Does someone expressing romantic interest in you ruin your friendship with them?

[Duzzel]

I'm very emotionally immature, unfortunately...
For someone to admit that they were romantically interested in me, it's always been very awkward.

One time when someone told me they were in love with me, it was over the phone and I didn't know what to say. I remember sitting there in silence for about 15 seconds before I eventually said something that changed the topic. A few days later I finally messaged them to say I was sorry about how I responded and that I still value the relationship we already have - but we didn't talk for a couple months after. I was mad at myself because I know how I should respond (I had to look up how to handle those situations) but I sort of froze, I didn't really know what to do. And this had happened 2 other times with different people.

I've never dated or found myself in love with anyone, so perhaps it's in part due to my inexperience. But I hate what I ended up putting those people through because I would end up avoiding them for a long while. I just can't handle someone loving me and not loving them back.
It's gotten to the point that if I notice friends getting exceedingly comfortable around me then I'll distance myself a little.

 

[visibleghost]

depends on what theyre like

i had a guy be really friendly and nice to me but then he said he Liked me and after i was like "oh cool but it's not mutual" he just kept pestering me about it?? it made me really uncomfortable and was very awkward. finally i told him that he was making me uncomfortable and that i wasnt interested in him like that. then he went on a rant about how i had "led him on" lmao and he changed his kik nickname to "my heart is in peieces" .

not long after we had a fight and i told him i dont want to be his friend anymore (partly because of his Confessions of Love but also because he was a manipulative baby who couldnt accept being rejected.)

i dont think romantic interest has to ruin friendships but it can definitely destroy everything. it depends on the people and how they handle it

 

[KarlaKGB]

need someone to express interest in me first xdxd

 

[Envy]

Hm...

Well, the problem is typically the other person and how they handle it. Forming attraction is fine, you can still be friends. There are two scenarios where it is bad (and these usually are combined): Someone tries to befriend you solely because they're attracted to you. In which case, it was never actually a friendship to them. Those never end well. And then of course, the second scenario (which as I noted, usually follows the first) they become bitter when you say you don't like them and make a big deal about it.

I mean... If you really love someone, a friendship is valuable. It can be painful, but if you can't stand being friends with them, you were never in love with them.

 

[Cazqui]

Depends on how the two parties handle it. I'm a very awkward person and I'm very shy naturally so if I actually confess my feelings for someone then it's incredibly difficult for me. I've had crushes before and we decided to stay friends. Some of them I'm still friends with to this day.

 

[Malaionus]

romantic interest??? who's she


i've never been told that someone likes me or the other way around


mostly bc i've never had crushes

 

[Biyaya]

It really depends on the relationship. If a person likes me primarily as a friend, s/he could get over it if I don't return romantic feelings for him/her. If I am primarily a romantic interest, then the friendship will likely fail (eventually, when all hope is lost.. ). Some people hold out longer than others too. It might also have to deal with how close of a friend that person is. You're right; some people become too embarrassed to continue contact like before, and maybe that has a little to do with how they perceive their bond, whether it is well established or easily subject to change.

As a note: I am married now, so people don't pursue me anymore. But to answer your question: Before I got married, if someone confessed or put an obvious move on me and I wasn't interested or didn't want to be the person's significant other, I'd kind of brush it off or apologize and continue talking to the person how I would, pretending it never happened just so the person didn't have to be embarrassed whenever s/he talked to me. Nobody ever brought it up again either.

Now, I'd let the person know that I am married and staying faithful to my husband out of love and commitment, and if a person put a move on me, I'd be very cross about it because that is plainly disrespectful towards not only me but my husband!

 

[Licorice]

I kill it right there because they will eventually bring it up again and things get awkward from that point on.

