The out of context quotes thread

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Hey, here’s a weird thing I’ve noticed. I’m Diddy Kong and you’re Donkey Kong. We’re all Kongs. Are we all related?”
*Donkey, Dixie, and Candy are now confused *
“Okay on the count of three, we all say our grandpa’s name. One, two….”
*Everyone* “Cranky Kong.”

 

[Yoshi155]

Each two man team will work its way through the wilderness to a cabin hidden somewhere on this mountain. The routes are treacherous, so use your maps.

I lost my map.

You haven’t been issued a map yet.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Maggie shows Marge the mug she made for her for Mother’s Day*
“Oh how sweet. It’s the mug you made me for Mother’s Day. You know what else I got? A vacuum that cleans the outside! I guess cleaning the inside wasn’t enough.”

 

[Yoshi155]

Well, we made it here first, all thanks to teamwork.

Yeah, my teamwork.

 

[Yoshi155]

Kids, your father is going to be just fine. Okay, everybody, put on your corpse handling gloves. We’ve got two frozen bodies buried somewhere in this mountain.

Did you hear that, Lise? Dad’s gonna be just fine.

 

[Yoshi155]

Alright, how about this? What would you call a straight man who doesn’t own a Harley, but likes them and might buy one someday?

You call him bike-curious.

Bike?

Bike-curious. Don’t you guys keep up with today’s lingo at all?

 

[Yoshi155]

Bad news, everyone! You’re not good enough to go on your next mission.

Hooray!

Not good enough! *high fives Fry*

 

[Yoshi155]

A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death!

And that’s if you’re not allergic. You don’t want to know what happens then. *shudders*

Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science-fair volcano.

I didn’t want to know! *starts crying*

 

[Mr.Fox]

‘Don’t cry! Sparkle is safe now, and we did that. Thanks to us, he’s going to grow up and be anything he wants to be. A strapping horse whisperer, or a sexy hitman or whatever.’

 

[Yoshi155]

Fry? *gasps* He’s- he’s dead.

Oh, who will make Bender waffles just the way he likes them now?

 

[Yoshi155]

Are you saying… I’m going crazy?

No, no, no one’s saying that. But I’m certainly thinking it loudly.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I feel funny. Ha ha funny.”
*Leela begins to laugh hysterically before passing out*

 

[ShinyDungeoneer]

"Daddy says, 'Two on one is only fair and square'."
"The only things 'Square' here are your heads!"
^a conversation in Puyo Pop Fever, between Amitie and a father and son Frankenstein duo.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“There’s only one way to settle this.”
“I’ll say there is!”
“You two have to slug it out. Beth, you get to use a sock stuffed with quarters to offset the size difference.”
“YAY!”
*Milo and Beth run off in opposite directions to prepare for their fight*

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Milo, shoot Mommy in the head.”
“Dad will get mad.”

 

[Yoshi155]

Uh, were you just singing?

No, I was telling you not to worry. I’m not allowed to sing. Court order.

 

[Mr.Fox]

‘All unfit citizens of Lemongrab must be reconditioned!’
‘Man, are you crazy?’
‘YEEEEEAAAAOOOOOOMEEEEEEEE’
‘I have to use my sound sword now! IT’S A SOUND SWOOOOOORD!
*children screaming and exploding*

 

[Yoshi155]

*picks up remote* Hello? Hello? Stupid cordless phone! I’ll try the old fashioned model *picks up an iron* Ah, that’s better.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Belle picks up the hairbrush laying on the dressing table*
“Who did this used to be?”
“That’s just a hairbrush.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Everything must be clean! Very clean! That’s why the dog had to die. He was a dirty dog. Dirty dirty! Also that boy Elroy. Dirty dirty!”