When should a guy pay on the date?

The one who invites the other should pay, guy or not. Or talk about it before anyone makes assumptions.
 
Last edited:
I never expect a guy to pay for my stuff. I mean it's super nice if he does, but I don't come to expect it no matter how long we've been dating. But, I'll admit it would be nice to have been treated on your birthday.
 
When I ask a guy out, I pay. Sometimes they let me, and sometimes they insist on paying.

When I first started dating my husband, he would want to go out a lot. I couldn't afford to go out so much. He knew this, and would usually pay. I did however pay a few times when I had extra cash.

One time he wanted to go play bingo. I told him I would share any money I won. I won 300 bucks. I gave him half. He was so happy. LOL. He said it was the first date where he actually made money.
 
The fact that you started it as HE took YOU out, then yeah, he should have paid or else he's not taking you out. If he is just "going with you" then yeah, but that's different stuff all together. I think you should be pissed especially because it was for your birthday? Like what even, that's an awful "date". :/
 
Well, he early Christmas gift to me wasn't too bad. He got me a generic travel mug since I drink a lot of tea.... but I already have a bunch of them already! XD Not his fault at all. I don't want to sound snobby or anything but I was kind of expecting more. He kind of built the hype up a bit before giving it to me...oh well. It's the thought that counts. :)

I got him a Nintendo NFC reader so he can finally get some amiibos he wanted for smash 3ds. I was going to get him a Mew Two amiibo too but that would of went over our price limit for each other. :(

- - - Post Merge - - -

The fact that you started it as HE took YOU out, then yeah, he should have paid or else he's not taking you out. If he is just "going with you" then yeah, but that's different stuff all together. I think you should be pissed especially because it was for your birthday? Like what even, that's an awful "date". :/

Yeah, he didn't pay, when I went to the washroom before the movie he went ahead without me and then he didn't wish me a happy birthday.
Things seem to be going down hill for the both of us. I'll admit I'm not perfect and there was probably some things I should of done differently in our relationship. I'll probably give until new years to decide if I should make it or break it. :/
 
1) It's your birthday

2) He asked YOU out...what's going on here?
Even if a female friend of yours says: "hey I'm taking you out for your birthday" it's a slap in the face when they turn around and expect you to pay suddenly.

3) A little bit of tradition & gentlemanly behavior goes a long way. If you haven't been going out that long it's too early to expect you to go dutch, he should be doing it if he's the one who asked you out.....

4) You have every right to be upset.
 
I'm assuming this is a common opinion, but whoever invites the other should pay, unless it's a special event, such as your birthday, of course.
 
now i know everyone wants to be treated on their birthday, so i understand that aspect of this.

but i don't think men are always entitled to pay for you.
if he offered his treat and such for your birthday i understand that, but i think it's a little unfair to assume all men should pay for you women all the time.
 
Well, he early Christmas gift to me wasn't too bad. He got me a generic travel mug since I drink a lot of tea.... but I already have a bunch of them already! XD Not his fault at all. I don't want to sound snobby or anything but I was kind of expecting more. He kind of built the hype up a bit before giving it to me...oh well. It's the thought that counts. :)

I got him a Nintendo NFC reader so he can finally get some amiibos he wanted for smash 3ds. I was going to get him a Mew Two amiibo too but that would of went over our price limit for each other. :(

- - - Post Merge - - -

Yeah, he didn't pay, when I went to the washroom before the movie he went ahead without me and then he didn't wish me a happy birthday.
Things seem to be going down hill for the both of us. I'll admit I'm not perfect and there was probably some things I should of done differently in our relationship. I'll probably give until new years to decide if I should make it or break it. :/

Based on this & how disappointing he sounds...break it off...

One of the life lessons I learned is I wasted too much time worrying about "being snobby". I have always been the "nice girl" and I stuck with guys that weren't really what I wanted.

Life is much more than just a black & white binary.

It's not like the way my teenage mind thought... that basically it was this:

a) you're a shallow goldigger/spoilt princess type

b) you're an intelligent, shy, thoughtful bookworm, who would never care about shallow things like looks or money...
(ironically that is intellectually/morally narcissistic ...trying to "holier than thou".......is as bad as being "shallow")

(o.k. even my teenage self wasn't THAT simplistic (actually I was rather intellectual & considered quite mature & intelligent for my age.)
I'm just trying to remember the sort of binary a more immature version of myself had in their mind.

