How can family do this?

[Noir]

This isn't so much a rant post but really a post to gain perspective. Am I missing something? Am I not seeing the truth? With any regards, I will put it plain and simple. My dad died of March of this year, on the 30th. And, due to my psyche and my instability at the moment, I thought it was best to go back to where I currently live, since I have responsibilities to keep a hold of, like a place to live, a job to have, supportive friends and such.


And then I get a text from my sister, asking if I had left and how I was doing. At first, I really was believing this was a genuine address of concern. And then my mom calls me, letting me know that my sister was trying to call me and asked for my boyfriend's number. Honestly, I wanted to believe it was good intention, but as I checked, I saw she had not called me whatsoever. And I always have service in this apartment. And she said she tried calling multiple times. And my service was working for my mom to call me... Soooo....

She lied to my mom, and went behind my back to get to my boyfriend, whether to persuade him to leave me or for him to feel like crap for taking me away from them.

Honestly, I don't know. She's manipulative, and at that point, she was dead to me the moment she said I was basically abandoning my parents because I had to go back.

Then, I find out today, that, my sisters, one who I hoped one had more... brains and respect, went after my mom, to get stuff that belonged to my dad, and more. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised that this was the primary objective originally, since my oldest sister kept rolling her eyes when my mom told the officials what my dad had wanted. For my mom to inherit everything. I had no problem with this, seeing that my mother is my father's wife. And they struggled together so hardly that they loved eachother no matter what, without a doubt.

They have been becoming more and more transparent that my mom is losing her mind over this. My mother doesn't want them over much anymore, if at all, since all they want is for their own gain. My older sister, but not the oldest, did try to accuse my mother of abusing her, which I was intending to believe until she tried to lie and manipulate about a past event that had a crucial impact on my life to the point I remember very clearly what happened from my perspective... That's when I started to question.... Everything she was saying. Whether or not it did happen, I did ask my mother, who was unbelievably flabbergasted that my sister would say such a thing, and in the end, I'm more on the lines allied with my mom more than ever.


I just can't understand this.

Why would they go and do this?

Why would they just go and try to take everything from my mom?

I just don't get how anyone with any moral standard and a heart to do such a thing, especially right after my dad's death. I mean, it just hurts me, because they always hurt me in the past by crushing my hopes and dreams, by making me so upset and self-conscious, making my life miserable to the point that I tried to take my own life from the repercussions of what they created in me and the non-stop constant bullying. Honestly, I lost all my respect for them, but over the case that I had begged God to let my dad live and I'd forgive my sisters and put it past me...


I did it anyways, since I knew it was time for my dad. His winter was closing.

Yet, when this came to light... I can't forgive them... I can't understand this... Am I wrong to feel like this?..

 

[DarkDesertFox]

Your sisters sound like ass holes.

 

[OperaPhantom]

Family can suck. My aunt disowned my grandmother (her mom) because my grandmother had struggled with alcoholism for years before finally getting sober, even though my grandmother has been sober for almost 25 years.
The only thing we can do is try to move past their dishonesty and their lack of empathy. The best revenge is watching someone, who dislikes/hates you for no reason, crumble as they realize that you are living a good life without them.
Also, your sisters sound horrible, and I hope they stop being such drama llamas.

 

[blackroserandom]

I'm so sorry about all this. Losing a loved one, especially a parent, it really messes with your head. My Dad died almost 2 years ago and my head is still warped. I think you going back to where you need to be was best for you. You need time to heal and grieve, those supportive friends and the stability of your home will help you. From my point of view, your sisters sound really greedy. If your Dad wanted your Mom to have everything when he passed, they should abide by it, if if they don't agree with it. Hounding that poor woman when she's obviously in pain, it really shows them in a negative life and I fully understand why your mother doesn't want them around anymore. Between the loss of her loved one and the abuse accusations, that is way too much for anyone to handle.

