I Can’t Be Myself Around Others

[TurnipBell20]

First of all: I am noticing that I increasingly post about my „problems“ and I am sorry about that!

When I was in school, I was ignored by my classmates. I tried to be friends with them, but no matter how much I changed, it didn’t help. At some point I realized I should just be myself. I reached that point some years ago, but it’s easier said than done.

I would describe myself as pretty outgoing, funny and loud. I like to fool around and make people laugh, but only my closest friends know that because I can’t show it to anyone. No matter how hard I try, people always think I‘m shy. I just can’t be myself around them. I am scared of being rejected for the way that I really am because that’s what happened to me my entire life long. I thought nobody would ever really like me (except family). And even now when people actually show me they like me and they want to do stuff with me, I can’t believe it.

I am just so annoyed by not being able to show others who I really am!

 

[Croconaw]

I think not being able to be yourself around others stems from you caring what other people think of you. There’s no simple strategy to not caring, but this is just something to think about:

A fact is that words only have meaning if we give them meaning. Let’s say you’re wearing a blue shirt, and someone walks up to you and says “that’s an ugly white shirt.” — Well, you would look at them confused, because your shirt is blue. It’s the same deal with the word “ugly.” Ugly is an adjective like the color white. You don’t believe your blue shirt is white, so why believe your blue shirt is ugly?

You don’t want to put on this fake personality. When someone does like you, you won’t be truly happy about it. You’ll never be truly happy pretending to be something you’re not. It’s important to be yourself. This will surround you with the right people.

 

[-Mars-]

If people won't like you for who you are, then these people aren't real friends, you shouldn't need to feel like you should put on a fake personality to make friends or to get people to like you, you should only be around people who will accept you for who you are.
You won't be happy having a fake personality all the time, true friends will appreciate you for who you are.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

First of all: I am noticing that I increasingly post about my „problems“ and I am sorry about that!

When I was in school, I was ignored by my classmates. I tried to be friends with them, but no matter how much I changed, it didn’t help. At some point I realized I should just be myself. I reached that point some years ago, but it’s easier said than done.

I would describe myself as pretty outgoing, funny and loud. I like to fool around and make people laugh, but only my closest friends know that because I can’t show it to anyone. No matter how hard I try, people always think I‘m shy. I just can’t be myself around them. I am scared of being rejected for the way that I really am because that’s what happened to me my entire life long. I thought nobody would ever really like me (except family). And even now when people actually show me they like me and they want to do stuff with me, I can’t believe it.

I am just so annoyed by not being able to show others who I really am!

Regarding the first part, it's completely okay to talk about your problems and there is no need to apologize.

Besides that, I think I can relate. I try to fit in at school, but at the cost of being a different person from who I truly am. I'm interested in playing Nintendo, reading Dog Man, and watching Ice Age; Whereas the kids at my school are more into shoes, TikTok, and sex. (Blegh.) But they think I'm weird and they try to avoid me, so yeah that kinda sucks.

(I didn't mean to talk about myself there, I just wanted to talk about that I relate and that you're not alone, so I apologize.)

Y'know, knowing that I am probably one of the youngest users on this forums, it seems odd to give advice to someone older than me. Ah well, I hope this helps regardless.

 

[Midoriya]

Yeah, I can relate. I don't talk about all of the things in real life that I talk about online unless someone specifically asks. I don't really care though. Instead, I've asked other people and my friends questions and taken an interest in their lives so that I'm able to relate to them more. I've found that I've been able to make many more friends this way. It then prompts them to ask about me, and starts a conversation. I don't mind talking about myself, and as someone who's pretty different from others, I find it helps others understand me more. I'm also able to weed out any fake friends this way that aren't interested in talking with me at all. I don't know if this would help you, but it's what worked for me.

 

[-Mars-]

-

 

[VanitasFan26]

To be honest thats how I was most of the time and considering how many posts I've made about my past and how I have trust issues it really says a lot. I'm an Introvert most of the time.

 

[Xara]

first of all, you have no need to apologize! your problems are valid and worth being listened to, and we’re happy to listen (and help, if we can) anytime you need. you’re safe here.

secondly, i feel you. i really, really do. trying to figure out who i am has always been something i’ve struggled with as there’s so much that makes up a person and i feel like i haven’t even discovered 10% of who i am yet, but i know that what i appear to be like to others irl is not who i am at all. i’ve faced a lot of rejection as well, including from my own family. i still remember gathering up the courage to sit down with a group of kids who greeted me and talked to me a lot in 6th grade for the first time, and them immediately standing up and leaving. that was the first time i had ‘put myself out there’ in years, and their rejection hurt a lot. it still does, and i think about it every time i want to introduce myself to someone, ask someone something (ex. to work on a project together), etc. the rejections from my family have also really screwed me up, because if i’m too much for them, my own flesh and blood and the people who brought me into this world, what’s the point in trying to be close to anyone or be myself around them?

because of all that, i’ve made myself smaller than i actually am. i don’t speak unless i’m spoken to, i don’t express my thoughts or opinions in fear of them being wrong or judged, i’m afraid of messaging my own friends first in fear of bothering or annoying them, i let people talk and walk over me, etc. i’ve annoyed and been rejected by many, and now i assume i’ll annoy and be rejected by everyone. i’m a bit more myself online, though; i’m not as afraid to put myself out there because if anything goes wrong or i run into someone who upsets me, i can block/ignore them or put my phone down and walk away until i’m ready to deal with it. i can’t do that as easily irl. being behind a screen makes me braver, but unlike some other people on the internet (no one on here), i don’t use that as an opportunity to be an ******* lol.

