Would you date someone who is completly different from you?

[CylieDanny]

In terms of interests, peronality , all that. But this person is still in love with you, but completly different from you. You have nothing in common to each other.

If your an introvert theyre an extrovert. kinda example. Sexuality doesn't count because if they wanna date you, obviously their in your sexsuality.

But yeah, could you date someone who is completely different from you in all ways?

Edit: Decided to remove different beliefs. I realized it was too much.

 

[Chris]

I feel you do need something in common to connect. Love itself isn't enough in my opinion.

Most of the people I have been involved with have been in STEM and education - e.g. scientists and school teachers. My current partner is a laboratory technician in pharmaceutical testing - which is what I did before working in a school. My partner and I are very different people, but it was that common interest that drew us to each other. Having a mutual interest in STEM has also played a role in building relationships with people with vastly different upbringings from me - e.g. I've dated a Muslim doctor (from Pakistan) and a Hindu biomedical scientist (from India). I'm British and was raised Presbyterian. Without that mutual interest we'd have nothing in common and probably wouldn't have ever spoken more than a few minutes.

Most people I've dated have also been neurodivergent. I am too and find that it makes communication easier as we are more gentle with each others communication styles and more understanding of each others challenges.

Long-winded way of saying that I can date people who are very different from me, but we need at least something in common. For me that typically presents as a shared professional interest in STEM / education.

 

[.: Meri :.]

I could date someone who was very different from me, certainly, but if we're completely different in every way then I don't see how we'd be remotely compatible. I don't place a ton of value on having little things/interests in common (if I like them that much, I'll be interested in what interests them, and one would hope that went both ways; plus it's often good to broaden one's horizons + it's good to have individual interests and we don't need to share every hobby anyway), and I think someone whose personality is more complementary to mine rather than similar might even be best.
But what I do need is for them to have values I can respect, and for us to agree on the important things. It doesn't have to be 100%, down to the nitty-gritty details of potential solutions for societal issues, but I do need us to share similar beliefs on like... basic human rights, animal welfare, the environment, etc. A politically-split relationship is not for me. They might be in love with me, but I'd want to stay far, far away from them.

I'm also not interested in ever having children, so if they're opposite from me in that way then that's... definitely another serious compatibility issue. I'd want a potential future partner to want basically the same things out of a relationship that I do; if I'm romantic and they're distant, they want kids and I don't, etc. then it's just not going to work on a fundamental level.

Also I'm attracted to kind/sweet/attentive personalities and I would certainly like to think I also possess those qualities, at least to some degree LOL. because like, if they've apparently got the exact opposite personality as me but they're a total sweetheart, I'm gonna take that as a sign to book a therapy appointment and start working on myself adsjgkldfj. and if they're mean/uncaring I'm not going to want to be around them at all, let alone have a lifelong partnership with them

 

[QueenCobra]

It depends what we mean by different. I don't think I could be with someone who is very extroverted-- into partying in the club or wherever people go. I mean, I like some gatherings, but nothing big, loud, and crazy like that.

I guess they wouldn't have to have my exact interests, but clear passions. Some in common would be nice, and we would probably bond over one or two, but someone who thinks what I like is dumb or weird is out of the question.

 

[nightglow]

I think people get married for different reasons, or date for that matter. I would date to find a partner to marry and not for any other reason. Others may have various other reasons for dating and that is fine. Personally I like to spend alot of time with my spouse, so we are gonna have to have some common interests of some sort. Otherwise I guess we would get tired of being around each other. For some people, they are ok with the idea of being married to someone and not spending much time with them daily or even weekly. They are fine with a once a week date night or not talking much to their spouse for days at a time. I am not, and if it is gonna be that way, I'd rather just be by myself. Also, some interests can take up alot of time. Especially if they are career related or very large like having children or traveling. Some may be upsetting to some people or even families like religion. So I think what kind of interests do matter to an extent, even if you don't care about those interests the person has, that you may want to date.

 

[Midoriya]

Nah, probably not. Funnily enough I'm different from most people, so in most situations I'm not even going to be compatible with the other person. I don't really want to date anyone anyway, I think I'm fine being on my own long-term.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

being demiromantic I would need to be able to establish a friendship and a deep connection with them to even have the remote possibility of finding a romantic interest in them. I can't imagine that happening if we have little or nothing in common. my love and I are quite different, but we also have a lot of shared interests/beliefs, many of which are interests/beliefs which mean a lot to both of us. that's how we originally connected and that's how we maintain a connection too.

so you answer your question I'd say, probably not. I'd be content just being on my own if my only option was someone who is totally different from me.

 

[spawnpoint]

ehh. ive dated someone who was very different from me and it didn't work out well whatsoever. though we did have a few shared interests so that's not exactly the same. if i had to date someone like that again AND who i shared 0 interests with.. no thank you lol

 

[Tude]

Good question!

I'm not sure? I've only dated my bf so I can only speak based on that but we have a lot in common. I mean, not that I think I'll ever date anyone else because he's amazing but I'd be open to someone being different to some extent.

Like someone else mentioned above, I couldn't date someone who wanted kids since I don't want them. That's a pretty big difference that can't really be overcome imo. But other than that, I would be open to differences I guess.

But like I said, my bf is the best and I honestly don't know how I got so lucky! He's so good to me so I'm not dating anyone else lol

 

[Plainbluetees]

This post reminds me of the song Breakfast at Tiffany's (Deep Blue Something). Two lovers seemingly have nothing in common and their relationship is falling apart, yet they somehow rekindle their romance over a shared opinion of Breakfast at Tiffany's being a somewhat decent movie.

