Secret Garden (Niwa Shiku Retto) By: FireFlies

[Temari]

<big><big><big>Niwa Shiku Retto (Secret Garden)
By: FireFlies (My Pen Name)</big></big></big>

Here's the link to see the story:
http://tiny.cc/NiwaShikuRetto909

Click "Open" and then read it.

 

[Wish]

Thats pretty good~~ But it needs a little suspense though.

 

[Temari]

Thats pretty good~~ But it needs a little suspense though.

hmm? What do you mean?

 

[Lisathegreat!]

I wonder if the boy is ever mentioned again in the story. Nice story though!

 

[Wish]

Thats pretty good~~ But it needs a little suspense though.

hmm? What do you mean?

Like at the beginning, when the mother decides to tell the daughter that her real mom was dead, you should add some details before it to make readers really want to know. XP

 

[Temari]

Thats pretty good~~ But it needs a little suspense though.

hmm? What do you mean?

Like at the beginning, when the mother decides to tell the daughter that her real mom was dead, you should add some details before it to make readers really want to know. XP

Yeah, I know. It'll have more details once i decide to write more. My friend is writing one of her own stories, and I'm writing one of my own. We decided to switch it, so she'll be writing mine, and I'll be writing hers. If you read most of our stories that we switch, you could tell who is writing what by the different writing styles.

 

[SilentHopes]

Not good.