i’m afraid i don’t have any advice for you, but for what it’s worth, i think you’re pretty cool. your posts on here are always well written and insightful, and i enjoy reading what you have to say about things. there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being loud, funny or liking to make people laugh, and anyone who thinks differently doesn’t deserve to be in your life. you deserve to feel comfortable being yourself, and to believe people when they show/tell you that they like you, and i truly hope you get there one day. i hope we both do. hang in there. <3

 

[TurnipBell20]

first of all, you have no need to apologize! your problems are valid and worth being listened to, and we’re happy to listen (and help, if we can) anytime you need. you’re safe here.

secondly, i feel you. i really, really do. trying to figure out who i am has always been something i’ve struggled with as there’s so much that makes up a person and i feel like i haven’t even discovered 10% of who i am yet, but i know that what i appear to be like to others irl is not who i am at all. i’ve faced a lot of rejection as well, including from my own family. i still remember gathering up the courage to sit down with a group of kids who greeted me and talked to me a lot in 6th grade for the first time, and them immediately standing up and leaving. that was the first time i had ‘put myself out there’ in years, and their rejection hurt a lot. it still does, and i think about it every time i want to introduce myself to someone, ask someone something (ex. to work on a project together), etc. the rejections from my family have also really screwed me up, because if i’m too much for them, my own flesh and blood and the people who brought me into this world, what’s the point in trying to be close to anyone or be myself around them?

because of all that, i’ve made myself smaller than i actually am. i don’t speak unless i’m spoken to, i don’t express my thoughts or opinions in fear of them being wrong or judged, i’m afraid of messaging my own friends first in fear of bothering or annoying them, i let people talk and walk over me, etc. i’ve annoyed and been rejected by many, and now i assume i’ll annoy and be rejected by everyone. i’m a bit more myself online, though; i’m not as afraid to put myself out there because if anything goes wrong or i run into someone who upsets me, i can block/ignore them or put my phone down and walk away until i’m ready to deal with it. i can’t do that as easily irl. being behind a screen makes me braver, but unlike some other people on the internet (no one on here), i don’t use that as an opportunity to be an ******* lol.

i’m afraid i don’t have any advice for you, but for what it’s worth, i think you’re pretty cool. your posts on here are always well written and insightful, and i enjoy reading what you have to say about things. there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being loud, funny or liking to make people laugh, and anyone who thinks differently doesn’t deserve to be in your life. you deserve to feel comfortable being yourself, and to believe people when they show/tell you that they like you, and i truly hope you get there one day. i hope we both do. hang in there. <3

Your post means so much to me, thank you! <3

 

[Chris]

Who you are pretending to be won't be half as interesting as the person you really are. Some people won't like it, but they're not the right people to surround yourself with. It's better to build a circle of friends who like you for you. If you're hiding yourself from your friends then how can you be sure that what you are investing your time and energy in is even a genuine friendship? If they'd walk away if you showed your true self then they aren't really your friends.

Putting yourself out there is a scary and vulnerable thing to do. Yes, you run the risk of rejection, but it is also how you will draw the right people towards you. People who are outgoing have a magnetism to them that makes it easier for them to form connections. It can be harder to get to know someone who is quiet.

Be unapologetically you and you'll make unbreakable bonds. I'm eccentric, loud, impulsive, and visibly LGBT. It can be intimidating and shock/offend some people - and I've most certainly lost friends and peoples' respect over the way I present and behave. But being liked for being my genuine self has brought much stronger friendships than masking ever did. I've people in my life I can tell absolutely anything without fear of judgement. I also have an extremely wide circle of friends and most of them are quiet, shy people who come across as very "normal" or "ordinary" - I'm just that one oddball who storms in and creates a whirlwind of laughter and chaos. Most people tend to like it, and those who don't can lump it. Life is too short to waste time on people who don't like you.

TL;DR - be yourself and the right people will find you.

 

[Romaki]

Please don't feel bad about expressing yourself about your problems here

Teens just suck so much. Even at 19 they still suck a little bit. You'll find your people.

 

[Violet Witch]

You should always be your authentic self and if other people don't like that you about then screw them. I'd rather be me than anyone else because overall I love who I am and that includes my interests and hobbies which don't always line up with what other people like. At the end of the day you are who you are for a reason and it's better to embrace that rather than force yourself to be someone else just so you can fit in with the rest of the world.

 

[arikins]

First of all: I am noticing that I increasingly post about my „problems“ and I am sorry about that!

When I was in school, I was ignored by my classmates. I tried to be friends with them, but no matter how much I changed, it didn’t help. At some point I realized I should just be myself. I reached that point some years ago, but it’s easier said than done.

I would describe myself as pretty outgoing, funny and loud. I like to fool around and make people laugh, but only my closest friends know that because I can’t show it to anyone. No matter how hard I try, people always think I‘m shy. I just can’t be myself around them. I am scared of being rejected for the way that I really am because that’s what happened to me my entire life long. I thought nobody would ever really like me (except family). And even now when people actually show me they like me and they want to do stuff with me, I can’t believe it.

I am just so annoyed by not being able to show others who I really am!

hello ! im so sorry you feel this way ! it sounds a lot like confidence issues.

personally, i have been bullied in school and suffer from body dysmorphia, so insecurities and lack of confidence are all too familiar. a lot of time and healing happened, and i am now confident in who i am. i am very outspoken and show people my personality right off the bat. i believe what helped me get to that point is indulging in things i love and finding other people who also enjoy those things. i enjoy fashion and jewelry, nature and coffee, wearing my hair natural and pretty lip colors, painting my nails mis-matched and bouquets of flowers. i really enjoy expressing myself freely. these things make me unique and i believe that should be shared with the world.

i have a lot of love in my heart as well, so being raw with people is something i like to do.

hope this gives some insight and isnt just me rambling. (-.-) my dms are always open ! i wish you the best of luck.