Does someone expressing romantic interest in you ruin your friendship with them?

[Dogemon]

No, this is true. Guys try to keep it a secret, horribly so. if you are a girl and you have a guy friend who always initiates or acts really kind for no reason, he wants you romantically. If the dude is being weirdly available and nice, your suspicions are correct. All guys think like this often. It's not sexist. The girls in this thread mention it happening before and to them and then the guy gets upset. It's because he was never really being sincere.

This absolutely not true lol. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but it isn't some bullcrap number like 95%. The majority of my friends are guys and though I am openly polygamous, few have any remote romantic/sexual interest in me. It is very possible to get sisterly feels for girls or just want to hang with them and go out of your way for them. I go out of my way for most of my friends and we would sooner vomit than be in relationships with each other.

I think this "issue" tends to only happen with dudes who are raised to think that girls are only there to date, aka dudebros and entitled middle schooler-brained fellas. I honestly think any decent *person* will not leave someone they care about just because they don't return romantic feelings for you and they were probably gross morally if they did.

 

[crystalchild]

i tend to be quite wary of guys from the moment they initiate contact with me, to try to determine how much of their interest is sexual and how much is just wanting to make friends. the fact that im a lesbian and tend to express this early in our interactions might save me from some of the douchebags haha (although still not all of them)

 

[TheGlamourGroup]

Yes mostly. I end up feeling kind of uncomfortable and even kind of avoiding them. For example, currently there's a guy who I think likes me. He's pretty quiet and when we pass each other in the hall he would quietly try wave to me. He would often run back to me to say hi if he missed me. It looks like he waits for me just to greet me too. Both us are very quiet and it's really awkward. Nowadays I actually feel like trying to walk fast to avoid him. My friend said that he said to her if she knows me. My friend said yeah, why? She said he didn't say anything.

Something kind of different happened too. Before this, another kid liked me. Not sure if he still does, but he's REALLY ANNOYING. Literally he's the most annoying person and my friends all hate him. He tries to take other's food even if they said no. Anyways, before he would keep talking to me every second and hug me..? That was kind of awkward. I try to avoid him, of course. But yeah, that was mostly it.

 

[Trainer Lillie]

I don't think ending a friendship over this comes from a place of callousness or disgust, though - or at least it hasn't for me when I did ultimately do it myself. It was quite the opposite in that I just felt incredibly awkward, and the other person felt very embarrassed and, with their specific personality, just couldn't shake feeling like it was a burden or an issue to me when, to be honest, if they had been able to be more comfortable and accepting with themself and their feelings (easier said than done, I know), the whole thing would have been less of an issue for both parties. When you care a lot about someone as a friend, you want them to be happy and for their feelings to result in something happy and healthy for them, but when those feelings are for you and they can't lead to anything, you feel both disappointment that your friend is suffering with unrequited affection, and incredibly awkward and guilty that you are the reason for that, atop the natural discomfort you can feel when someone likes you and you aren't interested in that way. It's difficult to describe just how intense, uncomfortable and unfortunate that situation can be for all involved, and I think if you don't have both parties able to not take it all too seriously, see the humour in it, let the guilt go and move on, it just becomes impossible to comfortably continue that friendship.

I believe that if both people have the right personalities and perspectives it's entirely possible to take some breathing room, let some time pass and go back to being as good friends as before. But it takes big people to not be too proud, too embarrassed, or too fixated on feelings of guilt or shame either way to make that happen.

 

[Nicole.]

I have experienced a situation before where a male friend of mine confessed his love for me. This was during a very awkward time of my life so for that reason I didn't know how to react and approach the situation. However, I am pleased to share that it did not affect our friendship at all and still to this day we share a strong and healthy friendship. Even though we are slowly moving towards our separate pathways in life, we still make time to visit and see each other now and then. It made me realize what a true friend he really is, by that I mean it emphasizes his commitment towards the friendship regardless of my decision to kindly decline his question.

How did I feel after the confession? At first, I felt quite unsettled and anxious knowing that a friend of mine could likely only be friends with me solely for that purpose. It made me feel as if I was being used and that it was just a fake friendship.

 

[Soot Sprite]

I've only really had one bad experience with this, most of the friends I've had that have had an interest in me I felt the same way so I was lucky enough to have it work out.

The bad experience I had ended up getting my fiance fired from where I work because one of my friends and coworkers that liked me ended up getting super jealous. After he found out I was dating my fiance he was petty enough to get him fired because of it.

 

[KittyKawaii]

Real love means painful sacrifice, but I am sure most of you know that already.

Usually being a true friend is one of the best forms of love, but whenever someone makes romantic suggestions, they seem to be trying to harvest enjoyable feelings from that person. Romantic feelings fade after a while, and they often leave relationships to become more like chores.

Just because someone is a friend doesn't mean they are limited from helping you out in any way, so they don't really need to act differently.

 

[wynn]

I've had several of my male friends confess feelings for me. It doesn't bother me at all. Everyone has these feelings and I think it's silly to end friendships or make things awkward because of them. If anything, I try to be understanding of them because I was in their shoes once. The only time I'll ever have an issue is if a guy was only my friend to hook up with me.

 

[vel]

if someone actually likes you and you reject them and they act badly over it, they should be dropped like they're hot. if they're going to act badly over a simple no, imagine how badly they'd act in an actual relationship, never mind a friendship. so in that case, yes it'll ruin your friendship.

if they act respectfully, and you have no interest, be friends. feelings fluctuate and change, you could end up liking them. you can't be sure it's a no, and you can't be sure it's a yes, as love is not a choice. so there are many many different ways it could end up, there isn't a definite answer as people are different.

