Dealing with social anxiety.

[Warrior]

I have a general anxiety disorder, and autism (my symptoms aren't primarily social! that might be of note) I used to experience specific social anxiety, but now only what is part of my general anxiety (it's pretty much random, I could be watching a puppy eat dirt and suddenly be stressed like someone is going to murder me)

I used to cry if people made eye contact with me... I'm 6 years from that point and I'm very chatty, confident and happy with other people. The only thing that will help is DOING IT. I don't suggest jumping into the deep end, rather practice by being upbeat and pleasant with small interactions like with cashiers - It's Hard!! But over time it will get easier. I find by being nice and upbeat, they will also treat you that way and it feels better! When you're withdrawn it will cause the other person to do the same. Its really hard to improve, but you have to actively work at it.

What's most important is, don't push yourself past your limit, but always push yourself. You can change this, but its really hard, but I have to say its been worthwhile.

 

[honeyblossom]

I have social anxiety and some general anxiety. It used to be a lot worse when I was younger, but now it's a lot more manageable. Having an extremely agoraphobic mother with really bad general and social anxiety definitely helped me with my own.

Every time I start to find myself slipping back into a state where my anxiety starts to mess with my life I tell myself I don't want to be her. She needs an escort to go to the grocery store because she can't do anything alone. Every time she needed the smallest thing that involved leaving the house, someone either had to do it for her or go with her. My father often would have to make special trips to the post office to get mail because she wouldn't answer the door for packages. It was so exhausting when I used to live at home.

My mother isn't a bad person, she has her own trauma and reasons for the way she is. But I don't want to be that person who has to depend on everyone for everything. I don't want to treat others like security blankets. It's taken years of relatively constant exposure to get the panic portion of my anxiety under control when it comes to meeting new people, asking for help, using the telephone, etc. I have to write out all my telephone interactions as scripts before I can call someone that isn't my best friend or mom. I have a notebook full of script after script and mindless scribbles from when I'm on the phone to keep myself from panicking completely.

But honestly, what helped me the most was when I was 20, I got on a bus and rode it all the way to Chicago so I could fly to a friend's house. From the drop off point, I tried to call 5 different cabs, all from a list I had pre-written at home the day before, with my little script, and all of them said they wouldn't pick me up from where the bus had dropped me off. I started panicking. This was not how I planned for this trip to go. I was going to ride the bus, get a cab from there to the hotel I was staying at near the airport, and in the morning I'd take the hotel shuttle to the airport and I'd be on a plane. After the last place I called denied to send a cab, I just broke down. I knew I'd have to hail a cab, but that thought alone was so terrifying that I'd have rather sat outside all night. My anxiety was still really bad at this point, making it hard for me to come up with a rational plan or force me to just stand up and raise my hand at the street. I was just sitting on my suitcase crying because I was young, stupid, alone and didn't know what to do. And my anxiety was making that so much worse.

Back then smartphones were brand new so almost no one had one yet, including me, so there wasn't like bus route or train information or google maps that I could get readily and easily. There definitely wasn't Uber. You kind of just roughed it and hoped you were going in the right direction. I sat there crying and was literally a minute away from calling someone to come drive to Chicago to get me, because I was so scared, when I was hit with a sudden determination. Like it was a challenge or something. I wanted to do this. I didn't want to miss out on seeing my best friend because I was too scared to advance past the first bump in the road.

So I stood up and looked around and I saw a hotel a block or two away and decided I'd try to call a cab from there and if it didn't work, I'd just check in for the night and figure out how to get to the airport from there. I was sure the front desk could give me helpful instructions and a map. As I was walking towards the hotel, face all blotchy and eyes red, a very nice cab driver said I looked like I needed a ride and ditched the person he was waiting for to take me to the hotel. Sorry to that person, but I needed a ride really bad. He was really nice and told me about his first time coming to Chicago and about how bad it scared him and I started to feel a bit better.

The next day I was nauseously eating a small breakfast at 4 am so I could catch the shuttle to O'Hare Airport and take a plane all by myself for the first time ever. I was so scared but I'd gotten so far already, I just wanted to get to my destination. I wanted to see my friend and see how proud of me she was. And I did. And she was. And nothing bad happened and I lived and now I love flying. It's one of my favorite things to do. I associate airports with bravery and overcoming something I never thought I could, of being able to go places that, with my anxiety, I never thought I'd get to visit.

