What's Bothering You?

It's been a month since where I live has had rain, it's also been warm to very warm and it looks like it's sticking around for the foreseeable which means the chances of me getting a good nights sleep is practically zero due to it being so warm at night. Roll on Autumn. 😭
 
this grief is kinda starting to hit me now, I'm tired and emotionally numb.

I want to work on the celebrating diversity contest bc this could finally be my chance at a rainbow feather, but I dont even know if I can find the motivation. life is unexpectedly hard right now.
 
I didn’t think it was humanly possible to have a migraine, tension headache, and a sinus headache at the same time, but here we are.
 
having to sit down in the same room with my parents as they watch videos of preachers hitting the streets during pride parades and berate LGBTQ+ people for being who they are, and having to listen to them defend the preachers and say terrible things about LGBTQ+ people is truly no way to live i think. it makes me so upset. i'm closeted and i don't think i have any intent on changing that, not even when i get older and move out. ik there's people who are literally being abused by their parents at home for being LGBTQ+ and my whining is just really incessant and inconsiderate but it really does suck :(
 
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You know everytime I look back on my past Warning points in the past 2 years I've been on this site I just cringe at myself. I mean really hate that person (that being me) being so rude to others when they were just trying to help me. I actually kicked myself so hard because I didn't realize I was being that toxic. Which is one of the reasons why I left the site for so long because I didn't want others thinking me as a "bad person" I went through several name changes just to avoid being that person but I realize its something that still haunts me.
 
I know what diversity means but can't put it into art. I really hate my lack of creativity.

I know what you mean. I can't think of anything for the event either yet. I'm not good at art, either.

I did do an art piece for one of the diversity events, but I kinnnnnnd of want to make something different this time, and I'm not sure what.
 
Yeah, I want to participate but I don’t want to draw. Honestly I’m overdue for a username change here, this username makes me feel pressured by myself, but I want to make sure it’s one I’ll stay happy with before I buy it

just… the process of drawing is so disappointing. I wish it could be more social for me beyond just cool/nice and really learning together with someone, at the same time I have too much trouble keeping up with anyone to maintain my end. I’m disappointed in myself for that, but also, I’m disappointed in how drawing is so triggering and difficult for me which is beyond my control. It used to fulfil me in every way, now it’s a mess. Just… not really fun anymore. Which sucks. The idea and potential are there, it would be so good for me if it weren’t for that genuine trauma. ): I want to draw my muse again, I’ve been thinking about it a lot.
 
last night I had a bit of a cough but it wasn't that bad, well this morning it's turned into a pretty nasty cough and it's honestly making me feel really sick. I would really prefer to save up my sick time for work but idk if I should go in feeling like this 😞
 
last night I had a bit of a cough but it wasn't that bad, well this morning it's turned into a pretty nasty cough and it's honestly making me feel really sick. I would really prefer to save up my sick time for work but idk if I should go in feeling like this 😞
update on this. yeah, I'm sick. and I'm scheduled to work tomorrow as well and I can't take any more time off. 5 hour shift, 80 min round trip.

praying this lessens by tomorrow afternoon or I'm gonna be miserable working and being gone for 6+ hours 🙃
 
I GOT no sleep last night. not a wink. medication withdrawal yadda yadda. I KEEP GETTING THIS SCARY CRYPTIC AD AND IT MADE ME CRY TWICE AND LAUGH BECAUSE OF MY SLEEP DEPREVATION.
 
I think I keep mistaking my generalized anxiety disorder as other forms of anxiety that I don't actually have. like I keep thinking that I'm being clingy, when in reality I'm just dealing with general anxiety and it has nothing to do with me being overly attached to others and relying on them for support. because this disorder comes and goes, and when I'm not dealing with it I don't have any of those issues.

highkey wish it would just go away altogether but I'm pretty sure that's impossible 😞
 
I hate getting back to back to back to back coins in Mario Kart 8 Deluxe. I had like 15 coins in a since race and most of them were doubles from double item boxes!!!
 
I cant draw anymore, I feel like my passion for it is dead. I just feel anxious and empty and annoyed when I do it.. and stressed. I need to draw to live, so I feel dead. It sucks. Ive been through too much and im tired.
 
today, one of my friends got into a university she really wanted to get into and one of our other friends said VERBATIM: "[university name] isn't anything to brag about". i was FLOORED. why do some people have such a superiority complex? what's with the academic elitism? i'm so tired of it. god forbid a person doesn't get into, let alone even decide to apply for a prestigious top ivy league university halfway across the country that you have to pay thousands upon thousands of dollars to attend for a year. god forbid someone doesn't want to attend a "party school" and doesn't care for the "college experience". god forbid someone decides to attend a school for its PROGRAM instead of its status as a top school.

so much **** has been happening but this ****? THIS is bothering me off immensely. this isn't even a one-off thing, she does this type of thing all the time and i cannot STAND IT. it's so annoying and upsetting and the thing is... I'M BARELY EVEN INVOLVED! just hearing about it upsets me. i'm pretty sure she's cut us off for now due to a spat that we're having right now but ****. i'm not angry or anything but it's just like... why? why do this? i do not need this energy before school ends/exams, i just DON'T NEED IT AUGHGHTGFDSASD
 
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