I want to become independent but I don't know how.

[Ghost Soda]

ok, so i'm on the 3ds and tbt does this dumb thing where if i take too long writing a post it logs me out before i can post it so i'm basically rushing through this.

so, my entire family is dependent on my dad. he's the only one who can make money. and i'm starting to realize, on top of not (being able to?) get us doctor visits, school, or basically anything we need rignt now, he's probably a pathological liar who screws over everybody around him.

so that basically solidified my need to get away from this toxic environment, only i don't know how. i got no irl friends, can't drive and i can count on one hand the times i actually left the house on my own.

so, what i'm asking is; how do you get yourself independence when your parents can't/aren't helping you?

 

[Ghost Soda]

preferably as soon as possible guys.

- - - Post Merge - - -

so some advice would be appreciated.

 

[riummi]

There is no quick solution sadly. You'll just have to tough it out until you get to college - by then you may be able to get a job to help with your situation. Depending on where you live - you may be able to move out into an apartment (shared) once you're out of college or in your senior year.

 

[Emachi]

I can't say anything without knowing how old you are....

 

[Gregriii]

u need to be a feminist woman in order to be independent

 

[Mega_Cabbage]

Turn 18 and you can do whatever you want.

 

[Ghost Soda]

- riummi
And how am I going to get into college? Again, my parents are NOT going to help.

-Emachi
I'm 19 right now.

 

[Fleshy]

I guess you mean independence as in money and ability to do what you want, not actually moving away from your family? I think it depends on how old you are, where you live and how bad your situation is. It's not easy and might not be possible if you're young, but making your own money will at least give you some type of freedom. If possible getting some type of job would be the best thing you could do to get yourself out of this situation, if you're not old enough or it just isn't possible for you (i'm guessing a job might not really be an option based on your comment about not leaving the house?), there are some other ways you can make money though, survey sites being one of those (it sounds pointless, but if you don't get money and spend a lot of time doing these, you will be able to actually get a reasonable amount of money, I done it myself for a while).

Again, it's hard with little information, but what is your other family members opinion on your dad? If he's really not a good person it's probably good for you to speak to the rest of your family to think of ways to overcome the current situation? Do you go to school or college? I'll probably be able to help a little more with slightly more information. Anyway, it sucks that you're in a toxic environment at the moment and I hope you manage to gain some independence and feel better and things soon.

*Just seen your last post. Okay, so (depending on where you live) the fact you're 19 is good, it means you can work/make money and have the option of legally doing things yourself (again, if all this is an option to you). Is there a reason your parents won't help you get to college? is it due to lack of money or are they just not willing to help? If it's due to lack of money, I'm sure there are organisations that can help you out with that (there are here at least). If they're just not willing to help, I honestly don't know what to say, that sucks. Do you have any family separate from your parents that are supportive?

It's easy to say go get a job, learn to drive, get a house, and so on but in reality it isn't that easy at all. Learning to drive involves money and if you're parents aren't supportive with college I doubt they'll pay for you to learn to drive, do you have another older family member that can drive? In a lot of countries experienced drivers can give family/friends free lessons, so that might be an option. If not, honestly you're probably going to have to think of a way to get money, I know it's daunting, but have a look at jobs, even small weekend jobs or something. I also know how hard this is, but if you want your own freedom, you need people to support you. You obviously don't have that support from your immediate family, so trying to make friends seems like a reasonable way to go. Again, it's easier said than done, but if you really want this, you might have to push yourself to going out and meeting people (i myself can't do this, so yeah), it might honestly be the best thing you can do at this point. Go to nearby places, play pokemon go in the park, idk, just try to put yourself out there. Friends = support, and support is the main factor for most people when it comes to becoming independent.

 

[boujee]

Figure out what your "why" is.
If you don't know what your "why" is or it isn't strong, you're going to get knock out every single day.

Your why right now is your parents and not wanting to be dependent, so what are you going to do about it? Every single time you wait and do nothing , that chance at doing something could be push back to even a day, month, or even a year. Leaving you where you began; nothing.

There's numerous ways to become independent, find what's comfortable for you and not what we expect you to do

 

[Liamslash]

Learn how to drive, get a dog to help you have a reason to walk out and go to forests without looking creepy, maybe even get a job and rent out a flat.

 

[Celestefey]

Not sure if you have one already, you didn't state this in your original post so... Get a job? Even if it's a part-time job. Having your own money will grant you a lot of independence, it definitely has for me. I've been able to afford my own stuff, like buying my own clothes, I've been able to travel across the country by train/coach/etc because I have money to buy tickets. It'll also mean you can start saving up your own money so you can actually gain your own independence by moving out and stuff.

 

[Emachi]

I am confused what is stopping you from getting a job... ?

 

[PoizonMushro0m]

Came into this thread thinking they wanted to become an Independent due to the US 2016 Election. Haha, oops!