Noooooo...life is more than two modes of thinking!

There are many other options missing from that equation (am I sweet/snobby?), and not being one doesn't automatically make you the other:

-If you are NOT a golddigging bimbo, you are not automatically the kind-hearted nerd.

-If you are not the "everything goes" kinda girl, you are not automatically classified as a shallow golddigger (if you are, you are dealing with a twit, or a very young person with no perspective on real life.)

Let me give you an example of option C:

c) a sweet lady who is thoughtful and kind, but isn't a doormat---a person with STANDARDS, that likes to be taken out on her Birthday!

Do you see how you need to look outside of the judgement you place on yourself, the binary way of thinking & realize you have every right to tell yourself you DESERVE BETTER, and not stick judgemental labels such as "snobby" onto the normal expectations of a person with properly developed self-esteem.

I'm sorry if this rant was a bit much, I just wish I understood this a few years ago, and don't want you to waste your time either. :)
 
Last edited:
now i know everyone wants to be treated on their birthday, so i understand that aspect of this.

but i don't think men are always entitled to pay for you.
if he offered his treat and such for your birthday i understand that, but i think it's a little unfair to assume all men should pay for you women all the time.

Of course it's unfair for a guy to be expected to pay all the time. After reading these posts, it seems that most people agree with this. I haven't seen anyone say that men should always pay.
 
I'm not attracted to guys but I guess if I did date one I wouldn't care who paid honestly ._.
 
this guys sounds like a putz to be honest. stop wasting your time.

Yeah, after thinking about it and discussing it with people I trust IRL... I'm going to break up with him. It kind of sucks because in my opinion no matter how much of a putz someone is being, there's appropriate times and ways to end it. I don't feel right ending the relationship before or soon after Christmas and I have to do it in person face to face. I plan on ending it as soon as possible after New Years.

- - - Post Merge - - -

I think it's the best for the both of us. While being in a relationship is nice, deep down I've never felt much of a spark. I tried to learn more about him and his interests, spend time together and tried to find a spark but it was never was there. I don't want to be in that kind of relationship and I don't want him in that kind of relationship. I plan on handling it maturely and I hope he acts the same way.

Thanks for all your opinions everyone, it may not seem like much but it did help me. I needed to see that I wasn't just me. I felt like maybe I was being too hard on him and I felt like a b-word. Your opinions made me feel better and see that it wasn't just me. Thank you. I hope you all have a nice day and a safe and happy holidays. :)
 
Last edited:
To some extent, I can see both sides. The real question is: Do you split everything normally? Like he pays for him and you pay for you? If that were the case, and you didn't SAY you wanted him to pay, then I think you're wrong.

Actually scratch that. Did you ask him to pay for you, as a special birthday present? I feel like communication is so hugely important, and it's little moments like this where we (all) forget to think about the signals we've sent!

On a different note: I'm curious why it's 'expected' for a guy to pay for his dates stuff at all in a (at least in the USA) world striving for equality? Or why men still seem to think it's their duty... Curious.

Either way, really, since my opinion is completely irrelevant. What do YOU think? Should he pay on dates? Yes? Tell him/ask him. Only sometimes? Tell him that too. If he doesn't agree, there's not a lot you can do, and he's not really 'wrong' just not 'right for you'.

Hopefully you guys can talk it out and you can explain why it bothered you! (And maybe he can explain what he was thinking!)


Edit:

I'm a tool. I totally missed 7 pages of conversation and was replying to the first post. While my opinion on date paying remains the same. If he isn't going to acknowledge important things, then he can chew a rock.
 
Last edited:
I still believe the man should pay, may be outdated but especially a birthday, unless your married but even then not every woman has a career...or can do it all by herself. I think before he took you out if he was in a money bind he should have said so so you could have chosen a traditional family birthday where I am sure they would have paid and saw him after also depends on your situation..But given mine I think he should pay if he can't well we stay in..but we broke up as he was younger than me and very money stressed even if I said I want this I will pay to go but it did become an issue but I can't work and he was purposely slacking so that's different..
 
Rule of thumb nowadays is that whomever invited the other person on the date is the one to pay. this is kinda the thing to alleviate the stress on both parties, and is way less sexist? wow guys

that said without communication of this long beforehand it makes no sense to just expect it.
Talk to the person. you are dating them after all, if you cant talk what the heck are you dating for?