 

[Draoii]

It's rare that anyone expresses any sort of interest in me but when they do I turn into an emotionally constipated dork.
One time it happened and I ended up accepting their feelings, while I had no romantic interest in them, so we ended up losing contact over me and my idiocy. Looking back at this story, I really was
an ass. omg young me is the worst

 

[brutalitea]

They usually ruin the friendship on their own because they reveal themselves to be typical Nice GuysTM who get pissy that I won't sleep with them after they were "nice" to me. I read this pretty fantastic post on tumblr the other day that summaries my feelings on this subject

 

[AlanRickmanFan27]

They usually ruin the friendship on their own because they reveal themselves to be typical Nice GuysTM who get pissy that I won't sleep with them after they were "nice" to me. I read this pretty fantastic post on tumblr the other day that summaries my feelings on this subject

omg! that happens to me too! act nice but then show their true colors and they are mean and cruel and im like why couldn't u show that before u faked all nice to me! idiots! and im not a whor nether why think i am when im not! u just want one because u think im one but then u get all pissy when i wont sleep with u like i am one! i know exactly how u feel

 

[Bones]

It really depends on several different things, like.. if we're close friends, then I'll be honest and say that the feeling isn't mutual, ask them if they need some space, and so on.

If we're not really close (especially if we're casual friends and/or just started to befriend each other), then it might make me uncomfortable. I've had a lot of people approach me as potential friends, then display a blatant romantic interest in me (usually amongst various other iffy qualities), which immediately makes me want to drop them like a hot potato.

And in any situation, it also depends on how they react. If somebody was really, truly fine continuing to remain friends with me, then I'd say it was cool. But if they say that, then get all broken up about it (which is a normal reaction), then I'd struggle a bit, since they obviously need some time away from me and idk if they'd ever be able to be my friend. (some people just get in too deep, even to the point of subconsciously resenting the person for not being able to like them back)

But, as a general rule of thumb, I'd say that as long as they're not a creep and are actually capable of being friends with me after the fact, then s'all good.

(I also wish that more people thought like me, 'cause I can't tell you how many times I've thought a friend was cute and could picture myself testing the committed-relationship waters with them, only to find out that a friend finding them attractive was apparently the worst thing ever, no exceptions)

 

[cIementine]

it depends how they take it if you don't feel the same. if you can just laugh about it and move on, like what happened with two of my friends, then it'd be fine, but if it creates a rift and a bit of awkwardness (and understandably so), then it would probably ruin a friendship.
i guess it also depends on closeness.

 

[OperaPhantom]

My short answer is no, but it really depends on the situation. One guy from my high school, who I wasn't really good friends with, but just friendly with him, asked me to be his girlfriend. It made things awkward after I said no, because he kept thinking he could change my mind. It was one of those "I'm friendly to this guy because I'm friendly with everyone, but now he's thinks I was flirting with him and he won't let it go and oh god I'm really regretting showing basic human kindness now can you please just accept my answer of no" situations. It was especially awkward because he was one of the students who was held back a lot, so he was pushing 20 as a senior in high school; I was a 17 year-old junior who was tutoring him in various subjects, and we liked some similar stuff (certain animes, cosplay, interested in criminology and forensics, loved history, etc.). It was even more awkward in senior year, when I started dating my boyfriend, and the guy still thought I would go out with him.
I guess that was more of a special circumstances thing, and it was his problems that caused the beginning friendship to fizzle.
Other times, I've had no problems. One of my best friends is a girl who wrote and gave me a love poem in the college cafeteria. I'm straight, so I respectfully declined, but she and I became best friends because we have a lot of shared interests. One of my best friends in middle school was a girl who also gave me a love poem (one of Shakespeare's sonnets); I helped her figure out which girls in our school were also LGBTQ+, and helped her. Even though she's moved away, she and I still keep in touch. I just finished proofreading the poem she wrote for the girl she's currently interested in, actually.
I've only had two guys tell me they like me; the guy I previously mentioned, and my boyfriend. Even after my boyfriend and I broke up once, we remained friends because we understood each other so well (we're now back together again).

So no, I try not to let friendships fizzle because of romantic interest. If the other person doesn't understand, that's their own thing.