I’m not, nor do I think that I’ve ever been in love. I’ve had crushes on people and have been in relationships, but I don’t think I’ve ever been in love with any of them.
I’m not opposed to being in love or in a relationship one day at all. Love is one of the purest, most beautiful things in the world, and I would love to experience the romantic kind for myself one day if I meet the right person (or if things align with someone in my life already, who knows). It’s just not a priority for me right now, or even something that I’m looking for. There’s a lot that I need to learn and so much of myself that I’m still trying to figure out. I want to be able to enrich my partner’s life and bring good things to the table, hopefully like they would do for me, and I can’t do that right now. I want to continue working on myself and getting myself to a place in life that I like, am happy in, and proud of, and if love is on the table then, then I will happily have it.
I just want to love myself and my life first, y’know?
Oh man, how things have changed since I last posted in here…

My best friend of almost 7 years and I made it official on Friday! He is officially not only my best friend, but my boyfriend! I never, ever thought that I would get to have this with him, and I am still so over the moon and in complete disbelief that I get to call him mine now!
We met through social media when we were both 15 in the summer of 2017, and we immediately hit it off! He has been my closest and most dearest friend for almost 7 years now, and I am so beyond grateful for him. He was with me through me changing my name, my grandmother passing, losing Zeva and my 2 kittens, graduating high school, and everything else (good and bad) that’s happened in the past 7 years. We have seen each other through so much, and have changed as people so much, but one thing that hasn’t changed is our love for each other. We aren’t able to talk as much as we’d like to due to his work schedule, our mental healths etc, but he still means the absolute world to me.
I hadn’t talked to anyone about this because I didn’t know how to, but I also had the biggest crush on him. I started developing feelings for him during our first year of friendship, and they just continued to grow bigger over the years. We both dated different people, talked to each other about it, but it never felt right with any of my partners. I just thought it was because I wasn’t getting what I needed out of my relationships with them, or maybe I just wasn’t interested in love and dating in general, too used to being by myself. But as time went on, I started to think that maybe it never felt right with any of my past partners, and maybe I wasn’t interested in anyone else, because none of them were
him. None of them made me feel as comfortable as he does, I didn’t feel like I could be myself like I can be with him with any of them.
My guy and I have talked about having a future together for years, but we always talked about it like we were joking. I was never joking, but I didn’t want to come across as serious in case he wasn’t. We’ve talked about getting married, living in an apartment together with our cats, and enjoying doing the simplest, most mundane things together because we’d be
together. He’s literally that one quote from EEAAO for me.
When we were playing New Horizons together on Thursday/Friday, we started talking about our future again. We talked about how we want an outdoor wedding in fall, and how fun it’d be to try on dresses together, do our wedding cake tasting together, go on our honeymoon somewhere tropical. And normally we’d both just laugh it off, but I was feeling brave, so I just… shoot my shot, and told him how I felt.
And somehow, for some reason, he felt the same way.

He was in the same boat as I was, laughing off our talks about our future so that he wouldn’t scare me off if I didn’t feel the same. He’s talked about his feelings for me to his family, his friends, his co-workers. He has a whole playlist of songs that remind him of me!!! There’s literally so much more that I could say, but I’m just so excited to see what the future holds for us!
There is of course still so much that I need to learn and figure out for myself, but I’ve been taking strides to getting closer to being in a place in life where I’m happier and more self-sufficient. I still have so much progress to make, but I’m so happy I get to make it with him by my side. :’)
Also in my original post, when I said “or if things align with someone in my life already, who knows”, I was straight up talking about him LOL