And I never would have gotten there if I hadn't just started walking forward. One step at a time.

Life is horribly scary. And life, especially with a mental illness will always be hard. I am by no means cured, but I always remind myself when things seem to get too hard, or when I feel too scared to do something, that I went halfway across the country by myself and faced things that I never thought I could handle. And I'm fine and proud of myself for always moving forward.

Keep doing the things that scare you and never stop. Otherwise you'll end up doing nothing at all.

 

[Alienfish]

Also yeah I should mention I've Asperger as well so that definitely helped me with being even more social awkward. But yeah it's about practice and forcing yourself to do stuff as long as you don't totally break down from it.

 

[allainah]

I have social anxiety (i've been diagnosed w/ it though i think it's actually called social phobia)
If you do have it, i mean you won't know for sure until you diagnosed by a professional but your symptoms do sound fitting.
honestly see a psychiatrist have them diagnose you and go on medication. maybe it's sad but that's literally the only thing that helped me. socially anxiety literally ruined my teenager years i had no friends & was stuck inside all day, and when i say no friend i mean legit no friends lol. i dropped out of highschool because of it, got my GED then decided to go into college when I was 19 years old and i started crying my eyes out on the first day of college? as an adult...? which is pathetic but that's how bad it was then I went on medication (i take zoloft everyday) and it helped tremendouslyyyyyy. I still don't have friends and i'm pretty awkward but i'm a lot better than what I was.

 

[~Unicorn~]

i have selective mutism, which is classified as an anxiety disorder. basically, it's where a person is unable to talk in certain social situations (ie. school, meeting new people or in new situations/environments, etc). even though it's classified as an anxiety disorder not all ppl with it will have social anxiety (though like 90% do). it's often called a childhood disorder bc most ppl learn to relax and be able to talk in front of others by the time they're adolescent/adults (including myself) but some may not, and continue to be selectively mute as they grow.
though i'm now able to talk in all situations, it still affects me. especially in school, i almost never speak unless asked and have a difficult time approaching teachers/students i'm not close friends with. giving presentations and speeches TERRIFIES me. i dread meeting new people, making small talk, and even small things like saying "thank you" to someone holding the door for me if i'm having a bad day.
it's not necessarily the fear of being judged (though that's a part of it), but more of the act of physically doing it is difficult. and if it's a presentation of some kind it'll give me bad anxiety.

it's super dumb and it's inhibited me my entire life and i hate it

i'm crying there's someone else on earth with the same problem as me

i've had mutism my whole life and it's a bad struggle for me. my teachers treat me like i'm mental because i'm the only kid like this in my school ):

 

[Hat']

I don't think I can call that social anxiety when I see what other people feel but...like..using my microphone in video games is impossible for me. It sounds stupid I know but it's true, like I just can't do it even in games where communication is key I can't and I'd rather die than to communicate and be helped (in the game, I mean). Like I don't know why I feel like that, I think the fact that english isn't my mother tongue doesn't help since talking english in front of people makes me so ill-at-ease (it also makes me loose my accent lol but anyways), and so yeah...whenever I wanna use my mic my heart starts to bump like crazy and I'm suddenly becoming all cold but hot at the same time it's horrible omg.

Something else is that I can't seem to go to parties. Like I know it's pretty common for ppl to go to parties but I can't like, especially if there's people I don't know, but also because there's alcohol in general and seeing my friends drink shocks me so much, I hate it. Also when people are asking me I don't say no and I get quite excited about it but one or two days before I start to imagine all kind of bad and tragic scenarios and that makes me SO scared so I usually decline at the last moment which is also hard to do because I don't want to disappoint my friends.

Well here's me but I don't know if that's social anxiety I don't think it is maybe I'm just overreacting all that.

 

[0019293893]

I gots anxiety AND depression... yay...

I wouldn't call it a mental disorder, but I have synesthesia, which is kind of cool.

 

[Drakyem]

I have social anxiety and some general anxiety. It used to be a lot worse when I was younger, but now it's a lot more manageable. Having an extremely agoraphobic mother with really bad general and social anxiety definitely helped me with my own.

