How do you feel about family get-togethers/reunions?

[Xara]

i can’t remember the last time that seeing or spending time with my family, including my parents who i still live with, left me feeling good mentally afterwards. i wouldn’t say that any of the get-togethers i’ve been to were necessarily bad by any means, but they were incredibly nerve-racking, and i always leave feeling left out and like i don’t belong. my family and i rarely speak to or see each other outside of these occasional gatherings, and i haven’t been close to any of them in years as a result, so family get-togethers don’t feel like what the name implies them to be — instead, they feel more like i’m sitting awkwardly in a room full of strangers who always ask me the same small talk questions (how old are you now? do you have a boyfriend?) for 2-5 hours.

this is especially prominent with my mom’s side of the family, who only really interacted with my parents and i for my grandmother. everyone seemed to adore her. they would call and visit her fairly often, invite her to come visit them, buy her presents for her birthday, christmas, etc and come drop them off, etc, which meant that they would occasionally have to see and talk to my parents and i as well. for years now, its felt like my mother’s side of the family loses interest in people once they’re no longer a kid, or until they’re old enough to drink and smoke and/or have kids of their own — or maybe that’s just reserved for me. my grandmother passed away in september, and my mother is now estranged from all 3 of her siblings, which means we’re pretty much estranged from her entire side of the family now. the only two family members my mom’s still in contact with (and who i actually like) are her niece (her sister’s daughter) and her cousin. i barely see or talk to them, but they’ve both always been very sweet to me, even as i’ve gotten older.

the situation with my dad’s side of the family is about the same, though I do speak to my grandfather occasionally. i haven't seen any of them in-person since pre-pandemic, though.

 

[LilianBee]

I actually have one coming up this Wednesday with my aunt and some relatives

My feelings on this is something I am still learning to understand. On the outside my family tried their best to come off as happy and close. But internally there is so much abuse and trauma. Trauma and horrific abuse I suffered at the hands of my mother and my father who enabled it. I learned how my relatives abused each other and how my whole family is a tangled web of generational trauma

These days, coming to learn many things through therapy, I feel conflicted. On one hand I honestly love my family as some are still especially kind to me (thank you grandma) though some have gone downhill (looking at you brother). I have taken a step back from certain websites that talk about dysfunctional families. How one needs to go no contact immediately, how they don't love you, etc. I am not in a place to leave right now and my situation is complex. I also can't turn off my feelings either. It's hard, and I sometimes feel like I am not doing good enough navigating all this

Post automatically merged: May 10, 2022

Mostly **** cause I don't get along with those people who want it. Also sucks a lot of countries and culture still have this thing "you need to attend, you're family, blood-related" or whatever crap they pull. Like, parents must be natural sadists cause obviously they love to see their kids suffer...

I feel this 100%. Many cultures believes in excuse abusive/toxic behavior in the name "family". Its why so much generational trauma and abuse gets passed down. Children should be taught to not tolerate abusive behavior and instill boundaries and have their family support them

 

[Stella-Io]

They were always awkward, and not cause I'm awkward, thou I'm sure that doesn't help.

We don't talk to/avoid my other family members for multiple reasons. When we did get together, it was like tryin to catch up years worth of time to a stranger you knew about back then but even back then you were still tryin to catch up. We didn't know each other very well even as kids, so we never knew what to talk about. It was worse when we didn't have shared interests. Conversations were short and barely there. I want to talk to the kids (I say kids but they are only a few years younger than us) but it's 'difficult' with my parents and their parents.

With the other side of the family, we also don't talk to/avoid them for multiple reasons. Again, catching up with a stranger, no shared interests, and awkward small talk. This side of the family are all adults, so they would ask questions like if we wanted to go to college, what are we doing in life, are we driving yet, are we dating anyone blah blah blah. My answers were always short and uninteresting, cause that's pretty much how my life goes. This side of the family says things that borderline try to guilt us into talking with them, but again it's a thing with the parents.

TL;DR Awkward, try to avoid if can.