Also If its your birthday you shouldn't need to do anything??? its your GOSHDern birthday
 
Last edited:
I still believe the man should pay, may be outdated but especially a birthday, unless your married but even then not every woman has a career...or can do it all by herself. I think before he took you out if he was in a money bind he should have said so so you could have chosen a traditional family birthday where I am sure they would have paid and saw him after also depends on your situation..But given mine I think he should pay if he can't well we stay in..but we broke up as he was younger than me and very money stressed even if I said I want this I will pay to go but it did become an issue but I can't work and he was purposely slacking so that's different..

I understand that perspective exists, but not all men have careers either. It's this idea that I, working at X job (say walmart) am making more than a girlfriend, that gets me. I'm making the same BASE walmart is willing to pay, as a girl is, and yet somehow I'm expected to pay for her? No, and I'd never date a girl with that outmoded perspective based in fallacy. Even worse, I've met girls who make MORE than I do, who still insist I'm supposed to pay because "men make more," even when they know they make more. Well... I mean what? How does that work?

The idea originally was because... well an evolution of the working male courting the unworking woman. With the expectation that she wouldn't work, anyway. So if you want to not work, and stay home, take care of the house, and not expect me to 'work at home' then we can talk. However, as long as you're in the workforce, shoulder-to-shoulder, you can pay your half too.

What about being a man makes me more able to 'do it all myself' at the same base price?

Edit: Speeling, herpderp.
 
Last edited:
That outdated fallacy stems from the fact that I have a rare genetic disease and cannot even with MA level degrees work in any capacity as I am ill but do still hope that not being able to bring in money doesn't make me less of a smart beautiful and loving person..like I said it's situational I suppose but I'd like to think that my illness isn't a deal breaker on being loved and having a family of my own..ok done but as I said it's situational if you do t know someone's situation whose to judge right off my opinion based on her story you judge me so Yes to communication is key
 
That outdated fallacy stems from the fact that I have a rare genetic disease and cannot even with MA level degrees work in any capacity as I am ill but do still hope that not being able to bring in money doesn't make me less of a smart beautiful and loving person..like I said it's situational I suppose but I'd like to think that my illness isn't a deal breaker on being loved and having a family of my own..ok done but as I said it's situational if you do t know someone's situation whose to judge right off my opinion based on her story you judge me so Yes to communication is key

I can understand, but from my perspective, if I took someone out who had an illness, or something, and I knew they were making a similar amount (take home, not necessarily before taxes and bills) as I am, I would feel rude by simply expecting they can't afford it.

I do not think someone who *can't* pay is undesirable necessarily. I will agree with you in a half-way, if one party can't pay, they shouldn't be expected to. In that instance, I'm *not* going to run around spending a ton of money (one because that would make ME feel bad if someone did that to me, and two because I'd rather have fun AND be equal), but rather come up with ideas that don't cost a fortune.

Dinner and a movie, for example, can run almost $100 depending on where you live, even at 10.50 an hour which isn't great but not bad for an early twenty something to be starting at, that's almost 1/3rd of a paycheck. So I guess for me the question is: Is one date worth roughly 13.333 hours of my time in work alone? No. That doesn't mean the person I want to SEE isn't worth my time, but on a first date, how much am I supposed to put in? 1 hour to get ready (shower, get dressed, and actually go), 2-4 hours actually there (the fun part!), and 13 hours of my work week paying it off?

Alternatively, a home-cooked meal (which I am excellent at, learned from my father!), a bottle of wine, and a movie at home, costs under $30. That seems more reasonable for 2-5 hours of enjoying someones company.

I will say that I do not like the 'privilege' that some girls express though. I understand the logic behind "If you ask, you pay" but somehow it feels like what they're saying is, really, "You want to spend time with me, you pay for that time." In my mind, if that person doesn't also want to get to know me enough to pay, then it's already not worth my time (or money).

Again, I'm not saying that if someone can't pay they shouldn't have someone, or deserve things, but how about, just for a second, we consider this:

If you can't pay, we'll stay in. If I can't pay, we'll stay in. Even IF the other COULD pay, unless mutually agreed upon. No social contract nonsense (since we don't all agree on that either! :p)
 
Last edited:
Back
Top