Every time I start to find myself slipping back into a state where my anxiety starts to mess with my life I tell myself I don't want to be her. She needs an escort to go to the grocery store because she can't do anything alone. Every time she needed the smallest thing that involved leaving the house, someone either had to do it for her or go with her. My father often would have to make special trips to the post office to get mail because she wouldn't answer the door for packages. It was so exhausting when I used to live at home.

My mother isn't a bad person, she has her own trauma and reasons for the way she is. But I don't want to be that person who has to depend on everyone for everything. I don't want to treat others like security blankets. It's taken years of relatively constant exposure to get the panic portion of my anxiety under control when it comes to meeting new people, asking for help, using the telephone, etc. I have to write out all my telephone interactions as scripts before I can call someone that isn't my best friend or mom. I have a notebook full of script after script and mindless scribbles from when I'm on the phone to keep myself from panicking completely.

But honestly, what helped me the most was when I was 20, I got on a bus and rode it all the way to Chicago so I could fly to a friend's house. From the drop off point, I tried to call 5 different cabs, all from a list I had pre-written at home the day before, with my little script, and all of them said they wouldn't pick me up from where the bus had dropped me off. I started panicking. This was not how I planned for this trip to go. I was going to ride the bus, get a cab from there to the hotel I was staying at near the airport, and in the morning I'd take the hotel shuttle to the airport and I'd be on a plane. After the last place I called denied to send a cab, I just broke down. I knew I'd have to hail a cab, but that thought alone was so terrifying that I'd have rather sat outside all night. My anxiety was still really bad at this point, making it hard for me to come up with a rational plan or force me to just stand up and raise my hand at the street. I was just sitting on my suitcase crying because I was young, stupid, alone and didn't know what to do. And my anxiety was making that so much worse.

Back then smartphones were brand new so almost no one had one yet, including me, so there wasn't like bus route or train information or google maps that I could get readily and easily. There definitely wasn't Uber. You kind of just roughed it and hoped you were going in the right direction. I sat there crying and was literally a minute away from calling someone to come drive to Chicago to get me, because I was so scared, when I was hit with a sudden determination. Like it was a challenge or something. I wanted to do this. I didn't want to miss out on seeing my best friend because I was too scared to advance past the first bump in the road.

So I stood up and looked around and I saw a hotel a block or two away and decided I'd try to call a cab from there and if it didn't work, I'd just check in for the night and figure out how to get to the airport from there. I was sure the front desk could give me helpful instructions and a map. As I was walking towards the hotel, face all blotchy and eyes red, a very nice cab driver said I looked like I needed a ride and ditched the person he was waiting for to take me to the hotel. Sorry to that person, but I needed a ride really bad. He was really nice and told me about his first time coming to Chicago and about how bad it scared him and I started to feel a bit better.

The next day I was nauseously eating a small breakfast at 4 am so I could catch the shuttle to O'Hare Airport and take a plane all by myself for the first time ever. I was so scared but I'd gotten so far already, I just wanted to get to my destination. I wanted to see my friend and see how proud of me she was. And I did. And she was. And nothing bad happened and I lived and now I love flying. It's one of my favorite things to do. I associate airports with bravery and overcoming something I never thought I could, of being able to go places that, with my anxiety, I never thought I'd get to visit.

And I never would have gotten there if I hadn't just started walking forward. One step at a time.

Life is horribly scary. And life, especially with a mental illness will always be hard. I am by no means cured, but I always remind myself when things seem to get too hard, or when I feel too scared to do something, that I went halfway across the country by myself and faced things that I never thought I could handle. And I'm fine and proud of myself for always moving forward.

Keep doing the things that scare you and never stop. Otherwise you'll end up doing nothing at all.

I give a like to let you all know that I've read your post, but if I don't leave an answer, it's just because I don't know what to say (I appreciate all of your posts, really), but... you made me cry a little bit. And I gotta say thank you very much for you message because it means a lot to me.

 

[Bangaa]

I was first diagnosed with social anxiety and mild depression when I was sixteen. It made a lot of sense but it also turned my world upside down. It was one thing to wonder if something was wrong, but then to find out there was something going on that I figured was happening anyways, and then some more was a huge shock. I manage it alright now, I work jobs where I have to be social, which sucks, but it's the way life goes. Right now I work at an animal rescue so if I ever get overwhelmed by people I just go back and hang out with the dogs.

