Dealing with social anxiety.

[Xara]

i can relate so much. i’ve lived with social anxiety for the majority of my life and it is absolutely deliberating. i can’t speak for everyone but personally, social anxiety + paranoia have ruined my life a bit. i cannot do simple tasks such as going out by myself, talking on the phone, groupwork, etc. i think a portion of my social anxiety stems from insecurity, too; i have a pretty poor perception of myself and consider myself too ugly or unworthy of interacting with anyone and so i just,, don’t. but a lot of it stems from paranoia; i’m constantly worried about annoying someone, saying the wrong thing, or even worse, being hurt or attacked. whenever i go out, even if i’m with someone, i’m terrified of danger and while i know that it’s pretty silly, i lived through my worst nightmare back in 2017 when both me and my father were attacked by a mentally ill man. neither of us were seriously hurt and at the end of the day, the situation was more bizarre than dangerous but it still terrified the hell out of me and it’s made me even more afraid of going outside than i was before.

the thing that drives my anxiety the most is any unknowns; if i don’t know exactly how something works or how a situation will play out, i panic and immediately start thinking of the worst case scenarios. and with social interactions, you can never know exactly how it’ll pan out and my anxiety just,, does not like that at all aha. it’s exhausting but i’d like to think that i’m better than i was in the past >_<

 

[Mimi Cheems]

I have been diagnosed with almost every type of anxiety. I think social anxiety and my panic disorder are the worst. Along with my paranoia, I'd say.

I started developing symptoms of anxiety around 10 years old, after my mom let her boyfriend of 2 months at the time move in with us. And because I barely knew him, I did not trust him, therefore this made me incredibly anxious all the time, fearing something would happen to us. I still to this day, at 19, cannot trust him. It's so difficult, I get so intimidated around him. But because of this never being treated immediately, it blossomed into a ton of other things. I am diagnosed with bi-polar disorder (hypomania with rapid cycling), my ADHD is chronic, and so is my anxiety. I am always living my life in fear, instead of living fearlessly. I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells with everyone, as I'm afraid if I say the wrong thing it could hurt their feelings or they will hate me/judge me for whatever it is that escapes my mouth.

Anxiety is never easy, nor is it fun. I dislike when people who think anxiety and nervousness are the same thing, and think 'anxious' is a synonym for 'nervous'. It is not. While nervousness may be a symptom of anxiety, I'm pretty sure they are not the same thing. Anxiety isn't cute. It isn't a personality trait. Although I feel like it does define who I am as a person because it constantly controls me... it does not define me. But... there is never a day in my life where I am not anxious. I'm always panicking on the inside, sometimes on the outside. There have been times I've been so anxious at work, I've had meltdowns in front of customers. I know I can't keep letting that happen, so I finally decided to ask for a medication SPECIFICALLY for anxiety. Not an anti-psychotic, not an anti-depressant. A medicine specifically made to treat/assist with my anxiety disorder. It has gotten to a point where a few customers recommended me to get a medical card for medical marijuana, because my anxiety is that bad.

If anyone needs to reach out for support, I am always here to listen. I might not understand how you feel completely, as we all have different ranges of emotions and such, but I do know how it feels to have anxiety disorders. I can relate and offer support and advice to the best of my abilities. I am always here, just send a message and I'll respond.

Apologies for the long post, by the way, lol.

 

[cornimer]

I started developing social anxiety around the age of 12, likely due to family turmoil. Thankfully I can function through daily life (eg. order food) but it definitely does cause challenges. I didn't make any friends in high school or university because I don't have the confidence to reach out to someone and try to start a friendship, and nobody reached out to me. I used to want to be a music teacher/choir director which is what I went to university for, but I got so nervous when we'd do practicums and such that it really ruined the experience for me and I'm no longer pursuing that career. I have a more behind-the-scenes job now that thankfully I love, and while my social anxiety does have some impact (eg. I have to spend like, a good half hour mentally preparing myself to make a two-minute phone call) my boss is understanding and will help me with things that are overwhelming me.

 

[sleepydreepy]

i have selective mutism, which is classified as an anxiety disorder. basically, it's where a person is unable to talk in certain social situations (ie. school, meeting new people or in new situations/environments, etc). even though it's classified as an anxiety disorder not all ppl with it will have social anxiety (though like 90% do). it's often called a childhood disorder bc most ppl learn to relax and be able to talk in front of others by the time they're adolescent/adults (including myself) but some may not, and continue to be selectively mute as they grow.
though i'm now able to talk in all situations, it still affects me. especially in school, i almost never speak unless asked and have a difficult time approaching teachers/students i'm not close friends with. giving presentations and speeches TERRIFIES me. i dread meeting new people, making small talk, and even small things like saying "thank you" to someone holding the door for me if i'm having a bad day.
it's not necessarily the fear of being judged (though that's a part of it), but more of the act of physically doing it is difficult. and if it's a presentation of some kind it'll give me bad anxiety.

it's super dumb and it's inhibited me my entire life and i hate it

when it comes to advice, know that anxiety and social anxiety LOVES to make everything so much scarier. it loves to exaggerate your tiny fears and make them feel monstrous. nothing is ever as bad as anxiety makes it feel. know that your thoughts are irrational, and if it helps, try even treating these anxious thoughts like they're another person - a friend or creature or someone who's always worrying and stretching the truth, and you have to be like dude, chill out. it'll be fine, no, they're not thinking that about you, they're just passing by, etc. also, this may sound rude, but remember that the world doesn't revolve around you. i don't mean that in a mean way, just that anxiety tends to make you think that everyone's looking at/thinking about/judging you for something, when in reality everyone's got their own thing going on, and when you go out in public not everyone's attention will be on you. and of course, remember to breathe. anxiety can make you hold your breath and/or breathe really fast, so if you're feeling nervous or anxious, try to remember to keep your breathing steady and consistent in order to avoid your heart speeding up (which can result in more anxiety or an anxiety/panic attack).

anyways, sorry for the long post. i hope you start feeling better soon, and hope my advice was any help!

