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What's Bothering You?

It's so smokey outside and it's settled down along the street and houses giving everything a creepy orange haze. The sun was solid red yesterday. Dang smoke plugging my nose and making my face itchy
 
Oh no...I didn't think about this. Oh great. Lol.

Literally headed to work in the next hour, and this sounds like torture.
You near Philly? It’s another thing if the team is actually playing since places slow down
 
Testing negative so far but ohh boy do I feel cruddy. orz My dad's been isolating and we've had the windows open and the fans on for ventilation, so I'm really hoping it's just pollen allergies kicking our butts right now. Ragweed pollen levels are high and I'm not experiencing any loss of taste or smell so🤞
 
Everyone at my job is incompetent (owners included).

There are maybe three of us who are holding the entire place together, and we get zero credit.
Big feels, especially those higher horses in the organization having like 0 idea what we are doing 🙃
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Also ugh had to call in sick today, boo. Would probably not have cared as much to post here if it wouldn't that being sick when working-system sucks, lol :/
 
Out of nowhere, I’ve had these “I have no friends” videos recommended to me on YouTube. They seem to be pretty popular and typing it into the search bar will bring up hundreds of results. Seeing these videos makes me realize it’s not that uncommon. I don’t know if this is genuine content or if they’re fishing for views, but it’s nice to know there are people willing to open up about things like this.

It’s weird because I’m content with my life right now. I talk to two people consistently, but I’d consider about two other people acquaintances. I’m happy with where I’m at. It’s just that things change when I’m exposed to other friend groups. Take a random group of people hanging out at the store; it makes me wonder how that feels. I think there’s something I’m missing out on. I went through my entire high school years without a single friend, and I’m wondering about everything I missed out on. I guess I appear socially awkward to most people younger than me because I had a different experience growing up.

I’m not like them. I didn’t hang out at parties. I’m not in group chats with 15+ people gossiping about 15+ other people. I also haven’t been in a serious relationship or one at all that wasn’t long distance, but that’s besides the point. Things like this make me feel like I’m missing out, although in the back of my mind, I know for a fact I wouldn’t have been happy partying. I wouldn’t have been happy involved in gossip. I wouldn’t have been happy doing 99% of the things they were doing.

It just sucks that nobody really understands that and they just see me as someone who is different from them. Who knew a bunch of 16-20 year olds would have this kind of effect on me? And isn’t it funny how I’m content with my life until seeing other scenarios and thinking about what could’ve been?
 
I really need to find a better way to manage my stress and anxiety. Feeling dizzy and like I'm going to pass out can't be good for me :/
 
School picture day. I don't know why, but this time I just don't wanna go. Also, great timing for my acne to flare up once again (sarcasm). This picture's gonna be worse than the last, I swear. 😭
 
i’m so tireddddd. 😩 there’s literally no reason for school to start so early. i wanna go back to bed lmao
 
I started adding a new skincare product into my routine, and I’ve been breaking out for the last week because of it.

My instructor took 0.25 points off my assignment for an incredibly petty reason.

I wish I could just turn my mind off.
 
feeling like an awful writer. been having serious problems with what i presume is stress-induced sickness lately. incredibly nervous about returning to my volunteering job on wednesday. girlfriend is having some health problems. list goes on.
 
Rabbit ramblings
Pretty sure my old rabbit Theodore will need more teeth pulled and the poor guy already lost all the bottom teeth on one side this summer so he's gonna have barely any teeth left. I suggested to the vet maybe he needs to be put down cause he's almost 9 years old and all his teeth are dying. She said it wasn't an option and he would need to be brought back to the vet every 3 months for the rest of his life to shave down his teeth since he will only have the top row and nothing is grinding against them to keep them healthy. I love Theodore so much but spending over a thousand bucks every 3 months so my rabbit can maintain his dental issues? Maybe I'm just being cold idk. Also being sedated every 3 months for a rabbit worries me. The vet told me she doesn't take age into consideration when putting an animal down and always puts the animal first, which made me feel bad but I was just trying to be reasonable. My own front tooth has a cavity in it and I would like to go to the dentist but our savings are seriously depleted from vet bills. Making decisions for my pets is hard.
 
I’m stressing myself out by looking at the contest poll results over and over… but I keep fluctuating between third and fourth place and I just can’t help it. 😅
I really just gotta walk away from this site but I can’t help myself…

Also, still suffering from the tension of debating student debt forgiveness with my incredibly Republican (dogmatic) father in law.

His lack of empathy and extreme privilege is so upsetting. I know it’s important to provide a separate viewpoint for people but omg is it frustrating to see indoctrination and to know that it’s not even a possibility of changing someone’s mind.

Nobody is going to college thinking “heck yeah, time to rack up a bunch of debt and make others pay for my degree”. Providing aid is not a catalyst for people to be fiscally irresponsible. Debt is a prison. Your grandchildren are not suffering because someone else is getting help to pay for school.
We should be encouraging people… ugh I’m ranting nvm.
 
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