed with me, and taught me what Christianity was and what it meant, and we celebrated Christian holidays and stuff, but she seemed like was waiting for me to fully understand on my own. I guess this was because she herself was raised Christian (Catholic) but it wasn't until she was older (in her 20s) that she really started believing, and maybe she understood that religion is very personal and you have to sincerely believe it. And I guess it worked, because I remember in elementary school one day I told her I wanted her to pray with me and ask God to come into my heart or something, and I remember she said something like, are you sure/is this what you want? And after I said yes she then prayed with me. And honestly I think that's probably the way to do it, or at least what I'm going to do with my kids. Because I also think that at the end of the day, you have to truly believe in whatever religion you practice by yourself and not just because someone else/your parent(s) want you to.

So yeah, I think its ok if you want to raise your kid Buddhist, but make sure to give him space to discover Buddhism on his own too, if he is interested!

 

[litilravnur]

I can only talk about my experience. I grew up in a Catholic household but with every generation, the religious factor has been diluting; strict grandparents, my parents more indulgent, my siblings and I decided not to practice. It's not that I hated being raised that way but what I'm thankful for with my parents it's that they agreed and were respectful when I decided (at a young age) that their religion wasn't for me and I wanted to know more about other points of view.

Spirituality is important for the human being, right now your baby is too young to understand but maybe you can involve your kid with your religion showing them how it is, and let them take part if they want to.

 

[meo]

I'm Buddhist. My husband identifies with Buddhism but doesn't strictly label it/practice to the extent I do. We both believe in Buddhism as a way of life more than it being a religion for us.
Ultimately it can come down to in how you define a religion which for many definitions involves believing in a god(s)...some sects do practice beliefs with gods/goddesses and some do not. We do not personally.

I do plan to have my children active in temple. For us, it's not even just the worship/belief system, it's the community as a whole. I want my children to have access to both areas of their cultures and the temple is a huge part of providing that in the states. Most of the cultural and ethnic holidays, events, language classes, traditions (dancing, attire, trades, etc) are offered through the temple. At the same time, whether my children go on to practice/believe in Buddhism completely or not, I do think there are teachings/practices that can be beneficial to them as they mature (just as my husband is per se).

I don't think there's anything wrong with taking your children to your places of worship and integrating them...so long as it isn't forced. You can attend something with an educational/respectful manner but still choose different paths. By the same token, I don't plan to hide religion from my children and not help them navigate information/access to religions if they have an interest in exploring.

I was raised in a conservative christian household. I definitely have my personal issues with Christianity due to it but the difference was having those beliefs and systems forced on me and also used as weapons. Even still, I wouldn't mind my future children exploring Christianity so long as it was from the right sources to avoid the same being done to them. It's also important to note, that because many feel Buddhism is more a way of life/philosophy, that you can be Buddhist in certain sects and have other religions at the same time (whether those other religions consent to that however...is another issue).

So, that's my two cents...ultimately it comes down to how you feel and your intentions but there's no wrong answer so long as it's done respectfully/openly.

 

[BluebearL]

Hi first of all congratulations! I am religious (Christian) and have studied multiple religions (Buddhism, Islam, Christianity etc) at an academic level. I would say like some have before that religion has a lot to offer in terms of moral teachings but more broadly teachings about the human condition.

Buddhism taught me a lot about letting go of my pain and mastering my mind. If it is important to you by all means raise your child in a religious tradition, of course they won’t want to participate sometimes (I found it hard going to church every week) but the same can be said for many routine practices. In terms of forced prayers I would say that if it is something that they feel connected to then they will and that cannot be forced. I would personally help them to understand the frame of mind of your religion and let them grow as a person in whichever direction that takes. I was raised to participate in my religion fully and for me I found it to be deeply important for understanding my own religion in the first place and I have loved it. But then again I am not a parent so it is entirely your choice. Best of luck ❤

 

[Katzenjammer]

I would very much hope that you largely ignore anyone that tells you how you should or should not raise your child, especially if they don't have a child themselves. Instead, I would perhaps have a serious heart to heart with your S.O. if possible to discuss it in depth and consider what you both believe is the best thing for your child. Just my two cents. <3

edit: Many apologies if this came across as harsh or offensive, I was just trying to be honest and helpful. <3

 

[Chris]

I've spent the past two days thinking of a way to respond to this thread that won't come across as harsh. So I'm going to hope that what I'm about to say will come across as advisory rather than as an attack.

Back in June you asked on TBT what religion you should be. When asked why you wished to subscribe to a religion you couldn't provide a solid response. Based on this, I'd suggest that perhaps you need to spend a lot more time (years perhaps) finding yourself and understanding your own beliefs before you share them with someone else. Young children are very impressionable, and if you decide a couple of years down the line that this religion isn't right for you or behave in a way that contradicts the teachings of your religion then you're going to be sending him confusing and mixed messages. While you say you were raised in a Buddhist household, you've also shared before that you now follow a different school of Buddhism which means you may not be the most informed person to be teaching your beliefs to someone else.

You should consider what you are aiming to achieve from sharing your religion with your child. Provided that you couldn't give us a solid reason for why you wished to follow a religion I'd also question your reasons for wishing to share that with someone else. You need to know what you want to achieve in order to understand the most appropriate way to introduce your child to the religion and what practices you might have them engage in (if any). There are wonderful things a child can gain from religion and most of those are linked to having a supportive network and good teacher.