 

[Ghost Soda]

- FleshyBro
well, i'd kinda like to start living on my own, but just knowing that I can go drive somewhere or just go somewhere on my own when i want would be a huge improvement.

i probably forgot to mention, but even if i knew how to drive, we don't have a car. we used to borrow dad's friend's car, but she's pretty p*ssed at him right now so that's probably over. i don't think there's anyplace within reasonable walking distance i can get a job, but i'll probably check.

from what i remember, most relatives think he needs to get his ***** together. and i don't go to school or college unfortunately. :U

it's probably from lack of car and money, but i honestly don't know what to believe anymore.

i'll definitely try talking to other relatives about this. thanks for the support!

- Gamzee

i'll keep that in mind.

 

[piichinu]

1) job -> just walk to somewhere close by or take the bus
optional:
2) community college. student loans
3) better job.

 

[KaydeeKrunk]

I would find a place near enough by to be able to get a job, even if you have to bike or take the bus there it'd be worth it, then I would save up first to buy a car for yourself. If you think your family will try to weasel their way into taking it I would keep the keys with you so they don't take it if that's a problem but you could offer them rides and stuff if you want, I would just ask them to help with gas if possible. After you have a car and a job you should save up to move out and get out of the situation, usually most place have "low income" homing available where the rent is really decent so you can live there until you get means to move somewhere better or get a better paying job because your first job it wont likely pay well.

 

[riummi]

Well since you don't go to school then it'll be hard to get into college (guessing that's totally out of the question). Even if you do manage to get a job - from what I've been told its hard to get a good part time job w/o at least some sort of education (or to move up to a higher position and earn more). Since you're also not close to any available jobs, try looking for something you can do online? Maybe hone/learn a skill for that. I see that you do some art so perhaps consider opening commissions for rlc?

Getting your own place is the hardest part - my sister has a full time job and is like 24 but still doesn't have enough to move out completely. You need to consider all the costs (plus some extra money to fall back on in case things go wrong). Would it be possible for you to get some simple jobs here and there with the help of your neighbors?

You pretty limited - one last thing that could help would be to get out and increase your social network. Find a friend you trust and maybe think about sharing an apartment? (still need a job though...) And make sure that you're are really really trying your best - don't just say "all my dad's fault" (even if it may be) and then get mad at the world.
p.s it would still help to learn how to drive even if you don't have a car available

 

[LinkToTheWorld]

Is there no higher education courses you can take? I'm assuming you're in America, college is different in the uk. I think our equivalent is university and colleg is just an in between from school.
I put myself through two years of college, had part time work but I started off by volunteering (in a school, that's where I wanted to work), they gave me a job and I was able to get the qualifications I needed to go on to university and get my degree.
Is a part time job not a possibility for you? Could help you with driving lessons which would help you with finding full time work further away etc.

You have to remember that a lot of young people start out with nobody at all to help them. I've worked with some kids who have had really tough starts but they're trying their best. Be as proactive as you can but don't rush into anything, there's no need, take it one step at a time. You have a lot of time

 

[Soda Fox]

The most important step is to get a job. I worked at a grocery store to get me through community college. It's not the most glamorous, but they're almost always hiring, even if it's part time work. Or, if you have a big box retail near you, that's also a good option. It's soul sucking, but it's better than nothing, and if you manage to work there full time you usually get some benefits. Find a place you can get to via bike, walk, or public transit. Ideally public transit so a change in weather doesn't keep you home.

Second step is getting a car. A hatchback or a van. Something you can sleep in if you need to. Buy used of course. My general formula for used cars is $1000/year. If you can find an old decent van for $1000 that you don't do any work on (other than gas and maybe 2-3 oil changes) and it lasts you more than a year, you've made a good purchase in my opinion. Don't be afraid to run the thing into the ground while you save up for something better or even the same.

Once you have booth of these things, you can either start going to community college (which I recommend.) You'll spend most of your time there and work anyway and it's not especially expensive.

Or you start saving up to move out. Try to get at least 3 months of payments in advance (ideally 6 months). Landlords often ask for a 1 month safety deposit in addition to the first month rent up front, and you'll want to have a safety net of AT LEAST another month. I would recommend getting a studio apartment if it's just you. Try to find something that costs half of your monthly income or less. Get as close to that number as you can.

And never be ashamed to use what free services are available to you, such as food stamps or free clinics.

Hope this helps! Best of luck to you.

 

[dizzy bone]

I agree on getting a job, just any job, to gain some sort of experience in the working world. I worked as a waitress and a dishwasher after high school and before college. It wasn't the best pay and it was super tiring but it was rewarding since I got a little taste of adulthood and the money I made was my own. Try and make friends at your job - doesn't even have to be your age group or someone you'd hang out with after work. At least it will help with gaining social skills, which is a big part of being independent. Learn to drive even if you can't own a car at the moment. Do things where you can take control of your life that's going to make you feel independent or better about yourself, even if you aren't completely independent yet. These things takes time and effort, just set goals and try and complete one goal at a time. Just learn as you go along. No one is independent over night. Also try and stay positive even though the situation sucks. Maybe try some skillshare classes that you can take online, just to learn something new... you never know what you could use in the future. Good luck <3

also

Learn how to drive, get a dog to help you have a reason to walk out and go to forests without looking creepy, maybe even get a job and rent out a flat.

don't get a dog if you can't support yourself, let alone a dog (and you know your parents wont help out).