I'm sure your sisters hurt too from your Dad's passing but it's really awful of her to pressure your Mother into giving her stuff. It's like she doesn't care whether or not your Mom is hurting. Honestly, after reading about what they did to you in the past, I'm surprised you even wanted to forgive them. You sound like a bigger person than I, I would have cut them out a long time ago. They made you sooo miserable you tried to harm yourself. And now they are gunning after your poor mother in her time of pain. They sound like awful people. No, no you are not wrong to feel like this. Make sure you communicate with your boyfriend all of this, if you haven't already, he should know that your sisters are being very shady and terrible. He can better defend himself against their manipulations, if they try anything against him.

I'm so sorry, Noir, I'm sorry about the pain...the confusion. It'll hurt for a long time, I want you to know, if you ever need to vent/talk to anyone, you can always message me or drop me a line. Oh, keep close with your Mother, she needs you. All the strength and love I can give you. Never forget to take care of yourself and take time for you. It's okay to be angry, sad, to cry. Whatever makes you feel better. <3

 

[BrinaLouWho]

You are not wrong in my opinion. My father died in 2011 and unfortunately my family did similar things to me. I'm here if you ever need support. Unfortunately family isnt what it used to be.

 

[Dogemon]

I would recommend just cutting your sisters out of your life completely. Support your mother if you can, but don't keep yourself in any direct communication with them.

 

[LambdaDelta]

I just don't get how anyone with any moral standard and a heart to do such a thing

from the sound of things, probably because they actually lack those

but as for how, people are people, and some people will just be completely abhorrent regardless of who they involve

and as said already, it's probably just better to cut them out of your life as completely as possible. moreso given how they're both older than you. since this is the sort of **** that any reasonable person, had they ever been like this, should've grown out of in like middle school. at this point it seems like they're just the sort of completely toxicly selfish people that will step over anyone or anything for their own personal gain, and just aren't worth having around or dealing with anymore

 

[amanda1983]

Wow. I agree with the advice and opinions of everyone above me. You need to focus on your needs and working through your grief, and support your mum as best you can whilst living your own life.

I don't know what country you're in but there should be some form of free/subsided/cheap grief counseling you can access to help you manage your current situation. Grief counsellors are used to people with all kinds of complicated family history and issues to work though, and may be the best source of perspective for you in your position.

Regarding the apparent lies and allegations of abuse I would like to say that, generally speaking, in my experience (which is extensive, both personally and professionally), it is actually very common for there to be very different recollections of past events - even those that seem clear cut (such as a serious injury inflicted by a parent in front of numerous witnesses). Human beings are notoriously unreliable witnesses, even without factors such as stress, grief, and mental health issues to consider. I am not saying there was any abuse of any kind in your family, nor am I qualified to make such an assessment even if I had more information. But. I would urge you not to take any hasty or irreversible actions based on your current - absolutely understandable - feelings.

You've been through a lot, and two people you thought you could trust have - from your perspective - let you down. It may all just be a horrible set of coincidences, or your sisters may be people you'll never want to see again. Most likely, it's somewhere in the middle. But right now things are too raw to begin sorting that out.

The most important thing to do is take care of yourself, and work through your natural grief.

 

[Soda Fox]

You're not wrong for feeling what you're feeling. For any relationship I always follow a simple rule:

"Judge the relationship by the bad times. Anyone can be good to another in the good times, but if you can be good to each other in the bad times, you know you have a solid relationship."

It sounds to me like your relationship with your sisters, and your sisters' relationship to your mother, is not a very strong relationship. While the choice is ultimately yours, I think you're wise to cut them out for now and I think it's wise for your mother to do the same. Be there for your mom in a way you can while also fulfilling your need of a support system. I'm sure your mother has some support of her own through friends and you even if it's at a distance.

If you and your mom decide to forgive your sisters, that's great, but trust one broken is very hard to fix. No one should hold it against you if you and your mother never forgive your sisters, because even in a time of grief, they've done some terrible things.

 

[carp]

woah there, this needs counseling