 

[visibleghost]

i like to be by myself and sit on my phone tbh. like i get you're supposed to be social but i find it draining, even though my family isn't bad or anything. my extended family can be annoying, especially my uncle in law (married to my aunt), he ALWAYS has something stupid to say.

lately i have been avoiding get togethers in generals because of anxiety surrounding the whole event and eating together lol. right now i'm trying to get out of two family dinners that are planned for later this month fml

 

[Kitsuragi]

waste of time tbh, nobody in my family gets along so there would be no enjoyment for anyone. even family holiday gatherings are stressful and annoying.

if i liked my family more i'd probably love family gatherings. i envy people who can have a good family bbq and cookout.

 

[Tao]

I hate the idea of them, hence why I avoid them.


It never came up for the longest time because my mums side of the family is very small. My mum, grandma, step dad, brother and sister. Call it about 20 years that was my entire family (including my grandad who has since passed). Didn't really need to have a get together, I saw my grandparents nigh every weekend thus, I saw my whole family every week.


My dad has been in and out of my life throughout until about 4/5 years ago when he asked me to work for him. That said, his side of the family is fairly large and up until I started working for him I hadn't seen or heard from any of them for about 10-15 years. Even with the past 5 years of my dad actually being there, I can count on one hand the amount of times I've seen people from his side of the family and even then, it's for like 10 minutes at best.

Now every year my dad says "oh, your uncle organises a big get together at Christmas, we'll go on that as a Christmas work outing!". Luckily my dad hasn't been able to go to any of them due to difficulties with his daughter (My sister? I've seen her like twice, so again it's like some random kid I don't know) and since he couldn't go, they couldn't contact me to ask so I didn't have to make up an excuse...

...But every year I absolutely dread the possibility that this year, it might actually happen and I'll have to say "I don't want to, it honestly sounds awful". If I wanted them in my life I wouldn't need an obligatory family get together to see them and vica versa. It sounds like an absolutely tedious waste of my time to have to sit in a room full of strangers just because we happen to be related.

And I think that's the general thing I feel, if there has to be a big event organised where I feel I HAVE to go in order for me to communicate with somebody, just don't bother, we're obviously not that integral to each others life. We only get one life, please don't make me spend it pretending I care what any of these people are doing.

 

[S.J.]

I don't really see my extended family (uncles/aunts, cousins or grandparents) much, but not because of bad blood or anything, we're mostly just not close and some live farther away.

I'm the youngest of my parents kids, so I have older siblings (some of whom have little kids). I love my fam, and we meet probably once a month with my mum, my siblings and their kids for a birthday or holiday.

 

[ali.di.magix]

I haven't been to a family gathering for years as none of my immediate family enjoy them lol. There's an awkward age gap between myself and everyone else; my cousins are much older than me and my cousins kids are much younger than me. So there's no common interests at all. Having said that, I was usually the one keeping the peace between the chaos of all the kids lol. I've never had much to do with anyone in my extended family (apart from my grandparents) and there are not many happy memories from my time spent with them.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

regarding my dad's side, they haven't had a family reunion in over a decade (or, at least, I haven't been to one of theirs in that long) but I remember it being a fun time and I still have some good memories with it. we do still get together for christmas and as much as I dislike my aunt, I always like visiting my grandma, uncle, and cousin.

and regarding my mom's side, if it's a reunion for my grandma's family then heck yeah, they're all amazing people and I love to spend time with them. it's too bad most of them live in the South (Louisiana, Alabama) so I don't get to see them often, but I do have cousins who live in Indiana and we visit them every other year or so. but if it's my grandpa's family, then no. he was the only reason I ever went to those reunions, and now that he's gone I'll likely not talk to his side of the family anymore (save for a few people).

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

I have mixed feelings about it. It's nice to see family, but sometimes it can be a bit much. I'm a bit of a loner (or anti-social, as my friends say), so I like to lock myself in my room while the guests are downstairs. It was nice seeing my aunts and uncles at the funeral, though.

 

[Shawna]

I have mixed feelings about it. It's nice to see family, but sometimes it can be a bit much. I'm a bit of a loner (or anti-social, as my friends say), so I like to lock myself in my room while the guests are downstairs. It was nice seeing my aunts and uncles at the funeral, though.

I am the same way. A lot of the time, I just stay in my room (if they come here, rather than us going to their places). Thankfully my dad understands this about me and doesn't seem to mind as long as I visit a little bit.

 

[VanitasFan26]

I have mixed feelings about it. It's nice to see family, but sometimes it can be a bit much. I'm a bit of a loner (or anti-social, as my friends say), so I like to lock myself in my room while the guests are downstairs. It was nice seeing my aunts and uncles at the funeral, though.