What was very weird to me though, was when I was first diagnosed with anxiety, the doctor just said it was mild social anxiety, something to work on, but nothing to worry about. Two years later I had a huge mental breakdown/panic attack at work, like people thought I was having a seizure it was that bad, and I didn't even know why it had happened. This caused me to go and get re-evaluated. According to this new doctor, I had been misdiagnosed OR it had gotten worse. I was diagnosed with PTSD, GAD, and social anxiety.

Personally I agree with the PTSD, I have been through some freaky stuff, like a car crash when I was younger. But I don't know why all of the sudden I was diagnosed with GAD (general anxiety disorder). I don't know if I agree with that part. I do have some feelings of anxiety every now and again, but it can be pretty much explained away by my social anxiety and PTSD. Then again, I'm not a professional in mental health.

Something I've learned through all of this though, is that no matter how many labels doctors give me or how much they diagnose me with, the world goes on and so do I. For me, this outlook helps me get through day to day life, and also having a supportive group of people behind me. (And also Animal Crossing aha) Even though I can't really "stop" what's going on with my head, I just have to keep going. I used to let all this anxiety get in the way and I missed out on amazing opportunities and people, I'm not going to let that happen to me anymore. Obviously, this won't work for everyone, and I believe that everyone has a way to cope that can help them.

To all of you who suffer with anxiety or other mental health disorders, I'm cheering for you! It's hard, but I know that we are stronger than we let ourselves think.

If you ever need a stranger to vent to, I am more than happy to listen! I know that sometimes it's better to spill to someone you don't know than someone you do.

~You can do it, kupo!~

 

[mitfy]

i'm crying there's someone else on earth with the same problem as me

i've had mutism my whole life and it's a bad struggle for me. my teachers treat me like i'm mental because i'm the only kid like this in my school ):

ah, you don't often find other people with this problem. it can really make you feel isolated, and no one else knows how you feel. i'm glad we've found each other, then. it's really not fun even when you're verbal you're limited it so many other ways and it stinks

 

[hamster]

yeaa i have pretty bad social anxiety. more than id like to admit

 

[Pretty Dead Boy]

I used to have social anxiety throughout middle school from bad experiences. It's not to say it disappeared but I slowly developed better coping mechanism. Nowadays, general anxiety and depression are hitting me harder because I deal with a lot of draining or horrible customers at my part-time job

 

[Kalle]

I have an issue speaking with people I don't know that well about my ideas/opinions. I end up becoming an anxious jumbled mess, mixing up word placement in my sentences and running ahead in my thought process. Even though what I want to say is coming out all wrong, I usually just push ahead. If I try to go back to correct myself it just makes things worse. It's better today than when I was younger though.

 

[glow]

the easiest way to deal with social anxiety is to not go outside

 

[pinkbunny]

Used to have the worstttt social anxiety but now I can kind of deal with it by pushing myself out of my comfort zone. However, I do for sure get pretty bad social anxiety every now and again.
I used to get it so bad I would feel sick and sometimes even throw up, but I just pushed myself enough, and put myself in more social situations so I guess I got used to it more. My old job really helped my social anxiety I think, also finding more outgoing friends.

 

[John Wick]

I've had chronic anxiety since I was 17..

 

[Corrie]

I don't have social anxiety, but I do have really bad general anxiety. I refuse to get medicated for it though even though my doctor has recommended it multiple times

Good for you. I feel like a lot of doctors want us all hooked on drugs. I'm not sure about anxiety meds but depression meds can screw a person up emotionally and make them behave unlike themselves or go through withdrawls if they take a break from the meds. It's scary.

 

[Space]

Anxiety is a pain to deal with. It can get really overwhelming sometimes.

 

[Metal Scorpion]

I have general and social anxiety. Like a couple people here, I have Aspergers so it makes it harder to maintain anxiety.

 

[KnoxUK]

I haven't been diagnosed with social anxiety, but I do relate to most of these comments. For me I don't have much confidence, I think because I'm too critical on my self and the fact that I feel that I haven't discovered a passion yet. It doesn't help help that I'm super socially awkward because of it.

Thankfully I'm changing my stance on things and always looking to go out of my comfort zone, I just worry that its to little to late (Because of my age)

What do you guys think?