The out of context quotes thread

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Earl hands Baby a baseball bat*
“Here you go. This is a special monster bat that you can use to hit any monsters that might be living under your bed.”
*Fran turns off the light before Earl can leave the side of the crib*
“Whack the monster!”
*Sound of bat hitting something very hard in the dark is heard*
“Fran! Turn on the light now!”
“Whack the monster!”
*More hitting noises are heard while Fran struggles to find the light switch*
“Hurry Fran!”
“I can’t find the switch!”
“Whack the monster!”
*Sound of baseball bat breaking is heard as Fran finally finds the light switch and turns it on. The baseball bat is now broken in half while Earl is laying on the floor groaning*
“WAAAAAAAAH! I BROKE MY SPECIAL MONSTER BAT!!!!!!!!!”

 

[Yoshi155]

You’re under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food, and misrepresenting the weight of livestock.

If you had kids of your own, you’d understand!

 

[Mr.Fox]

'Shhh! I been here two hours, and Bart still hasn't finded me!'

 

[Yoshi155]

I have to be responsible and tell him he can’t win.

Here’s 10 bucks.

**** it, let the training begin!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“You don’t need a license to fish or own a gun. So why do you need one to be a parent?”

 

[Yoshi155]

I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty.

Ah, the 67th amendment.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Help, help! I'm too lazy to escape!"

 

[Yoshi155]

Pleased to meet you.

Actually, we’ve met once before.

WHAT?! *explodes*

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Baby is holding a baseball bat like a player and is circling it as he holds it*
“Take me out to the ballgame….”
“He’s taunting me, Fran!”

 

[Yoshi155]

I’ll have my lunch now. A single pillow of shredded wheat, some steamed toast, and a dodo egg.

But I think the dodo went extinct.

Get going!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Do you know what happened to your brother?”
“Well yeah. Who doesn’t?”
“What happened?”
“They mopped the street with him.”
“Tell me what actually happened!”
“They actually mopped the street with him by actually dunking his head into some water and actually dragged him up and down the street. It’s actually never looked any cleaner.”

 

[LordSheep78]

"“Do you know what happened to your brother?”
“Well yeah. Who doesn’t?”
“What happened?”
“They mopped the street with him.”
“Tell me what actually happened!”
“They actually mopped the street with him by actually dunking his head into some water and actually dragged him up and down the street. It’s actually never looked any cleaner.”" -Captain Jigglypuff 11 minutes ago

 

[Yoshi155]

Doughnuts? I told you, I don’t like ethnic food!

 

[Yoshi155]

What’d you get that for?

For knocking Mr. Burns out of a third story window.

Makes sense to me.

 

[Yoshi155]

It was like firefighters came to put out a giant fire, except the fire was a bunch of Japanese people.

 

[Yoshi155]

What’s the matter? Can’t move your arms?

Obviously not, or I’d be strangling you right now.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“You remember my Uncle Roger.”
*In Japanese* “Ah yes. The alien in the wig.”
“Yes on my mom’s side.”

 

[LordSheep78]

"Ur about section is a lie now"
"Yeah I was bored " -me and random person in the comments of my only yt video lol

 

[Yoshi155]

Kudos, Bender. You got mangled, and now you’re a singer. Both our dreams came true.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Parody of Ocarina of Time is on tv screen and Link keeps running into the wall*
“Hey! Hey!”
*Link turns around and walks in that direction when a giant wall falls on top of him and he loses three hearts and has only two left*
Screen Box: You lost three lives.
“Hey! Hey!”
*Link swings sword around randomly and hits Navi who then disappears*
Screen Box: You killed your fairy. You lost five lives. Game Over- Try again?