I know how you feel because its how I react whenever certain family members visit. The one thing I HATE is that they want to talk to me and its always that annoying "Small Talk" keep asking me questions like "How have you been lately" and "Have you thought about what you want to do?" Like please let me have my alone time.

 

[Shawna]

I know how you feel because its how I react whenever certain family members visit. The one thing I HATE is that they want to talk to me and its always that annoying "Small Talk" keep asking me questions like "How have you been lately" and "Have you thought about what you want to do?" Like please let me have my alone time.

I hate to admit it, but I can be the same way when I am small talked with. Whether in person, or via text .-.

 

[Tsukuri_Yukimura]

For me it depends on what side of the family is doing the get together.

But in general I prefer not to be around people cause I’m not a people person. I do enjoy hanging with my cousins and friends though…mostly cause we just play video games.

 

[Bluebellie]

I attend each an every one of them. I wish I was brave enough to avoid them all

They make me feel awkward when there’s soo many people. I feel like I would be rude if I declined or not show up though. I visit my family each week multiple times even, and I love it.

However, when it’s a party, it’s just sits differently. I feel comfortable with regular casual get togethers. You mention party or birthday, and my anxiety starts.

 

[nightglow]

I'm ok with small family gatherings, but there are definitely family members I have no interest in talking too. And I'd be lying if I said I don't stress. Actually we have a family event first week of June...

Family reunions on the other hand are a huge thing in the past. Most of us don't have kids or just have a few and people are just busy with work and stuff anyway. But when I was really small and my grandma and all her (many) siblings were alive, we had them. Since I was tiny, it wasn't a big deal. I just went outside to play on the playground with cousins. And, fried chicken is awesome. But as an adult, I think I would probably hate them due to adult small talk, such as when are you gonna popping out kids. :/ But, most of us young people probably wouldn't show up anyway. And I always remember bickering about so and so made whoever mad. Lol.
I do feel like people are generally further from each other and have interactions in a super casual way if at all today than in the 90s. I think as an adult now, I appreciate that because I hate the feeling of expectation. It's the reason I dread December every year.

 

[Alienfish]

I know how you feel because its how I react whenever certain family members visit. The one thing I HATE is that they want to talk to me and its always that annoying "Small Talk" keep asking me questions like "How have you been lately" and "Have you thought about what you want to do?" Like please let me have my alone time.

Yeah and it's not like they care, they just do and they keep complaining why you don't call, what you haven't done in life and if you do anything without them they get jealous....come on? lol.

 

[Shiny Shiny Engine]

way too awkward i hate talking to people. period

 

[Beanz]

the last time i had a family reunion was in 2015 after my cousin got married in minnesota. majority of my father’s side of the family lives there so everyone but my grandma from my mom’s side went. there was actually a more recent reunion which was last year because of my great grandma’s funeral but i didn’t go because it was in minnesota again and my mom chose not to go so i decided to stay with her. i have never had a family reunion with my mom’s side, they all live in chile or canada and i have never met them. i don’t dread family reunions even though there are lots of people related to me that i don’t know.

 

[StarlitGlitch]

My extended family on my dad's side is very close. My dad has a few siblings who had at least 2 kids each and all lived within an hour or so of each other. Since before I was born, everyone would get together every couple of months to celebrate major holidays but also just each other's birthdays (aunt's, uncles, cousins, and the grandparents when they were alive) . I didn't know until I was older that this isn't common. So, it's like us cousins all grew up together. We even all share the same tattoo now for our grandmother. Once we were older the topic us "Do you think we can continue this once we start having kids?" started to come up.

A few of us cousins (including me) moved further away within the past few years so the parties stopped having everyone and then since Covid they haven't had any major gatherings, just two of the families visiting each other etc. I'm coming back home for the first time in 3 years and that might actually be the first time most people are together.

My mother's side lives further apart but still in the same state. As a kid we saw each other more often but as an adult I only see them for weddings or one in a few years a get-together. Some people are getting together while I'll be in the US but I can't make it due to another plan. I don't think I'd know a lot of them anyways. I think this is more what a lot of people in this thread are imagining where there are second cousins etc. But, I do want to make sure to see my grandmother.

I really miss seeing my dad's side so I'm looking forward to that family get together this summer!