The KiloPatches Advice Column and Q&A Thread!

[KiloPatches]

I had a huge meltdown today and I don't even know where to begin.
I was so, so scared. I could barely breathe, I couldn't talk.
I'm really worried it might happen again.
Help?

What you may have experienced is a panic attack. Feeling choked up, like you are having a heart attack, like you might die, like you are cracking up, or similar feelings are symptomatic of panic attacks. They can come out of the blue and are a result of anxiety.

If they happen in public places, people can become worried that they will happen again in public - that is how agoraphobia usually develops, were people are afraid to leave their homes.

Don't be afraid of it happening again. You have dealt with it once. You survived. You conquered. You lived! You're okay again. And you WILL be okay again. Panic attacks are temporary. They are fleeting.

Practice 2 types of relaxation excersizes while you are not anxious so that when you become anxious they are easy to use as tools to use to calm down:

The first is Rhythmic Breathing:
Inhale through your nose for a count of four...... hold for a count of two...... exhale out your mouth for a count of three..... repeat.

The second is Progressive Muscle Relaxation: You can make this excersize fun and picture it this way:
Imagine yourself as a strand of uncooked spaghetti noodles. Begin with your Toes. (I call this excersize "Spaghetti Toes" for this reason). Tense up your toes and flex them tightly like they are stiff like uncooked spaghetti, then relax them as if they have just been boiled down and cooked in a nice warm pot of water, relaxed and loose. (try not to imagine the pot of water being scalding hot, try to picture it more like a warm bath). Then move to your calves, tense your calve muscles tightly, hold for a few seconds, then released and let them relax. Notice the difference between tension and relaxation. Then do your thighs, your back muscles, your arms, clench your fists, tighten your face muscles, and once you have done each of those all once at a time, tighten your whole body all at once, just give yourself one BIG squeeze and hold as tight as you can and then release and relax. It will feel really good, trust me.

I hope that helps. Let me know if those strategies work for you. <3 *hugs* PM me if you ever need to talk.

 

[tobi!]

do you prefer formal or casual wear

 

[KiloPatches]

do you prefer formal or casual wear

Mostly casual. Like khakis and practical clothing with a lot of pockets. I don't like carrying purses. I carry a backpack mostly.

However, I pull off formal very well. I can walk in heels like a superstar! I also miss my formal military uniform. My combats as well - particularly the boots - is the most comfortable outfit I own to be honest. I miss cadets....

I like dresses too, but I usually wear them with sandals with a wedge heel because I am short (5'2") and my boyfriend is 6'5". XD

But its mostly jeans/track pants and a T-shirt/hoodie for me most days

 

[thatawkwardkid]

What are your plans for the Holiday?

 

[KiloPatches]

What are your plans for the Holiday?

Much like my (Canadian) Thanksgiving, its going to be pretty lonely. Just me, my boyfriend and my two cats, J'zargo and M'aiq the Liar (named after Khajiits in Skyrim)

J'zargo is on the left, M'aiq is on the right. They are identical twin brothers. 3 years old. We adopted them from the Humane Society when they were 7 month old kittens. They are precious boys. They are our family. Practically our kids (since my boyfriend and I don't want kids).

My mother died when I was 19 as I said, 4 years ago, so my Dad has started dating. My name is Katherine, and less than a year ago, he started dating a woman named Katherine who claims to be Psychic (I don't buy it, and neither does my Dad), and I realize when you're in your 50s you don't have a whole lotta time left, but I feel like they are rushing into things, but they met online, and they moved in together.

My Dad and I live 5 hours apart. I moved away to go to University. His girlfriend is from my University city, actually which gave him more incentive to visit me, but now that she is living with him, he doesn't visit me anymore. And I don't much care to visit him. Its expensive to take the train, he is awful at entertaining my boyfriend and I, like he doesn't keep the fridge stocked with food for us to eat, he is always working and if he is not at work he is sleeping so we don't get to spend time with him anyway, so really, its not worth it. He is also really bad at gift giving. He receives gifts then gives them to us when he doesn't want them because he never knows what to get us or he doesn't want to go through the trouble of getting something thoughtful. Meanwhile I always get something thoughtful for him and he practically rejects it.

I cook a MEAN turkey dinner feast. Thanksgiving, Christmas, you name it. I am self-taught. I have a self-taught recipe I follow that involves cooking the turkey in a chicken broth brine with carrots and celery, seasoning it, glazing it with extra virgin olive oil (under the skin too to make it extra tender), injecting it with the brine, sprinkling it with hickory smoke flavour and roasting it. Then I make mashed potatoes, stuffing, dinner rolls, corn on the cob, gravy, and once the turkey is done serve the carrots and celery it was roasted with as a side dish (they are infused with hickory smoke and EXTRA tasty!). I serve cranberry sauce, white strawberry zinfandel wine and pumpkin pie with whipped cream.

