The out of context quotes thread

[Midoriya]

"Hey dude, what's up?"
"Not much, just got done viewing the eclipse."
"Ah, cool. Hey, want to go grab some burgers?"
"I'm sorry, but I'm not in the path of totality to do that."
"Ummmmm, what?"
"I told you I'm not in the path of totality to get burgers."
"...well then, do you want to go dancing tonight?"
"I'm not in the path of totality for that, either."
"o-okay, then what about roller skating?"
"Not in the path of totality."
*geez, this guy's a snooze fest! I can't tell what's annoying me more, his unwillingness to make plans or the language he's using!*
"FINE, then do you want to go storm watching with me?"
"Not in the path of totalit--
"WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!?"

 

[Yoshi155]

Hey, I thought you said Troy McClure was dead.

No, what I said was he sleeps with the fishes. You see-

Uh, Tony, please, no, I just ate a whole plate of dingamagoo.

 

[Yoshi155]

The only difference between our marriage and anyone else’s is we know ours is a sham.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Whoa, Cartman. Talk about wide load."

"Yeah, I'm really starting to fill out nicely."

"You're not filling out nicely, you're fatter than ever!"

"I'm not fat! I'm getting in shape!"

"Cartman, you're such a fatass that when you walk down the street people go, 'Goddamn, that's a big fat ass!'"

"No they don't, you jealous weakling!"

"Goddamn, that's a big fat ass!"

"AY!"

 

[Yoshi155]

Ughhh… hello, and welcome to what I pray is the final episode of Talking Video Games.

*the audience applauds*

Don’t… don’t clap for their asses. Today, our topic, like always, is games with simple plots.

Hi, I’m Sora from Kingdom Hearts-

No! You shut your mouth! I’m starting with our other guests first. Guests, please tell us your name and the simple plot of your game.

Hey. I’m the capsule from Arkanoid. As far as I can tell, I’m a tube. And a ball bounces off me.

*the audience applauds*

I’m Mrs. Pac-Man. I’m Pac-Man with a bow.

*the audience applauds*

Okay, Sora, did you see how it’s done? Tell me the plot of your game real simple. Just like that.

You got it! Cue the music!

NO, DON’T CUE THE MUSIC!

*music starts*

 

[Mr.Fox]

Hans Moleman Productions presents Man Getting Hit By Football
*DOINK*

 

[-Blue-]

I'm gonna take my shot now. I have it figured out that if I can just skim pop's belt buckle, maybe the bullet will ricochet off it and kill the guy with the gun.
Hank, I will give you so much money to not shoot your dad.

How can you say that about Hitler?! I love Hitler! And Hitler loves me! He's not all bad. Hitler just needs someone to believe in him! Can't you just give Hitler a chance?
Dean! Hitler is a mass murderer! He's pure evil! And you have to kill him!
I won't destroy the only thing I've ever loved! I won't kill Hitler! Never ever! Wahahaha!

 

[Yoshi155]

Hadouken!

Aahhh!! You have proven that you are the best, you have hadoukened a giant hole in my chest.

…hey, you did it, you rhymed on beat.

Oh, yeah, cool.

Yeah, great job man, I knew you could do it.

I appreciate it-

Tatsumaki Senpukyaku!

*gets knocked away like a Street Fighter match*

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Did he just inject himself with apple juice?"

 

[Yoshi155]

Oh, you beat the French out of him!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“So long to the days where I could say my mom was normal.”
“Everyone’s afraid of something.”
“Not everyone.”
“Sock puppets.”
“WHAT?! WHERE?!”

 

[Yoshi155]

We’re gonna crash!

Not if I can help it. *machine powers down anyway* Oh. I guess I can’t.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“No more soy milk in this house. Look at what it’s done to our Tommy!”
*Points to Tommy who now has massive breast implants in him from the evil doctor*

 

[Midoriya]

"It's as ridiculous as having a walrus in net..."
*hockey puck is shot and just bounces off of the walrus*
"It's a freaking walrus! Ridiculous!"
*player sighs as he skates away*
"Good job, Duncan! Here's another fish for you!"
*all the players on the bench make walrus noises*

 

[Yoshi155]

It’s impossible! I mean, if she’s my grandmother, who’s my grandfather?

Isn’t it obvious?

*shakes head*

You are!

*screams*

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I’m the Alligator. Snap! Snap! Snap!”

 

[Yoshi155]

I guess what I’m asking is, Bender, won’t you join my slaying tonight?

Well… ‘tis the season.

 

[Mr.Fox]

‘Ohh Jerry!’
‘Ohh…you!’

 

[QueenCobra]

“That guy Sal, he's a real papilloma!"

 

[Yoshi155]

Doughnut?

No, thanks. Do you have any fruit?

This has purple stuff inside. Purple is a fruit.