As for me, I just don't think it would work out. I find dating to be like a best friend but better, if that makes sense. I don't just want a partner, I want someone I can be friends with. Now, obviously, somethings can be different; for example, like it was mentioned in the original post, introvert vs. extrovert, that's fine, but if say, I want children, and my partner doesn't, that's a problem. Or I like travelling and dogs, so if you don't like those, you're a no-go.

 

[Suguri]

The first thing I noticed about my partner @/ZeldaCrossing64 was their passion for metal music when I initially met them.

It almost kept me from befriending them because I'm not as into metal as they are, but over time I realized we had a lot more in common than I thought. We're now happily dating and I even got some interests from them like my soft spot for certain Metallica songs. ("Wherever I May Roam" and "Nothing Else Matters" my beloved...)

So like everyone says, I believe shared interests and beliefs are among the many elements that make up a good relationship. Differences are okay as long as there aren't too many that outweigh the shared interests and the people involved respect each other. While I'd be flattered if a polar opposite of mine loved me, I unfortunately wouldn't want to date them, especially when it comes to personal topics.

 

[Croconaw]

I think you need some things in common for a relationship to work. If not, I can’t see anything working out long-term.

 

[Alolan_Apples]

I’m pretty picky, so I would say no to this. I would expect differences, but I hope not to see too much of them.

 

[cornimer]

I think I could date someone who has different interests than me, but not someone who has different core values/beliefs than me.

 

[Tude]

The first thing I noticed about my partner @/ZeldaCrossing64 was their passion for metal music when I initially met them.

It almost kept me from befriending them because I'm not as into metal as they are, but over time I realized we had a lot more in common than I thought. We're now happily dating and I even got some interests from them like my soft spot for certain Metallica songs. ("Wherever I May Roam" and "Nothing Else Matters" my beloved...)

So like everyone says, I believe shared interests and beliefs are among the many elements that make up a good relationship. Differences are okay as long as there aren't too many that outweigh the shared interests and the people involved respect each other. While I'd be flattered if a polar opposite of mine loved me, I unfortunately wouldn't want to date them, especially when it comes to personal topics.

You nailed it! Respect is super important. I see relationships where people insult each other and it's like, why even bother? Just say you hate each other and split lol

 

[Aerith]

I think opposites attract in many ways, and couples are stronger when they can cover for each other's weaknesses (which requires differences between them). For example, I'm a planner and a researcher; I need to do these things before I embark on anything. But I benefit from being with more impulsive, go-getter type people; while they're less cautious and prepared than I am, they get a lot more done in the process, and when we can harmonize with both of our strengths, it works wonderfully.

But I believe that your core values have to be the same, otherwise there's going to be too much conflict. I could be with someone who has a wildly different approach on life and interests, but if they value something that I don't and can't learn to value, it will cause tension. If I want to protect something they wish to dismantle; that's always going to end poorly. Core values also include your non-negotiables like having kids/no kids, wanting to live in a specific area, etc.

So yeah, I'd be happy to be with someone totally different, but we gotta have the same core values.

 

[-Blue-]

You nailed it! Respect is super important. I see relationships where people insult each other and it's like, why even bother? Just say you hate each other and split lol

Society puts a strain on people that they need to be in a relationship to the point that people rush into them. So many people get into relationships/marriages because of the concept of it, but don't really think it fully because of societal expectations. It's really a stupid and counterproductive mentality that's been battered into us and needs to stay in the 50s.

Yes you can like and date someone who is different than yourself. It's just a matter of how different and that you aren't sacrificing your integrity/morals in any way. If you are, the relationship is doomed or you'll be stuck in an unfulfilling and depressing one.

I have lots of friends that have different interests than me. I would've never been introduced to said hobbies if it weren't for them. Friends are just another type of relationship and that doesn't mean they are insignificant. They can often be just as great.

 

[VernalLapin]

Personally, I feel like it doesn't make any sense to romantically pursue someone you have no shared interests with. Thankfully my boyfriend and I have a lot in common

 

[TN4U]

I can easily say that such a relationship wouldn't last long, if it were to even exist at all. Partners need to have at least ONE common interest that they share, otherwise the spark simply won't ignite. Of course, I'm completely ignoring the scenarios of those not wanting something serious (several of you know what I'm actually referring to), and I'll simply leave them be as it's not worth talking about.

As for me, I do get very picky with who I look for. Unfortunately, it thins down the potential pool of candidates drastically, as I've got several dealbreakers (many I don't feel comfortable revealing, but I'll quickly mention that I do not date smokers). I remember early on with the dating apps, I would swipe right on people who were way out of my league, and quite frankly did not pay as much attention to the interests they shared. As I grew older, I began to realize that a lot of these "out-of-leaguers" on the apps came off as super fake, which made me quit them entirely.

Hopefully no one takes this the wrong way, but for me having OCD, physical looks is pretty hard to ignore in finding a relationship. I'm definitely NOT looking for a front page model as my partner, but at the same time don't want someone who won't take their personal care seriously. Explaining this further on a public internet forum becomes a bit of a challenge for obvious reasons, but it's sometimes an unnecessary "roadblock" into getting to know someone. Also, I cannot be acting like this if I'm needing new friends. That kind of stuff shouldn't matter at all for such a thing.

 

[Millysaurusrexjr]

Well I'm married.. but if I wasn't, I don't think I could date someone who didn't absolutely love pasta (and cats. and animals in general)

For real though, no I don't think I would ever want to date someone completely different from me, I think that would be so bizarre.. Having shared interests is way more fun; you have more things to do together and to bond over. And having the same core values and beliefs in my opinion is absolutely essential, like if you don't already have any interests in common AND you believe in absolute opposite things, then you're bound to have a bad time. There will probably be a lot of arguments, a lot of resentment, a lot of buried feelings.