My Dad had one of my turkey feasts and HE knows how good it is. He KNOWS what he is missing out on. Yet he missed Thanksgiving. So it was just Dustin and I. And this Christmas it will be Dustin and I again as well.

I LOVE entertaining. I LOVE having company over and showing off my cooking prowess. But oh well. My Dad is the only family I have. And he has his girlfriend now. All my university friends are going home to their families or whatever else. We are the only independent ones.

 

[tobi!]

I was talking to one of my friends and we got on the discussion of jobs. She told me she was a stripper and I was shocked. I'd known her for about a year and I hadn't known this but it kinda got me thinking.She makes three times as much money as I do and says she actually enjoys her job unlike me. I kinda had a bad opinion on them but I know her and she's nice so now I'm kinda okay with strippers.
Do you think strippers are bad people? I wouldn't want to stop talking to her just because of her job. :L

 

[Myst]

How's it going?

 

[KiloPatches]

I was talking to one of my friends and we got on the discussion of jobs. She told me she was a stripper and I was shocked. I'd known her for about a year and I hadn't known this but it kinda got me thinking.She makes three times as much money as I do and says she actually enjoys her job unlike me. I kinda had a bad opinion on them but I know her and she's nice so now I'm kinda okay with strippers.
Do you think strippers are bad people? I wouldn't want to stop talking to her just because of her job. :L

Hey, its funny you bring this up because my boyfriend was in the same situation as you years ago. A friend he met online that he knew for years got into "exotic dancing" (in other words, stripping) and he thought it was completely immoral and stopped talking to her, but that was his choice.

For me, I dig down to the root of the problem. I feel stripping is an immoral act, yes. I feel a woman's body should be preserved for the person she loves, because if she gives it away all the time, and she falls in love with some one and gets married, what has she got left to offer him? (or her, if she is a lesbian?) She has already sold her body away to dozens of people stripping for money.... her body is valueless. And therefore she feels very poorly towards herself.

In my years in the youth shelters, I met a few prostitutes and chatted with them why they did what they did. I know stripping isn't anything close to prostitution, but hear me out.... (I mean, depending on where you go, but still)..... I found many of the women I talked to were rape survivors, or had been in abusive relationships. "Damaged Goods" if you will, with belittled self esteem, trying to regain self-control over their bodies and sexuality in the only means they know how: prostitution, or in the case of my boyfriend's friend, stripping.

Strippers are not bad people. They simply have a lot of issues with self-worth and self-esteem, usually because of a traumatic experience that they are having trouble coping with appropriately. I could be wrong about your friend, but that is just my hunch based on the correlation I have seen.

Don't hate the stripper. Hate the stripping. Its counterproductive. Its hurtful for both the woman and the people who attend shows/clubs. If a man has a history of going to strip clubs regularly and he meets the woman of his dreams who has a "100% honesty policy" and a "No Tolerance to Strippers" policy - he will be out of luck and lose out on his dream girl unless he lies about his history in which case his relationship will be built on a lie and that's horrible too. Strip Clubs cause all sorts of problems. And I can tell you, it is not empowering for the woman. If she says that it is, she is lying to herself.

- - - Post Merge - - -

How's it going?

Nice to hear from you, Myst!

I went shopping today with my boyfriend at the mall. I went into my favourite stores to treat myself with money from my recent paycheque. While at the mall though, I started to get SEVERE pain in my kidneys again though. I didn't bring any Tylenol 3s to the mall so I I just sat in the food court in pain. My boyfriend went to the drug store to get regular over the counter Tylenol and I took 4 but it didn't help at all. I thought walking around might help. It did somewhat, but it was still excruciating. I was tempted to take a cab home, but we bussed instead to save money. Back home I took 2 T3s and the rest of my meds, took a bath and felt better. Now I am going to dream of more towns for my Dream Town contest! You should totally enter!

 

[Myst]

That stinks. At least you feel better now!

Ooooh, where is it? (The Dream Town Contest)

 

[KiloPatches]

That stinks. At least you feel better now!

Ooooh, where is it? (The Dream Town Contest)

Ooooh! Here! http://www.belltreeforums.com/showt...BELLS!!!!-GUARANTEED-10-TBT-JUST-FOR-ENTERING!!

