When should a guy pay on the date?
- Thread starter Kissyme100
- Start date
In a relationship/casual dating I always prefer to split 50/50. I think it's ridiculous to expect guys to pay for everything because it is such an archaic tradition. After a certain point I think it should be worked out between the people within the relationship to do whatever is most comfortable. My husband would pay for most things before we got married as he was simply making more money than I was (I was in school and working part time) so it just made more sense until I landed a job that paid better too. I don't think gender should have any deciding factor in who pays for what, but simply what makes sense financially between you two.
That being said, nobody should have to pay on their bday ;p
That being said, nobody should have to pay on their bday ;p
I like this response. ^^ *nods*
I can not find the exact quote, but it was on these forums. I swear it was in this thread, maybe it was deleted, or maybe I'm dismembering it from a different thread of a similar vein.
A female had said, in response to the idea of having to work and split things, "What, I'm supposed to give up the last traditions and privileges of being female?!" to which I could only think "If you have a privilege as a female, and you lambaste men for being 'privileged' then yes, you do." (Also, genders shouldn't have privileges, so you still should.)
I do realize that this is a common thought, but I do very much think that it originally came about based on the idea that women are less capable, or don't work, or ultimately are going to be a housewife. Everyone comments "To show her you can take her of her" or something to that effect. Well... but why? In today's world, many of us don't have careers (read:salary) and in that environment, it's not nearly as common for women to be paid less. Assuming my girl and I both work (right now) at Walmart, we're getting equal pay. So... if she's working, she can take care of herself. She shouldn't need or WANT me to do that. It's an idea that many women (and men) still hold, but it's an evolutionary social relic and it needs to go.
Edit: Speeling.
I do want to say something, by the way.
Obama got a lot of flack from the intellectual (more researchy side, anyway) side of the internet when he quoted that "Women make $0.77 for every $1 men make." Except that's not really true.
"The 23-cent gender pay gap is simply the difference between the average earnings of all men and women working full-time. It does not account for differences in occupations, positions, education, job tenure, or hours worked per week. When all these relevant factors are taken into consideration, the wage gap narrows to about five cents. And no one knows if the five cents is a result of discrimination or some other subtle, hard-to-measure difference between male and female workers. In its fact-checking column on the State of the Union, the Washington Post included the president’s mention of the wage gap in its list of dubious claims."
The same article also points out that men are, typically, more likely to choose higher paying careers, whereas women seem more likely to choose more passionate (but lower paying) careers. This accounts for a good portion of the perceived gap. You need to take life choices, lifestyles, etc, into account as well. Many more women work part time then men, and averaging out their yearly pay seriously hinders a comparison at first glance (it's easily accountable for by looking at per-hour-pay, but most studies don't put headlines that way, and most people don't check sources really).
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Was he the one who planned your birthday? If so I think he should be the one paying for dinner since he is the one who invited you out.. then you guys can either split the movie ticket etc stuff later on the date o~o
Kissyme100
❀੯ू❛ัू Ż
Haven't been on the forums for a while. Oops! Anyways, I ended the relationship because of many reasons. I tried my best and it just didn't work out. I got tired of being treated like an acquaintance rather then a girlfriend, especially when he started to try and make me feel bad for his lack of effort in the relationship. Thanks for the support and thank you for giving your opinions on the topic!
glad you ended that. he sounded like a **** tbh
CommanderLeahShepard
♡ Ten Faced ♡
Me and my boyfriend usually split the cost, it was our anniversary dinner on Saturday and we split it 50/50. I don't like the idea of the man paying all the time, it seems unfair that he would have to pay seeing that I'm more than capable of paying for my own food myself. I have only had my meal payed for me once, on my birthday last year, and it was because he was adamant, wouldn't drop it and said it was a birthday treat.
So unless it is for a very special occasion I think it is unfair to have a rule that the man should always pay.
So unless it is for a very special occasion I think it is unfair to have a rule that the man should always pay.
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QueenOpossum
Trash Queen
For people who aren't in a relationship or its new -I think whoever does the asking should pay. If that seems unfair (because I know men are expected to do more of the asking, which isn't fair) i think that going dutch should be stated ahead of time. Might be off-putting, but something as simple as "oh wanna go see this movie? yes? ok I will pick up my ticket on tuesday for the 5:30 show" "or wanna get dinner? help me remember to ask the server for split checks"
but i'm an old lady in a 3 year relationship. my boyfriend and i dont keep a score of who paid for what too much.
but for your birthday? you should not be paying. i went out with the boy and a great friend and they split my entree. and then my other friends bought me a cake and such! it was a great birthday
)
but i'm an old lady in a 3 year relationship. my boyfriend and i dont keep a score of who paid for what too much.
but for your birthday? you should not be paying. i went out with the boy and a great friend and they split my entree. and then my other friends bought me a cake and such! it was a great birthday
)
I think whoever initiates the hangout/date should pay or at least split.
Like with my friend I'll buy snacks, and he'll buy "legit" food.
Glad you ended things. Not because he wouldn't pay or because I have a bad opinion of him, as I don't know him. So, I can't have much of an opinion, but you didn't sound very happy or like you felt safe and secure within the relationship. I hope you find love and happiness within yourself and someone else to share it with ^-^
Like with my friend I'll buy snacks, and he'll buy "legit" food.
Glad you ended things. Not because he wouldn't pay or because I have a bad opinion of him, as I don't know him. So, I can't have much of an opinion, but you didn't sound very happy or like you felt safe and secure within the relationship. I hope you find love and happiness within yourself and someone else to share it with ^-^
@OP (because I'm not sifting through ten pages of this stuff, lol) - This is why it's best to work these things out ahead of time. Some couples split dates down the middle, others alternate ("I pay for this one if you pay for the next one" etc), others just go by whoever has more disposable income at the time. And then there are the traditional arrangements where the guy pays for everything (in straight relationships obviously). It just saves everyone a headache if you discuss it beforehand.
'Should pay' is definitely not the right way to go. Decide in the moment what to do.
I've dated a girl that preferred to split the bill when it came to it and didn't like it at all when I paid for all of it. -> I can imagine it makes girls feel independant, not attached to the guy they date, free to do what they want and might give a feeling of equality
On the other hand I can totally imagine that some girls find it charming when guys play the traditional gentleman.
Seriously, drop the belief systems and go with the flow. Try to find out what person you're dating and think about what they'd like. I'd always show respect towards the other even if the date would be not so great.
I've dated a girl that preferred to split the bill when it came to it and didn't like it at all when I paid for all of it. -> I can imagine it makes girls feel independant, not attached to the guy they date, free to do what they want and might give a feeling of equality
On the other hand I can totally imagine that some girls find it charming when guys play the traditional gentleman.
Seriously, drop the belief systems and go with the flow. Try to find out what person you're dating and think about what they'd like. I'd always show respect towards the other even if the date would be not so great.