 

[KaydeeKrunk]

I had a friend who I had really deep feelings for in school, we dated briefly but ended up not really meshing well. So we stopped going out but remained friends, we stayed great friends even after I moved away and kept in contact through texting and facebook. I also dated a few of my other friends in school, and had a few who expressed interest that I didn't reciprocate and we stayed friends.

I can see how someone might take offence or be hurt emotionally if they are more sensitive, or really thought you felt similarly, which has happened to me as well because I "flirt" with my good friends, call them babe and stuff cause I love them, just not romantically. Most of my friends get this but sometimes they'll get the wrong idea, like me and my really great friend write to each other like a couple, saying things like "smooches" and "will you marry me" all sorts of flirty stuff, she knows I'm not gay for her and she isn't gay for me that's just how we friend.

I've had a friend who told me they didn't like that when I did it to them, to be fair she was not used to being "loved" so when I would tell her I loved her she'd take it the wrong way, so I stopped, and wasn't offended.

 

[Romaki]

Just be honest about your feelings and don't expect special treatment for being kind, that's just common courtesy.
People who keep up fake friendships to snake there way into a possible romantic relationship are the worst imo.

 

[AlanRickmanFan27]

not when they express romantic interest in me it's the other way around when i honestly tell them about my feelings about how i want to be more than just friends they dump me as friends with them! like they want a stupid moronic girl who is mean and who lets ppl walk all over her and use her a lot instead of a girl like me nice honest truthful blunt kind and not stupid but smart but they don't understand it hurts me when they use me like they do

 

[Dogemon]

not when they express romantic interest in me it's the other way around when i honestly tell them about my feelings about how i want to be more than just friends they dump me as friends with them! like they want a stupid moronic girl who is mean and who lets ppl walk all over her and use her a lot instead of a girl like me nice honest truthful blunt kind and not stupid but smart but they don't understand it hurts me when they use me like they do

It sounds like you aren't being 'smart' about who you are choosing as friends if you can clearly tell that they are looking for someone like that. It is also possible they are not comfortable being around you. That isn't selfish, especially if they have a prior relationship.

 

[easpa]

I've had it happen to me once before where I had to turn down romantic advances from a friend and while it put a bit of a strain on things at first, he soon got over it and our friendship went back to normal. I even ended up introducing him to his next boyfriend!

 

[AlanRickmanFan27]

It sounds like you aren't being 'smart' about who you are choosing as friends if you can clearly tell that they are looking for someone like that. It is also possible they are not comfortable being around you. That isn't selfish, especially if they have a prior relationship.

that is true and i agree thanks! and lol on your pic of isabelle xD haha i would call it isabelle in RL XD lol

 

[intropella]

Yes, and it's really sad that the friendship is gone. ):
One time a really good best friend of mind, expressed interested in me. I told him I wasn't interested , and he started being persisted for a while. Then I gave in (loser 14-15 year old me. LOL). Anyways, I gave the "romantic" relationship a go, but like everything seem so lovey dovey instead of like being our old self? You know??? Ugh a year pass, and then he just randomly told me he liked someone else and stopped liking me. (Twas falling for him at that time, and everything wrecked out friendship. Cause in my mind I just lost my best friend). At the end, we are no longer best friend, and it makes me sad.

Oh well. The past is in the past kiddos.

 

[BrinaLouWho]

Normally yes, if they cannot accept that we are only friends then the friendship normally crashes and burns on its own. This has happened to me several times it just depends on how strong the friendship is and if the person can control/get rid of their feelings.

 

[Zireael]

This has happened to me a few times and it's never ended well, so I'd say yes. I used to be good friends with a couple of boys in school who I sat next to in English class, and eventually one of them told me he liked me over MSN after school one day. I'm not sure if that was worse than face-to-face or not because it made going into class the next day very awkward. We never spoke the same way again, it just felt too weird since I wasn't interested, and he was very persistent about it which made things even worse for me. It's bad when someone can't take "no" for an answer, I think that if someone truly respected your friendship and wanted to maintain it then they wouldn't be pushy about a relationship, so maybe it was no big loss.

Maybe it's a good judge of character how someone reacts to being rejected like that, I'm really not sure. There was another case where I thought I understood someone quite well in my old Tera guild back when I played to the point where I did consider him a friend, but after he tried getting too close and I told him to back off he changed completely and actually came off as pretty nasty and self-centered. Really not what I expected, and I'm glad I kept him at arms length and never gave away any personal info because they seemed quite dangerous. Needless to say, we never spoke again and I'm glad of it.

I guess it's hard for me to really understand it, I don't think I've ever been in the position to confess to someone and be put down. I know it must be hurtful but I don't think I would react the way I've seen people do in the past... It just feels disrespectful to the friendship and person, because it not only hurts you, it hurts them too and puts them in a very awkward position. I don't think I could do that to anyone without feeling bad, so I'm really passive about these things.

So far I haven't had good experiences but I'm glad that some people here have been able to put those feelings aside and remain friends. I think if they're able to do that it's really wonderful and it would make me cherish their friendship even more.

 

[piichinu]

my thoughts on the matter ?

men are pigs

 

[s i r e n t i c]

Every time it's happened to me I usually just apologize 'cause I don't like them back, and then I try to just put it behind us. I mean, generally it's awkward for a few days but oh well.

If the person isn't able to accept that I don't feel the same way for them then after a while I'll just start to stop talking to them, especially if every time I talk to them they hit on me or try to convince me that since we're friends already we'd be a good couple..

Maybe I just have horrible luck, but every time I'm friends with a guy within a few months or whatever he'll eventually try to convince me that I should date him, so sadly almost every guy I'm friends with stops being my friend after a few months 'cause they're pissed I won't date them or because I'm uncomfortable with being guilted or pushed into a relationship with them :/