This is great advice! I would also like to add something that has been helping me deal with my own everyday anxiety. I often hype up mundane situations that make me anxious until I am shaking, sweating, and my heart is racing, which causes me to become even more anxious. I then feel terrible mentally and physically, and have a horrible time getting through the situation. I recently realized that I am making myself feel that way, and the situation itself doesn't have to be so bad. If I can control my thoughts then I won't physically feel sick and I can get through situations a lot easier. For example, I use to have horrible anxiety when going to the doctor, especially getting my blood drawn. Before my appointment I would start having a lot of anxious thoughts which would cause me to panic. By the time I arrived I would start hyperventilating and have a full blown panic attack. The nurse would have to spend an hour or sometimes 2 hours calming me down enough for my veins to relax and her to easily draw my blood. I would then go home traumatized from the whole event. Once I realized I was the main cause of this anxiety, I learned how to control my anxious thoughts before going to the doctors, and was able to get my blood drawn within 10 minutes! I learned it wasn't so bad after all, and I felt so accomplished. Now when I am going into other stressful situations, I remember this accomplishment and remind myself that hyping myself up to physically feel anxious only makes it worse, and it doesn't have to be so bad.

 

[CasualWheezer]

I haven't been diagnosed with social anxiety, but I do feel that I deal with it a lot. I'm always scared to talk to new people, I guess I overthink things. Like I always want to make a good impression on people, I really worry what people will think about me. I'm always very self conscious about my posture, my voice, or literally just anything about the way I look. I've had some bad experiences with losing a lot of friends in seventh grade so I really care about stuff like that. I also really hate things when awkwardness is involved. It makes me so stressed. I just can't stand awkward moments. And now that I've been this social distancing for almost seven months at this point, it's really awful now. I've had little human contact in those months and almost all of my communication with my friends is by texting. I always put a lot of thought into writing a text, if I said this right or if I sounded to aggressive, should I use emojis, how do I sound normal, just those thoughts. Stuff like asking "how are you?" and then them just not saying that back. It's just those moments that I hate. And it feels like I'm always the one reaching about to them, initiating a conversation, they'd almost never do the same for me. And sometimes they don't respond. If we're talking about Snapchat, I really don't like being left on read, it's happened so much even when I ask questions and don't get an answer. Sorry if I went on a tangent here, I just had to let that out. But yeah, my social anxiety is pretty much me.

 

[toonafeesh]

I have social anxiety and a few other things, but social anxiety side has been improving a lot. I had it since I was like 5? I moved and started primary school so that's probably how it developed (also had separation anxiety haha couldn't leave my mum's side). I've had social anxiety for over 20 years and I also couldn't really go out for walks either.. just felt kind of nerve wrecking if people glanced at me. I could definitely not go to shops alone either, and when I did it'd feel like my face went all red whenever I was at the check out (honestly my face prob wasn't red at all).
I had an online friend who'd tell me that they're out in the shops or something just treating themselves, but they didn't feel alone because they were messaging me. So I tried doing that a bit too, I'd go out and treat myself while messaging my friend so I wouldn't feel completely alone. It took me a lot of attempts to get used to it and not be so scared, but I think it really helped? I also ended up working part-time at a local restaurant where I was a frequent customer, and that REALLY helped too lol

There's still a lot of things that trip up my social anxiety, but I at least know I've gotten better and it's something you can counter if you keep trying.

 

[Corrie]

I haven't been diagnosed with social anxiety, but I do feel that I deal with it a lot. I'm always scared to talk to new people, I guess I overthink things. Like I always want to make a good impression on people, I really worry what people will think about me. I'm always very self conscious about my posture, my voice, or literally just anything about the way I look. I've had some bad experiences with losing a lot of friends in seventh grade so I really care about stuff like that. I also really hate things when awkwardness is involved. It makes me so stressed. I just can't stand awkward moments. And now that I've been this social distancing for almost seven months at this point, it's really awful now. I've had little human contact in those months and almost all of my communication with my friends is by texting. I always put a lot of thought into writing a text, if I said this right or if I sounded to aggressive, should I use emojis, how do I sound normal, just those thoughts. Stuff like asking "how are you?" and then them just not saying that back. It's just those moments that I hate. And it feels like I'm always the one reaching about to them, initiating a conversation, they'd almost never do the same for me. And sometimes they don't respond. If we're talking about Snapchat, I really don't like being left on read, it's happened so much even when I ask questions and don't get an answer. Sorry if I went on a tangent here, I just had to let that out. But yeah, my social anxiety is pretty much me.

I hate being left on read. Like, am I that boring to talk to or what?