What's Bothering You?

my body is doing odd things and i dont like it. i think i might have anemia or some other sort of iron deficiency.
 
I heard a voice that said my crush doesn’t like me and it’s creepy because, once again, I have no idea if it was real or not. I don’t actually mind whether or not they do. If they do that’s great, but I’m not holding my breath either. Maybe my brain is just paranoid?
 
Woke-up at 3:30am feeling not nauseous but not quite right either. 😕


Reading this makes me angry at your boss on your behalf. Putting your staff and clients at risk is not okay. 🤦‍♂️

If you don't have any open wounds then you shouldn't become infected. If you do notice rashes manifesting, an anti-fungal cream such as Clotrimazole (sold under various brand names) is effective at clearing up mild ringworm infection and can typically be purchased without a prescription.

Yeah this isn't the first time my boss has put her employees a risk (mostly my department too), she's done it a couple of times now, which one of many reasons why I'm leaving.

So far no new rash has happened, but if one does I will definitely look into getting the cream. Thanks for responding!
 
obsessed with the nhs just not sharing information apparently. waited months to be emailed about an "advanced" therapy only for them to book it as a video call (when i stated several times to my last therapist that video/phone calls aren't an option) and for it to apparently still be cbt ??? when my last therapist said it didn't seem to work for me based on how i think ??? swear to god if i've just waited like 9 months for nothing lmao-
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girl at my volunteer job (who doesn't volunteer/work, i'm not entirely sure why she's there) essentially threatened to throw a chair at me, implied i'm a thief, deliberately tried to trigger/antagonize me and repeatedly called me rude + a bunch of other names i can't say all because i said i felt better "now that [her] music's off" after her friend asked how i was when i walked back into the break-room. i almost burst into tears after the first time she left, then did exactly that anyway after recounting the incident to my friend in the warehouse. (he was so sweet about it though, bless him.) he helped me report it to the safeguarding woman, and i ended up coming home early because the whole thing wiped me out. i realize in hindsight that my comment could've come across as mean (thanks, autism!) but i meant it in a grateful/relived way, but even if it had been snarky, i still don't think that justifies her reaction/behavior? after all, she was the one playing her music at full volume in the break room, and the only reason i didn't ask her to turn it off initially is because i didn't want to be mean, and based on her behavior in the past/towards others, i didn't want to risk confrontation if she deliberately turned it up more or called me a killjoy etc.

god, the real world is exhausting. i'm not the first person there to have issues with her (she just returned from a suspension for throwing a chair at someone, so the chance of her actually doing it to me was very real), but fortunately everyone else there is really sweet,
lo and behold, she faced no consequences. i was told by a friend (not even the safeguarding people lol) that she'd been spoken to yesterday, but i have no idea what was said to her, so it doesn't reassure me in the slightest. i had a nightmare about this on monday night, and it's been giving me serious anxiety since. (including today when she showed up during my break despite me being under the impression that she wouldn't be in, so i ended up leaving early.) apparently her actions don't have consequences because she's "vulnerable" which is such a joke; i'm vulnerable too, but i don't go around screaming swear words at people and threatening them. jesus.
 
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I swear every day I have to deal with this depression and anxiety and ADHD problems I'm closer and closer to just giving up, so tired of it all 😭😭😭
 
ughh so i've made a summoning circle but i have 0 zero good places to take an acceptable photo of the setup i will use ..welp ****.
 
This one cover manager at my job is driving me insane. I don’t like him and I can tell he doesn’t like me either. Thank god he’s getting borrowed by other stores from now on so he can train to be a real manager. That means he’ll only be here like once or twice a week. I don’t know why he just doesn’t like me for no reason at all. I wish I knew why, although I’m pretty sure it’s a stupid reason. I just do my job and ignore him.
 
I had a phone interview for a position which interested me, but when they failed to call me I reached out and was told that their indeed account was taken over and the position had already been filled...? Confusing and disappointing.
 
The lack of communication or direction I get from working at home is just...not ideal. I need some sense of direction, but my boss always seems uninterested or too busy to deal with me 😫 that's probably why I like one of my other coworkers who is also a manager so much, as no matter how busy or stressed he is, he'll always be there to help me out.
 
it's been a day. there are so many things I want to do but I also really don't want to do anything, and even if I did do it I know I wouldn't enjoy it at all. there's really nothing I can do right now that would bring me any kind of joy. I feel unhappy and I don't know how to get out of it. I just want to feel okay again. feeling like I'm wasting my life away at this point.
 
Feeling disappointed in myself because my French isn't as good as I'd want it to be. I've been trying to learn French for almost nine years and I still feel like I haven't improved much. My dad said that I should look at the opportunity of learning a new language as a privilege rather than a chore, and I suppose he's right but it's kind of hard to see it that way - I'm living in Quebec, Canada's most French province with 85% of the population being francophones, and it feels like I have to learn their language. I mean, not speaking French is technically an option, but not a viable one - Not only will I be publicly ridiculed, I may also have a harder time getting jobs if I can't speak French as well as others. I dunno, sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I lived in Ontario instead where I wouldn't have to stress about learning a new language (as much).
 
Just anxious. Idk if it's cuz I'm tired, cold, or cuz I ate a couple of bowls of cereal (the only thing with sugar in it I ate today).
Also, I wish today was Friday instead of Wednesday.
 
feeling lost. want something concrete and reliable in my life but currently subject to whims beyond my control. i also really need to get my health figured out but it is really hard to schedule stuff since my schedule is... so undefined
 
i have my life together. i got straight a's last term, i'm working towards applying for scholarships, i'm excelling in my honors art class, i'm a good friend, a well known person at school, an awesome guitarist, and everything should be fine.

but after all the hard work i put into actually enjoying my life... i'm still unhappy? it hurts so bad to know that nothing i do these days will fill what feels like an unpatchable hole in my heart. i cried so hard last night because i just felt... lonely? upset? i'm so frustrated that all my efforts into life just end up making me feel worse, and i feel selfish for not appreciating my life and the people around me. my social anxiety is starting to take over everything too. i can't have one conversation without overthinking and crying after. i hate myself.

depressive episodes are the worst.

(the good news is... my mom caught me crying and we talked about getting a therapist. i think it could really help.)
 
I have to go to work in roughly 10 hours and I'm wide awake, hopefully my sleeping med starts working soon 😐
 
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