In your situation specifically, I'd recommend that if you do wish to encourage your child to be religious that you seek out someone else to help and guide you. Alternatively it may be a good idea to wait until your child learns about religion in school (whether Buddhism specifically or others) and then introduce your beliefs to them and see how interested they are in engaging with it.

I was raised Christian and my faith was undermined by my parents doing a lacklustre job with it. They appeared to care more about guiding me toward a certain way of thinking rather than subscribing to it themselves. They never took me to church but I was forced to read the bible and pray daily with no real explanation as to why. I had a spiritual crisis when I was eleven after something my mother said that completely shattered everything I was raised to believe in, and I ended up identifying as an atheist throughout my teens and early twenties. I read into a lot of different religions before eventually returning to Christianity, in a different branch, and that rocky foundation I started with is still a massive obstacle in my faith. I don't think it will ever stop being one. I attend a church service every Sunday as constant affirmation otherwise I backslide and begin to go through the same ordeal all over again. So that's why, based on my experience, I don't think it's a good idea to take the lead on teaching your child a religion that you yourself are still relatively new to and may not stick with throughout the entirety of their childhood. If your faith changes, or you cannot do a good job, then you are setting that child up for a rocky relationship with religion for life.

I'm going to quote a few lines from Casting Crown's song Love You With The Truth regarding Christianity:

It's not about religion or earning God's forgiveness
With magic prayers or new behavior
It's all about your heart, He'll meet you where you are
Turn from your sin and trust in Christ as Lord

The reason I'm sharing this is because inadequately teaching someone your beliefs can come across as too much of a focus on physical practices, rather than spirituality. You can tell a child to pray and you can convince them that your way of thinking is right—just like you can tell them the tooth fairy is real—but you can't force them to make a spiritual connection with something.

My goal with writing this is by no means to discourage you. I think religion is a wonderful and positive thing for a child to grow up with. But you should have a good think about your reasons for wanting to introduce your child to religion, how you think it will benefit them, and to consider if you are really the best person to guide them on their spiritual journey. It's not a decision you should take lightly nor one you should allow people on the internet to make for you.

I hope this has given you something to think about and will help you in making an informed decision regardless of the eventual outcome. Good luck and congratulations on the birth of your son.

 

[Blood Eclipse]

Not my place to tell you how to raise your own child, but from my own personal experience and what I've observed, growing up the US, I would've liked if I wasn't forced into religion and was, instead, taught how to ask more questions and how to have a healthy dose of skepticism and a better understanding and value of science, amongst other things. But again, ultimately, it's a personal choice.

 

[Envy]

I wouldn't raise a child religious. I think that religions are all baseless and most of them are toxic. I am disgusted by the sexism, homophobia, transphobia, anti-science mindsets, protection of sexual offenders, the anti-self esteem beliefs, and also the taking away of valuing the one life we know we have.

If I was were to raise a child and they chose religion, well that's their decision. I just hope they'd pick a progressive sect, but even there I'd worry about what it would do to their value of the life we have on earth.

 

[Romaki]

It's nice to follow traditions as a kid, but it's 2020 and your child probably won't have deep thoughts like religion until 2030. I've always been an atheist, but I grew up in a small town with catholic traditions I was forced to follow. I didn't mind when I was like 5, but when I was 15 I absolutely despised my parents for forcing me to do a tradition for a religion I didn't believe in. I didn't mind doing stuff with my local church, but that was too far in my eyes. I think at 13 kids can decide that for themselves, before that I'd ask you to introduce church and not your religion as the one to believe in. I don't know how your country is like, but mine's not super religious so we were lucky to be educated about all religions. But I feel like more religious european countries are more extreme when it comes to their local religion. Like my town had two and they were like rivals, it's so weird. Religion is so weird when it involves kids who don't have philosophical thoughts yet, like a cult initiation.

 

[Uffe]

I was raised a Christian growing up. Taught to believe in Christ, went to church every Sunday, read the bible somewhat, but I've never been a big reader of books. My brother is an atheist. The reason I bring him up is because he was also raised as a Christian. He read the bible a lot more than I did, and that somehow moved him away from Christianity. He also struggled with holding the values of one, so when customers were rude to him or treated him wrong while he was at work, it was difficult for him to just "turn the other cheek" so to speak. This made him resentful of himself because he didn't think he was a good enough Christian for not liking these mean people. He said when he became an atheist, these burdens he struggled with were finally gone.

My point is this. You can raise your child to be religious, but upon doing so, you may also make him or her feel burdened. My brother is just one example of this with Christianity. I've heard other atheists have a similar situation and also claiming to feel at ease no longer following a religion set upon them growing up. I sort of know a guy who I used to go to school with in high school. He became a Christian years ago. If you knew him in his earlier years compared to now, you wouldn't recognize him.

 

[Fjoora]

I would raise the child to be open-minded. To follow their heart, their intuition, and their own beliefs.
I would let them know how exactly you feel about the world, and what you believe in, but to always have a mind wide open for new perspectives. There's a lot of value in religion, especially from the moral side of things, and it's upon Christian values that the entire western civilization was built. Unity and shared belief bring us together.
You don't have to teach them religion, but teaching them why it is valuable arms them to face the world.