What's Bothering You?

I got a sudden sharp pain in my chest. I was cleared for good heart & blood health less than a week ago so I know it's just a symptom of my anxiety, but it freaked the hell out of me, and now it's hard to relax.

Going to be one of those nights :(
 
hate the human need for specifically human companionship, like "oh, you want friends, you want people to interact with" and then every time those friends suck or, as has been the case several times, just turn on me because cliques or w/e or harmless differences in opinion. would like this part of my brain removed asap please ty
 
i got a 68/80 on my mock interview assignment :( it was like 30% of my grade too... my midterms are gonna look horrid.
 
Hooooly moly I am so unbelievable tired returning back to work. Don’t know if it’s the after effects of COVID, not being at work for like 2 weeks, or both lol. Just 2 more hours and I’ll be in bed as soon as I get home 😩
 
double post but I have to share my sadness
I'm so sad that Fate: The Winx Saga has been canceled on Netflix 😔 it was genuinely a good series based off one of my all time favourite shows.
 
I woke up like 6-7 times between 7am and now, and by the time I actually woke up not feeling tired and drained it's 12:30 😭😭 I wish I could actually sleep like a normal person lol
 
So apparently I’m sick with who knows what. I hope the sickness doesn’t last long because I have a lot of stuff to do in the coming week.
 
Hate it when my second sibling makes decisions by herself. Next week, my sibling and her SO were going to visit and stay in a hotel. I thought cool, I don't have to deep clean my room. My room acts as a guest room when people come over. Well, it turns out that her SO isn't coming but her friend is. As a result, they're going to stay in our house. I'm already stressed out as it is about Tuesday, now I need to add this. God, I hate next week already.
 
My family is sick, again…at least it’s not with Covid this time, I suspect it to be RSV. Poor Nicholas is just awful and I’ve taken him to the Dr twice and they said there’s nothing they can do for him because he’s too young for even children’s mucinex.
 
public transport is the worst in the evening cause your connections almost never times so you have wait obnoxiously long for your train/bus etc. to arrive and not to mention if you need to change to another one of those at some stop ugh...
 
I feel like I actually have PTSD. Now I'm gonna keep it short, because I feel unwell just thinking about it, but need to get it out.
I had guinea pigs almost all my life. Got my very first one when I was 8 years old. Come 2022.. I had to puy my beloved Bijou to sleep and shortly after gave away Trixi, the one that was left. Didn't want her to stay alone and found a beautiful new home for her. Turns out she died a few days after we gave her to her new home. I guess she was just too depressed that she lost her friend. She stopped eating, eventually died. When I read that the last guinea pig of mine was gone.. it hit me hard. Now it's still somewhat fresh, but yeah.. I have no more guinea pigs. Almost 18 whole years of me having guinea pigs. Not gonna lie, they helped me through a lot of hard times. Bullying, losing all my friends, changing school, abusive boyfriend, changing country, the list goes on. They were a huge part of my life. Now just the thought of guinea pigs make me have almost a panic attack. When I go to shop for my other animals to get food, I have to try and avoid the guinea pig section. I feel like breaking down into tears, heart racing, etc. I have a mug at home that says "I just freaking love guinea pigs, ok?"... I used to drink out of it almost daily. Now I can't without nearly throwing up. Just seeing it makes my heart race. Seeing guinea pigs in a animal shop makes me tear up. Once I was driving home and suddenly had a thought in my mind about a nightmare I had long time ago of my guinea pigs. Cold sweat, vision blurry. That was scary. I am wondering if I should actually go seek therapy.. but I feel like it's such a "stupid" reason. Like what must the therapist think. "She comes because she no longer has guinea pigs, lol". I don't know.. I guess for now I just have to see how it's gonna go. It just makes me sad. What was once "my whole life" is now something that makes me anxious just to think about.. :cry:
 
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