You are guaranteed 10 TBT JUST for entering as a thank you for helping me earn my Dreamer's Badge.
The 1st Prize is 10 Million Bells or 100 TBT.
I dream of your town and take pictures as I go and post them with feedback to support my claim for the first prize win. Its pretty exciting! I spend like an hour in each town..... honestly, I am SUPER thorough.... I REALLY want to offer good feedback.

Enter! Please!

 

[Myst]

Thanks. I'll keep that in mind. There's still a few things I want to do in my town, after all.

 

[KiloPatches]

Thanks. I'll keep that in mind. There's still a few things I want to do in my town, after all.

You have until the 27th to enter. But there is no harm in entering! Guaranteed 10 TBT, a 1 Million Bell value! XD

 

[Myst]

You have until the 27th to enter. But there is no harm in entering! Guaranteed 10 TBT, a 1 Million Bell value! XD

Thanks for letting me know.

 

[KiloPatches]

bump!

 

[Goth]

I was raped and abused by my old babysitter some years ago how do I tell my parents?

 

[KiloPatches]

I was raped and abused by my old babysitter some years ago how do I tell my parents?

In our society, rape and abuse has become a taboo topic, and that is wrong. I am very sorry you had to go through that. My mother was raped by her Dad and when she told her mother (this was in the 1970s, mind you when you "didn't talk about these things") she refused to believe that her husband would do such a thing, and my mother was scarred for life because she never got the treatment and therapy she needed because it was a taboo topic - she wasn't heard, she wasn't listened to, she reached out and was hushed. You don't deserve the same fate.

I would start by writing things down. Collecting your thoughts, if you haven't already. I can imagine it is very painful to think about. But try. How many encounters were there? How old were you when they happened? What do you remember? Was your babysitter a close family friend? Is that person still in your family's life?

If the person is still in your life, do you wish to press charges, is another question. Even if they are not, too. Its horrible, what they did to you.

Confront your parents with your written list and just start from the beginning. "Remember So-and-so?...." and just let your memories flow. Let yourself vent your emotions. Express your feelings about the event(s). Express that you want to be heard and that it is worth talking about and that it shouldn't be a taboo topic. We are not in the 70s anymore. We are in a new generation that can talk about rape openly without judgement. Tell them you are confiding in them because you trust them and love them and want them to understand. What do you hope will be the outcome? Express that too.

I hope that helps. *hugs* If there is anything else I can do to help, just ask. PM me anytime.

 

[Beary]

I'm too afraid to go to school. I guess I associate it with intense fear, because when I haf my meltdown I was there.
I want to go, but whenever I think about it I get this horrible shaky feeling.

 

[KiloPatches]

I'm too afraid to go to school. I guess I associate it with intense fear, because when I haf my meltdown I was there.
I want to go, but whenever I think about it I get this horrible shaky feeling.

Hi, again,

I know exactly how you feel. I had a panic attack in church once. I felt like I was suffocating. I had to leave. I was so embarrassed I was afraid to go back. With the support of my boyfriend and our room mate at the time I was able to go back but it was REALLY difficult.

I am being treated for Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and prescribed a type of psychiatric medicine classified as Benzodiazepines. They help wit anxiety and panic symptoms. I take them 3 times a day and once as needed. The drug I am on is called Clonazepam. There are others that end on "-pam" like Lorazepam (Ativan) that I have been on before too.

I would speak to your family doctor. He or she may be able to prescribe you a Benzodiazepine or refer you to a psychiatrist that can prescribe you one. These panic symptoms, in my opinion based on my perspective from my academic studies and having researched abnormal psychology, are based on biological, neurological dysfunction in the brain that can be corrected with benzodiazepines, in conjunction with cognitive-behavioural therapy perhaps down the road that can help with finding the root causes of your anxiety and fears (which according to Bandura, and other behaviourists, are learned, and can be un-learned).

Right now we need to get you on your feet. Practice the relaxation techniques I taught you. But this has a neurological basis that is beyond my control, and needs medical intervention.

Please speak with your doctor about how you have been feeling. See if a Benzodiazepine would make you feel better and less anxious. It helps me. It might help you.

That's wat I was saying thoug about how agoraphobia develops - a person has a panic attack or a melt down in public and fears it happening again so they avoid going in public again and stay at home and lock themselves away from the world. That's not healthy. As soon as you confront school again and realize its not threatening you will feel better, but you might not be able to do that without the assistance of a benzodiazepine to overcome that shakiness you speak of.

 

[KiloPatches]

How is everyone doing today?

 

[KiloPatches]

bump